Coming out to my psychologist

[Erina]

I recently told my therapist. I said "I sort of have a problem with what might be called gender identity", thought it sounded nice. When I said it, he didn´t change his common face expression one bit. I sat and tried to read any reaction that would expose what he was thinking. He replied me with the question what that meant to me. Thought it spoiled the fancy vocabulary I had used and said rats.

He is not a gender identity therapist, it´s crisis management. Psychologists understand people very well. The conversation was no different than any others that we´ve had. Well except that it this time really felt great, I took something to reality and suddenly my 50 minutes was up.

When I felt uncomfortable, he explained that it was common but that you rarely notice it in society because the norms silent people. I have always thought that I won´t feel shame, but realized then that it´s still an embarrassment.

I earlier had another thread called "Began visiting a psychologist". Thank you all for the support! Else I might not have said it.

Read a thread with stories about when you´re telling your doctor. I´m glad that the fun when I told my therapist weren´t because of a bad response. That regular doctor's won´t necessarily encounter you in the same way is too bad.

[Kayla C]

Psychologists are professionals and most have at least a basic understanding of the TG spectrum even if they are not gender identity specialists. You should be able to feel comfortable talking to him about it - feeling embarrassment is normal. When I was an adolescent I was embarrassed and humiliated to be a CDer, especially since I believed I was the only one. Letting your therapist know is the right thing.

[sandra-leigh]

I was fortunate: my regular therapist (psychologist) happened to have worked at the local clinic that is the best place in town for LGBT clients, so she "gets it" and has always been understanding and supportive.

"Suddenly my 50 minutes was up" -- oh yes, I've had that happen many times. Especially times when even as I am traveling to the appointment, I am saying to myself, "I have nothing to say today." Except it turns out that I do, and time just flies by. Hey, that was your thread that I was talking about that recently :D

How did you end up preparing yourself, Erina ? You were talking about perhaps listening to music first, or perhaps composing a note to give him. How did you manage to get the topic past the tip of your tongue this time?

[AllieSF]

I find your title to this thread interesting. A therapist is sworn to secrecy and cannot legally tell anyone about what you tell them. You are paying your therapist to help you deal with your issues. There is no way for them to be able to do that if you are holding back pertinent information that may be key to understanding you and those issues. So, that is where I wonder about your title. You should feel totally comfortable in telling your therapist everything about yourself as it applies to what you are trying to resolve. It shouldn't be a coming out, if that is something that he needs to know. It is the presenting of the relevant facts, so to speak. It is also not a game to see how he may react to your revelation. I am not criticizing your action, but just trying to point out that besides paying for his assistance you also need to put yourself totally out there with him as soon as possible so that you can get the best results for what you are paying. He should be the one person to whom you can tell you deepest secrets. You need to trust him and help him too. I wish you the best as you go through this process.

[Laura912]

Both psychiatrists and psychologists have had some therapy sessions for their selves and can appreciate what it is like on the other side of the "couch." Open up. It is understandable that you are guarded and looking for judgement because of this "thing" that we do. You will not find any judgement. Is not cross dressing for some a crisis, especially when acknowledging it publicaly for the first time? Maybe crisis management is a good place to start. Good for you doing this!

[Marleena]

I agree with the others Erina, the psychologist needs to know. Being transgendered is difficult even if you think you are okay with it. It can manifest itself into many mental health issues and affect your physical being as well. Your timing is good on this because I have an appointment with my shrink on Wednesday . I went to him to get me off that Cymbalta crap since my DR wouldn't. Too bad my city is so transphobic or I'd get dressed up to see him. I'm going to show him pictures instead.:) That should floor him! I never gave any indication previously that I'm TG.

[elizabethamy]

Like many of us, I have multiple therapy issues beyond my gender identity challenge. Ideally, a therapist who can help with everything is the best. Sometimes she and I have a give-and-take about what we should do with our precious time. We cover a lot. If I'm stumped, she never is. I left two therapists -- both male, hmm -- who wanted to put my gender issues last!

So, Erina, this is my advice -- figure out what you really need to work on and say it to the therapist. If he/she doesn't embrace your need, find another therapist. I don't think he/she has to be a gender expert, especially not at first. You want someone who is only thinking - how can I use my gigantic education and mad skills to help Erina learn what she needs to know? I wish you all the best!

[SusanCACD]

Allie, your the greatest! Can you help me find a therapist?
Susan

[michelleky53]

As I was sorting through several emotions when I was going through divorce, I told my therapist about my crossdressing. She was most supportive and told me she had other clients with similar interests. She asked about whether I crossdressed publically and when told of me being closeted, she said I could dress during my sessions. She would schedule me for the last appt. of the day, make sure I had the privacy of her restroom to change and have her secretary make sure all was clear before I came out. We discussed many issues, some CD, some not. I wore skirts or a dress, my hose, bra , wig , just didn't have time for makeup. Her support led me to coming out in public, just not local. I appreciate her proffessionalism, and it helped me greatly.

[Contessa]

I have been to see my therapist dressed fully just this year for the first time. She has helped me tremendously. I told her and many others about my gender identity issue, though it isn't an issue. It took me almost 50 years to identify my being a dresser. My reading here and other sites before I joined is what helped me identify me myself. I have told her what I thought she should know and she puts it in prospective, I am the way I am because of the way I am. I go out in public now like I have been doing it dressed as a male too. When I am in drab I hope not to scare anyone, haven't had any problems yet.

Tess

[Erina]

Now I really start to feel corny making such a silly title. Many at this forum have truly fulfilled the term coming out, now I am using the same term to describe when I spoke to a therapist.
Visiting your therapist fully dressed is something that I think sound really cool. Realize that it redefines the way I used "coming out", sorry about the misleading.


I don´t know the difference between psychologist and psychiatrist except the significant spelling difficulty. Don´t think we got any common word in Swedish matching the word therapist. Discovered the word at this forum.

I´m a cross dresser, I know the fact. Wonder if my difficulties speaking about it is related to my acceptance of the fact. I haven´t gained enough mental wellbeing over the years, starts to wonder what it really takes to get to that perfect acceptance.

[sandra-leigh]

I don´t know the difference between psychologist and psychiatrist except the significant spelling difficulty.

A psychiatrist has been trained in medicine and so is permitted to prescribe medications including anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. Even hormones.

A psychologist studies relationships and dealing with people and leading to positive behavior outcomes and so on, but does not study medicine and so is not permitted to prescribe anything.

[AllieSF]

Erina,

I did not know that English was not your native language. I did understand that your telling the therapist/Doctor/counselor that you crossdressed was your "coming out" (telling) to him about that side of your personal life. As the term is most used on this site, it is the telling someone important in your day to day life about what you do, or actually just stepping outside the safe haven of your home. So, in my English, which is not always correct either, it would be more telling, revealing or explaining. I am glad that you told him and I hope you can keep telling him everything to help you out.

[kimdl93]

I'm glad you felt comfortable in sharing this with your psychologist. I find his observation that "its common" to be encouraging, which suggests that he's not going to bring personal or societal prejudices into the process.