New levels of acceptance by the wife

[LisaKarenAZ]

I don't post much, simply because I have little valuable input to offer.

Anyways, I have been so happy lately with the levels of acceptance that my wife has been showing lately.

My last few posts have been about how she is starting to come around to accept my dressing. Lately, she has come around even more.
In the past, she knew but didnt want to see or talk about it. She accepted my wearing panties, shaving my legs, and having my toes painted 24/7, but didn't want to see my toes.

In January, I started a new position with my company that has me working from home. With this, I have stopped wearing socks around the house and I haven't heard any comments from the wife, except for when am I going to change my color questions.
I have also started wearing a light application of mascara during the day and she hasn't said anything. (It can't be that she doesn't see it.)

She now asks me regularly,at least once a week, if I've dressed up lately and what I've been doing. When she asks, she says that she just wants to know out of curiosity, not that she's upset. She's been much more affectionate lately as well.

Now I'm starting to wonder how far this acceptance is going to go. I'm not one for pushing the boundaries on this, since I could end up regressing all of this acceptance. Nor do I feel comfortable broaching the subject with her, unless she brings up the topic. Again, this is one of those things with her that I can't always read when the subject will upset her.

How have others approached this as their SO's have started to come around to accepting?

[ronda]

why not ask if she is ok talking about it and listen to what she has to say

[Aylineira]

I can only draw from personal experience and so I will extend from that.

I too had to go very slowly at first with my wife. You have to remember that your wife still loves you and wants you to be happy. Of course with any surprise of this magnitude, she probably just needed to wrap her head around the whole situation. I would let her go at her own pace and just talk all about crossdressing when she wants to hear about it. Then when she's heard enough to just wait until the next time. It really sounds like she's slowly accepting this lifestyle though. Good luck with this and just be mindful of her feelings.

[LisaKarenAZ]

The main reason I don't start the discussions is that in the past, she would become very angry, depressed, and withdrawn. I'd rather not throw away 8 years of progress. Of course, she had every right considering how she found out.

I definitely am letting her go at her pace. I was just curious to see what others have gone through.

[Miriam-J]

There's always the very radical solution: Talk with her about it, then talk some more, and maybe some more after that. Ask her what she likes, doesn't like, worries about. Tell her how you feel about it. Work out some principles and boundaries that both of you can live with. Most of all, treat her with love and respect during all of this and you'll probably both find yourselves closer than ever - and much less troubled by not knowing where you stand.

Miriam

[Jenny Doolittle]

I understand your concerns Lisa, my wife is very similar, and a conversation, although going forward, you go forward as if walking on egg shells. Good luck dear. It sounds to me that she is also opening up to her curiosity.

[StacyPump]

Lisa, how far would you LIKE this acceptance to go?

And how long ago was it that you first started discussing it openly?

[LisaKarenAZ]

So, the wife and I ended up having a long conversation about my dressing. It was slightly awkward, but getting easier, to talk about the things I have. One of her biggest concerns is to have the kids find out and how they may end up reacting. She's less concerned about daughter, as she is very friendly to alternative lifestyles. As a matter of fact, she's a self-proclaimed "hag", with her best friend being gay. My daughter is aware of my panties as she's seen them in the laundry and deduced they were mine since my wife doesn't wear the same styles. She hasn't said anything to me about them, but has to my wife. She said that she passes it off as "When some men get older, they get in touch with their feminine side."
Related to this concern was the request that I find a better spot for my things. Some of the items that's wear the most have been stored in my office, with the rest stored in the garage in a old hutch. We took some time and found a tote that we moved my things into and set on top of our X-mad decorations in the garage.
Then she went through my makeup. This was a funny experience. My wife doesn't wear much makeup, she just doesn't need it, so was asking me about the stuff I have in my bag and if I used it all. The funny part was as she looked at my different eye shadows, she said "You bitch. I like these colors. You have better makeup than me.". I replied that I need the makeup to look somewhat feminine and that she has a natural beauty that requires little makeup to look beautiful. She thanked me for the compliment.
After we went through my things and moved them, she asked when I washed my clothes. I replied that I can't very often. She then took my lingerie and clothes and washed them with the rest of the laundry.

She did mention that I looked like I was wearing mascara and eyeliner the day before and that I needed to pay more attention when taking it off.

All in all, it was a good conversation, with us feeling more comfortable talking about the elephant in the room. She did say that she doesnt like it, and doesn't want to see it, but has come to accept that it is a part of me and won't ever go away. We talked about triggers and misconceptions, and my likes and dislikes.

[kimdl93]

It seems that she's adjusting very well to your dressing. The important thing, I would bet, is that you're answering honestly and openly, which is a huge contributor to trust and confidence in a relationship. Keep doing that and things will be fine.

[Aylineira]

Great to hear an update. Keep up the open communications and she'll come around (hopefully!)

[darla_g]

i don't know if you mention anywhere else, but there are a few questions to address. How long have you been married? Is this something that you had told her before you were married? Has she seen you dressed? Is this something you just do at home -or- do you want to go out?

[Daphne Renee]

Glad to hear things are going well. I will give you the same advice as the others though. Its not always easy but open honest communication seems to work best.

[Alice B]

Via taking my time and trying not to push boundries I have also had the same luck. Now to the point of full acceptance. I did the same things, a little mascara, a touch of foundation, some perfume, etc.As she became used to this I added more, including waxed and shaped eye brows, shaved body and so on. I don't wear make up every day because of outside life style, but often do at night. She is used to it, now accepts it and often when we go out I have some light make up on. "I have to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time".

[LisaKarenAZ]

i don't know if you mention anywhere else, but there are a few questions to address. How long have you been married? Is this something that you had told her before you were married? Has she seen you dressed? Is this something you just do at home -or- do you want to go out?

Darla,
I did not tell my wife before we were married. I, like many other CDs, didn't understand fully what I was. I also thought that it was something that would go away.
Unfortunately, she found out by finding out about 8 years ago. It was a tough experience to go through for both of us. We were having marital issues at the time anyway, due to my work at the time, so this almost became the final straw for us. At the time, I drove 100 miles each way to work and kept my things in my vehicle. I ended up leaving my things home for one day, which was the day she decided to clear out the closet in my office. The rest is typical CD in the closet history upon being discovered.
We're going on 18 years of marriage in May, and our marriage is the best that it has ever been. The CD aspect of me is still a little bit of a sore spot for both of us, for me more than her. I regret not giving her the option up front by telling her about my "enhancements", but not to the point of losing sleep over it. It's one of those things that I wish I could go back and change, but know that I can't.
We've been making tremendous progress over the past year, since the last blowout over my things last January. Since then, she has been making progress toward acceptance, and each month seems to bring her a couple of inches closer.

I currently only dress at home, and not in front of anyone. The only times that she has seen me dressed was for Halloween twice. She's already stated that she can't handle seeing me dressed, even on Halloween now.

As for going out, I would love to get to that point. She's nowhere near accepting on that front, and I am not quite confident enough yet.

[LisaKarenAZ]

Via taking my time and trying not to push boundries I have also had the same luck. Now to the point of full acceptance. I did the same things, a little mascara, a touch of foundation, some perfume, etc.As she became used to this I added more, including waxed and shaped eye brows, shaved body and so on. I don't wear make up every day because of outside life style, but often do at night. She is used to it, now accepts it and often when we go out I have some light make up on. "I have to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time".

I have been slowly introducing little changes here and there to nudge the envelope. My wife has been waxing my eyebrows for a few months now. The joke on this now is that I am "high maintenance", followed by a laugh. I also started shaving my legs this past fall and have kept them this way since. I've shaved in the past, but never kept it up for very long.
Manis and pedis are something else she freely accepts now, with me having my toes painted. She's more comfortable with me having a French pedi done, but is somewhat okay with color. The only things she says on this front is to not let the kids see, and that I need to give the color a break once in a while to prevent yellowing of my nails.

The mascara is a start, and will have to be infrequent. I will try to gently push this a little at a time to make it more frequent.

[LisaKarenAZ]

Glad to hear things are going well. I will give you the same advice as the others though. Its not always easy but open honest communication seems to work best.

As with all of this sound advice, that is exactly what we are doing. It's taken all of this time to get to a point where she's comfortable asking questions and I am comfortable answering them.

I just try to be respectful of her with me actually starting the conversations. She has a lot of stress on her shoulders right now, and I'm doing what I can to help her keep it under control.

The woman is my soul mate and best friend, and I make sure I let her know every single day how much she means to me.

[Eryn]

It sounds like you are doing fine. The only thing that I can add is to be careful about the appearance of "sneaking things into" your look. Some spouses interpret this as dishonesty. The general rule is "Talk first, then do."

[Barbara Ella]

It is good to see things are progressing well. It looks like both of you are on the right track. it is always hard to know when to broach a new subject, but honesty is always the best policy, and the topic should never a - this is what I want to do, but rather a what do you think of this? I feel that you know this, but it bears repeating. My wife is supportive, will let me dress with her in the house, and expresses curiosity about how things are going in general. Slow and steady is what reaches the end in one piece.

I find it is best not to worry about how far the support will go, but to focus on keeping it on track and headed in the right direction, with both people moving together. When she expresses interest, I answer, and add a question of my own regarding what she may have seen, not seen, expected, been shocked etc. We are just 3 months into her knowing of my 6 month old crossdressing, so we are both newcomers, and truly taking baby steps.

Babes

[Silentpartner GG SO]

It sounds like you are doing fine. The only thing that I can add is to be careful about the appearance of "sneaking things into" your look. Some spouses interpret this as dishonesty. The general rule is "Talk first, then do."

This puts in a nutshell what I was thinking on reading your posts. The constant push push push can really get very trying. Your wife has told you she doesnt want to see it but you say you are now sneaking in a little mascara daily, and walking around without socks, showing your painted toenails - are you hoping to eventually be able to dress 24/7?

It sounds as if your wife is being really very accommodating, doing your femme washing and discussing make up etc - I wonder if her reference to you not taking the mascara off properly was a subtle hint that she has noticed it and doesnt really like it.

Just my thoughts as a GG and wife who was told about my husband's CD'ing 29 years into our marriage.

[BRANDYJ]

Simple scenario. Wife accepts and is trying to understand. She has suggested or set limits. Husband pushes and pushes and pushes some more. RESULTS some time later.
Simple scenario. Wife no longer accepts. Hates your dressing and apparent lack of consideration for her comfort level.
Simple solution. Slow down and DON'T push! Go at your wife's level of comfort and consider her wishes above your own. In time she may stretch her level of acceptance to even be a participant. But keep pushing and you will no doubt push her away. The above happens time and time again. Ask all the members here divorced from a once accepting wife.

[Alice B]

It's funny that your wife will accept the French pedi more than color. My wife is the exact opposite. She is Ok with color, even bright red, but does not like me with a French pedi. Go figure?

[LisaKarenAZ]

This puts in a nutshell what I was thinking on reading your posts. The constant push push push can really get very trying. Your wife has told you she doesnt want to see it but you say you are now sneaking in a little mascara daily, and walking around without socks, showing your painted toenails - are you hoping to eventually be able to dress 24/7?

It sounds as if your wife is being really very accommodating, doing your femme washing and discussing make up etc - I wonder if her reference to you not taking the mascara off properly was a subtle hint that she has noticed it and doesnt really like it.

Just my thoughts as a GG and wife who was told about my husband's CD'ing 29 years into our marriage.

Thank you for your thoughts.
My wife has been very accommodating. She knows and accepts the nail polish on the toes. Her only thing with the bare feet is that I keep my socks on when the kids are home, during the day is not a problem while they are at school.
The nudge on the mascara started as an accident. I had mistakenly put on my waterproof mascara one night and didnt notice that I didn't get it all off until the next afternoon. After that, I tried to put a light application on during the day just totest the waters. She wasn't concerned except for the kids noticing. I have since stopped putting it on during the day while the kids are home from school this week. When they go back, she said that it would be fine to wear as long as its off before the kids get home for school.

I appreciate the comment about the pushing being trying. She has told me that she doesn't want to see me "all dolled up", as she put it. She has told me that she's okay with subtle things that aren't blatantly in your face obvious. My comment about seeing my toes was the standard before. She is starting to accept it more. This has come from seeing them when I get out of the shower, and not from me pushing the boundaries. Not wearing socks during the day really started as me forgetting to put some on one morning after I showered and got dressed. I had a lot on my mind that morning and came downstairs before I realized that I didn't have them on. She saw me, giggled, and asked "are you going to walk around like that all day? If so, I don't care, just make sure you put something on your feet before the kids get home."


I love my wife and respect her wishes. If I subsided to her feelings without considering my own, I would never dress again. And we all know how this would end. My desire isn't necessarily to dress 24/7, but rather to incorporate some feminine aspects into my day to day life.

[LisaKarenAZ]

It's funny that your wife will accept the French pedi more than color. My wife is the exact opposite. She is Ok with color, even bright red, but does not like me with a French pedi. Go figure?

That is ironic. I guess it has to do with the fact that the French is less obvious that they are painted that the colors.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Thank you for your thoughts.
My wife has been very accommodating. She knows and accepts the nail polish on the toes. Her only thing with the bare feet is that I keep my socks on when the kids are home, during the day is not a problem while they are at school.
The nudge on the mascara started as an accident. I had mistakenly put on my waterproof mascara one night and didnt notice that I didn't get it all off until the next afternoon. After that, I tried to put a light application on during the day just totest the waters. She wasn't concerned except for the kids noticing. I have since stopped putting it on during the day while the kids are home from school this week. When they go back, she said that it would be fine to wear as long as its off before the kids get home for school.

I appreciate the comment about the pushing being trying. She has told me that she doesn't want to see me "all dolled up", as she put it. She has told me that she's okay with subtle things that aren't blatantly in your face obvious. My comment about seeing my toes was the standard before. She is starting to accept it more. This has come from seeing them when I get out of the shower, and not from me pushing the boundaries. Not wearing socks during the day really started as me forgetting to put some on one morning after I showered and got dressed. I had a lot on my mind that morning and came downstairs before I realized that I didn't have them on. She saw me, giggled, and asked "are you going to walk around like that all day? If so, I don't care, just make sure you put something on your feet before the kids get home."


I love my wife and respect her wishes. If I subsided to her feelings without considering my own, I would never dress again. And we all know how this would end. My desire isn't necessarily to dress 24/7, but rather to incorporate some feminine aspects into my day to day life.

Ah right, I'm with you now - sorry if I came across a bit snippy - it sounds as though you have a good balance between you and your wife.

Its only fair that your needs and requirements get equal consideration with those of your wife, marriage should never be a one-way street and I doubt you would be able to give up dressing even if you wanted to or tried to. Good luck with the progress, you have a good wife and you sound like a goodun to me!