The best of both worlds?

[Wonderwho]

Today was the 3rd meeting with a theripist, it is also the last meeting.
I am angry and writing in my truck on a small laptop so forgive the grammer and spelling.
I was told by this theripist that my CDing was a way for me to get the best of both worlds. He feels that by CD ing I am avoiding the responsibilites of being a man and enjoying the soft feel of womens clothes to to escape the stress of the male defined world. By only being a closet CDer I am still able to enjoy the good parts of the male world and am skirting the inherent problems with womanhood.
At this point i carefully explained that the woman inside me that I was hiding was the onl;y thing keeping me from smacking him.
I have the greatest respect for all of you who have taken the long and sometimes painfull road to to cross the "pink" line. For those of us that straddle the line and cannot or will not cross over for whatever reason I do not feel that we are looking for the best of both worlds, we only a small piece of the worlds we have chosen.
I for one will accept and enjoy this part of my life and embrace any and all who wish to reside here.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Wonderwho

[kimdl93]

Mmmmm, what do you think his point was in making that statement? I suppose its fair to say that some CDs retreat momentarily from the real world to occupy a kind of fantasy femininity...away from the responsibilities and difficulties of daily life. But, its a bit insulting to suggest that one is seeking to avoid responsibilities.

It may be a good idea to consider going to a female therapist - particularly one with some experience working with gender id issues. Seems like this guy was applying a common stereotype to your situation...and rather hastily, I might add.

[Tracy]

Responsibilities of being a man?!?! WTF does that mean? I can not think of any responsibilities that gender matters at all. Sounds like you need a new therapist.

[Foxglove]

Vent away, Wonderwho! No reason why you shouldn't. I can understand your anger. This therapist strikes me as extremely patronizing. I think he's basically accusing you of being dishonest: you're simultaneously trying to weasel out of one set of responsibilities and avoid another set of problems. Doesn't sound like he has a very high opinion of you. Maybe that's not what he was saying, but that's the way it comes across. At any rate, that's not why I CD, and I don't know that anybody else does it for those reasons.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Nikki A.]

I think you need a new therapist also. Too bad there probably isn't much choice up by where you live.

[suzy1]

I have made my feeling known about therapists on this forum already so I will hold back from saying what I think of this one.

SUZY

[Bootsiegalore]

At this point i carefully explained that the woman inside me that I was hiding was the only thing keeping me from smacking him.

I feel this way lots of times! But really, sometimes a good smacking is necessary!

I agree with the others.... Seek a new therapist.

[Wonderwho]

Sorry if I got a little long winded. In the world that I have found in the people of this site, I have recieved more therpy than any paid hack could ever give me. In the overall of life my little problem with the confusion of Crossdressing is nothing. When I think of the of the struggles that many of you have faced and those who will follow, there is nothing in my life that sitting down with my accepting ( a shot at another post) wife, a few cold beers on the back deck will not cure. Now if she will let me wear the new swimsuit I got life would really be great.
Thank all of you, you are wonderfull and I am so glad I found you. Wonderwho

[STACY B]

HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA Im still laughing ,,,, Get out alrite ,, Get out of those man clothes !!! This stuff dont have anything to do with getting out of anything . Just becuz you dress in different clothes dont meen ya cant be the same person ,, Ya changed your clothes not your brain ,, Those friggen guys ill tell ya what ,, How about a refund !!!

[Karren H]

Getting a new one as suggested is an option but I've always felt that paying someone to tell me what I want to hear wasn't worth the time... We do that at work with consultants... He may have a valid point if your letting crossdressing rule your life and getting in the way of what you need to do... Not a man's responsibility but your responsibility..... Only you can determine that... Just saying....

[susan54]

I have never felt the need for a therapist, but I have a friend who trained as one. She said you NEVER give advice - you explore someone's feelings and help them make their own decisions. It sounds like he was inflicting his opinions on you instead of exploring yours. At the risk of appearing to give advice ... find a real therapist.

[Janelle_C]

I'm sorry for what your therapist said to you. I've had four sessions and my therapist is helping me to find out waht my needs and whats are. Your ex therapist does not know what he is talking about my life would be a lot easyer if I didn't have such a strong fem side. The only reasion I'm still in the closet is becouse of people like him! I've learnded that I'm not a freak and to love my self. Cding makes me feel like me. I hope you can find a therapist that will help you sort out your feeling.
Janelle

[BRANDYJ]

For me, I do enjoy the best of both worlds. I enjoy both sides of my gender expressions. I don't think I'd be happy any other way. Not for the same reasons this guy gave you, but simply to express myself the way I feel when I want to feel other then my birth gender.
I don't know how well you know him. I don't know how well he is schooled in gender issues. And I don't know what you might have said to him to have him suggest what he felt your issues are. It might even be true for all we know. What I do know is that you don't like or trust him. I also know that a therapist can't help anyone if they only tell you what you want to hear. So this does sound like a case of you not wanting to hear what someone else thinks about your situation. Especially in three short sessions.
As already suggested, I would seek help from someone qualified to council regarding gender issues.

[reb.femme]

I have to confess my ignorance of therapists, must be my British stiff upper lip if such a thing exists, so I'm at a loss as to why you would need one. I have my own independent thought and I sure as hell would not pay for some alleged professional to offer his/hers. I know it's good to discuss with an outsider, if I can call it that, but it sounds like he read you the riot act, disguised as advice! Again, I can only concur with previous posts, if you must see a therapist, make a change from the current one. He sounds more set than a day old lump of concrete.

[Kathi Lake]

He could have been perfectly spot-on. That's the beauty of therapy. It is up to you to figure out how it all applies to you. I think he made some valid points, but only you can tell if that is true. If you're getting angry, that may be a sign that something hit close to home. If it was totally off-base, you could have simply looked at them without emotion and said, "ummmmm, nope."

As for "therapy" from members here, use caution, as sometimes all you get is the simple, "You go, girl!" variety. It takes someone truly invested in your mental health and happiness to challenge you and tell you what you may not want to hear.

Kathi

[suzy1]

I have to confess my ignorance of therapists, must be my British stiff upper lip if such a thing exists, so I'm at a loss as to why you would need one. I have my own independent thought and I sure as hell would not pay for some alleged professional to offer his/hers. I know it's good to discuss with an outsider, if I can call it that, but it sounds like he read you the riot act, disguised as advice! Again, I can only concur with previous posts, if you must see a therapist, make a change from the current one. He sounds more set than a day old lump of concrete.

Join the club. As a stiff upper lip Britain myself I also have a problem with therapists.
But some people seem to need them?

[Joanne f]

English here so i must admit that i do not understand the need for a therapist but if half of the process of making you feel better is going to one then i guess it helps for some .
As far as wanting the best of both worlds is concerned i look at it another way , being TG makes you as good as ether of the other worlds because you are both so that should make you feel a bit special.

( Had to be real careful how i worded that ) :heehee:

[carhill2mn]

It is too bad that you came away from your therapy session feeling so unhappy. If I may be so bold, may I suggest that the statement made by your therapist is quite accurate for many CDs. I suspect from your reaction to his statement and what you have stated about the "woman hiding inside you", that instead of you being a MTF CD that you are more likely transgendered. I suspect that just the wearing of women's clothes does not give you what you are wanting or needing. Typically, people who are transgendered to some degree, need different counseling than a CD needs.

[lisal]

your therapist needs a therapist, obviously understands little, talks to much. but look at the bright side, it will save you money and you will not have to talk to an idiot any longer.

[Marleena]

your therapist needs a therapist, obviously understands little, talks to much. but look at the bright side, it will save you money and you will not have to talk to an idiot any longer.

Lol..I like this answer.:)

[Miriam-J]

I have a lot of respect for responsible mental health professionals, and deeply appreciate the good they can do for a person. They've done wonders for me and for other members of my family. But there are situations where their positive effects are very limited:


You don't have a specific set of problems to address
You're already convinced you have the answers and are looking for confirmation
The problem you present is outside their area of knowledge or experience

I think that for most crossdressers, the crossdressing itself isn't a problem that can be addressed in therapy. But therapy can deal with the peripheral issues, like:


Working out the conflicts between your crossdressing and the rest of your life
Improving relationships with others affected by it, especially family and job

Determining how far you need to go with it
Working out reasonable boundaries


Only you can know where you fit in all of this, or whether your therapist is a competent advisor for your situation. But don't just take what they say and accept it blindly, or reject it because it isn't what you want to hear. If you like it, think about why and whether it might be too good to be true. If you don't, consider whether they might actually be right, or nearly so anyway.

Good luck as you work through this.

Miriam

[whowhatwhen]

I was told by this theripist that my CDing was a way for me to get the best of both worlds. He feels that by CD ing I am avoiding the responsibilites of being a man and enjoying the soft feel of womens clothes to to escape the stress of the male defined world. By only being a closet CDer I am still able to enjoy the good parts of the male world and am skirting the inherent problems with womanhood.

If that were true, then in theory you'd be able to drop CDing like a hot potato if you "escaped the stress of the male defined world".
But, we all know it never goes away and so should anyone who knows what they're talking about.

Is he a generic therapist or does he say he specializes in gender issues?

[Jacqueline Winona]

Is it hte best of both worlds or is it really heaven/hell on a daily basis for us? There are some unbeleivable days and I'll agree we can have the best of both genders and it is the most amazing, fun tthing in the world to express my feminine side. But just as often we get outed, read in public, spouses who can't understand, struggle to find clothes that we choose to wear, difficulty understanding ourselves let alone explaining it, etc. I just don't like the way that was phrased.

[Aprilrain]

I do not feel that we are looking for the best of both worlds,

Helen Boyd calls it the worst of both worlds:heehee:

Get a new therapist! that one obviously has no training in gender issues or CDing.

[Jilmac]

Hmmm! Your therapist seems pretty narrow minded. I don't see that as being a good fit for that profession.

[Genny B]

I see no reason to see a shrink for CD'ing. They can get thier fun the same way if they like. Other things, maybe, but not CDing. I agree, your shrink needs a doctor!

[Badtranny]

At this point i carefully explained that the woman inside me that I was hiding was the onl;y thing keeping me from smacking him.

This sentence belies the statement that you accept and enjoy that part of your life. Is it possible that he was trying to open you up and get you to talk about real feelings instead of small talk or fantasies? This macho talk about smacking people kinda sounds like a cry for help to me. Who are you and what are your plans? Why did you see a therapist in the first place? Everybody is smacking you on the back and giving you the "go girl" when nobody even knows your situation. Since when does "support" mean unconditional agreement?

[Lyric]

I've known quite a few therapists and I believe you could do better than this. It's not a good sign for therapy to start off with the therapist suggesting you feel inadequate about yourself. The job of a good therapist is to help you feel better about yourself. I suggest contacting (even online) a local TG support group and asking for recommendations for some TG-friendly therapists in your area.

Lyric

[docrobbysherry]

It's a therapist's job to get u to consider things, points of view, peripheral aspects of life, etc., that u may have skipped over or avoided!

Dumping a therapist because u don't agree with one of his/her opinions is kind of like throwing out the baby with the bath water! They're SUPPOSED to make u think! If u don't LIKE this person, that's another matter entirely! And, a good reason to dump him!

[whowhatwhen]

I don't think a therapist is able to read your mind and tell you why you're doing something based on his personal bias.
IMO I would be insulted, the idea that CDing is an escape from the tough, brutal male world seems sexist as hell.

[gender_blender]

You can still enjoy the "perks" of manhood from the other side of the "pink line" as long as you don't care what others think. I still love peeing standing up (makes me wish women's bathrooms had urinals).

[Wonderwho]

Thanks to all of you for the respones, they varied across the board. This is why I find this site so great to be a part of. going to a therpist was a knee jerk reaction when I came out to my wife. I thought that there really was " something wrong with me" even after 50 years of CDing. I know who I am, I know what to do about the gender issues and the only guilt I have is that I waited so long to come out to my wife. The best theripist in the world lives with me and has been there for 27 years, if the two of us cannot come to a understanding and a realistic plan for the future then how could any theripist help me find out why I crossdress. I know why I CD, it feels right, it feels better now that I can share with my wife. The kids, that may take a while.
Thank you all, you really are the best group of People I have ever had the pleasure to talk to.
To all the new members, listen with care, you will never find this many caring, helpfull people in one place Wonderwho

[Michelia]

I do think I have the best of both worlds, in a way. Yeah, I would not mind having born a woman, but hey its not too bad the way it is.

I do think your therapist's points apply to a many CD's. I know it has applied to me as well. For some of us it is really difficult to balance our responsibilities with our CDing.
If we spend too much time with our CDing then important things fall by the wayside. If we decide that there are so many things to get done and forget the CDing, then we
suffer in other ways.

His points may or may not apply to you. You need to think about this carefully rather than getting angry. Does your therapist have any training in gender-related issues? If not,
he probably is not really qualified to issue an opinion on your CDing. On the other hand, he might have just wanted to make you think about it.

Most doctors and psychologists I have met have no experience whatsoever in tg problems. I have talked to quite a few that ask me questions about my crossdressing. And in most cases, the questions have been out in left field. Sometimes they do not have a clue.

I have never been to a therapist since I have been CDing ( I went to quite a few before)...so maybe it was the treatment I needed. Sometimes I think about seeking one out. But there does not seem to be any therapists knowledgeable about gender issues. At least where I live. And then my life is pretty good...but I do worry sometimes that the time I spend CDing could be used more constructively. I do not CD for Cding's sake. I am always doing things that I would do otherwise but while I CD. Still it takes longer to get ready to go out the door as a CD. I also spend more money than I would like on needed and unneeded items that could probably go to better things like education or my kids.

I guess we all struggle a bit with these things.

[Barbara Ella]

Wonderwho, this is the place to vent. Because when you do, you can really find out what is going on, and the girls here will let you know. Some will be right on, some will miss the point, as your ex therapist seems to do. His point is valid, and any obsession could be substituted for cross dressing. This is however indicates a very superficial understanding of what cross dressing is, and that is reason enough for looking for another therapist. He has lumped cross dressing in with a host of other behaviors with which it really has no relation. He is not aware. It is not that you are reacting to something you dont like, but you recognized the lax understanding this therapist has, and a seeming unability to take the effort to fully understand what it is that you/we do. It does not sound like he tied his statement in with any activities you are undertaking. I doubt he has a real grasp of what your total life male/female entails. Does he know how you live your male life. Does he know what you do when dressed, or what you do or dont do after you dress? Doubt it. A good therapist will develop these understandings before trying to give you a diagnosis. If you feel your cross dressing is interfering with your ability to carry on with your total life, both male and female, than he has something he should be discussing with you, but not making judgments, trying to fit your peg into one of his holes.

Be honest with your therapist. The vast majority of them really do want to help. You have to get them to understand just what kind of help you are looking for, then you both can find it. Keep accepting and enjoying this part of your life. I find it to be quite wonderful and and have become quite content with who I am, both of me...giggles.

Babes

[suchacutie]

Even if it is the "best of both worlds", the fact is that unless you transform permanently you are going to arrive back at the world of your male self in a few hours, so how is it possible that your femme self is allowing you to avoid anything???

This therapist was really not equipped to deal with your needs, frankly!

tina

[GBJoker]

I will admit right off the bat, that yes, I attempt to get the "best of both worlds," and fail miserably every time. Also...


Responsibilities of being a man?!?! WTF does that mean? I can not think of any responsibilities that gender matters at all. Sounds like you need a new therapist.

Exactly.

[Wonderwho]

I have decided to try to get a little of the best of the two worlds that my theripist thinks I want all of.
I am on my way to Sears to get a new impact wrench and while I am there I am getting a new bra and panties in spring colors.
I know that this is not what means but I like this concept better.
Wonderwho

[JessHaust]

Like several of the other girls here, I really do enjoy having the best of both worlds. So What's the problem? You really need another therapist, this one known nothing.

[Foxglove]

I myself would prefer the best of my world. I'm not quite sure just yet what that is, but I plan to keep exploring.

Annabelle

[Wonderwho]

To continue with this thread, I have decided to let the whole therapy thing fall to the wayside. With spending more time with my wife and understanding how she feels I have come to a better understanding of myself. We talk more and yes there are still tears but the world is not as dark and the things that I have hidden for so long are now not as overwhelming. We love each other and I can ask no more of her than I would expect of myself.
So the end result is that the money I would have spent to "get my s**t togeather" can now be used to go on vacation togeather, someplace warm , sunny and with a nude beach. Yea, like with this body I would get caught dead on a nude beach, LOL :D Best to everyone and thanks for all the good words! Wonderwho

[Laura912]

Marym, from my professional viewpoint, said it well.

[ChristineReid]

What the hell is wrong with looking for the best of both worlds. Seems like a perfectly good plan for life to me - and if he tinks there is something worng with that then he needs a therapist. I shamelessly enjoy the good things about being dressed - but also like being a man at work and as a father and also being attracdtive to women, etc. etc. I think he's probably just jealous cos he is too hung up on what is right and wrong to do what he would like to himself!

[Chickhe]

I think there are two types of anger.... 1. it is a response to being misunderstood and feeling like you wasted your effort or 2. It is a defense when someone hits a sore spot. If it is 1, find a better solution if is is 2, drop your defense get an open mind and try to understand what they were trying to tell you. From my personal experience, I hate people telling me about me, so I have to go and do it myself to figure it out and for example, if you are not out of your closet you have no experience knowing what it would be like to go out in the real world, so figure out a way to get some experience, then decide who you are...if you already know, then there is no need to consult with anyone.

[NathalieX66]

I see no reason to see a shrink for CD'ing. They can get thier fun the same way if they like. Other things, maybe, but not CDing. I agree, your shrink needs a doctor!

I agree.
I like me as I am. If I had GID, and needed to transition, I would definitely need some professional and medical help. I'm amazed that changing genders is so rediculously possible and accessible (well, it is at least in my corner of the planet). I know quite a few personally who have done SRS, and they are much happier people.

This may sound weird to some , but I enjoy this aspect of arbitrarily switching genders whenever I want. I enjoy shopping and going out en femme. This is so......me.
I have been aiming to be as androgynous , and gender neutral as I can possibly be so I can flip in and out of either gender. being one gender is not enough for me. After 36 years of denial (I'm much older than that, actually) I'm finally living life on my terms.

[Shananigans]

Hmmm...this therapist might not be a therapist for too long. I hate it when people put words into my mouth, or psychoanalyze me. Idk...I'm not a CD or TG, but I would be afraid I'd be the worst of both worlds. I'd be afraid that I kind of made a fail man and not a very good/attractive woman either. (Not saying this is true, but just saying how I might feel/what would be my worst fears). I'd be very irritated if someone just put words into my mouth and came up with explanations that weren't really founded. I like it when my doctors and just shut up for 5 minutes and let me tell them how I feel, instead of just telling me how they think I feel.

Go see someone else. I'm sorry this person wasted your time and money. :(