Feeling...ugly.

[retrofitme]

I'm usually the last one to throw a pity party - but I've been feeling rather down lately, and I need to vent about it.

I've been feeling downright ugly lately. A few weeks ago, my loving wife and I did some shopping, and we got some stuff I was really looking forward to wearing. Got it home and it didn't come close to fitting. I looked terrible and I felt even worse.

I've been struggling to lose weight in order to get into better shape (both health wise, and clothing wise) and the lbs are just not coming off at all. In the past, I've been able to shed weight rather quickly and keep it off for years at a time. This time, however, I can't seem to make any progress. I am on a medication that has the side effect of weight gain... I guess it is working! :brolleyes::brolleyes::brolleyes:

I'm not tempted to purge (too much money invested) but I honestly don't feel like dressing. I feel trapped in my fat/ugly body. I see the pictures of you ladies that are absolutely stunning and I know that I can never get anywhere near that level - not even close. I am honestly glad you gals can (more power to ya!), but it's difficult for me when my exterior is so far away from what a part of me wants it to be. How can I express this feminine side of myself, when my exterior is 100% absolute male?

Alright, I'm done venting now. Thanks for listening.
-Retrofitme

[suzy1]

I think this a problem that many CD girls have.

It’s easy to just say lose lots of weight or get your body into a girly shape by exercise but that’s just not a realistic goal for many of us.

So what’s the answer? Hard though it is we sometimes just have to make the most of what life gives us. Appreciate what we have and not hanker after what we can’t have.

Are you trying to get the sexy girly look [Something that only a lucky few here can achieve] or are you happy just to wear something nice and feminine?

My old mum [bless her] used to say ‘count your blessings’. Simple but wise words.

All the best, SUZY

[noeleena]

Hi,

Yes some of us have issues about our selfs, im with a number of groups women only & mixed, & also on women only forums, so i get to hear it all from non acceptace of them selfs as people & how they look or dont , plus many other issue's that are related to health & looks .

How they see them selfs as not being pretty & beautifull & most are lovely women , just we have a perception of not being as beautifuul as we would like to be,

Im no different i never liked how i looked 54 years ago. & still dont , i get ashamed of how i look & embarrised, yet i dress in some lovely clothes & period & i wonder why i do.

Im a woman with very masculine facial features & i would do nothing if i did not accept my self for who i am the way i am yet i have had to just get out there, & yes in front of many people & im not talking just 100's of people ,a lot more.

i do it because i can im very public in the eyes of people all the time & yes i stand out,

Call it what you like . I accept i cant change my features so its a matter of do it get out be accepted the way you are or sit on your rear do nothing miss out on friendships meeting people & haveing a good time, oh , & dressing of cause, yes im a woman yes i dress & yes im accepted because i work in with others & help them as well.

...noeleena...

[Michaella]

I'm feeling like that more and more often as I age. I look around at older men and I think "oh yeah, that's where I'm going, and it isn't good." Maybe it will happen that it will lead to me stopping my crossdressing, certainly from going out. And there's not much can be done about it.

I do encourage you to lose weight, for health issues if nothing else. Not easy, but worth it.

Michaella

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

I looked my drab self in the mirror the other day and said "Wow, I didn't realize I was THAT ugly." It doesn't make me depressed, it's more like a "wake-up call" that explains a lot to me...

[Kate Simmons]

Get used to it Hon. It goes with the "turf".:)

[STACY B]

See ya got ot all wrong ,, Your thinking !! See me I was the same way ,, Dam all them chix are so sexy an Im FAT an UGLY an Ill NEVER be thin an sexy an get to wear all those killer clothes an heels so just might as well give it up :drink::Angry3::drink::Angry3: So as you already know YOU CANT STOP . Wanted to get that out the way cuz if you could we would not be talking here . After a long time start stop ,, start stop .. start stop .. I thyought to myself ive got to do something ? BuT what to do you ask ? Well Ill tell ya , Instead of trying to be a sexy little VIXEN that you know is almost imposable just lower your standards . Thats what I did you just cant be the best at everything so just be what ya can be . Instead of trying to be a sexy azz chic how bout do what I did ,,, First just try an bethe smallest man ya can lose what wieght ya can an get down to where you can atleast buy some normal girl clothes no matter what size an then work from there . Dress your body RIGHT NOW ,, Dont worry about all the rest ,, Cuz Im at the point to where Im happy just to be dressing at FAT GIRL !!! Cuz if ya look around there are more of us fat girls around than thin ones ! So just join the fat girl club an get it together girl . :thumbsup::love::thumbsup:

[JenniferR771]

My new diet idea. So easy you can do it in your sleep. Set alarm for a half hour late. Skip breakfast.
don't believe that bull about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. Its not.

[Kerstin]

Follow the dietary regimen written about here: http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/04/06/how-to-lose-20-lbs-of-fat-in-30-days-without-doing-any-exercise/ Trust me, you will lose weight with this. Also, don't forget we tend to over-exaggerate our own perceived negative qualities.

[nicole1987]

I feel the same way very oftenand also goin through alot of the same frastrations
and inside it really hurts but i am slowly workin/dealin with it. but just try and stay pos+
I'm usually the last one to throw a pity party - but I've been feeling rather down lately, and I need to vent about it.

I've been feeling downright ugly lately. A few weeks ago, my loving wife and I did some shopping, and we got some stuff I was really looking forward to wearing. Got it home and it didn't come close to fitting. I looked terrible and I felt even worse.

I've been struggling to lose weight in order to get into better shape (both health wise, and clothing wise) and the lbs are just not coming off at all. In the past, I've been able to shed weight rather quickly and keep it off for years at a time. This time, however, I can't seem to make any progress. I am on a medication that has the side effect of weight gain... I guess it is working! :brolleyes::brolleyes::brolleyes:

I'm not tempted to purge (too much money invested) but I honestly don't feel like dressing. I feel trapped in my fat/ugly body. I see the pictures of you ladies that are absolutely stunning and I know that I can never get anywhere near that level - not even close. I am honestly glad you gals can (more power to ya!), but it's difficult for me when my exterior is so far away from what a part of me wants it to be. How can I express this feminine side of myself, when my exterior is 100% absolute male?

Alright, I'm done venting now. Thanks for listening.
-Retrofitme

[stacycoral]

Girl, your like the rest of us girls, were getting older, and just can't be a 20 something pretty girl. There are alot of ladies out there, that will never be a super model, i know that, i am too tall to be a good looking girl, so i just have to put on the best look i can, i wish i could look as good as some of the ladies here.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Be patient, my friend, when weeks go by and you have no progress, be more patient, you can do this, and you will do it, just believe in yourself and think as cirtically as you can about what you can give up re: food and what you can do at the gym to get the other half of the equation. Drink red wine instead of beer/sweet drinks, drop carbs or drop high-fat foods no matter how hard it is, and it will happen. And when you need a little encouragement, come back here and many of us will give you all you can handle. And when all else fails, picutre yourself in a bikini or yoga pants with other girls in the body you've always wanted.

[docrobbysherry]

Retro, please try to remember: The grass is ALWAYS greener for EVERYONE! Even skinny minnys! Just last week, I was getting excited by only being a few pounds away from my goal of matching my weight on my first drivers license! The scale said I was only 3 pounds away! Then, I checked the calibration on it. After recalibrating it, I'm now 8 pounds away! Further than I was last summer! Sigh!

So, I must go back to the basics. Which means being very careful about what I eat and when. I find that changing the smallest detail, but permanently, will get me going in the rite direction!

The walk of a 1000 miles begins with just one step! Then, another. And, another! I just need to be able to lose a pound every week or so, and I'll be going in the rite direction again! I know WE can do this!

[Kaz]

It does go with the territory I am afraid! I am feeling very ugly and down at the moment, and so I posted some pics of me last week and I thought... hey... not so bad! It hasn't helped a lot... I am still an old male geezer wanting to be a woman who is a hell of a lot younger!

Well... not quite, but it does present certain problems! I ride a wave that goes up and down. Mine is down at the moment (lots of other life issues to contend with)... but when I lived Kaz again Thursday night/Friday morning.. I just felt so good... but today..? I have realised that I have put weight on again and I look at some of my previous photos and think 'I wish'!

xx

[giuseppina]

... I am on a medication that has the side effect of weight gain...

Maybe a visit with the prescribing doctor is in order. Perhaps there is a substitute medication that will work without the weight gain and does not have more serious side effects.

[Barbara Ella]

I have just made a parallel between my golf game and my cross dressing. I started golf late, at 52, so while my game has improved over the past 13 years, the other long time players games have been going downhill with age. They have been disappointed, while i have been happy, progressing from piss poor to just poor.

Cross dressing? I started at 65. I have no memory of what it is like to wear hot sexy young girly things and to look like I was meant to wear them, like a lot of the girls here. I started old, and am trying to just improve on that as much as i can. I vividly remember what I looked like when i started, and am happy with my little bit of progress.

Life makes us take some rather unacceptable changes. I encourage you to keep pursuing the healthy life style. Dont long for what you were. Look at pictures that make you happy, and be happy in that memory. If you like the way your face looks in makeup, work on the makeup and take facial shots that make you happy. Dont take pics of shots that dont make you happy until later. Take what features make you happy, and focus on them for awhile. makeup, jewelry, scarves, wigs, head bands, nails, feet, heels, whatever. etc. There has to be something you like. Finding it is the biggest trick to getting happy. Good Luck

Babes

[KellyJameson]

I think painted toe nails look beautiful no matter who is wearing them. There is so much more to crossdressing than just crossdressing. An exquisite fragrance or beautiful piece of jewelry, it is an appreciation of the delicate fabrics and unlimited creative possibilities. No matter how we look we can still enjoy beauty and beautiful things. A flower in the lapel or colorful ribbon in the hair, the possibilities are endless if you can move beyond the limits that others have set for you.

Have you ever noticed how often physically attractive people are rather dull and self centered. I think it is because things come to easy for them so they are not forced to use their imagination and remain superficial, the attention paid to them has a corrupting influence similar to what often happens to people with to much money, they go mad with power and never develop a sensitive mind, this to me is ugliness, not what a mirror reflects back to you.

Move beyond the superficial and use all your senses, not just what your eyes see in the mirror. Hope these opinions don't give offence because I tend to be more the boy who thinks he is a girl kinda thing going so not very informed about crossdressing per se but drawn to the world of crossdressing due to temperament and disposition.

It is not that everyone is not beautiful it is that our definition of beauty is to narrow so excludes those forms of beauty that are less obvious but much more interesting.

[kimdl93]

Been there so many times, retro. When I finally decided to go full femme with my dressing after years of underdressing - my first reaction was "my god, what an ugly woman!" And every now and then I still feel that way....but, the really negative moods pass. It helps to get out and see that, most women, just like me, are not 23 and not perfectly gorgeous. Like me, I'm sure most women have moments when they hate what they see in the mirror, but sigh and then get on with life.

Some years ago, I peaked at 269....and had to decide if my health and appearance were more important than my appetite for beer. I chose health and have been whittling down my weight for I suppose 8 years now. I'm hovering at around 220 right now, and hope to shave another 10. Its been a challenge, but I've been making slow progress with a combination of good eating habits and regular exercise.

Hang in there, you'll make it!

[Karren H]

I don't get depressed but I get discouraged big time every time I look in the mirror.... Getting old sucks!! Seems like every day I find new wrinkles. Hell my wrinkles have wrinkles.. And even that whole bag of Cadbury's mini-chocolate easter eggs I ate this weekend didn't make me feel better. Only fatter!! Sigh....

[Michelia]

Hey girl... I think only a few of us have not been there at one time or another. I have literally cried myself to sleep because after losing 30 lbs and being so happy I gained it all back and then some. I was so disgusted I did not dress for a month. I was so stressed out, my face broke out. Then my back went out. I guess I am too heavy.

Here is what you need to do...but on some of your clothes on and make yourself look as nice as possible and go out somewhere. Think of yourself as beautiful.

Last week, I was the fattest I have ever been. I just could not go on anymore. I had not dressed in weeks. So I pulled out some blouses I never used because they were too big and pulled out some jeans I never wear because I wear skirts most of the time. The blouse was so nice. I had never realized how pretty it was. And my fat butt filled out those jeans like never before. I went out to a Spanish tapas place, and before I know it, this handsome fella was buying me drinks and tellling me how pretty I was. Nothing like this to make you put things in perspective, ha? I started eating better after that. And today I went to my first Jazzercise class enfemme. I hope I can stick to it.

So if you cannot get motivated, the worst thing is to stay home and rot. Get out and you never know what you might find to motivate you.

[retrofitme]

Wow! Thanks everyone - thank you for being so supportive and encouraging!

You've all given some great advice here, and I plan on taking a lot of it. I know I can work to improve my appearance - even if I can't be a 'hottie', I can get to the point of looking reasonably good. I just need to get rid of this damn gut! :) If I didn't have the gut, I'd be quite satisfied with my appearance - but the gut (not a beer gut either, I don't drink beer) - throws everything off.

I want to get back to you all individually - but real life has be super-busy at the moment. We're making some very big changes to our life style (positive ones!), but with rapid change comes stress, and I think that had some bearing on my ugly thoughts. But I am coping better today.

Thanks again for being there, and for all your encouraging words.
-retrofime

[Bootsiegalore]

I don't get depressed but I get discouraged big time every time I look in the mirror.... Getting old sucks!!

That is a BIG No Sh*t! Not only that but all the damn medical crap too! Recently acquired A-fib and all the new meds keep me feeling ill.....

Rachel

[mourningdove]

Awh! Those clothes didn't fit? I'm sorry, Love. Don't feel bad though. Those styles of tops and skirts are not very forgiving. I find you very attractive no matter what size you are. I'm looking forward to seeing you in shorts this summer! I know that we've had a million things going on lately and our diets have suffered. We'll get a handle on weight soon once we're able to slow down and be more intentional about our food choices. In the meantime, know that you're beautiful.

[Sarah Doepner]

Awh! Those clothes didn't fit? I'm sorry, Love. Don't feel bad though. Those styles of tops and skirts are not very forgiving. I find you very attractive no matter what size you are. I'm looking forward to seeing you in shorts this summer! I know that we've had a million things going on lately and our diets have suffered. We'll get a handle on weight soon once we're able to slow down and be more intentional about our food choices. In the meantime, know that you're beautiful.

Retro, first read and then reread the post from your bride. That would take the sting out of it for me. I get in that same frame of mind occasionally and realize I've fallen into the whole body image, beauty thing that women do. Why does it happen? Two things; first is advertising. We have to look at the same impossibly slim and beautiful models that the majority of women resent. Crossdressers are fighting an uphill battle to even get in the game, let alone do well. The second thing is biology; women are attractive in some very specific ways for the purpose of attracting a mate. I don't know about you, but I've no need to attract a mate ( my wife would kill me if I did ).

So, take a look at your wardrobe and see if you are dressing to do meet either of those conditions. If so, change your approach and find out what you can wear that will let you enjoy your crossdressing experience. It's not a competition but a chance to explore and hopefully enjoy a different perspective on life.

[DianeSusanne]

I'd add a second vote for go see the MD about the side effects of this med.

Just as an aside, make sure you're taking plenty of vitamin D as well.

[Jessica86]

Why are women so obsessed with being skinny? Why are we? There are plenty....and I do mean plenty of women that are considered a "plus size" that are absolutely stunning. Personally, I like a woman who has the figure a woman was meant to have. Call me crazy, but I don't find skinny hot. At alll. A woman was meant to be herself. She was made beautiful at birth and nothing is going to change that. Let's do a little test.

On the bottom, Kate Moss. On the top....Laura Wells. You probably know Kate...but why....why don't you know Laura, who has made a career after being who she is? I don't know. Personally, Laura seems at least ten times more of a woman than Kate. She has everything.....Kate....doesn't. To me, that's the problem with most women these days. Be yourself. You're hot already. Don't let someone else tell you how to be hot...such as being skinny.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Jessica, good question!

I really wish women would not be so hard on themselves when it comes to their weight. Health is one thing but it is such a shame how so many women tie their weight to their self worth. It is something I really hope it is something we as a society can move beyond, there is such a tremendous cost to this obsession to be skinny. Women come in all shapes, sizes, heights, colors etc. and is just another variation in nature, a woman who is big should no more be ashamed than a woman who is dark skinned or is tall.

I have always been attracted to big women; an attraction to big women really is not uncommon among men, even though there is still a deal of shame around it (being in the "fat closet" as I have heard it referred i0t.)