Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?

[paperairplanes]

It may seem like a silly question... But I have asked my partner time and time again if he ever wants to become a women physically/surgically.
He tells me no again and again, but it still sits in the back of my mind.
In the past I have seen websites he has searched in the internet history saying "MTF surgery" etc and he plays it off as curiosity and nothing more but knows "he is a man and I am his girl and that's the way he wants to keep it".
When I look on here, it seems a lot of MTF crossdressers want to eventually become women... Or think about it frequently.
Am I being paranoid???

[Ellyn]

No, all crosdressers do not. Definately not.

[AllieSF]

This seems to be a recent topic here with some believing yes and others, like myself, believing that the vast majority of crossdressers are happy dressing as a woman, and even though they may fantasize about being one, that is definitely not in the books for them. Yes, many TS's have stated that they realized later in life that they were more than a CD and were trapped in the wrong body. I am a late starter (5 years ago) in the CD world and will admit that I think I am happy where I am, but really do not know where this will all take me.

It is common for CD's to get into the "pink fog" and tend to overdo a lot of things from shopping too much, letting other higher priority real life activities fall to the wayside, and getting into a hyper activity of dressing and fantasizing about being a women and maybe even having an experience with a man. The "fog" sometimes happens after coming out to a wife or SO and getting some type of tolerance/acceptance from them. They sometimes try to make a mile out of that inch or foot that the SO may have given them.

I can only counsel continuing and maybe even increased communications in all facets of the relationship with some special focus on the CD side. You need to understand what is happening, should feel and actually have every right to ask to sit down for a serious conversation on the topic, and to request some constraint on your SO's part as you try to come to grips with what this all means to your SO and to you. I do wish you the best of luck and congratulate you on joining this forum to get more information. After you get your 10 posts (only 3 more at the time I am writing this) you can apply for membership in the FAB (Female At Birth) section and talk with a lot of other SO's who have already experienced what you are going through with good and not so good experiences.

One other counsel is to read the threads here and realize that we are all different with personalities, activities, interests and fantasies. You will read a lot of different things that may be contrary what is happening or may happen in your relationship. Take what you read with a grain of salt. There is a lot of good advice here to help you out, but sometimes you need to filter out all the rest where it does not or will not apply to your situation. Welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay. I also wish you the best of luck.

[Aylineira]

This is the human condition; we always try to categorize and organize things neatly into groups and such. However, crossdressing takes on a spectrum of who we are and what we do. Some only wants to wear pantyhose with heels. Others want to put on the whole thing and become a woman. However to answer the question: "do ALL crossdressers want to become women" is a resounding NO!

More than likely your man is still trying to find out more about himself and where he wants to take his crossdressing to. My opinion is to allow him to find out more about himself and let him discover on his own on what and who he wants to be.

There's actually more here to say, but I will let the rest of the forum speak for themselves.

[Krististeph]

No.
i would venture that most have at least thought about it, at one point, just to take it to the conclusion, but many of us are happy only dressing the part. ;-)
as is popular in clinical psychology today- the phenomina of crossdressing and transexualism is a spectrum- all shades from white to black. or pink to purple, or whatever...

[paperairplanes]

Thanks for the opinions so far, let me have them good or bad :) I want to hear from as many perspectives as possible.
My wording of the question was a bit off - I didn't mean ALL cds, just a majority of them. Sometimes I just get the feeling that a lot of the CDs on here do want to make the full transition, but as you said I guess I need to take it with a grain of salt as every situation is different!
My partner gets offended/defensive if I bring up seeing things on the computer history, so I find it hard to bring up a serious conversation about the whole thing :( he also tends to laugh off a lot of the things I say/ask instead of wanting to talk through them and says "im picking on him" but sometimes I feel like I need more answers! It can be very frustrating at time, especially lately because I feel like he is trying to supress his dressing *he never does it in front of me* and this seems to make him more irritable/distant :( how can I get him to open up more?

[AllieSF]

You bring up a new issue that he should be respectful of. He may have been dealing with this all his life, but you, I assume, are just learning about it. In my opinion, he has the duty to help you through all this as best possible. That being said, those who have been CD's since childhood or a very young age, probably have been hiding this from everyone. That causes a lot of issues and personality traits that sometimes makes good open communication difficult. He needs time, but still should be trying to keep you informed and answer your questions. Helping you understand him can only be a benefit to both of you.

[rachellegsep]

First off welcome and congratulations youv'e come to the right site. I am going to give several thoughts here good or bad so please don't shoot the messanger.

I know I've looked at a couple of sites out of curiousity to know what the Girls who are transitioning would be going through. I've no intention of ever wanting to have sexual reassignment infact most cd's are heterasexual & happily married. I however know someone who has transitioned, and another of my friends was considering it at one time so I did some research to get more informed.
Beware of assumption it can be a dangerous thing e.g. just because a married man may turn his head at a pretty woman walking pass it doesnt mean it that he wants to cheat on his wife with her.

It probably is just curiousity. Anyway knowledge is a wonderfull thing and doesn't harm anyone ,unless you are looking up how to make home made nuclear bombs lol (anarchist cookbook. btw beware the feds monitor it).

just seen new post . After a years of hiding , repressed feelings and thoughts, guilt etc it can be difficult to come out and open up immediately (like a tiger left with the cage open). As I am unsure of your marriage status, some more thoughts. In the case of a married man he might be suspicious of sudden interest as trap to seek ammo in a divorce. He may also see your checking of the browser history as an invasion of privacy or lack of trust in what he has told you leading him to become more introverted.

Time , love and understanding should coax him out of his cave, as he is probably an emotional train wreck right now.

You can join the GG section after 10 posts also read some of the stickies e.g. how to come out to your wife etc . These might lead into some insights. Good luck the journey has just started.

[candicd]

Rachelle is right. Dont assume. As I tell my team at work, assume makes an ass out of u and me.

OK. Most crossdressers are heterosexual and happy. Me with big flashing lights. Absolutely no interest in transitioning. Thought about it briefly, but no.
On the other hand, fantasy time could include me transitioning or crossdressing full time. Just depends on what B and I want to do at the time.

As for your partner and her defensiveness. She does need to be more respectful of your questions and curiosities. If she has had to hide this for many years from others (and/or you), her defense mechanism will be to play it off and not want to discuss it. Just like anything a person has been hiding for many years. The way you word your serious questions will make all the difference. Get her to read this thread. You could also find similar posts on this site and with her read through them and ask questions from there. That would not be putting her on the spot, but more this "invisible person" on the other side of the computer.

Hope that helps.

Blessings.

-Candi

[Nicole Erin]

Yes. All CDs do want to become women.
I am glad we could have this conversation

[Vickie_CDTV]

No, transvestism and transsexualism are not the same thing. One can dress and not want to have SRS, go fulltime, or go on hormones etc. Many of us are happy being men and do not want to become women. This may or many not be the case with your boyfriend, I don't know, but yes it can be the case with those of us who dress.

I would be curious why they were looking around for information on SRS.(Does your boyfriend have a TS friend who is having SRS, your boyfriend could be concerned about her and is looking to understand what she is in for, or something along those lines?) I'd take things slowly and make very sure you are both on the same page before making any irreversible commitments to each other.

[mbmeen12]

Paperairplanes I can only opine on what I feel, no I do not see me getting SRS. Very curious about being a true woman and in my mind would love too. Snap my fingers and back to reality because of social economical situation and it will not happen aka (pink fog). But in my current transitioning with my regiment I research my friends whom had and are close to surgery and listen, learn. I walk a fine line between my drab mode to my woman mode because of my job. Maybe you CD SO is doing that... Hope this helps and I am sure alot of girls are jealous that you care so much about your partner.

P.S. Communication is key and she does need to share and or counseling to assist you. Honesty is the best policy in life and love.

[NitaCD]

I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.

[Kate T]

Ever played the game of what would you be if you weren't (insert current job / occupation). I think it is a bit like that. OK, not really, but still it is likely just genuine curiosity. I have no interest in transition or living as a woman however I do look up a lot of that stuff as well to try and get a better understanding of what TS go through from a medical point of view. Having that information I think helps me understand those who do wish / have persued that pathway a little better and helps to ensure I do not make ignorant statements or comments regarding such procedures.

[Karren H]

Hell no... I like being a male most of the time... All people think that all cossdressers want to become women....

[Kate T]

I missed your second post and I've just traweled your past posts.

I am concerned from what you are saying that your SO is avoiding any serious conversation regarding this. I am a little concerned from what you have communicated that your SO may not have a clear idea of what he wants for himself. He appears from what you are describing to be demonstrating avoidance behaviours that may indicate denial or an unwillingness to address this seriously. And it is serious, for you, for him and for any future for you together. I would not discourage his gathering information and knowledge however he needs to start talking to you and himself seriously about this and seriously address those fundamental underlying questions of how he truly sees himself and his gender.

[Jill Devine]

I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.
Nicely said. I would say that a lot of CDs fall into this description.

[~Joanne~]

Yes. All CDs do want to become women.
I am glad we could have this conversation

This is a very incorrect answer. I know for a fact it is incorrect as I am a CD and have no desire to become a woman. Since you said "all" I have proved it incorrect. ;)



I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.

This is exactly where I fall in. Good answer :)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Going along with that ? what's the real attraction for men wonting to be like act or be women,

Is it sexual, feeling of certain clothes, makeup & the big one seems to be shoes ,heels of cause.

For my self . it was never about a wont , clothes well yes they are nice a little make up yes , shoes dont really care , heels yes i have a few pairs so what else can it be, Ill leave it there,

Being a woman is very different than any of those things & all put to gether wont make one a woman one has to be a woman to understand what being a woman is all about.

I never wonted to be a woman the difference is i was. when i was born, just i was a bit mixed up along the way, A bit of this & a bit of that, part of being I S yet over all its worked for myself so yes im happy just being my self, a woman,

...noeleena...

[suzy1]

I can only talk for me obviously. [How some members think they can talk for all of us is just arrogant!]
I am just me, a sort of blurring of man and women. Sexless and yet highly sexual. [Does this make any sense?]

So the answer is no.

SUZY

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hello,

Heterosexual cross dressing and being TS are two extremely different things that many times outwardly look close to the same.
The first group expresses their need, want, desire in cross gender presentation IE dressing.
The overwhelming majority of cross dresser's are heterosexual males with no desire to either alter their bodies in a permanent way like undertaking HRT and or having gender correcting surgeries.
They are perfectly content within the confines of presentation only.

Transsexual pathology is based upon the subject's extreme need to " correct " what both society and biology has given them.
This need manifests itself from dressing in the correct gender's clothing to genital mutilation caused by angst and self abasement manifesting from years of presenting in the wrong gender.
Professional therapy is sought in which to understand themselves and also in many cases to fulfill medical protocol that medical professional's follow concerning the mental and physical care of TS patient's called the Standards Of Care or (SOC) for short.

Yes it does seem that many cross dresser's seem to want to transition to becoming women full time.

One group of cross dressers bases this upon fantasy thinking with no further need or desire to progress.
The other group are not considered cross dressers but rather TS women that have self assessed themselves in which to live within the parameters of what society deems acceptable.
They do not want to cause damage to their families, career, etc.
This does not mean they do not want to transition and the longer the charade and false front of what they are not continues the more difficult it is to live as what they are pretending to be.
For many in this group this accumulates to the point of not being able to successfully live a false life and the wall comes tumbling down.
This is many times what you see in " late transitioners" identified as those that have lived a lie for their spuses, children, career's. etc and now that the children are grown and the careers have been wrapped up they finally feel free to transition to what they always were.

What is your partner? I don't know and I believe that your partner doesn't know either.
The only thing you can do is stand by your partner in a loving and supportive manner or risk further alienation with this issue.



Julia

[kimdl93]

The question will be asked and answered 1000 times, but doubts remain. The thing is there are many, many CDrs who will never even seriously contemplate sexual reasignment surgery. Among CDrs there are the relative few who are actually transsexual and who really need SRS. So, yes, you are being paranoid. If your partner has repeatedly said no, then in all likelihood he means it.

[BRANDYJ]

The simple answer is NO. The vast majority of CD'ers are men that enjoy being men that sometimes enjoy dressing and feeling like a woman to a degree. I would never consider transition. After over 50 years as a CD, I can safely say it will never enter my mind. Fantasy thoughts?= maybe. Reality?= Never.

[Stephenie S]

No. Of course not.

But this is a regular question in most female type partner's minds. The truth, born out by many answers to your post, is that there are many guys perfectly willing to remain male while exploring the wearing of women's clothes. Although I cannot fathom why, many guys seem to LIKE being guys. Go figure.

S

[Joanne f]

No you are not being paranoid as this is what most wives/SO will think from the first moment that they hear their partner likes to cross dress, it is almost a natural thing to think especially by the time you have read all the things on here, and to answer your other question NO definitely not all CDers want to become a woman but almost all will fantasize about it at some point but how can you tell , well that can be by talking a lot and careful observation by you at what your SO is doing and saying in the way of CDing , there is a long way between CDing and TS and many things in-between but one way or anther there will be fantasies that is a part of CDing .

[JessHaust]

Why would I want to limit myself that way? I much prefer the 'Gender Enhanced' mode that I have mow. I can be a boy when I want and I can be a girl when I want. But do I want to physically change my body? Not just no, but #*ll NO!

[Chrissy.Sexton]

Yes, absolutely. No question.

Christine

[paulinescotlandcd]

100 % No, I enjoy the fun of seeing how good I can look as a woman (see pictures below in link) but I could not be bothered with all that work every day like my wife, e.g applying foundation etc makeup and above all the pressure to come up with a new outfit for the office every day. Apart from anything else I like being a man and doing manly things like laying patios working on my car etc etc. Whilst I love going to the shops and I don't complain how long it takes my wife to get ready the fact is I am 100% man, i just like the option of opting out for some fun.
I will send you a PM :)

You sound a bit like my wife,married 33 years, who for the first 20 years could not be persuaded that I had no intention of ever considering a sex change. In saying that I have known a number of crossdressers who have surprised me and went down that route.

PS I tried to send you a private message but can't??

[BRANDYJ]

Yes, absolutely. No question.

Christine

I hope you are speaking for yourself or are just joking. Either you are joking or you need to educate yourself to see how very wrong you are.


Why would I want to limit myself that way? I much prefer the 'Gender Enhanced' mode that I have mow. I can be a boy when I want and I can be a girl when I want. But do I want to physically change my body? Not just no, but #*ll NO!

Great answer Jess. My bet is the majority of CD's feel the same way. I know I do.

[Annie D]

I think that your responses will be as varied as the outfits we choose to wear. This is a great question and you will be surprised at the number of replies that you will receive. I posted a thread several months ago titled "Do you want to be a woman?" and you may want to look back and compare those responses with the ones you get.

I think that the time and place in a crossdresser's life has a great deal with their answer:
When I was younger, I was satisfied to dressing occasionally; I was deeply in the closet.
As I got older and married, I hid my dressing thinking that the joy of my life would make me forget my deviant behavior.
Finding out I could not give it up, I confessed to my wife my enjoyment of dressing in women's clothes.
As she slowly accepted my dressing, I dressed more frequently and ventured out into public and found that I was accepted, not necessarily passing but accepted.
Because I love my wife and family, I would never undergo SRS, but I admit that once I was accepted publicly the thought crossed my mind quite often.
The cost of such an endeavor is prohibitive and I would never take money/savings earmarked for my family to serve my own personal needs.

As I have stated in the past, at my age and the place that I currently find myself, my goal is to someday present as female 24/7 but not change the physical parts of my body. Mentally, I feel that I am female and I am of the opinion that once reaching that plateau why undergo any more change?

The women on this site who live as women 24/7 have talked about how their choices of clothing has changed from very feminine to casual feminine. Mentally, they accept themselves as female and no longer feel the need to present themselves at the ultra feminine side of the spectrum.

I look forward to reading all the responses you receive from your post.

[Ressie]

I think many crossdressers at some time wonder what it would be like to be a woman. Many of us are curious at some time what it would be like to be born a woman, with complete female anatomy. It's actually hard for me to believe that some men never had the thought cross their mind. But actually wanting to undergo surgery to become a woman would make one a transexual. I like to imagine sometimes, but I'll continue to be a guy that dresses every now and then.

Are there any GG that never wondered what it would be like to be a man? hmmm

[Marleena]

I'm not going to defend the CD's anymore. They can speak for themselves here.

Only a minority are transsexual here. In most cases their life depends on being the right sex. I read about everything realated to being TG but have no interest in changing my genetic sex.

[Carol A]

Not this old gal, I enjoy being who and what ever I want male or female.

[Lyric]

In a perfect magical sci-fi scenario I would be able to wiggle my nose and turn completely into a woman or a man instantly. I might spend half my time as one and half as the other. I would love to have great feminine hair and breasts all the time, but I can't say as I'd want to give up my main man parts. Public presentation is a matter or formality that I try not to think about too much.

Lyric

[Nikki A.]

I can only answer for myself. Have I played the what if game, yes, but I don't think SRS is something that would be for me. I am attrated to women and women only. But I do enjoy dressing.

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

General answer for most CDers: no, not all of us want to be women.

More specific answer that applies just to me: yes and no. I would like to be one, but only if someone could just zap me and BAM I'm a girl. :P You know, without pain and without surgery. Or wishing I had been just born that way. Wishing to be female does not equal a desire or intention to transition, and none of this necessitates any homosexual tendencies either. (Despite wishing to be a woman, I'm not gay. On the contrary, I'm strongly attracted to women...to the point that I kinda would rather just BE one.)

I'm curious: does your boyfriend visit these forums?

EDIT: The post above me, I agree with 100%!


I can only answer for myself. Have I played the what if game, yes, but I don't think SRS is something that would be for me. I am attrated to women and women only. But I do enjoy dressing.

[NicoleScott]

Sometimes I just get the feeling that a lot of the CDs on here do want to make the full transition .....

I get what you're saying, and here's how I see it: if they want to make the full transition, then they are not CD's, they are pre-op, no-op, confused, in denial, scared, impoverished, trapped, or otherwise unable to do it transsexuals, not men who like to wear women's clothes. There is a forum for those with those feelings who wish to explore it further and would probably benefit more from those who have been there done that (transsexuals) than from men who like to dress up occasionally (CD's). While lobbying to keep crossdressing issues out of the transsexual forum, they flood this MTF crossdressing forum with transsexual issues.
It's not surprising that you would get the feeling that a lot of CD's want to transition.

[Aylineira]

One of the biggest differences I have notices is this: Crossdressers feel great by simply playing out the role of being female in the clothes that they are in. Transgendered feel that simply putting on female clothing is nothing more than a normal everyday activity.

[YorkshireRose]

General answer for most CDers: no, not all of us want to be women.

More specific answer that applies just to me: yes and no. I would like to be one, but only if someone could just zap me and BAM I'm a girl. :P You know, without pain and without surgery. Or wishing I had been just born that way. Wishing to be female does not equal a desire or intention to transition, and none of this necessitates any homosexual tendencies either. (Despite wishing to be a woman, I'm not gay. On the contrary, I'm strongly attracted to women...to the point that I kinda would rather just BE one.)

EDIT: The post above me, I agree with 100%!

This answer sums up my feelings perfectly especially the bit in bold. In every way I am 100% Heterosexual, however I love female clothing and have since my early teens. I was asked the same question by my S/O, did I want to make a transition to being a girl and I could tell her 100% no, I am happy being me. Prior to having children and a loving partner then my answer could very well have been different, but I would have to be a lesbian in that case!

Good luck in finding answers with your S/O, hope everything works out very positively for you both.

[Beverley Sims]

I would say your partner does not wan to be a woman but is happy as he is.
The reason for looking at other websites is mostly curiosity and self education.
I have looked at disgusting, (to me) porn sites and a lot og other intermediate sites as well.
I have looked at srs sites, breast augmentation, chat rooms, picture galleries, (good bad and downright ugly) and sites that turn me on and off.
I have a fair understanding of what others think and that is all I need to exist here.
I have a wife whom I adore and will remain a man that likes wearing feminine clothing.

[Leanne2]

I think some of us must be blonds. Remember when we took tests in junior high? If a question included the words all, always, none, or never then the answer usually was false (or flace). But I would say that some self professing cross-dressers are actually TS in a state of denial. That's right next to Rhode Island. Leanne

[suchacutie]

Because of the way we found "Tina", I have a set of experiences that are often different from those who realized their femininity at an early age and have tried to deal with it for years.

We have known about Tina for 6 years, and my wife and I discovered her together, literally one morning (and then the subsequent 2 days of conversation!). Since we did this together, I was able to ask my wife anything and everything, and she was able to ask me anything and everything, and we were able to be totally open and honest without hangups. It was an exploration and there were not rules, no holds barred, and no embarassment. Sound ideal? It was (and still is). My wife has asked Tina very personal questions and at times Tina would have to think about the question because it was a new idea, but because we had no transgendered history it was all new and nothing was taboo.

Your husband has clearly gone through a lifetime of uncertainty, and is probably having real difficulty not giving you "knee-jerk" reactions to your questions. I hope you can be patient enough and supportive enough that he eventually realizes that it is incredibly intimate to discuss all aspects of his transvestism with each other! (I'd be glad to PM with either of you about this if it would help). As far as searching on the web, I have been to every manner of website that even possibly relates to Tina. I bookmarked many (even those that were absurd) and have probably only been back to 5% of them, at most. Yet they've given me a perspective on what is out there, what I find interesting, and what I have completely rejected as useful.

It is true that there are some genetic men whose brains never received a sufficient hormonal wash to help that brain change in a way that matches their physiological gender. Eventually the brain wins and the drive to live full time as a woman becomes overwhelming. This is no easy path and I am in awe of every one of them! For the rest of us, i.e. the majority of us, we have mentalities that are partially feminine. The extent of that femininity varies widely, as it should. The first goal all of us has is to understand where our own femininity fits and how we are to slice that into our lives. If we are to do that with a partner, there must be honest and open communication. So many of this forum would give their fortunes to be able to have a spouse who is interested in the way you are. He really should be aware how lucky he is to have you....truly.

Ok, for me, I love both of my gendered selves. I seem to be somewhere in the middle and my two selves are very different and quite compartmentalized. I have the opinion that whole sections of my brain are wired one way or the other, and not a mix, but that's just an opinion. The fact is that when I transition to Tina, I DO leave my male self behind and for all intents and purposes adapt my male body to fit the feminine part of my mind. When my feminine self arrives, my masculine self is shelved. Does that mean that I want to transition...well, for that brief period of time the answer is yes, but I also later want to transition back. The bottom line is that when I transition to Tina, I do it with my heart and soul. I'm serious about her and who she is. I like her! But I like him too, and Tina will want to transition back, being equally dedicate to my male self. This fanaticism about transitions to our feminine selves may be the source of your feeling that most here would be women permanently if they could. We are intense, but that doesn't mean permanent!

I hope this helps and I'm certainly willing to discuss this in private messages or emails.

Tina

[StacyPump]

Such wonderful thoughtful replies. Personally, I loved AllieSF's response, esp. with regard to the Pink Fog of the newly disclosed Cder longing for the mile when the SO has given them an inch. Thanks, Allie. That describes me and reminds me to take it slowly.

Anyway, to answer the question from my perspective, I would say that I am a man who loves to dress, and act, and feel, like a woman. I do not have a desire to transition, nor to present 24/7 as a woman. I do, at times, fantasize about being a woman. But for me, I will leave it as a fantasy to enjoy when i feel like enjoying it.

I hope your husband comes to realize how fortunate he is to have a partner who wants to learn and discuss this, and that he soon feels more comfortable opening up and being honest with you. And I wish you patience until he gets there.

[Missy]

I love being a Man
I love wearing female clothing
No I do note want to be a female
alright I dream 24/7 about having female breast lol

[Sally24]

From my experience the vast majority of CDs only fantasize about being a woman. Most do not want to actually change their sex.

Now when you talk about the small subset of CDs that go out into public, mainstream venues often, then the answer changes a bit. I find that maybe half the girls I know who go out frequently would consider SRS if it was available to them.

[carhill2mn]

This is a very common misconception. Crossdressers do not want to become women. They just want to wear women's colthes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, etc. some of the time. Many will want to look like, act like and be treated as a woman as much as possible. However, they do not wish to become a woman. How person feels about themselves is very important .

There are many who "crossdress" that do desire to become women but they are usually refered to as "transgendered" or "transexual". Again, there are degrees. Some want a physical sex change (SRS), some just want to live as a woman perhaps using hormones and other methods to make them more feminine appearing.

It is very tricky to try to apply a "label" to anyone person as a label's purpose is to group like people. However, any one person may not neatly fit into any one label.

[Kate Simmons]

It mostly depends on the person and their perceptions on things Hon. Some say yes, some say no, some say maybe. When you get in touch with your feelings, you will know the answer. As far as myself, I'm a man this time around, no question. No matter what I would do, or how good of a day I had dressing or "passing" I can't hold a candle to a genetic woman. Certain inherent qualities cannot be duplicated no matter what we may do. Better to be content with who we are in my opinion but many hold on to that pie in the sky hope regardless.:)

[Bree-asaurus]

No.

nope nope nope nope nope. I thought we just covered is absurd blanket statement in a thread that got out of hand and got closed like... yesterday.

[Joanne108]

No! Why would I want to get rid of who I am? I am a man who loves to dress as a woman. That is it for me.

[Rianna Humble]

I get what you're saying, and here's how I see it: if they want to make the full transition, then they are not CD's, they are pre-op, no-op, confused, in denial, scared, impoverished, trapped, or otherwise unable to do it transsexuals, not men who like to wear women's clothes. There is a forum for those with those feelings who wish to explore it further and would probably benefit more from those who have been there done that (transsexuals) than from men who like to dress up occasionally (CD's). While lobbying to keep crossdressing issues out of the transsexual forum, they flood this MTF crossdressing forum with transsexual issues.

I find it a shame that you prefer to attack other forum members rather than address paperairplanes' concerns directly. Your gross over-exaggeration about the MtF forum being flooded with TS issues is neither accurate nor helpful to the OP, but is extremely offensive.

I confess that I continue to read and occasionally reply to threads in the MtF cross-dressing section, but that is because I fit (or so I was told by an administrator) into the definition of those people for whom this section was intended.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To address the original question, it is definitely not the case that all (or even a majority) of cross-dressers want to become women, but (as others have said) a largish number may fantasize about what it would be like without ever having the intention to go down that road.

I believe that a number of members here have researched what we transsexuals face, not because they wish to experience it first hand but so that they can try to understand us.

[Inna]

:belly: are :danceman: who have much :doll: within. Some will stay :danceman: and then some will :gorgeous:
I truly believe that the difference in most cases but not all will result from :sh: when life throws some :titanic:
It's all a :fairy2: sometimes it ends in :mooning: and then sometimes in :edit:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I get what you're saying, and here's how I see it: if they want to make the full transition, then they are not CD's, they are pre-op, no-op, confused, in denial, scared, impoverished, trapped, or otherwise unable to do it transsexuals, not men who like to wear women's clothes. There is a forum for those with those feelings who wish to explore it further and would probably benefit more from those who have been there done that (transsexuals) than from men who like to dress up occasionally (CD's). While lobbying to keep crossdressing issues out of the transsexual forum, they flood this MTF crossdressing forum with transsexual issues.
It's not surprising that you would get the feeling that a lot of CD's want to transition.

flood?? heh...whatever you say...

Your quote is a true but also a mean spirited comment...kind of like, waaaaaayyy too much make up dear...

the transsexuals that feel all those terrible things are not crossdressers... but because its such an existential problem, they land in the crossdresser zone and struggle because they don't feel "right" about it.. and so its very common for alot of people to go back and forth and think about the "what am I?" question... and those are the threads that hopefully well meaning people from the ts forum "flood"...

....just because you've got it sorted doesn't mean others have it figured out too..

[Janet Bern]

i too can only answer for myself. I like being a man. only a woman part time and not for a very long period of time
It is very uncomfortable being Janet

[whowhatwhen]

flood?? heh...whatever you say...

Your quote is a true but also a mean spirited comment...kind of like, waaaaaayyy too much make up dear...

the transsexuals that feel all those terrible things are not crossdressers... but because its such an existential problem, they land in the crossdresser zone and struggle because they don't feel "right" about it.. and so its very common for alot of people to go back and forth and think about the "what am I?" question... and those are the threads that hopefully well meaning people from the ts forum "flood"...

....just because you've got it sorted doesn't mean others have it figured out too..

This x1000.
Some of us still need to find our place and honestly posts from our TS members are very valuable and offer perspectives that might have been passed over.

End all forum wars!

[BRANDYJ]

This x1000.
Some of us still need to find our place and honestly posts from our TS members are very valuable and offer perspectives that might have been passed over.

End all forum wars!

I agree. And if you consider the question the OP is asking, then the input of our TS members is important. Most will tell you that you don't progress from being a CD to TS. Many, if not most will tell you that they have felt they were born in the wrong body at a very early age before they even knew about gender or sexual issues. Most will tell you they were born that way. So yes, I agree, their input is important to this thread and many others. I value them as members and of course as people.

[Nigella]

ALL members are entitled to post in any OPEN forum, it does not matter where you are on the TG spectrum. If you want to have a go at any section of our community, take it away from this forum, it is not welcome here in any shape or form. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, IF YOU CAN'T KEEP IT CIVIL KEEP OUT!

Nigella
Super Moderator

[Princess Chantal]

I'm one of the many crossdressers that don't want to be a woman. Actually I can't stand friends and other close associates referring to the crossdressed me as a woman, lady or girl

[LeaP]

A lot of crossdressers "want to be women" in the same way that a lot of people with sports cars want to be NASCAR drivers. You can think about it, read about it, go to a fantasy driving school even. What betrays the fantasy is the line "IF I [weren't married, this old, so settled, have to risk, etc.]. It's also betrayed by the notion of want itself. People who transition are women, not men who wish to be. In saying "I would like to be", a man is stating right up front that's it's an idea only - a fantasy.

Let's make it even starker. A full-on transition will involve social transition, documentation changes, name changes, sex reassignment surgery, hormones, plastic surgery (FFS) and more. Not all are required, but most are wanted. Since want is the theme, a man would have to want to be castrated, have their brain figuratively rewired by hormones, become different emotionally, risk becoming a social pariah, and potentially lose everything and everyone they have. Since they are men, they have to want a life of gender dysphoria where their identity is in screaming conflict with their feminized body. They want this enough to risk permanently losing sexual function and, of course, they have to want to lose male sexual function.

So what do you think? Does this "want" contain any risk of becoming reality? Or is it a fantasy?

Lea

ps - someone is no doubt going to take me to task on spectrum, repression, or other grounds. I acknowledge those. The FACT is that there are a LOT of crossdressers and a small number of people who transition. Those that do don't use phrases like "I would like to become a woman".

[AllieSF]

Well stated Lea. I agree. And sometimes saying "want" instead of "would like" actually means the same thing. I like the idea that once a person realizes that they are TS, then they "are" a woman". How they then proceed is up to them.

[Stephanie47]

I enjoy 'playing' the female role when my male side needs a break. Its seems the Steve needs a vacation once in a while, so Stephanie comes and takes over. Usually Steve is very content being himself.

[YorkshireRose]

A quiet brilliant post Lea. Yes you're right in my view, part of my previous post is wrong it is most definitely a fantasy for me and has never been more than that, when you put it so starkly.

This forum trully is an education.

Charlotte

[paulinescotlandcd]

Ok since I can't send you a message I think this is a first class article that you should read.

http://www.vernoncoleman.com/andwhydosome.htm

[Michelle.M]

Didn't we just have this thread? This is deja vu all over again.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Lea bringing down the hammer! Well stated. Much better htan the "no" that I thought of in response to the first post.

[STACY B]

Just long enough to go out shopping . Or long enough to get threw an evening out and about , Hell we gotta work ya know .

[Alaina R]

It may seem like a silly question... But I have asked my partner time and time again if he ever wants to become a women physically/surgically.
He tells me no again and again, but it still sits in the back of my mind.
In the past I have seen websites he has searched in the internet history saying "MTF surgery" etc and he plays it off as curiosity and nothing more but knows "he is a man and I am his girl and that's the way he wants to keep it".
When I look on here, it seems a lot of MTF crossdressers want to eventually become women... Or think about it frequently.
Am I being paranoid???

Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women? No, really NO. But he has already told you that numerous times and you don't believe him. Why would you believe us; you don't even know us. Crossdressing can be tough. He is uncomfortable with it and clearly you are not feeling good about it - but it is not going away. You are asking that he open up to you but when he gives you an answer, you don't believe him. You also check his computer history (checking computer history is not a good thing to do - even men who are not crossdressers still look at some 'interesting' sites. I think in general that if women routinely checked men's computer history they would be disturbed - guys are weird). Before you ask him to open up make sure you are really ready to listen and respond with honesty but without judging him. It is likely what he says may not be exactly what you want to hear (and I do not mean he wants to become a woman - it does not sound at all like that is a serious issue). If you can find a way to talk to him where he feels like it is really an open conversation, rather than a talk about "his problem" then I think you may make some progress; otherwise he has no reason to talk

[KellyJameson]

There is a different mind set between " I am a woman psychologically/emotionally/mentally in a male body" and "I want to be a woman" to experience how the other half lives and as a temporary escape from the rigors of manhood, I'm really amazed that so many men actually like being men.

The first is not a choice and the second is except that it is not.

Both seek escape but for entirely different reasons.
Both feel exhausted but for entirely different reasons.
Both have experienced emotional/mental abuse but for entirely different reasons.
Both have rejected the strict dehumanizing role of being a "man" but for entirely different reasons.

For me the greatest problem was trying to untangle the effects of abuse (past tense) with the affects (always, past,present and future) of gender dysporia. Once I did this it became very clear something else was at work.

Only someone who is in incredible pain would take the risks necessary to offer the hope of escape otherwise you must escape into addiction and or violence, the pain is to great to ignore forever, eventually it breaks you.

Think of the penis and the vagina as symbols of two opposite forms of energy.
The penis when erect is a sword that penetrates, on some level it is an act of aggression but this aggression is not automatically immoral, it depends on how you use it's psychological power but the power is born in the mind and flows through the body.It is a symbol for a form of psychological power.

The vagina is it's opposite, it receives this aggression and absorbs and transforms it, and it is also a symbol and form of psychological power.

These two energies are perfectly matched, the strength of each is also it's weakness and there strengths and weaknesses are opposite. This energy is innate and we are born with it but it's power is different in each person and also over the course of their life. Imagine a man whose mind holds the power of the vagina but has a penis between his legs, this is gender dysporia for me. My energy is opposite the vast majority of men. I relate very well with women but prefer men in what I call my inner circle because I complement their energy and they mine, for close relationships with women I do not give them what they need psychologically. I cannot be their other psychological half.

Hope my words help. I personally think those in my circumstances make up a small percentage of those that crossdress. Thank God because I would not wish the experience on my worst enemy. Anyone who survives and thrives can consider themselves very fortunate.

[Lisa-N]

I know I can only speak for myself but I believe that at some point along the journey almost all cds have fantasized and perhaps even wish they were a woman or female. When I was new to crossdressing in my early teens and experimenting with my mom`s clothes and makeup and when I had other opportunities to experiment I would fatasize that I was a girl. Of course I didnt understand any of it and there was no internet and didnt know there were others like me.

I left cding behind during college and after till my mid 20s till I met my future wife.Just seeing all her beuatiful clothes drew me back in and the desire returned. It wasnt until my early 30s that I fully dressed with wig, dress nylons and heels. I loved it and how I lokked and how it made me feel. But I realized then that something was different, although loved getting all dolled up and strutting around that it wasnt all of me but instead just a part of me. That I liked being Tangi some of the time but I also liked being my male half too.

I still wish when I dress that I could have natural breasts and fill that bra. (what girl doesnt ) and I wish I had those natural curves. And I wish I was a size 6 instead of a 16 dress lol. Tangi is part of what makes me whole. I like both sides of me and would never give up one for the other. So do I want to be a woman? A part of me already is and that acceptance makes me happy.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

:belly: are :danceman: who have much :doll: within. Some will stay :danceman: and then some will :gorgeous:
I truly believe that the difference in most cases but not all will result from :sh: when life throws some :titanic:
It's all a :fairy2: sometimes it ends in :mooning: and then sometimes in :edit:

Well said Inna. You can definately bring a smile to my face and soul.

[Katesback]

More CDs out there are really TS than you would want to believe. Just many of them are MARRIED and so they deny it and carry on with their CD activities till the divorce and then they transition. Thats why so many TS girls transition later in life. They got divorced and then all of a sudden the CD became the TS.

[Chrissy.Sexton]

[QUOTE=BRANDYJ;2783510]I hope you are speaking for yourself or are just joking. Either you are joking or you need to educate yourself to see how very wrong you are.

Of course I'm speaking for myself - who else could I possibly speak for? You don't know me and cannot have an opinion as to whether I'm joking or not. I am educated and know what I want - its unfortunate that it troubles you.

Shaking my head . . .

[Kristyn Hill]

No, I do not but have fun while wearing heels at times along with looking forward to fully dressing.

[Taylor186]

More CDs out there are really TS than you would want to believe. Just many of them are MARRIED and so they deny it and carry on with their CD activities till the divorce and then they transition. Thats why so many TS girls transition later in life. They got divorced and then all of a sudden the CD became the TS.

Cannot agree with this. Most of the married late transitioners I have read about or know personally started transition while married and most hoped their wife was up for the journey. The divorce, if it happened, was only because the wife couldn't accept this kind of drastic change in the relationship. And, I fully understand a woman's decision not to go along with this.

[sissystephanie]

I have said this on this forum before, but I will say it again. I have been a crossdresser longer than many of the CD's on this forum have been alive! I started CD'ing at age 6 and am now 79! During those years, I was married for almost 50 of them to a lady who totally supported my CD'ing. But never once did I want to become a woman! Nor do I now!! The Good Lord intended me to be a man, and that is what I am no matter what I have on!! Clothes may make a man look like a woman, but they certainly don't make him BECOME a woman. Only surgery and medication can do that!!

I still believe that the majority of CD's on this forum do not want to ever become women!! I have never seen proof of things being otherwise!! And as I said, I have been doing this a long time!!

[Marleena]

I
I still believe that the majority of CD's on this forum do not want to ever become women!! I have never seen proof of things being otherwise!! And as I said, I have been doing this a long time!!

I'm with you Steph.

I grow so tired of the "sky is falling" approach about CD's becoming TS. If that was true we wouldn't have any CDers on this board, they would all be TS instead.:)

[Josie M]

getting in late but, for what it's worth, I really feel like I need both aspects of myself...

[Brittany CD]

I don't want to be a woman at all. I love wearing women's clothing and I'm a wig enthusiast. I find it to just be a fun little hobby

[Karinsamatha]

The answer is no, there are many different stops for those of us on this journey. Some people find that dressing once in awile maby for sexual release or because they need the mental release is ok. They would I think be ok presenting as male 99% of the time. Others go a few stops further on the train ride to drerssing as a women more frequentialy - more for a mental release than anything else. Others would live out there lives as a women 24 / 7. It all depends on the person, and there is really anyway of knowing untill you hit the "station" you need to get off at.
The point of this is that we don't know what station is correct for us, some are driven to go to the end of the line, while some get off along the way. Not all of us know where we belong until we arrive.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Since the question is "Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?", the answer is no. Not all of them, but some do. It would be dishonest to say otherwise.


From my experience the vast majority of CDs only fantasize about being a woman. Most do not want to actually change their sex.

Indeed, there's plenty who fantasize about it, or fantasize the OTHER question that gets asked far too often "the sex with men/bi when dressed one", but that doesn't mean they really want to follow through.


Now when you talk about the small subset of CDs that go out into public, mainstream venues often, then the answer changes a bit. I find that maybe half the girls I know who go out frequently would consider SRS if it was available to them.

That's a good distinction, those whose contact is online only are different from those who have joined support groups/go out in public. It's easy to tell the difference between in mindsets between those who go out and those who don't. I had a discussion about this matter with the president of a support group, her guess was (referring only to those who go out and join groups): 1/3 would transition NOW if they could. another 1/3 wouldn't, another 1/3 is on the fence on the matter, but have a significant femme life.


This is a very common misconception. Crossdressers do not want to become women.

It's common, but it's not a misconception, because it's true. Ask the TS's on this board (or ones on other boards) if they once identified as CD. I believe some have said they did in this very thread. Now as much as that fact may be threatening to whatever "Truce" some CD's have with their wives....some CD's do start identifying as TS and want to transition. Notice I said "some", I didn't say all.


It is very tricky to try to apply a "label" to anyone person as a label's purpose is to group like people. However, any one person may not neatly fit into any one label.

Then why say that CD's transitioning is a misconception? If it's hard to label, then might it not be hard for people to figure out their path?



the transsexuals that feel all those terrible things are not crossdressers... but because its such an existential problem, they land in the crossdresser zone and struggle because they don't feel "right" about it.. and so its very common for alot of people to go back and forth and think about the "what am I?" question... and those are the threads that hopefully well meaning people from the ts forum "flood"...


Exactly.


Didn't we just have this thread? This is deja vu all over again.

Oh this subject pops up a lot, simply because some CD's lie to their wives about the fact that some CD's transition, even if they themselves don't want to, in order to reassure her and increase her acceptance level, and prevent a messy immediate divorce. Course, they find out eventually.


More CDs out there are really TS than you would want to believe. Just many of them are MARRIED and so they deny it and carry on with their CD activities till the divorce and then they transition. Thats why so many TS girls transition later in life. They got divorced and then all of a sudden the CD became the TS.

Well that's a bit of a broad brush there, but the "I'm free from my ball and chain, and now I can do whatever I want, boobies and a neo-vagina for me" crowd is a part of the late transitioning group.


I grow so tired of the "sky is falling" approach about CD's becoming TS. If that was true we wouldn't have any CDers on this board, they would all be TS instead.:)

This board is not the whole internet, there are other boards out there. One that I know of is comprised almost entirely by those who go out in public and is dominated by "middle-pathers", "proto-TS's" and TS folks. And while the sky isn't falling, the attempts to appease the fear of wives by hiding the fact that some CD's do want to transition under a rug, are futile.

Veronica

[ArleneRaquel]

I live 24/7 as a woman, so the answer is "yes", but I'm too much of a coward to under go surgery or take hormones. But I believe the thr great majority of MaletoFemale CD's do not.

[paperairplanes]

I know it will be a long road to understanding and I know he doesn't quite yet understand it all himself, so it is hard for him to try put it into perspective for me. I appreciate your stories, personal life choices etc you have told me about and you are all beautiful people. Thank you so much, feeling a little bit better about things today :) x

Oh, now I feel like I'm prying but there is another question I have wondered about!!

Anyone who wants to answer:
Do you crossdress to feel better about yourself due to self esteem ... or is it sexual??
Or do you just not know?

Thanks again

[emmicd]

Dear paperairplanes, nice name! i would say that most crossdressers are "normal" males who fancy feminine clothing but love and adore women. women are who we as crossdressers like to model after. we appreciate women and we love them. i would be inclined to think your husband is a typical crossdresser who may just be curious and that is ok. if you both love each other and you can tolerate the crossdressing then i believe everything will be ok because the truth is you are the woman and your husband is the man even if he wears a dress on occasion. i do believe there are crossdressers who may be more identified as transexual and that is a whole different ballgame. they are most likely identified that way by their internal feelings and at a relatively young age. for some ts they are married with families and some do not go that route. i am a family man and a crossdresser and i sometimes feel i am also ts but i have to keep those feelings in ceck because i have an autistic son i love and i need to be the best role model i can be for him. he would never understand it if he saw me wearing dresses so i must be very careful about it. i walk a very delicate line here!

[AllieSF]

Interesting question. I think some carry a lot of guilt and shame, while others don't. I personally started late in life about 5 years ago. Since I have been around more than a few blocks, since this was new to me, and because I am a cancer survivor and that old phrase "live everyday as if it is the last day of your life" seems to have more meaning to me, I feel great about myself and can say that in a way, I am the happiest that I have ever been since starting and immediately accepting this lifestyle. I also try to practice the "only worry about that which you can do something about" concept. So, I in a way as a mature adult started dressing like a mature dressers and have avoided all the traditional, and for some, pains, frustrations and problems associated with all this. My self esteem is very high and that is a definite plus in boosting my happiness. I accept it and just don't fight it.

[ArleneRaquel]

The more that I dress enfemme the higher my self esteem is, living female has been a life long dream for me. :)

[Aylineira]

Again this question is to each their own. However I will speak from personal experience.

The answer to this is that when I was in my teens, I purely wore panties and other such things for the sexual excitement. Now that I'm older, I do it for both. (With my studies on this subject, I suspect that when I get older I will purely do this out of stress relief and not so much sexual)

When I am doing it for stress relief I just feel a lot better about myself. I love the way the fabric feels against my skin. I love the way I feel and look when dressed.

Again there's more to this but I will let the others here express their experiences themselves.



Oh, now I feel like I'm prying but there is another question I have wondered about!!

Anyone who wants to answer:
Do you crossdress to feel better about yourself due to self esteem ... or is it sexual??
Or do you just not know?

Thanks again

[Georgia Rose]

Most CD's who post on this site do not appear to want to transition. I certainly do not. I like being a man but also like dressing as a woman. As has been said here a number of times most of us are married and heterosexual. Quite often though I am curious as to other aspects of transsexualism etc and will look up sites relating to various issues. Doesn't mean a thing. However I always have my computer set to delete browsing history. I think if more CDers did the same they might not have a lot of the drama they bring on themselves quite often simply out of curiousity.

[Jazzygurlcruz]

i have no intentions of fully becoming a functional women. i just realy enjoy dressing and acting like a women. i know im a man and am comfortable with the way things are right now.

[k lynn]

Hell no... I like being a male most of the time... All people think that all cossdressers want to become women....

My feelings also just like wearing the clothes like I have said before no make-up forms or dresses for me just bras panties and jeans no have never wanted to be a women just like myself as I am

[sometimes_miss]

Having the desire to, and actually wanting to do it, are also two different things. I haven't read all the other responses. This is just mine. Yes, I harbor 'the desire' to be a woman. But it doesn't 'fit'. All the things that make me want it are the result of a very twisted upbringing that really screwed up my mind, and unfortunately, when it happens during certain developmental stages, some of those things become permanent. But I wouldn't be able to live that way, because there are too many things about me (personality, male thought processes, perception of the world, communication and speech patterns, not to mention of course that I find males physically repulsive) that are simply not female. So even though the desire to dress, act and be female is there, I am able to recognize that it's simply a result of all the things that happened to me when I was a kid. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn't mean the feelings will simply go away; all it means, is that I know why I feel the way I do, and have to learn to deal with it. I can elaborate on all this, you can read my bio here on the readers forum (link below) or you can message me with questions, as I don't always return to threads once I've posted on them.

[ringedjohn]

I love being a Man
I love wearing female clothing
No I do note want to be a female
alright I dream 24/7 about having female breast lol
I too love being a Man.
I also like wearing female underwear and would love to have real B or C cup breasts.
But I have never wanted to become a woman.

[jennyday]

No, definitely not. I am in that catagory. Maybe in a fantasy I would make that step, but for a reality check, there are too many real things in life that I could not deal with.

[Kerigirl2009]

Not all crossdressers want to actually become women, but I think 90% of us have it creep into our minds "what whould it be like to actually be a woman?" "What would it feel like?" "Would I be happier as a woman?" and the biggest one for me is "If I do become a physical woman, Will my family still LOVE me, or will I end up alone?"
So I guess I am one of those crossdressers that has always wanted to be a woman physically, as I am already emotionally and mentally more woman then an actual man but physically I am a man, I know this, I don't always like it, HOWEVER, I love being a husband to my wife and a father to my children. But I will always think "is the life of a woman, the one I want, the one I need, and will it make me happier to physically be a woman? My answer to myself is this, SOMEDAY I will find out, but I have been saying that since I was a teenager.
So no your not paranoid, I think alot of us just want to know and see what its like but that is a line that once crossed, changes everything so we tend to keep this stuff bottled up even more then when we hid our crossdressing.

[PretzelGirl]

I am surprised that this is mentioned throughout and not refuted once.

Gay, Bi, or Heterosexual is sexual orientation.

Male, Female, or any combination is gender identity.

You can certainly be a gay crossdresser who doesn't want to transition or a heterosexual TS. The OP asked "Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?". There is nothing in there about sexual orientation and being heterosexual has no direct bearing on the desire to transition.


Paperairplanes - For what it is worth, my wife DVRs just about every show on SRS that pops up on the learning channels. I can't say if it applies to your husband, but it is certainly something that can draw curiosity from the "what do they really do" perspective.

[Piora]

I'm not going to defend the CD's anymore. They can speak for themselves here.

Only a minority are transsexual here. In most cases their life depends on being the right sex. I read about everything related to being TG but have no interest in changing my genetic sex.
Nor do I, Marleena. If someone came to me and said, we have a machine that will completely change you into a woman in 5 minutes, in every aspect - I would say no, thanks. I am a man, and I like who I am as a man, with all my parts intact. However, I also like who I am as a CDer.


Yes. All CDs do want to become women.

No.......we don't. And please don't use your own personal views as a template for all CDs. Unless you were saying it 'tongue-in-cheek' - in which case, no sweat. I could say, ALL CDs DON'T want to become women. But I won't, because there are some who do. I'm a man. And I want to retain my genetic identity, thank you very much.


I am glad we could have this conversation
As am I. :tongueout

[JustineFallow]

More CDs out there are really TS than you would want to believe. Just many of them are MARRIED and so they deny it and carry on with their CD activities till the divorce and then they transition. Thats why so many TS girls transition later in life. They got divorced and then all of a sudden the CD became the TS.

It seems that seanmuscle isn't the only one who won't allow his opinion that "CDs want to become women eventually" to be swayed by testimony otherwise from actual CDs.

To answer the OP's question, "no, not this one".

[Fiona37]

Personally I don't, but I have fantasised about it. But I love being a crossdresser as it sort of feels bit risqué. And anyway for me this represents the ultimate fantasy of imagining yourself as a woman.

[whowhatwhen]

It seems that seanmuscle isn't the only one who won't allow his opinion that "CDs want to become women eventually" to be swayed by testimony otherwise from actual CDs.

To answer the OP's question, "no, not this one".

No, his thing was that all CDs want to be boinked by men.

[MsJanessa]

It may seem like a silly question... But I have asked my partner time and time again if he ever wants to become a women physically/surgically.
He tells me no again and again, but it still sits in the back of my mind.
In the past I have seen websites he has searched in the internet history saying "MTF surgery" etc and he plays it off as curiosity and nothing more but knows "he is a man and I am his girl and that's the way he wants to keep it".
When I look on here, it seems a lot of MTF crossdressers want to eventually become women... Or think about it frequently.
Am I being paranoid???

No, all crossdressers do not want to become women---in fact, many, if not most don't--see the thread about male release above---most transexuals, however, do want to become women and will go to great lengths and expense to acheive that goal

[Acastina]

The question is somewhat analogous to the old gateway-drug argument: Do all people who smoke pot end up as heroin addicts? The test of time since the 1960s has laid that law-and-order chestnut to rest, but there was a certain logic to it, and there's a certain logic to the OP question.

My take, as one who lived full-time for nearly eight years in the 1980s (and found reasons to return that I question every day), is that we who are different in this way exist on a continuum, upon which society and science have erected a number of signposts or labels. Because the gender binary is so entrenched and powerful, and because we still live in a world of misogyny and patriarchy, it fries the brains of many people when they are first exposed to CD behaviors, and the first thought is that all such want the temporary made permanent, simply because maleness is societally favored and better rewarded in many ways. Therefore, males who dissent from that privilege in any visible way must not care for it; the alternative is femaleness.

A little reading, and a lot of listening and thinking, leads most sincere folks to the complexity conclusion, that there is no such thing as "all" CDs wanting any universal outcome to their differentness. This forum is a prime example. I can't identify at all with many of my sisters here who love and revere their male selves and lives while just wanting to play at girl (whether a little or a lot); I put up with mine, albeit while being pretty good at playing the role. But I'm also a realist who has been around the block more than once in this regard, so there are choices that affect everything else in what's left of my life. They can be gut-wrenching, and imperfect as all hell, but it's a process of seeking equilibrium. And that balance, like a boat floating on rough seas, tips about continually. But that's just my experience of this phenomenon. That there are many other, different experiences is obvious.

So, I see the OP as a simple, straightforward, logical, sincere question. The short answer is "no".

[Barbara Ella]

Personal answer, No. General answer to OP question, Not all want to, and most likely only a relatively small part of cross dressers do transition. Thinking about doing it is not the same as doing it. you can want something, and yet be happy in a present situation without getting what you want. As with all things, it is better to be knowledgeable about something, even if you do not intend to do it. All you can do is accept what your cross dresser says, he does not want to transition. You need to know as much as you can to talk with him.

Accept what i say. NO means NO.

Babes

[Jennifer B]

I would love to experience being a Woman, but I would not wish to become a Woman permanently.

I would love to live as a real Woman for a week or a month even, but ultimately it would be a temporary arrangement. If I could press a button and physically become female, with the knowledge that I could press the same button and return to being male in an instant then I would do it every week.

Obviously I can't do that, but I do it on a smaller scale through cross dressing and love it. After all is said and done I'm a male and that's how I will always revert to being, no matter what. Hopefully in the century's to come technology with be such that we can choose to gender hop at will. I think that such a thing would be a hugely beneficial learning experience for both sexes.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi PA, I'm happy having the best of both worlds.

[NathalieX66]

Becoming a woman is an existential question.....it goes way beyond the clothes.
Like the old 1970's television series Six million Dollar Man....."we have the technology.....we can rebuild him."
Yes, all the resources are available in changing gender, they work. I have seen it, and I am amazed .....is this really who you are?....what are you?
There, I said it.

[Taylor186]

Anyone who wants to answer:
Do you crossdress to feel better about yourself due to self esteem ... or is it sexual??
Or do you just not know?

Thanks again

If you want a lot of responses to this you might want to post your second question as a separate message. More people will see it.

But, the answer for me it that it is not primarily self esteem or sexual. It is more of an escape or performance or provides a feeling of comfort and happiness. Why? I have no idea.

A quote I like that rings true for me is: "If you know why you crossdress, then you are not one."


That said, my self esteem did improve greatly when I accepted the fact that I was crossdresser, and that it was OK.

[Bree-asaurus]

Becoming a woman is an existential question.....it goes way beyond the clothes.
Like the old 1970's television series Six million Dollar Man....."we have the technology.....we can rebuild him."
Yes, all the resources are available in changing gender, they work. I have seen it, and I am amazed .....is this really who you are?....what are you?
There, I said it.

Well... gender is internal. Sex is external. (or at least that's what the definitions seem to be changing to... and the ones I use).

If we could change gender, change my brain, I would have done it in a heart beat. But we can't... so I gotta change my sex the best I can. Hormones, surgeries, etc. Still gonna be missing a few internal parts... still gonna have those chromosomes... but gotta work with what I've got...

[Rianna Humble]

all the resources are available in changing gender, they work. I have seen it, and I am amazed

I have not come across the ability to change gender - the only resources I have come across are used to recognise gender and in the case of surgery to confirm the gender by altering the person's sex (hence the term transsexual).


.....is this really who you are?....what are you?

Who I am is a woman by the name of Rianna with a birth defect in that my sex did not correspond to my gender.

What I am is a woman. Or if we go by the medical definition, I am a transsexual who has not yet completed the transition.



If we could change gender, change my brain, I would have done it in a heart beat. But we can't... so I gotta change my sex the best I can. Hormones, surgeries, etc. Still gonna be missing a few internal parts... still gonna have those chromosomes... but gotta work with what I've got...

Couldn't have said it any better (so I didn't try).

[silkeze]

I'm with you. I would love to be able to transition,but I feel as if I would still be attracted to females!

[BRANDYJ]

I know it will be a long road to understanding and I know he doesn't quite yet understand it all himself, so it is hard for him to try put it into perspective for me. I appreciate your stories, personal life choices etc you have told me about and you are all beautiful people. Thank you so much, feeling a little bit better about things today :) x

Oh, now I feel like I'm prying but there is another question I have wondered about!!

Anyone who wants to answer:
Do you crossdress to feel better about yourself due to self esteem ... or is it sexual??
Or do you just not know?

Thanks again

I really don't have any self esteem issues and never had. So my dressing is not related to self esteem.
As for it being sexual..... sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I know I like to feel like a woman and act like one since I so admire everything about what a strong, feminine, loving, gentle creature of beauty they are. It's enjoyable, relaxing and an escape from the reality of everyday preasures that life can bring us. The feel of different fabrics also is sensual if not sexual. I could go on and on about all the joys of dressing, but I can't explain why it is so addictive and part of who many of us are.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Well... gender is internal. Sex is external. (or at least that's what the definitions seem to be changing to... and the ones I use).

If we could change gender, change my brain, I would have done it in a heart beat. But we can't... so I gotta change my sex the best I can. Hormones, surgeries, etc. Still gonna be missing a few internal parts... still gonna have those chromosomes... but gotta work with what I've got...

This is an excellent way to look at the difference between transsexuals and crossdressers..
Everything has exceptions..and some people will protest too much...

It's not changing genders. It's using medicine to conform your life (at a minimum) and your body to your internal gender...
generally speaking, as transsexuals age, we feel stuck, isolated and alone and are forced to change as a way to feel like they are living an honest life...and crossdressers think about how wonderful it would be to be a woman all time and about all the great things about being a woman..

Transsexuals don't always experience those things because of all the personal and financial losses and the inability to be viewed by others as a woman... but as bree says, we gotta work with what we got
..at 6'2" i have my work cut out for me..

hopefully in the future, the stigma will reduce and younger people can minimize the investment made in a wrong gendered life...ts and cd people will both get to freely express themselves without fear, and it will be a much simpler equation for folks with varying gender problems to explore who they are without risk...a crossdresser living as a woman full time would realize pretty quick that it isn't gonna work for them

[LaurenB]

Acastina, I agree totally with your comments. The "gateway drug" argument is a strong one in our culture. It tries to explain our innate "slippery-slope" fears for exactly the reasons you pointed out. Namely the largely western societal need to fit things into the binary. A moving target is scary and can't be controlled. Things are either good or they are bad. With us or against us.

I'd like to add a further bit of exploration of the topic also by way of metaphor. To me the OP question is very close to the "is there life after death" question. How could someone really know if they would be happy on the other side? Not by speculation and imagination. Or even acting it out. Yes we (or perhaps some of us) do feel that we are of female gender inside. But to say conclusively is impossible until you've taken the irreversible step of SRS.

I'll also add, at the risk of offending - and that's not my intent, that I detect a small but persistent undercurrent of regret when reading many of the TS posts on the overall forum. That feeling I get confirms to me that it is not a forgone conclusion at least in my head that the path leading from CD to TS is a one way street. The many poster's voicing the argument that this world we inhabit whether TS, TG or CD is a continuum is correct in my opinion.

LB

[Rianna Humble]

I detect a small but persistent undercurrent of regret when reading many of the TS posts on the overall forum. That feeling I get confirms to me that it is not a forgone conclusion at least in my head that the path leading from CD to TS is a one way street.

I may be reading different posts to you, but the two main regrets that I feel coming across from TS folk like myself are:

1 I regret hiding from my true self for so long

2 I regret the trolls who try to disrupt the discussions by making outlandish and disprovable claims about all CDs being closet TS

I don't see much evidence of TS folk reverting to their previous gender identity and becoming cross-dressers again, but neither do I see much evidence of cross-dressing leading to becoming transsexual (although someone who is deep in denial may rediscover themself through cross-dressing).

[Taylor186]

I may be reading different posts to you, but the two main regrets that I feel coming across from TS folk like myself are:

1 I regret hiding from my true self for so long

2 I regret the trolls who try to disrupt the discussions by making outlandish and disprovable claims about all CDs being closet TS

I don't see much evidence of TS folk reverting to their previous gender identity and becoming cross-dressers again, but neither do I see much evidence of cross-dressing leading to becoming transsexual (although someone who is deep in denial may rediscover themself through cross-dressing).

As a CD, I relate to and fully agree with Rianna's points one and two.

Regarding detransition: This happens. The Wiki entry on Transsexualism quotes studies finding a number of between 4% and 8% for those unhappy with their transition, and many of those people detransition in some form. Mike Penner the LA Times Sports reporter was certainly a much publicized example of this. I have a friend from the support group I attended for several years that detransitioned.

But I do agree these people do not return to their prior state--becoming just a crossdresser again--even if they retake on the male persona (or female if they were FTM).

[Lorenqt]

No, I wouldn't want (at least at this time) to go all the way with SRS.

[Bree-asaurus]

I'll also add, at the risk of offending - and that's not my intent, that I detect a small but persistent undercurrent of regret when reading many of the TS posts on the overall forum. That feeling I get confirms to me that it is not a forgone conclusion at least in my head that the path leading from CD to TS is a one way street.

The only regret I have is being born broken. Transition attempts to fix that. I don't regret transitioning at all. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I am actually a person, not a walking shell of a human.

But there is no path leading from crossdressing to transexual. Being transexual is something that has been there since birth. Transexuals may THINK they're crossdressers early in life while repressing their true identity. There are are transexuals who have never crossdressed in their life. I personally know two.