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~Seana~
03-11-2012, 12:30 PM
So it's been the strangest week. My trans girlfriend in montreal has had a breakdown in part due to too high a dose. Just part of the territory.

At the office I must have heard the work "crossdresser "and "Tranny" a half dozen times or more each . Not pointed towards me, they were talking about a video of a comedian who was trans. It was enough though to makemy ears perk. Maybe it contributed to my absolute foolishness on Friday night I'm not sure.

So on friday night everyone at the companygets together in the boardroom and someone has brought in a few 6 packs ( probably at company expense) . I get called at the end of my day for beers in the boardroom.

Now some of you may remember I posted a few months ago. I was changing jobs,and leaving one where I was out about being trans and dressed everyday at work but going to a much better paying and in all respects BETTER job. I have a big family which has gotten bigger when my ex spouse died in january with the addition of an additional child. I now work for a small managed service provider as their primary point of contact. It's a small company perhaps 15 people total. I've excelled in my job. I've also dressed male ( albeit with long hair and thinned brows and earings) every day while I felt out the atmosphere.And the good point is I think it's very posative .It is however a pofessional work environment.I am occasionally customer facing as people drop off and pickup machines to be worked on.

Friday as we are getting together they have all been made to take recent HR training and some people are joking around about it. My manager is an older gentleman and he's waxing a little rhetorical and starts talking about having once fired a guy for making inappropriate comments to the receptionist. The guy turned up the next day with a lawyer in tow. He said he was TG, his hormone levels had been off and that's why he had made the comments.Moral being they had fired him anyway.
For the life of me I dont know what ever posessed me. I was in no way prepared to come out to work 5 months into my job. I said " You know paul, I dont know if you realize this, but ( I live in canada) paul did you know that the NDP introduced legislation last year that would make the exact scenario you just described a criminal act? and that it was adopted by parliament and died when the government disolved but was currently being reintroduced?"
He looks me strait in the eye and he goes "How would you know that unless you were trans...are you TG?"
I was like a deer in the headlights. As much as every ounce told me to deny it I could not bring myself to lie. I said " yes I am."
He was shocked by the response, and asked me to confirm and I said that yes i was. that I presented as male only because it;s a professional environment and I didnt think it was a work issue at the moment.
One or two of the employees indicated they werent surprised.. I dont think I'm going to have big issues, but I'll have some questions come monday. Monday is just another normal monday until further notice.Except that it's just out there. I'm in no way prepared for this and I'm definitely asking myself wtf did I just do?

Julia_in_Pa
03-11-2012, 12:35 PM
Amanda,

Now that your true self is open to the light of day the only thing left for you to do is to be prepared for the inevitable questions that will come from your co workers.
Also you must be prepared for possible and dare I say probable hostility in the form of disapproving looks and commentary to HR about how you are making someone feel uncomfortable in their job once you start dressing as your true self.
Stay strong sis.


Julia

~Seana~
03-11-2012, 01:17 PM
Amanda,

Now that your true self is open to the light of day the only thing left for you to do is to be prepared for the inevitable questions that will come from your co workers.
Also you must be prepared for possible and dare I say probable hostility in the form of disapproving looks and commentary to HR about how you are making someone feel uncomfortable in their job once you start dressing as your true self.
Stay strong sis.


Julia

One reason I've held off. It just isnt that important to me that I'm recognized as my feminine self while at the office.Work is a tool to make an income, not a fashion show. I've had to have this attitude to save my income and my family which is 6 people at this point dependant upon it. I can dress profssionally and still not be overt about it. I'm frankly surprised they havent notticed I hvent passed as a guy in a long time. there's a schedule for me to follow and it will become more apparent over time. When/if I ever decide to present in the office again it wont be a big change, and wont be a surprise to anyone now.

Seana

Joann Smith
03-12-2012, 06:20 PM
I understand totally Amanda...I have on more that one occassion damm near snapped at work after overhearing no so nice remarks about Transfolk ..the only differance is that no one has ever asked me directally weather i was tg or not..

morgan pure
03-12-2012, 08:14 PM
Whoa, Baby Girl! Well, I probably woulda done the same. I'm just as big an idiot.

Debb
03-12-2012, 08:21 PM
Amanda: How did it go today?

Kristy_K
03-12-2012, 08:24 PM
It is such a nice feeling just to be honest. I hope everything goes good for you Amanda.

Kristy

Ari333
03-12-2012, 08:26 PM
I guess you just turned another corner, an unexpected one. its funny how many people are accepting, if thats the majority's opinion. but of course usually the majority is not accepting, if addressed as a group.

~Seana~
03-17-2012, 08:40 AM
looks like this time I was lucky because there wasn't one mention all week, and no one treated me any differently than they always do. It's just out there. Which actually is more helpful than not, as it doesnt look like I'll have problems, despite my stupidity and gives me a little more hope for the future. In fact I was chosen to do all the scheduling and coordination for a major project we are starting so it looks like my professionalism has won out.

Seana

Jorja
03-17-2012, 09:13 AM
Obviously you are showing your worth to the company and your idiosyncrasies are being overlooked, as they should be. Continue what you are doing.:thumbsup:

~Seana~
03-27-2012, 12:46 PM
Unfortunately, this story doesnt have a happy ending. 2 weeks to the day later i was dismissed with no reason given by Harris Computer Services. I've never been coached back on anything, and did my job flawlessly for 5 months.
I'm considering lodging a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Commission, but I doubt anything will come of it. Either way I will never be able to work for them again.

Seana

kimdl93
03-27-2012, 01:00 PM
I do think you should consider lodging a complaint. Its rather hard to believe that your revelation and subsequent, rather abrupt, dismissal were coincedental. I don't know if you'll prevail, but its worth putting them on notice.

Barbara Ella
03-27-2012, 01:05 PM
Amanda, I have read the thread, and am truly sorry that this happened as it did. I feel you likely have a case to be brought, especially with no followup discussions about why you were released after being given great responsibilities. This is disappointing on so many levels. I wish you luck in finding new employment, especially for your family, and in finding some justice.

Babes

Cindi
03-27-2012, 01:12 PM
Amanda:

You most definitely should launch a complaint with both the Ontario Human Rights and the Canadian Human Rights.
I think you have a very strong case.
BEST OF LUCK.

RADER
03-27-2012, 01:22 PM
Amanda:
I am very sorry for you loosing your job. But filing a grievance might get the employer in some trouble,
or even a fine, it will not get your job back. Like you said, you will never work for them again. And would
you want to? The office would have this thick cloud hanging over it, giving you a very unsettling environment
that would be hard to work in. I guess the saying is that the bridge has been burned, and a new one has to be
built into a new future. I hope this does not follow you, as was in my profession, (Carpentry) I was known
through out Chicago-land as a great worker. I even had competing contractors calling me to come work for them.
It was at the time a hard thing to handle. I hope the best for you and your family.
Rader

Melody Moore
03-27-2012, 05:40 PM
First of all Amanda, I am sorry to hear about what happened, but I have other ideas about what I would like
to see happen in these situations rather than making a complaint because I think my idea would be a lot more
effective. My idea is also being used in India by a group of Hijra to make people who don't pay their bills pay up.
What the Hijra do in India is intimate the debtor with a group of trans women until they eventually pay the bill.

Well I think using the same method but also in conjunction with the media & protesting outside of the business
responsible for unfair dismissal of a trans person will have a far greater impact on changing human rights & gaining
respect for the trans community than making pointless complaints to groups or organisations who do nothing.

We need trans action groups who will carry out these types of protests if we really want to see some changes.

abigailf
03-28-2012, 04:31 PM
I am sorry to here this. I hope you will find something new in short order.

Melody does have a good idea, however you should still file a complaint so it is logged and recorded for future incidents with others. If records show that a company consistently dismisses TG people, then it makes a stronger case for the next person.

Good luck in what ever you decide, you know we are all here for you.

Darla
03-28-2012, 05:09 PM
Okay - now I know it's very traumatic, but I wonder if there's legal recourse here. I would hire a lawyer and if this company acted in violation of the law in Canada then there could be fines and an award for you. I know that's exactly what lawyers look for in the states. As much as trans cases are a rarity - an iron clad lawsuit spells money for plaintiffs. It would go a long way in discouraging other employers to do what just happened to you.

Kathryn Martin
03-28-2012, 05:12 PM
I completely disagree with this approach. Human rights complaints can be very effective especially if combined with good media work. Intimidating people never works.


First of all Amanda, I am sorry to hear about what happened, but I have other ideas about what I would like
to see happen in these situations rather than making a complaint because I think my idea would be a lot more
effective. My idea is also being used in India by a group of Hijra to make people who don't pay their bills pay up.
What the Hijra do in India is intimate the debtor with a group of trans women until they eventually pay the bill.

Well I think using the same method but also in conjunction with the media & protesting outside of the business
responsible for unfair dismissal of a trans person will have a far greater impact on changing human rights & gaining
respect for the trans community than making pointless complaints to groups or organisations who do nothing.

We need trans action groups who will carry out these types of protests if we really want to see some changes.