So you told your SO you are a CDer, she doesn't accept, what now?

[Marleena]

There have been lots of threads about coming clean to the SO's and then feeling the wrath for sharing your secret. A CD keeps this big secret as a way of protecting themselves. Some honestly thought they could give CDing up and did not try to deceive their SO. It came back to bite them on the rear.

We all know it is best to tell your SO from the beginning but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. We also know it has to be tough on the SO's because they didn't sign up for this. You can't expect to force them to like it or accept it.

So after telling them your marriage will most likely be in trouble.

Did they do the right thing by telling their SO? We always hear it's the right thing to do.

Should they have left it alone?

Quite a few SO's will not be very accepting, some won't even tolerate it.

Is there even a safe answer to this??

[Katesback]

I hate to say this but you guys keep opening the door. See the problem is that like the word acceptance, telling carried a whole new created meaning. Its not the act of telling but the fact that telling REALLY means your beginning of ramming the trans stuff down your wifes throat! Its the beginning of the pink fog if you want to call it that.

Doubt me? Read your own threads. How many wives out there are so called accepting at the onset but then later after being innundated by the CD freight train running out of control loose it and try to put thier foot down. Sadly its often too late and it cant be stopped. The poor wife just keeps having to get it crammed down her throat.

I am sorry guys but I see so many in this forum living in a different reality. I mean in another thread one of the SOs said that they dont post here because they are either ignorred, said to need to be educated, or god knows what.

I have said it before and will say it again. You CDs hopefully one day will stand up for yourselves, come out of the closet, and live your lives with pride and honor. When that happens society will respect you and women wont be so inclined to say HELL NO! How can you expect a wife to have any interest in CD stuff when you dont stand up for yourselves. When you post pictures of your legs, ect. ect.

[stacycoral]

There might not be a safe answer, but if your SO really LOVE you for you, she will i think learn to live with it , or put rules on it. I know my SO loves me, because i told her before we got married about this side of me, and were coming up on 22 years together, and she still likes to see Stacy now and then. She know that i need this time to keep balance, and she all ways lets me know when her and the kids are getting close to home, so i have time to chance if need. It is like everything it is how a person is raised if they can handle being with us girls or not.

[Katesback]

I dont think it has so much to do with how a person is raised. I mean I am post op TS. I once said I was a CD. I am very accepting of anyone. I could care less if someone is a CD. I could care less if someone is gay.

On the other had I have a right to choose what I will tolerate in my personal and love life. I have no desire to deal with the CD stuff. The last thing I want to do is be dragged back into the life I once lived and mustered up the courage to move past it. I have no desire to take the chance that a CD in the future will become TS and all of a sudden I dont have a husband. Of course most will deny that they have no desire to transition but then hey I know better. I once was in denial and I have worked with countless CDs that were really TS and countless TS girls that were once CDs.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Well, the inital act is still honrable IMO. If your wife just can't accept it, you have a different issue than the CD being open and upfront. If the foundation of a marriage is no secrets, you have to at least let your wife know this is something you do. The issue is avoiding her finding out on her own, then wondering what else you haven't told. The old cover up is worse than the crime saying comes to mind. But if you consistently get the "I don't want to know vibes" and you've made some kind of effort to have a dialogue, respect her wishes.

[STACY B]

One question an Ill shut up I swear ,, At least on this thread ,,, What happen to its better to ask forgiveness than for permisson ? Thata what I always herd ??

[kittypw GG]

One question an Ill shut up I swear ,, At least on this thread ,,, What happen to its better to ask forgiveness than for permisson ? Thata what I always herd ??

Yeah that works for a while but time and time again you do nothing but kill feelings of love and respect from your spouse a little each time you do it until their feelings are just plain DEAD.

[STACY B]

Gotcha ,,,, Now I see ,,, Thanx alot for letting me know . Ahhhhhhh hey wait a min ? One more thing ,, Kinda like oh honey I spent $$$ at the store just had to have it ,, Or ahhhhhh I gave my sisster that money I thought I told you that ,, Put that on the card last month seen something on sale could not pass up ,, Kinda like ALL those things ? All those lies kill feelings to ya know ! Not just the boy in a dress lie ? A lie is A LIE !

[Marleena]

I told my wife WAY before we were married. Going on 11 years now and she has accepted, does accept, will forever accept that this is me and 'me is this' OK? No and's if or buts...and as far as me wanting to go TS? F**K that! I'm as happy as can be...being a CD.

End of story.:thumbsup:

My apologies Stephnie I never intended to cause any problems by posting this thread. There are quite a few couples on here that have loving supporting relationships. Some of the mods on here as well are ongoing proof of that fact.

Sadly quite a few relationships turn sour after the SO is told.

[whowhatwhen]

Yeah that works for a while but time and time again you do nothing but kill feelings of love and respect from your spouse a little each time you do it until their feelings are just plain DEAD.

More proof that the masculine manly man stereotype is harmful to everyone.
Maybe everyone should just acknowledge that it doesn't exist and anyone acting hyper masculine is so deep in the closet they'd be able to find a better analogy than this.

[Cooljune59]

Good questions, I still think it is best to come clean...true she did not sign up for this.but I think it is just not right to hide it. My marriage is still in danger because of my coming clean with her. To be honest I will be okay with the outcome. If she wants to walk I will let her fairly and let her go peacefully. Maybe I am in the pink fog don't know, but I am thinking I might be more drawn sexually to cds than to gg. Just need more time to take this all in.

[Marleena]

Oh no, this wasn't directed at you Marleena, I think you're very sweet and would never direct an attack at you...rather my comment was directed to the rabble rouser in our midst, who can never let a thread be without interjecting negative BS about 'most' CD's wanting to be TS and in denial...over and over and over and over and over...blah blah blah...who gives a rats ass! ..talk to my hand, OK?..Jeezuz....in each and every post. Flak attack crap. Gimme us break, willya sis?!?

Oh I know. These types of threads just seem to lead to that. Thus my apology.:)

[Katesback]

Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statments that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS? Are you really going to stand on that one? Because I got to tell you that nearly EVERY TS girl I have ever met at one point said they were CD. Thank you for the laugh. You must be married because your protecting yourself by trying to discredit me. Wont work babe!

Katie





Oh no, this wasn't directed at you Marleena, I think you're very sweet and would never direct an attack at you...rather my comment was directed to the rabble rouser in our midst, who can never let a thread be without interjecting negative BS about CD's wanting to be TS over and over and over...blah blah blah...who gives a rats ass! ...in each and every one. Flak attack crap.

[*ROXY*]

There will be those that accept/tolerate it and those that don't. Noone is forcing anyone out of the closet if you're nice and cosy in there, I for one hated hiding that side of me from the one I love. I'm now open about it, dabbled with makeup, wigs etc but to be honest it's all about the clothes and shoes for me.
If you want to stay hidden knock yourself out, don't feel the need to preach to those that don't want that, nor scream the hilltops that you must confess all. I've had an overall positive outcome and love that we can share a shopping trip without having to hide behind the bravado, now I happily say "I love that top/dress/shoes". If we've enough spare cash and it's in my size I can go for it as can she :-).

[terminal]

On the other had I have a right to choose what I will tolerate in my personal and love life. I have no desire to deal with the CD stuff. The last thing I want to do is be dragged back into the life I once lived and mustered up the courage to move past it. I have no desire to take the chance that a CD in the future will become TS and all of a sudden I dont have a husband. Of course most will deny that they have no desire to transition but then hey I know better. I once was in denial and I have worked with countless CDs that were really TS and countless TS girls that were once CDs.


Hi Kate,

Read several of your posts today, and I don't know if I caught a bad sampling but you seem to be on the warpath against CDs.

I can understand some of your sentiments, I've read the stories about pushing boundaries, cheating, etc., but this little statement and others really bothered me - it feels like you're trying to smear me with your stereotypes.

Yes, some CDs are TS, and most TS'ers were CD at some point. You said you were in denial once, fine, I really don't care.

What I do care about is that you seem to think that all CD'ers, which includes me, want to transition. And that you are somehow heroic because you mustered up the courage that us other poor CD'ers don't have to push past it into transitioning yourself.

Frankly I find it personally insulting to be painted by such a narrow minded brush - being basically told that I am something that I'm not. I know what I am, a heterosexual male who has no problem being the man in a relationship with a woman, and who, on occasion, wears woman's clothes. I have zero desire to transition whatsoever, and given that I've had zero desire for the last 20 years or so I doubt one day I'll wake up and change my mind.

I know this doesn't fit your narrow minded and frankly bigoted opinion on what CD'ers are - but, perhaps, there are differences between each of us, and that there are different paths that we intend to take.

--terminal

[Ellyn]

It is obvious that blabbing on yourself is a very risky act, but people keep taking the risk. If you are already in a relationship, and have not told your wife or girlfriend, telling her you are a crossdresser has a more than fifty percent chance that your relationship is going, going. gone. Put yourself in her place. She probably knows nothing to very little about crossdressing, and even more so, does not want to know anything about crossdressing, let alone be given the surprise that she has one for a mate. Sure there are a bunch of people who will tell you that it is best to confess and hope for the best, but there have been a number of other crossdressers who are now probably crawling around in a lonely corner where they are crying big tears in their lonely beers.

[Aylineira]

LOL I'm sorry Kate but I find that funny. OF COURSE just about every TS is going to say they were a CD before they decided to transition. I mean what else COULD they do?? Just not dress up as a woman at all until the full transition?? LOL That's like every NASCAR racer admitting that yeah they drove a "normal" car when they all first started out too.

Thanks for standing up for us CD folks but I can stand up for myself just fine.

If you think I'm in denial then that's for you to decide.

I would like to say that I am a MAN and I love being a MAN. How many fully transitioned TS can say that?



Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statments that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS? Are you really going to stand on that one? Because I got to tell you that nearly EVERY TS girl I have ever met at one point said they were CD. Thank you for the laugh. You must be married because your protecting yourself by trying to discredit me. Wont work babe!

Katie

[Miranda-E]

Did they do the right thing by telling their SO? We always hear it's the right thing to do.

Should they have left it alone?


If you don't tell them you'll never really know the character of the person your with and what to do from that point. Hiding really is a living hell.
If the person can deal with it, great. If they can't its better to know.

[whowhatwhen]

I mean what else COULD they do?? Just not dress up as a woman at all until the full transition??


I definitely fall somewhere on the TG spectrum and I haven't crossdressed yet.
It's not as simple as putting on a dress for everyone, personally I don't feel comfortable enough until I can look in the mirror and no longer see a man looking back.

Clothes aren't really that important anyway for everyone.

[YorkshireRose]

Some great responses on this thread. My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc, so why should a guy wanting to do so be a marrige wrecker? I was nervous about telling my SO purely due to the way society pillories Cross dressers, not because I thought it would destroy our relationship.

As for Kates comments, the only extent I can relate to them is I in my teen years thought how wonderful being a girl would be, but purely for one reason. To have the right body for dresses and skirts to look fantastic on, absolutly no other reason. So sorry but I have to agree with Terminals post entirely.

[Krististeph]

Great question- I think the biggest part of the problem comes from not disclosing something pretty significant before getting married. I told my wife more than a year before we got married. She was later worried i was gay- but i told her i'd admit to being gay before being a CD.

But if you are in the situation you say- ultimately- truth is best for a relationship. I'd suggest talking with a therapist for a bit before telling your SO- not so much for you, but for your SO and the sake of your relationship. get your finances in order- get ready for whatever reaction you will get.

If the SO is unbendingly unaccepting- then how good is the relationship in the first place? me, i'd rather not be with a person like that period.

Then again, I actually worked at making sure we were compatible before we got married. 20+ years and no surprises.

[Jenniferathome]

Fact is quite a few SO's will not be accepting, some won't even tolerate it.

Marlena, I disagree with this "fact". Based on the experiences here, I would argue that MOST SOs "accept" their man's crossdressing. That should not be confused with active participation or enjoyment from their man's crossdressing. How can any SO not "accept" the fact that their man crossdresses? It's a fact. They can hate it, want to ignore it, want it to end, wish they were never told, but once told, if they stay, they have accepted it.


Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statments that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS? Are you really going to stand on that one? Because I got to tell you that nearly EVERY TS girl I have ever met at one point said they were CD. Thank you for the laugh. You must be married because your protecting yourself by trying to discredit me. Wont work babe!

Katie

Kate, again, you are wildly off base. Your limited experience not withstanding. You are drawing a cause and effect conclusion that is backwards. Yes, it is likely that most TS women were once male crossdressers, BECAUSE they identify as women. That is NOT proof of cause and effect. Most TS men also crossdressed, as men. So based on your logic, women who wear pants are transexuals in waiting. That logic is insane and completely uneducated. It only shows your ignorance of what crossdressing is and further demonstrates your desire to bash crossdressers. It's ok for you to hate crossdressers, this is America and any idiot can have an opinion, but your continued stance that CDs are really transexuals only proves you are the uneducated bigot you are. I realize I am aiming this at a brick wall but your inane position astounds me to no end.

[Marleena]

Marlena, I disagree with this "fact". Based on the experiences here, I would argue that MOST SOs "accept" their man's crossdressing. That should not be confused with active participation or enjoyment from their man's crossdressing. How can any SO not "accept" the fact that their man crossdresses? It's a fact. They can hate it, want to ignore it, want it to end, wish they were never told, but once told, if they stay, they have accepted it.

Good point here Jennifer.:) It's very difficult to word a thread like this and get it 100% correct. I will edit it.

[BRANDYJ]

Marlena, I disagree with this "fact". Based on the experiences here, I would argue that MOST SOs "accept" their man's crossdressing. That should not be confused with active participation or enjoyment from their man's crossdressing. How can any SO not "accept" the fact that their man crossdresses? It's a fact. They can hate it, want to ignore it, want it to end, wish they were never told, but once told, if they stay, they have accepted it.

I agree. I have been married to two women that once told were accepting and in my case, even helped or had fun with it to some degree. The first person on earth I ever told was my now deceased wife. She was very supportive and my being a CD never caused any issues between us. My second wife took the news as, Is that all there is, and you worried about telling me?" My present SO, knew before we met in person. So I agree, if the love and trust is in place, I believe many wives can and will accept to various degrees of participation as long as the CD does not over do it and maintains his masculine idenity that attractred her in the first place. Being TS might be another matter.

[Tina B.]

Yes I am one of the didn't tell before hand jerks. I thought, really thought, marriage was a secret "cure" I would never have to tell anyone about my immature behavior, because with a good woman, it would go away. It didn't. Five years of being "The Man" and never giving in to those desires, I found myself depressed, filled with deep bitter anger, with me, the wife, and the whole world. Strong drink didn't help, neither did drugs, It just kept getting darker and darker in my world. I did think about suicide a time or two, but never really dwelt on it. Then I day I realized, if I ever wanted to like me again, an if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman, I had to do something very brave, I sat her down one Saturday morning, and we talked, and I told her all about myself, when I was done, I told her what she did with it was up to her, if she could accept this news, and stay, maybe we could make it work, if she couldn't, I would have to understand, and we could both start packing, and go our separate ways. We had no children, and not much to split up at that time anyway. It was just personal feeling, that had to be dealt with. We could even remain Friends if she liked, or not, her call of course. I View know been married for 40 years, the last thirty five the best years of my life, Petty sure she will tell you the same thing. I'm still in the closet by choice (mine). And as Jen said she does not "participate, it's not like it's a game, looking for players, I just wear what I want, when I choose to. The world see me as an Alpha male, the wife See's me as the whole person I am. So yes it is risky
to tell, but for me, it's the only way I could have found any enjoyment, orsurvivedd the last 35 years.
Tina B. believeelive, all TS, where or thought they where CD'ers, at one time, until they understood themselves better, but that does not mean that most CD'ersnecessarilyaraly TS, in sixty eight years, I've never wanted to be anything but what I am. a guy, that now and then See's no harm in to slipping into something pretty, and I don't need anyone to tell me different
Tina B.

[Jessica86]

Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statments that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS?
Katie

Yes, hence why we have more CD members than anyone.....ok...now that that debate is out of the way...


You also say "ramming down your wife's throat". That's how most people feel, and frankly...I don't get it. It's a double edged sword where on one end, if you tell, you hid it too long, you're forcing it on them, etc. while if you don't, you are hiding it, you're a liar, and you betrayed their trust. Which way do you want to swing it?

No part of telling your SO should be a forced subject. As my wife and I read this right now, we both can not make sense of this subject and never will. So, if you love a man for 10 years, and find out he likes to wear a dress, then what about that makes him any different than the man he was 10 years ago? Nothing. Nothing at all. Even she tells me she is surprised to see how many women get upset about it, yet they ask for honesty in a relationship.

[Rianna Humble]

Kinda like oh honey I spent $$$ at the store just had to have it ,, Or ahhhhhh I gave my sisster that money I thought I told you that ,, Put that on the card last month seen something on sale could not pass up ,, Kinda like ALL those things ? All those lies kill feelings to ya know ! Not just the boy in a dress lie ? A lie is A LIE !

Let's take them in order:

"Honey, I just spent $$$ at the store..." - not a lie, being honest with each other. Would you have preferred not to know about the money spent?

"I gave my sister the money I thought I told you" only scope for calling that a lie is if there has already been grounds for mistrust or possibly the SO having a habit of pretending not to do something, then actually spending the household money on it (like a lot of CDs on this forum say they do).

"Put that on the card last month..." not a lie, but could have been better if you had told her when you did it


my comment was directed to the rabble rouser in our midst, who can never let a thread be without interjecting negative BS about 'most' CD's wanting to be TS and in denial...over and over and over and over and over...

Trouble is, the more that you feed that kind of troll, the better she likes it :Angry3:

Now, which were the "All those lies" you were referring to?

[Miriam-J]

My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc, so why should a guy wanting to do so be a marriage wrecker?
Excellent point. Perhaps the discussion wife should be something like "I'll crossdress as long as you do" or "I'll stop crossdressing if you do".


Kate, again, you are wildly off base. Your limited experience not withstanding. You are drawing a cause and effect conclusion that is backwards. Yes, it is likely that most TS women were once male crossdressers, BECAUSE they identify as women. That is NOT proof of cause and effect. Most TS men also crossdressed, as men. So based on your logic, women who wear pants are transexuals in waiting. That logic is insane and completely uneducated. It only shows your ignorance of what crossdressing is and further demonstrates your desire to bash crossdressers. It's ok for you to hate crossdressers, this is America and any idiot can have an opinion, but your continued stance that CDs are really transexuals only proves you are the uneducated bigot you are. I realize I am aiming this at a brick wall but your inane position astounds me to no end.
Well said, but I don't expect to see an end to the bigoted tirades until an editor steps in.

Miriam

[BRANDYJ]

Some great responses on this thread. My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc, so why should a guy wanting to do so be a marrige wrecker? I was nervous about telling my SO purely due to the way society pillories Cross dressers, not because I thought it would destroy our relationship.

I think it's a stretch to say most women crossdress. When women wear jeans, pants, shirts etc., They are usually made for women since it is quite acceptable for women to wear them. As for a man wearng a dress, skirt bra and panties, they are not made for a man and are not considered acceptable. Big difference. I'm so tired of the argument that points out that women wear pants or jeans, so why can't I. To me, a woman IS NOT crossdressing wearing the things mentioned. My opinion is that she would be crossdressing, if her motive was to look, act and pass or blend as a man.

[Sandra]

My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc,

I wondered when this would come up, as it has many, many times before. Just because a woman wears the clothes as you said above doesn't mean they are crossdressing, for one they are not trying to emulate the opposite gender like cders are and I get fed up of people using this as an excuse.


If people sat down and talked and be honest about what is going on, then things just might be a bit better, I'm not saying everything is going to be a bed of roses and things aren't going to be ok over night, but you might just make some progress.

[BRANDYJ]

I dont think it has so much to do with how a person is raised. I mean I am post op TS. I once said I was a CD. I am very accepting of anyone. I could care less if someone is a CD. I could care less if someone is gay.

Of course most will deny that they have no desire to transition but then hey I know better. I once was in denial and I have worked with countless CDs that were really TS and countless TS girls that were once CDs.

No Kate, you might have worked with a lot of TS's that happen to crossdress. But not crossdressers that are TS!
Not sure what capacity you say you worked with CD'er in, but no matter, I'm sure you worked with TS's and NOT CD'ers. No, Kate, you don't know better concerning CD's having a desire to transition. Any fool knows that many TS's crossdress until such time they take steps to transition. But most knew they were TS since childhood. Crossdressing does not make you a TS anymore then singing in the shower makes you a singing star! So your argument holds no water for the majority if us CD's that are not...let me repeat that...ARE NOT TS You base so much on your own personal experience and try to shove it down our throats as if it's every CD. We are not like you anymore then you being like to majority of CD'ers.

[DianeSusanne]

I really have to agree with Sandra. It really bothers me when a crossdressing man claims that women wearing pants is crossdressing. It bothers me more than a man actually crossdressing bothers me (which actually isn't at all). It bothers me more than paying taxes. Hmm, no, not quite that much. Somewhere between the two.

Crossdressing is a cultural act and in the western world countries (where most of us live) it is not crossdressing for a woman to wear pants made for a woman and bought in the woman's department of a store. I have lived in countries where it was the cultural norm for women (and men) to cover their heads or hair, for women to cover their arms, their legs, their faces. Often, out of respect for their culture - and in some places, an overdeveloped sense of self-preservation - I would cover myself appropriately. I've lived in places were men work 'skirts' or 'dresses' but I would never suggest to a crossdresser that he move to a country because, although I don't understand a good deal about crossdressing, I know it is an act that loses meaning outside of it's cultural context which is not only our surrounding but inside of us as well.

When a crossdresser claims that 'women in pants are crossdressing' all I see is ignorance and a lack of understanding which doesn't make me want to have a conversation. I certainly won't learn much from them; they remind me of fanatics who try to prove they're right because they speak louder, faster and know bigger words than me.

Please. Stop trying to prove that you're only crossdressing in ... what?... retaliation? You crossdress. That's fine by me. Perhaps you understand why you crossdress. That makes me wonderfully happy. Perhaps you'd like me to help you with makeup or critique your outfits for something 'tasteful'. That would depend ... I'm not crazy about mini-skirts or pantyhose. Heels, fishnet stockings under a demure work skirt... *contented sigh*. Then we can arm-wrestle for who gets to wear it! LOL!

Three hundred years ago a woman in pants was crossdressing and a man without lace on his collar and makeup on his face was ... underdressed. We don't live three hundred years ago or even fifty years ago when women usually wore dresses. We live now and here, among people with a reasonable shared culture and legal arrangement.

Oops, sorry for the attempted hi-jacking. I believe people should be as honest as they can be under their own circumstances. I'm not an average, everyday, normal woman ... and I recognize that. But I would be more hurt by the lie than by the action.

And, I have to agree that while every (?maybe most) TS have crossdressing in their behavior; not everyone with crossdressing in their behavior is TS.

[Piora]

Of course most will deny that they have no desire to transition but then hey I know better. I once was in denial and I have worked with countless CDs that were really TS and countless TS girls that were once CDs.
"Countless"? What does that amount to....4 or 5? :straightface: So, all of a sudden you're an expert on CDs/TGs???? Don't make me laugh. The majority of CDs are simply STILL genetic men who like to dress as women. They have no desire to transition and actually become TGs. Just because you've experienced some CDs that in reality, were desiring transition, doesn't make us all that way. Don't make such ridiculous sweeping generalizations, based on your own, VERY LIMITED exposure to experiencing who is CD and who is really TG. I don't usually get this upset about what people say on this site....but I really have to take exception to this! :thumbsdn:


I told my wife WAY before we were married. Going on 11 years now and she has accepted, does accept, will forever accept that this is me and 'me is this' OK? No and's if or buts...and as far as me wanting to go TS? F**K that! I'm as happy as can be...being a CD.
Katesback won't agree - we're all in denial on this site, don't ya know! :doh:


Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statements that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS?
Yes.

Some no doubt are, but you seem to think that it's some insane percentage...like about 80-90%? It's ridiculous logic. Your exposure to people that you know, who are transitioned - and were CD before that - cannot be used to conclude ANYTHING other than that those particular people fit into that scenario. NOT that most TGs are CDs in denial.

Please don't insult the CDs on this site by making such statements. It's extremely upsetting, as you can see from the responses in this thread.

However, in keeping with Marleen's original thread, and not get off her original topic, I think that although each person will have a different situation, I believe that most will work through things. I mean good grief.....look at all the marriages where there has been drug use, alcoholism, adultery...so many different things that jeopardize couples....a lot of those - with counseling and honest discussions - can come back from those issues, and be healthy happy marriages again. In reality, telling your SO and her not accepting it, can be a problem. But in my opinion, certainly not insurmountable. Even just talking it through is extremely positive. There are lots of people right here on this site who are proof that MACD (Marriage After CDing) is possible.

[Katesback]

I dont recall ever saying that all of you are TS in denial. I dont recall ever giving a percentage. As a matter of fact its impossible to get a percentage because most of you are too scarred to leave your house to even be polled. Of course as stated many will not tell the truth because we all know if the wife finds out ya want to transition its kiss the marriage goodbye.

Lets see here........ oh yes someone said I HATE CDs. LOL ok thats interesting.

A few said I have limited experience or no experince. Well I worked with countless trans people doing HIV prevention for the state. Most claimed to be crossdressers. Most talked to me in confidence when the wives were not around. Thats when they talk about wanting to transition. OF course these were CDs that were somewhat more confident than the ones that sit at home hiding. It is reasonable to say that someone that sits at home hiding has no desire to transition but then they havent had much of a taste of womanhood now have they. Give them an inch and they take a mile. If they are some point get the spiine to leave the house all of a sudden the pink fog takes over.

You can attack me all you want. Really....... I mean thats part of what makes it entertaining. I suppose we could talk about all the sex that takes place at the trans conferences. Never mind that most of the people there are CD. Give them a chance to be a girl and a lot will do as much as they can including having sex with tranny chasers or even each other. Ohhhh and no I am not exaduating.




"Countless"? What does that amount to....4 or 5? :straightface: So, all of a sudden you're an expert on CDs/TGs???? Don't make me laugh. The majority of CDs are simply STILL genetic men who like to dress as women. They have no desire to transition and actually become TGs. Just because you've experienced some CDs that in reality, were desiring transition, doesn't make us all that way. Don't make such ridiculous sweeping generalizations, based on your own, VERY LIMITED exposure to experiencing who is CD and who is really TG. I don't usually get this upset about what people say on this site....but I really have to take exception to this! :thumbsdn:


Katesback won't agree - we're all in denial on this site, don't ya know! :doh:


Yes.

Some no doubt are, but you seem to think that it's some insane percentage...like about 80-90%? It's ridiculous logic. Your exposure to people that you know, who are transitioned - and were CD before that - cannot be used to conclude ANYTHING other than that those particular people fit into that scenario. NOT that most TGs are CDs in denial.

Please don't insult the CDs on this site by making such statements. It's extremely upsetting, as you can see from the responses in this thread.

However, in keeping with Marleen's original thread, and not get off her original topic, I think that although each person will have a different situation, I believe that most will work through things. I mean good grief.....look at all the marriages where there has been drug use, alcoholism, adultery...so many different things that jeopardize couples....a lot of those - with counseling and honest discussions - can come back from those issues, and be healthy happy marriages again. In reality, telling your SO and her not accepting it, can be a problem. But in my opinion, certainly not insurmountable. Even just talking it through is extremely positive. There are lots of people right here on this site who are proof that MACD (Marriage After CDing) is possible.

[Nigella]

I give in, I don't even think I need to give a reason for closing the thread, Oh well onwards and upwards, must register as a refereee, Hey I get to crossdress and wear a shirt and tie.