First Time Enfemme at Church

[ArleneRaquel]

On Saturday March 10, 2012 I plan to attend Mass dressed enfemme.This will be a first for me, as a have never gone to church dressed as a woman. A few year back, 5 or so, I was all gussied up and ready to go, but as I got closer to the church, I was walking to Mass, my heart keep flutering and as I approached the church and saw the crown in front and turned tail and went back home. :sad: I'm so nervous, but I still plan to plow ahead.:)

[~Joanne~]

Well I wish you all the best as it seems this is something you really want to do. just be yourself like you are every where else :) Good luck!

[ArleneRaquel]

Well I wish you all the best as it seems this is something you really want to do. just be yourself like you are every where else :) Good luck!

Joanne,
Thank you for your encouragement. :)

[Laura912]

Just remember that the one who will truly judge you will not be physically in the church so ignore all the rest and go for it!!!!!!

[ArleneRaquel]

Just remember that the one who will truly judge you will not be physically in the church so ignore all the rest and go for it!!!!!!

Laura,
Thank you for your excellent statement.

[AndreaS]

I've been to church before dressed enfemme and quite enjoyed it. Was treated with dignity and respect (no one pointed fingers or said anything).

Go and experience church enfemme and make of it what YOU want, not what someone else expects.

[Jorja]

Good for you Arlene. While some may judge you the only one that really counts understands completely. Relax and be your warm wonderful self.

[rebekkadg]

I've been to church before dressed enfemme and quite enjoyed it. Was treated with dignity and respect (no one pointed fingers or said anything).

Go and experience church enfemme and make of it what YOU want, not what someone else expects.

It is God who will judge you at church ultimately not the congregation. I am figuring you already know the character of the people at that congration and wouldn't be planning on going there if you thought the worst of them. Have some faith in them not to judge you.

[Marleena]

It is God who will judge you at church ultimately not the congregation. I am figuring you already know the character of the people at that congration and wouldn't be planning on going there if you thought the worst of them. Have some faith in them not to judge you.

Well said. Arlene I hope it goes well for you if you go ahead with it. People should be able to worship no matter how they are dressed.:)

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you ladies for your kind thoughts and encouragement. I love you all.:)

[Persephone]

Believe me, it isn't easy to take those steps up that walk and to open those heavy doors, and you don't know how the congregation may react, but the power to open yourself to God and to say "I accept my nature" is an incredible experience, Arlene!

I finally did it over a year ago, after having been active in the lady's auxillary (but dressed en drab then) for several years. I transitioned from drab to femme with the auxillary and then took the step of walking through those doors.

It has brought an entirely new feeling of wholeness to my prayers. Not everyone has embraced me, but a great many have and that has made a huge difference in my life.

Only you can decide when (or if) it is time, Arlene; only you will know how long that walkway is and how hard those doors are to open. But when you decide, hold your head high and go in as a confident member of the congregation, ready to thank and to praise your God.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ArleneRaquel]

Many thanks Persephone. I'm shaking like a leaf at this moment.:thumbsup:

[DCChris]

Religion is often about finding reward in life and beyond. Spirituality is often about finding purpose and meaning in life and beyond. That you've embraced your journey is something perhaps we can all relate to and support. Good luck. Hold your head high, And don't trip over your high heels.

[ArleneRaquel]

Religion is often about finding reward in life and beyond. Spirituality is often about finding purpose and meaning in life and beyond. That you've embraced your journey is something perhaps we can all relate to and support. Good luck. Hold your head high, And don't trip over your high heels.

Thanks darlin for the tremendous post. It is very moving and right on. LOL in regard to the high heels. :)

[suchacutie]

Arlene, if your church is like most others, just get there 20 min early. There won't be anyone there :) Then you can pick the place you think would be the best strategically and meditate. No one will bother you in the slightest!

Oh...If you try an 8am mass, I can also guarantee that everyone will be so groggy that they might not remember that they were even there, let alone remember you:)

But most of all, you are there for a reason, and that is the most important thing. Your faith is what going to mass is all about. Let that lead you!

all my best,
Tina

[VickysBFF]

Arlene: You will have to let us know how it goes afterwards. I have gone to Mass en femme at a couple of different places with different results. My home parish was a perfectly fine experience; no issues or looks, comments, etc. When I attended another church in a neighboring city while there for another event, I did get stares, comments, etc.
I did not let it bother me as it was my first and likely only visit to that church. Even though I visit that area often I have either not been there on Sundays and if I did there are plenty of other churches in that city.

[ArleneRaquel]

Vicky,
I will certainly report on church experience. I'm glad that your first Mass, while dressed enfemme, went well. :)

[drushin703]

Msarlene: I few years ago a co-worker invited me to Easter service after noticing my red stained lips and the poorly removed nail polish on my cuticals.
She would later tell me that she knew all along that I was either a crossdresser or that "something was going on", to use her words and that what I
needed was a REVIVAL. I agreed to go, fished my black suit out from the back of the closet (although the pants were a size too small or I had grown two
sizes bigger since Dads funeral in 2002), borrowed a tie and was ready to go along. I underdressed , but ofcourse, in pantyhose and panties.It was
a very nice service and on the way home, she and I talked and drank colas............God knew how I was dressed that morning............and I am sure
he didnt care.......dana



just be yourself

[kimdl93]

Best of luck, Arlene. I certainly hope you'll find iyourself wellcome and at ease.

[ArleneRaquel]

kimdl93, Vicky, druskin,
Thank you ladies for the encouragment. Hugs & Kisses

[Sandra1746]

Just remember, it's not the opinion of the folks at the church that counts. It is what is inside of your heart and mind.

Hopefully you are welcomed with good christian fellowship and courtesy.

Love,
Sandra1746

[vetobob9]

My experience is that they don't notice or they notice but don't say anything, instead you get treated the same as any other, the same as any other attendee. Of course my church is conservative.

[ArleneRaquel]

Tina,
Thank you for the tips & support.l

[Alice Torn]

There are plenty of churches, though, where a cd would be talked to about it, before ever returning dressed.

[Kerstin]

Hey, just wanted to wish you good luck. And remember, some of those priests could be wearing anything under their vestments, if you know what I mean!

[ArleneRaquel]

Kerstin,
You bad girlfriend.:heehee::):thumbsup:

Louise,
If I'm talked to about it by the priest in a negative way, I'm gone. I will dress very conservatively. Thank you for your input.

[Nikki A.]

I've been to a MCC church dressed and been very well accepted. Like many others have said, it's what in your heart not what you're wearing

[paulaloha]

Arlene! You go girl!
One day I would like to go to church dressed. Lately I have lost a lot of faith in the churches I've been to, but that loss of faith in them was mostly due to my own thoughts that they would never accept me if I were truly myself around them, aka, if I went in womens clothes. But lately I have been wanting to test that theory. I do miss the community that Church brings to my life, so I'm thinking more and more about just going and seeing what happens.

I am curious to hear how things turn out for you!

Good Luck!

[FurPus63]

What a coincidence, this weekend I'm going to Catholic Mass for the first time too! I found a parish with a priest who is very open-minded and accepting of all of us in the LGBT community and has told me I'm more than welcome to attend. So ..... here I go! I'm nervous and excited about it at the same time. I plan on wearing pants and tennis shoes (no high heels) only cuz I'm interested in blending in vs anything else and most people at this church go in pants. I'm planning on going dressed up in a very nice new skirt and ladies suit to Palm Sunday and Easter Masses only cuz that's more appropriate for those particular Masses. I'm looking forward to it and will be glad to share my experience with this forum too.

Paulette

[Terri Andrews]

I have gone many times and always enjoyed the experence . I especially like the Holiday services .
I have been thinking about getting involved in some of their ministries .

[Jacqueline Winona]

Arlene, I'm wishing you the best of luck, and if you need a little courage that day just remember we're all behind you.

And here's something to inspire you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjtpplE39_g

Hugs, Janice

[ColleenCD]

Ms Arlene,

Congratulations on your strength and great decision. I wish you all the best.

Colleen

[Shananigans]

I wish you all the best!

Whatever you do, don't wear a sleeveless blouse if you are lectoring. I was signed up to lector, so I dressed nicer than ever...part of it was a modest sleeveless blouse (collar was actually at my neck). Anyway, I guess I looked too good because one of the directors said something about being near the alter sleeveless and it was inappropriate.

I got so pissed that it was the last day that I ever attended church. (I hold grudges).

I hope your experience is positive and rewarding...the consequence is that if it Isn't rewarding, you may very well have a change in faith about what going to church is all about. Or, you might get over it. Either way, it's going to be a big day.

[ArleneRaquel]

Again I want to thank all of the ladies who encouraged my going to Mass dressed enfemme. You are in my thoughts & prayers.

[Alice Torn]

As much as i believe 99% of what the unusual church i am a member of, if i went dressed as a female, I would be quickly escorted out, and told to repent, and stop dressing, before i would be allowed back. It sounds like there are some liberal churches out there, that are quite tolerant. I hope it goes well Arlene. I think it will.

[ArleneRaquel]

Hugs LOUISE, I hope that all Churches became more tolerant. According to CatholicAnswers crossdressing is NOT a sinner. CatholicAnswers is a very conservative organization.

[Ally 2112]

Im kinda late to the thread but all the best to you Arlene .Just by your words you sound pretty enough to go wherever you want !

[Lorenqt]

Good luck and have a great time.:hugs:

[celtic.blue.eyes]

Don't sweat it too much. Just be part of them. If anyone gives you a hard time, just explain that of all the people there, you need God's inspiration the most and need to be in church more than anyone else. Dress nicely and conservatively, and keep in mind the fact that 50% of the congregation will be dressed as women.

[ArleneRaquel]

Ally, Lorenqt, & celtic.blue.eyes,
Thank you ladies. :):thumbsup:

[ArleneRaquel]

Well, it did it. I attended the 5PM Mass at the local Catholic Church, just a couple of blocks away from my apartment. I arrived at 4:50PM, or there about, and to my surprise it was fairly crowded, I found a next to last row pew that was completely empty and I sat down on the far end. I was wearing a beige suit 3/4 sleeve jacket, pencil skirt, that just came above the knee, with nude hose, not that anyone could see my legs. Black pumps with 2&3/4inch heels, 3inch is about my limit, beige clutch purse with metal chain, blonde hair with light make up, and ladies eyewear from Vogue, that are brownish, rectangular, with plastic frames I mention on how I was dressed because I would love to have for comment on my attire. Is it OK for church ? A young couple were seated on my side, the wall was on my other side. The " wife" of the young couple smiled at me as she approached the end of the pew. All went well during Mass, I stayed until the church was nearly empty and left with a crowd talking outside. I received a few smiles as I walked passed the crowd as I had went entering. I did not detect any frowns or wispers upon entering or leaving, walking home an older couple, actually about my age, smiles, the wife again, as we passed each other. I didn't look back to see if they were wispering to each other. All in all an excellent experience.:):thumbsup:

OMG ! I forgot, we shake hands at Mass, the young woman, who was sitted next to me, shook my hand & again smiled, I also shook hand with the gentleman who I assumed was her husband, and tw 40ish ladies who also smiled.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Congratulations, Arlene, I know how much this meant to you! Your attire seems very approrpiate for Church, our Church is much more casual (they wouldn't go for me in a skirt, though!), but being raised an Episcopal, your description sounds similar to most women. Some wore pants, some wore skirts, but your skirt length and jacket would put you on the more formal, classy list as I would call it. Glad to hear it went so well for you and hope you repeat it. And good for you for not turning to see if anyone whispered about you, confidence isn't easy in situations like this but you certainly exhibited it.

[paulaloha]

Thats awesome Arlene. I'm glad you were able to do this!

I have come to the conclusion that God made me who I am. I spent so many years convinced that I was doing something wrong. That somehow I had picked up all of these unnatural desires, that some how this made me a bad person. But now that I am becoming more the person I feel I was made to be, I am getting into my Bible more. The best part is, I am actually getting something, I feel like God is happy with me. I don't think he really minds what we wear, which is such a cool realization for me.

It's so great that you got to go to Mass dressed, hopefully this is just the first of many more great experiences.

[Deanna77]

I'm so happy to hear it went well, Arlene! =)

[Marleena]

Atta girl Arlene! You did it! I love happy endings.:)

[RADER]

Next time, go up for Communion. Do you remember how???
I remember the Masses being in Latin, I was an alter boy then,
Loved being an alter boy, you got to wear a cassock then, like a long dress.
It was like cross dressing in an religious way. LOL
Rader

[sissystephanie]

Arlene, you are a very courageous "lady!" I have been a Catholic, and a crossdresser, for many year but have never worn feminine clothes to Church. I am too well known as my drab persona to do that at my own Church, or even any of those close by. I have been, and still am very active in chruch activities both in my own Church and in others as well.

But I do have one important thing to tell you. Both an Archbishop and 2 different Priests have informed me that God doesn't care what you wear as long as you are decently covered!! Those answers were in response to my question about crossdressing!! So you did not do anything wrong at all!!

[ArleneRaquel]

Thanks,
Stephanie, Radar, Marleena,Deanna, paula, Janice.:)

[Sandra1746]

Bravo on your courage to attend mass dressed. It's more than I'd try at this point in my journey.

Again congratulations and good luck in your future journey.

Love,
Sandra1746

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you Sandra.:):thumbsup:

[mbmeen12]

I am happy for you, and for the courage to go to meet our maker. That is why our God loves all of us, it is in our soul not what we wear. But I am sure you looked devine...:)

[Crystal Rose]

Ms. Arlene, That is great that you were able to go and attend church. Esp. being dressed up, keep conquering those dreams and only positive things are going to happen!

[FurPus63]

Me too! Almost exactly the same experience. I thought about you as I went to 4:30 Mass today and realizing you're in the Central time zone your an hour behind me, so I figured it was 3:30 your time. I thought to myself, "well we're experiencing this about an hour apart from each other, hope it goes well for both of us," and offered up a prayer to God asking for a good experience for us both. My experience was almost identical. I got to Church a little later than I wanted and it was pretty full, but found a pew in the back. I sat with a friend who accompanied me (sorry couldn't do it alone) and just sat there nervous. However; at the "sign of peace" time (what shaking hands time) more people shook my hand and came to offer me a sign of peace than any other time at Mass in my whole life! It was real cool! The priest is a very progressive man who doesn't believe in the conservative things that are happening in our Church right now and he gave an excellent homily. He explained the 10 commandments better than anyone else ever has, and the whole thing was awesome! I even went for communion! After Mass a lady came around and welcomed me and my friend to the Parish and said some really cool things to us. Overall, it was a great experience. I'll never forget it!

Paulette

[Terri Andrews]

I am glad you had a nice experence and it sounds like your outfit was just right for your visit .

[STACY B]

GOD !!!!!!! Dont care what cha wear as long as your there !!! AINT THAT FAIR ,, See no body did care ,, Or ya had no bad stare , Must have been something in the air ,, Sorry was on a ROLL . THERE !

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you Stacy, Terri, & Paulette.

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you Crystal Rose, Stacey, Paulette, and Terri. :)

[PretzelGirl]

Good for you Arlene! Now it shouldn't be about what you wear but about feeding your soul.

[Laura912]

Well, you went for it and it sounds like you dressed quite nicely. Congratulations!! And guess what else happened...the sun still came up the next day. :)

[ArleneRaquel]

Thanks to all for being so positive.

[Jenn M]

I'm glad all went well for you! There is a sister who attends the church that I go to every Sun. she is always very well dressed but seams very nervous. I have tried to speak to her a couple of times but I think I scared her off. If only she knew that we had so many things in common. Anyone have any suggestions on how to get to meet her or get to know her? Please let me know. Thanks!

[~Joanne~]

Congratulations MsArlene and FurPus63, I am glad that both of you had a positive experience and no one made a big deal out of it. After all, you are in church :)

[suchacutie]

Congratulations, Arlene!

Now that you've been there once, you know how it is. Do it a few more times and that unofficially becomes "your" spot in the pew! Soon you will be a fixture at mass and no one will remember a time that Arlene didn't come to mass!

so good!

Tina

[Kerstin]

Glad to read that it all went well, Arlene. I bet you're feeling pretty good right now :)

[Richelle423]

Good for you Arlene! I go to Mass every Sunday underdressed but en drab.Since it is Lent I wear a purple shirt and tie with purple panties underneath (I threw out my male underwear). My congregation is very conservativeI could never go en femme. At least you dressed modestly and that counts!
Hugs!

[Lorenqt]

I glad that you had a great experience.

[LeannL]

Arlene,

Congratulations. I too was at Mass on Saturday evening but not for the first time (probably the 100th time if I had to guess.) I had to go Saturday evening because of my schedule and I had just gotten off of an airplane. The skirt I was wearing was too short for church (at least for me anyway). So I did a quick change at the airport and headed to the nearest church.

I started going to church as I sought to understand myself and how better to seek help from the Lord than to pray in his presence. I hope that you received the peace that I have in church when I have gone dressed en femme.

I have never had a major issue while in church. I made a commitment to myself that if I felt I was a distraction to others, I would leave. I have done this twice many years ago when I wasn't as good as I now with "passing". I had a period last year when I was going to daily Mass in a small chapel. Even in that small space, I didn't have a problem. I even had regular conversations with the other daily attendees.

I have also spoken to a priest about crossdressing although not about attending Mass. There is no teaching against being TG or crossdressing. He was more concerned about my mental state that my state of grace (at least WRT CDing).

Again, congratulations on being yourself and may the Holy Spirit guide you in your life in the Christ and his Church.

Leann

[insearchofme]

Arlene

Congratulations on going to Mass dressed. There is no way i could do that in our small town, I have gone underdressed before and that was very nice! The sad thing is that you were probably dressed better than many of the others at Mass. I am constantly amazed at how people dress in church. I am casual but what some of the people wear both men, women, girls and boys is down right disrespectful. I know that God really wants you in church regardless but to the 70ish woman who wore a tank top and spandex to Mass, please don't do that again!

[Kristyn Hill]

congrats on getting out and about and making it happen.

[ArleneRaquel]

Dana,
Sometimes the way people are dressed at church is appalling, and in no way am I a prude or could be considered narrow minded. About 10-20 years ago I lived in far South suburban Cook County Illinois and regularly attended Mass in the same village, and on many occasions I witnessed a male member of the procession, at the start of Mass, wearing shorts and a white tee shirt with the words " Eat at " such & such, a fast food place I guessed. Last Saturday I really was paying much attention to how other attendee;s male or female were dressed. Thank for for your lovely post.

[kimdl93]

First, Arlene, I think the outfit sounds perfectly appropriate for chuch. I'm sure you looked great! So glad that your first en femme Mass proved to be a pleasant experience.

[ArleneRaquel]

Kim,
Thank you so much.1,000 Hugs. :)

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Arlene,

I'm glad youhad a good experience at church. I am a catholic as well and I have attended mass several times while dressed. I was always treated kindly. I even talked with my priest about it because I was also concerned that it was a sin. You have it right. He told me crossdressing is not a sin.

And it sounds like you wore an appropriate outfit. When do we get to see a picture?

[JaytoJillian]

How cool is this ad for a local church (I highlighted the TG part)???:

All are welcome to worship here.
Whether you arrive on foot, on wheels, with some assistance, or in the company of a service animal, there will
be someone to greet you and all who accompany you with a helping hand.

Whether you are living year to year, day to day, or paycheck to paycheck, the coffee will be hot.

Whether you are single, married, divorced, committed, gay, lesbian, straight,
transgendered, or bisexual, the sanctuary doors will be open.

Whether you come dressed in a kaftan, sari, sweater, kilt, chādor, jeans,
kimono, or suit and tie, there will be a seat waiting for you.

Whether English is your first or eighth language, you have spoken it from your first word
or are still learning, the music and liturgy will speak to you.

Whether you are just traveling through, have recently joined us, or helped establish our
church decades ago, there will be friends waiting here for you.

Whether your burdens are heavy or light, you are imprisoned or free, have sinned once or many times,
the grace of God will be with you at the communion table through bread and wine or a blessing.

Whether you find joy in crayons, music, fellowship, pancake suppers,
or the gospel, you will find a celebration here.

Whether you are not sure about church, have just been baptized, or grew up reciting the Lord’s Prayer
and the creeds, there will be a lesson to challenge your thinking.

Whether your talents include cooking, cleaning, reading, woodworking, driving, shopping, teaching, counseling,
organizing, translating, or singing, there will be an opportunity to serve others.

Whether you find yourself on this list or not,
you are welcome here to celebrate, think, and serve.

[Nikki A.]

The church that I was raised in to this day does not accept women wearing pants to church. Therefore even though I do attend a MCC church now. I still don't wear pants to church.
That said I'm glad that both of you had a positive experience on your first visit to church.

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you Jay & nikki.:):)

[ArleneRaquel]

Well today Sunday was my second visit to church dressed enfemme. It was a lovely Sunday morning in Chicagoland, and I was in high spirits as I left home and I was equally high spirited on my arrival back to my cubby hole. I arrived at 10:10AM, the Mass was to start at 10:30AM, not many people were inside, those that I encountered outside didnt seem to notice, for the most part, but I did receive 3 or 4 smiles, from middle aged women, as I entered. No problems in the church as I again sat against the wall, in the last set of pews. All went well at Mass, and on my way back home, not a stair or a frown, that I could tell. I wore a black maxi dress with a V-neck style and 3.4 length sleeve, with pearls and a black pair of Mary Jane pumps, with a 4 inch heel, a little high for me, with red rouge and red lipstick, red nail polish for my fingers, my favorite pair of ladies glasses, purple, with plastic frames., I was thinking of wearing my plastic framed oversized prescription sunglasses, but I thought that they may draw too much attention, even though they cover about half of my face, and I didn't even carry them on my purse, as the glasses take up over half of the space. My black clutch purse contained a spare pair of glasses, cloth and eye glass cleaner, tissues, and lipstick and wallet, the purse had a chain handle.. I didn't go directly home, as I did some grocery shopping at the nearby Dominick's store,a local chain. No bad experiences there either, I've been there enfemme dozen of times.