The Gentle Smile That Eased My Fears . . . .

[Anne2345]

For those of you that read my last post, you know that I just recently left the safe confines of my closet for the very first time, and journeyed out into the outer world dressed from head to toe en femme.

In so doing, I was nervous, scared, and quite afraid. But I was also very much excited, hopeful, and inspired by all of the going out stories I have read in this forum. Looking back on the experience, though, I still cannot believe I actually did it. Yet I did, and for this, I am quite pleased with myself, proud, and happy.

In my post, however, I failed to adequately provide an account of the first person I encountered who saw me. She was a random, unknown woman, but a stately, elegant, older woman. She had the appearance of wisdom and kindness, and although she was older, she had the sparkling eyes of an otherwise youthful, playful, and gentle soul.

As I walked by her, we made eye contact. Although no words were exchanged, she smiled at me. And it was a lovely smile, a beautiful smile. Her smile to me was a gift. It was friendly, it was warm, and it was gentle. Within that marvelous, delightful, and heart melting smile I saw no hint of derision, no hint of mockery, and no betrayal of our shared and common humanity. I saw only a nice, charming woman who blessed me with an attractive and genuine smile.

And in the face of this wonderful, magnificent smile, I could not help myself – I smiled back at her, my painted lips beaming! But the moment got the better of me, it was larger than I could handle for my first encounter. As such, I could not help myself, and I broke eye contact with this generous woman and looked away. But the message had already been sent. At least the message I took from her smile and eye contact. The message offered to me, as translated by me, stated “don’t worry, it’s ok, everything will be alright, and it will work out fine.” And at that particular moment in time, that message lit me up, and gave me confidence. There are good, decent folk out in the wild after all!

I shall never, ever forget that smile. That smile was amazing. It was heartwarming. It was endearing. And it was what I needed to see from my fellow man (woman). Because of that smile, and the indelible memories I shall always retain of that smile, going out the next time, and the time after that, will be made all the easier. :)

[ArleneRaquel]

A wonderful post, thank you Anne for sharing. :)

[Marleena]

Great story again Anne.:) She ran in to you first for a reason, if you believe in Karma like I do. Think of her as your guardian angel that was there to make sure your special night started out well for you.:)

[Jacqueline Winona]

:cheer:
Anne, you are really a gifted writer, and have such a beautiful mind to express yourself so well. I am so very happy that you're experience went so well for you.

Janice :koc:

[*Vanessa*]

thx for sharing Anne :)
Ya I think you'll remember that chance meeting for a very long time.

[Elara]

Beautiful story Anne, you really have a a way with words... and congratulations on taking those first steps out.

[taís]

it is a treasure well deserved! you worked so hard to be able to take your heart out to the wild. now that smile is wrapped and built within the layers of your self, deep inside your skin, and is already something that no one will ever be able to take away from you. an emotional polaroid from your first trip to The World. <3

;***

[Sara Jessica]

The message offered to me, as translated by me, stated “don’t worry, it’s ok, everything will be alright, and it will work out fine.”

You are absolutely killing me Anne. You hit upon one of those "moments of being" within your very first encounter with another person. I've written of these before, when all in the world seems like it's in it's right place. They are moments you will never forget, just as you said when reflecting on the smile this angel sent your way.

The only thing that could have made it better is if there was a magical camera around to capture the smile you sent in return. But then again, some things are best left to memories.

You know that someday you will most certainly encounter someone who is not so pleasant. However, you are in a unique position to fall back on the smile, making it that much easier to say to yourself, "to heck with anyone who would dare to send any sort of negativity in my direction".

[kimdl93]

Great story, Anne. Nothing could have been better timed for your first encounter in the real world that the warm and encouraging smile of a mature woman. After that indelible moment, any other less encouraging response will be forever diminished in comparison.

[suzy1]

I have a heart of stone Anne as you probably know. Emotions, what’s that?

But that moved even me!

Take care,

SUZY

[Inna]

Miracles do happen daily, they are a tiny whispers of the universal consciousness telling "this is your truth",

in the twinkle of an eye,
in a smile of passers by,
in a cloud which looks like bunny,
in the taste of sweetest honey,
in the tear of yearned and pain,
in the drop of falling rain

whispers gently "she is near"
not to worry not to fear
brave the hassles brave the sorrow
for anew, you be tomorrow

[Kerstin]

Amazing the difference a simple smile can make, eh?

[Ally 2112]

Smiles can make things so much better .Im happy for you Anne

[Miriam-J]

That's wonderful Anne. Such a precious moment. Thank you for sharing it with us so eloquently.

Miriam

[larry]

Wonderful reading. Thanks. I hope that someday we can all give that smile to another person that needs it.

[carbonara]

That's a very beautiful story, the difference a genuine warm smile can make.

[pattyv]

Dear Anne,

I love how you conveyed your emotions, and those of that "stately, elegant, older woman". Silently bequeathed by the osmosis of two tender souls.

September 2010 I had my first fully dressed outing here in Vancouver. It truly was the most terrifying experience of my life. I took a taxi from my home ,to the West End ,which is a very GLBT friendly area of Vancouver. I strolled along Davie Street window shopping in the evening. Out of nowhere about 6 teenage girls (approx 18 yrs old) appeared in front of me. My worst nightmare. I considered turning around rather than running the gauntlet. I knew I was spotted. One girl had a huge smile on her face , but not one of them was disrespectful. After that I relaxed, and enjoyed the rest of my evening at some bars and clubs. I haven't been out since then.

All you lovely ladies on this forum inspire me so much. It was because of all your stories that I got the courage to take those first fearsome steps. I haven't been out since then, but , Anne , your beautiful account of your first outing has stirred new yearnings for the thrill of being "out and open".

Hugs to all.

Patty.

[Kate Simmons]

Very nice my friend. My first time out was a similar experience. I interfaced with a lot of nice folks.:)

[Barbara Ella]

A lovely woman smiled at you. In response, a lovely woman smiled back. That smile is the gift that gives back.

This beautiful story emphasizes the continual overemphasis that seems to be placed on our pictures. THE SMILE. It is one of the most difficult things to do, and yet, when Anne was out in public and receiving one, her innate femininity took over and she flashed what ( I believe) was probably one of the most sincere and outstanding smiles she ever has smiled. That smile is in there, we dont need to be afraid to let it out. As a girl, a smile always works.

Anne, this is a fantastic story, and you are one lucky girl. Retain that smile, but also retain whatever memory you can of the smile you returned, that one is golden.

Babes

Babes

[Jeannie]

Well now you have done it. My mascara is running and my eye are burning from the tears. That is such a lovely story and I wish the lady with the smile knew what that one act of kindness did, not only for you, but for all us here that are seeking validation that we are not weirdo and perverts, but just people in search of the opportunity to live our lives as we see fit and not what society sees fit. Thank you for telling your story. Hugs and Kisses.

[Beverley Sims]

I did not think you could write so much about those fleeting smiles.
Like you I think the first smile I returned in the same way, a fleeting glimpse, recognition and then looked away. I probably increased my pace as well.
Since then I have learned to smile a lot when making eye contact, mouthing hello or hi and moving on without feeling like a deer in the headlights.
did freeze once when I was asked the time after eye contact was made.
I got such a shock to think that someone would actually want to communicate with me. I mumbled the time and showed her my watch.
She even said thanks.:)

[KellyJameson]

Our feminine souls make us so vulnerable to the cold cruelties of this world because we our housed in a package that is not designed to carry this burden, everything comes in but we have no way of getting it out and the world adds to our problems because we do not look like we feel so cannot react in ways that would be natural if body and soul were one. Our bodies limit us physically and socially and all we have is shear will power to push on frantically looking for a solution.

Our gifts bring us much pain and at times we think we are living in the depths of hades but they are also capable of bringing us incredible joy if we can only but survive the feelings that threaten to break the body they are housed in. This takes great trust in oneself that yes we shall survive intact and our spirit shall not be destroyed. I am thankful that you met a good soul on your first voyage to carry you through the rough seas you may encounter in the future, the world needs your spirit to bring light where there is darkness.

[TGMarla]

There's probably a similar moment somewhere for all of us. My first escapade venturing out was to a TG group, so acceptance was not really a problem. I encountered no one from the parking lot to the door, so the first person I encountered was an empathetic one. But the time I went out to buy the wig I commonly wear now, involved several such moments. There was the moment that one woman who was shopping in the wig store smiled at me and asked me if my hair was real, and told me that it was sooooo pretty. That was my first encounter with anyone who actually assumed I was a real woman. That felt good. In fact, I left the place feeling so good about myself, I went to a local mall to walk around for a bit. When I entered Foley's, several young ladies (not all at once) glanced at me equipped with warm smiles, as though I was a member of the club, completely accepted as a woman shopping in the store. That was the moment for me that is most similar to what you're describing.

[carhill2mn]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience. You commented about breaking eye contact. One of the things that you will learn that will help you greatly is that women frequently smile at one another but with only brief eye contact. You did the "right" thing in breaking eye contact soon.