It feels so right

[Rachel88]

Hello everyone I am presented with some difficult choices I really enjoy the living as a woman I dress the part everyday I go out like it Etc, I am honestly thinking i want to pursue breast implants or hormones. My only problem is I love my Fiance she told me that if i go through with them then she is not sure how she will feel I love her so much I will not go through with this at all even if it means i stay unhappy.
I really don't know what to do when I am not in female form I'm just down right depressed because I don't feel like I belong in the male body I truly feel I was meant to be a female.
What do i do or who can help us?
Yes i know i thank my wife but the wedding was called off and i never changed it because im hoping one day she will still take my last name.

[kellycan27]

I wouldn't contemplate marriage until you have a better grip on your own personal agenda. If you are truly a transsexual you'll end up unhappy with your choice not to transition, and on the other side of the coin.. she won't be happy if you do. Painful as it may be now... it will be even worse later. Does your wife/fiance wish to be or stay married to a woman? You have a fiance, yet you thank your WIFE in your signature.. what's up with that? Your best bet would be to see a gender therapist and try to figure out what you really want, before you commit to a relationship that sounds doomed from the start. She's saying that she doesn't think she can live with that... are you listening to her?

[FurPus63]

I'm really sorry to tell you this but you're not being true or fair to yourself. That's what's important. You say she's your fiance, good thing you're not married yet. Please do yourself a favor and postpone or cancel your wedding/engagement. You need to be true to yourself or you'll never be happy. If being a woman is what you really want, then you should go for that no matter how much you love her.

Paulette

[Kristy_K]

I wouldn't contemplate marriage until you have a better grip on your own personal agenda. If you are truly a transsexual you'll end up unhappy with your choice not to transition, and on the other side of the coin.. she won't be happy if you do. Painful as it may be now... it will be even worse later. Does your wife/fiance wish to be or stay married to a woman? You have a fiance, yet you thank your WIFE in your signature.. what's up with that? Your best bet would be to see a gender therapist and try to figure out what you really want, before you commit to a relationship that sounds doomed from the start. She's saying that she doesn't think she can live with that... are you listening to her?

I agree with Kelly. You can't always have your cake and eat it also.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Rachel,

I transitioned five years ago and to this day I regret what I HAD to do when it came to losing my wife.
Before we were married she promised to stay with me during and after transition but as that time approached she reneged on that promise.
Notice that I capitalized the word "had" in my first sentence.
You transition because you have no other choice.
You don't transition based on want, you transition based on need.
If there

is anything and I do mean anything that you believe will allow you to stay as you are successfully then I seriously recommend you doing that in order too not lose your fiance and your life as you currently know it to be.
If you do marry her and you wind up not being able to remain as you are then you have just exacerbated the entire situation.
You appear to be at the jumping off point Rachel you have to be extremely careful with your next steps in order to ensure your future which ever way you decide you need to go.
Are you in therapy?
If you are not then please please please go see someone that will be able to offer you clarity on your decisions.
I transitioned to avoid certain suicide. You have the opportunity to make the correct choice in which to avoid such desperation and heartache.
Above all stay with us here so we can at least hold your hand during this time and beyond.


JULIA

[Aprilrain]

She is "not sure" almost certainly means she will not! Most marriages don't survive transition. My wife would have stayed with me but I couldn't stay with her, I'm not a lesbian! Besides I never would have married her if she hadn't gotten pregnant. You see what I'm getting at here? People will do things they don't want to do because they think its the "right thing to do". That concept has gotten me into more trouble in my life than any other. If you truly love this girl then let her go! If she truly loves you for you then she may come back, meanwhile be true to you.

[Jorja]

I hate to sound like a broken record but.... 99.99% of the time the phrase "She is not sure how she will feel" does not end up in your favor.

At this point you are not married. This leads me to hope there are no children, as yet. That is not always the case, just a guess here. If this is all true so far then there are some things you need to look at. If you do NOT pursue breast implants or hormones, can you be the "man" she wants for the rest of your life? If you do NOT follow your heart and desires can you live with that? Will NOT getting implants or on hormones become a festering regret issue between you and her down the road? This list can go on and on but it think you get the idea.

Only you know your answers. Only you can make the best decisions for yourself.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

if you are transsexual you will not be able to keep the promises you make anyway...you can't put her first...you didn't even put her first in the post!!!
she is the "problem" that is keeping you away from your breast implants...think about that for a second....

it doesnt go away, its a juggernaut, you can't run from it, it runs a 3.5 forty....
if you are transsexual, you can't even be sure your sexuality is going to allow you a full man/woman sex life...you are not a man!
So going into a marriage with your knowledge will not work..

I'm very very glad and happy for both of you that this is on the table now...not because i want you to suffer, but because the suffering you'd have in the future would almost certainly be far greater...

as jorja says, its up to you...but the folks here know the drill...

[Kirsty_D]

"Sorry Darling, I'll never do it again, I'll never woman's clothes again" is a promise no transexual can ever keep.

Maybe a few years, I lasted 4 years at one point, but by then the static in my head, the desire to dress was killing me…

You face the same dilemma most transexual's have, wanting the woman you love while becoming the woman you need to be.

[sandra-leigh]

Your best bet would be to see a gender therapist and try to figure out what you really want, before you commit to a relationship that sounds doomed from the start.

Hear! Hear!

Do you like living as a woman, or do you need to live as a woman? Do you put the woman away when she is inconvenient, or do you find yourself papering a male existence over-top of the female one that is always with you?

e.g., 5-ish years ago, I was in another city for my grandmother's funeral (and I loved her.) I could have stayed at her house (where I have often stayed before), but I made some excuse about getting in the way and stayed at a motel a couple of blocks away, because I couldn't put my female side away enough... especially not at a time of stress like that.

I had some fun the first few times I went out semi-dressed (not even well), but after less than half a dozen outings, I realized that I needed it. Still it was a couple of years before my understanding went from "I need this" to "I am transgendered."

[JohnH]

You don't want to change horses mid-stream.



I really don't know what to do when I am not in female form I'm just down right depressed because I don't feel like I belong in the male body I truly feel I was meant to be a female.


You appear to have a worse case of gender dysphoria than I do. I feel OK presenting primarily mostly as a male but there are times when I want to be en femme. I have never promised to my wife to put away my feminine urges since we both realise it is impossible to do that.

You cannot bury the urge to at least present as a woman. It would not be fair for you to make a promise that you would present only as a male for the rest of the marriage and then break the promise or be severely depressed.

It looks as if you need to go through with your transition first with several months of HRT or get your breast implants and then if you and your fiance are still interested in getting married then do so. And if she does not want to marry you, you might form another romantic relationship and take it from there.

Our point as members of this forum is that if you are transgendered you cannot put away your urges to be feminine.
Please get counseling before making any difficult decisions.

In my case, I got married and then I decided to go on hormones with my wife's suggestion. I have no plans for SRS, but she did tell me she would stay with me if I had that done.

Johanna

[Miranda-E]

Hello everyone I am presented with some difficult choices I really enjoy the living as a woman I dress the part everyday I go out like it Etc, I am honestly thinking i want to pursue breast implants or hormones. My only problem is I love my Fiance she told me that if i go through with them then she is not sure how she will feel I love her so much I will not go through with this at all even if it means i stay unhappy.
I really don't know what to do when I am not in female form I'm just down right depressed because I don't feel like I belong in the male body I truly feel I was meant to be a female.
What do i do or who can help us?
Yes i know i thank my wife but the wedding was called off and i never changed it because im hoping one day she will still take my last name.

No one is worth destroying yourself for.