Experience with going out dressed after Male Release!

[NCAmazon]

Ok Here is a little report I wanted to give about a recent experiment I tried. In the past I would dress up go out in public and then my male drive would build up and then when I returned home I would take care of a happy ending as you call it and feel that relief and release then put all the clothes away and say I will never do it again and feel frustrated etc.


The other day I tried a new experiment where as I start dressing I take care of my male release and have an orgasm before I even finish dressing. I then take a shower and push through the feelings of guilt and desire to put the clothes away. I would finish my dressing session and makeup and go out the door.

At first I was tired and indifferent, but as I entered the public and walked around a sense of huge relief came over me. I felt several tingling peaceful sensations in my body.

I was extremely relaxed and was not self conscious and didn't feel the libido testosterone rush. It was a very easy going stress relieving outing.

I casually returned home after shopping and walking and had a good nights sleep.

This was a idea i got from an article I read about keeping the CD clothes on after Orgasm and hold the feeling and see where it takes you to dissassociate feminine feeling and energy from sexual release.

Maybe an idea for some others who are on this same boat. Any other thoughts on why it felt so peaceful after taking care of the man business before hand??

This also was easy on the need to stay tucked LOL!!

[stacycoral]

If you are having the clothes on just for the care of your body,which i have been there, after you wear panties all the time it isn't about your body anymore, and the relax feeling of being a girl, does come over you, I will go out part dressed or full most out of public due to wear in live in the us,but, the feeling of just being dressed and out of the house, with a chance of being seen, i really don't care if i seen anymore or not, it just feel better being a girl out and enjoyment of the clothes,I can't wait until summer comes so i can to the lake and sunbath in bikini again. I just love the feeling of being a girl.

[CINDYO]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

[NCAmazon]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

Well its not degrading in anyway. Its an admiration more than anything. Many times its imagining being the woman during a intimate activity that leads to the release. Its a fantasy change of pace in many case or for someone who may be TS it is something to be looked into in more and seeking therapy.

Self sexual gratification is a form of stress relief. So thats how many men deal with it or feel. Its not always the case. The masturbation is a personal thing that you don't go out in public cding and talking about.

But if it affects sexual relations with a gf or wife it is a cause for concern that needs to be worked on.

[cindi cinnamon]

NCAmazon: The feeling you have after an orgasm has a name....... It is called the "Refractory Period"..... (you can check it out on wikipedia under the heading of "Refractory Period [SEX]). Wikipedia can explain it a whole lot better than I.

I have to admit, that when I first started crossdressing, there was definitely a sexual component to the activity, and I too, would feel pretty crappy afterwards. But, as I began to understand and accept myself, I no longer experience that "crappy feeling" afterwards.

[sandra-leigh]

just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification [...] Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations...

Sometimes partners have very different libido levels. Libido levels in humans are very varied, to the point that researchers tend to say that "normal" practically does not exist. I've been on both sides, lower libido than one partner (enough so to lead to some strain), and higher libido than another (enough so to lead to strain.) The one with the lower libido tended to claim that I was oversexed, but really I was on the lower side of "quite typical". Her libido in turn, while pretty low as such things go, still fell within the range of "normal" as far as sex researchers are concerned -- but with her, I was within the accepted definition of "celibate". "Willing to have intimate relations?"... "Yes, let's do that, maybe this fall, or perhaps next spring."

Typical GG behavior? Well, a friend of mine ran a store for a decade, and after people really started shopping on the Internet, the only things keeping her store going was selling adult toys (women bought the majority of those) -- that and selling breast forms. Through discussions with other store owners or managers, I was informed that there was one adult toy in particular that it was virtually impossible to keep in stock -- a toy designed for women. Now, perhaps GG's in Canada are different than GG's where you are, but solo female is most certainly not atypical here (though it isn't for everyone.)

There is, I know, another factor as well: sometimes getting busy partners together and synchronized is just too much bother. 10 spare minutes by yourself when you need it, versus trying to match up in the (typically) 15 minutes between when all the respective house and work duties are done and the time to fall sleep. "Leave me alone, I'm not in the mood!" can be a simple statement of fact for someone already very tired. Finding time and warming up, and so on, can be a lot of effort to get together. A few minutes by yourself... simple and uncomplicated. And when there are rougher spots in the relationship...

There are other factors as well, but I think this is enough.

[KimberlyJean]

I think the masterbating is definetly a phase, when I first started dressing I could barely get dressed before I had to do it. Now it doesn't happen any more often than when I don't dress. Now the clothes make me feel more comfortable than sexually aroused. And they are so much more interesting than men's clothes.

[AllieSF]

Cindyo

I do not have that need when dressed. So, my situation is different from the OP's situation. Yes, there is a sexual side to crossdressing for some, maybe many, and even that varies by extremes for each individual. The OP may have found something that may help her get beyond the sexual excitement and need to release stage to be able to just enjoy the dressing. For me and many, many others here, the actual dressing has no sexual excitement nor the need for any release. So, in answer to your first question I do not think that the majority of the MtF CD's here get sexually excited when dressed. But this is just my opinion based on what I read and I would guess what you have read too. Yes, many do react that way, but I think that those others that do get to dress more often and even get to go out, do not. I am not sure if it is "often" implied, I would say sometimes implied in some of the threads.

Now your not understanding why someone in a relationship would step outside (your terminology) that relationship to sexually gratify themselves is to me a different topic altogether with which this post has some relationship. In my experience and from talking to other men when I was younger (probably boys because men rarely talk about this, except in extremely safe zones like this site) and from what I have read, men have been doing that since there were relationships (actually before, during and after). Men sometimes masturbate for a lot of different reasons while in a relationship. That includes urgent needs, level and frequency of intimacy with the SO, and even that stereotypical reason that I believe is more true than not, that males are more sexual needy of release than women are. Now, I do not see that as "stepping" outside" the relationship. I see it as a man relieving himself when his SO cannot for whatever reason. I am not talking about some men and women who are hyper sexual and need those releases much more often than let's say the average or normal adult whether male of female.

Why do you see it as "stepping outside" of the relationship? It sounds like you believe that a man who masturbates is cheating on his wife and that makes no sense to me at all. Maybe another example that may help explain it. A woman who has given birth sometimes needs to use a breast pump to deal with excess lactation. That is a natural process and then need for a woman. The male masturbating is somewhat similar to that too, a natural male process that may or may not need to be dealt with.

Your opinion that a male dressed as a female is degrading to a woman is your opinion, of course. Just because a male dresses as a female and tries to emulate one in looks and mannerisms and then sometimes that male natural urge takes over, whether the male wants it to or not, does not mean that he is degrading any female, at least in my opinion. Again, he is satisfying a natural need as explained above. Why wouldn't just his dressing as a female when he definitely does not pass as one be considered degrading to women too? I have only read on a very rare occasion here one or two women make that comment, or ask that question. I think that if a woman thinks that their man is cheating on her when he masturbates, she will probably think the same thing when he looks a little too long at an attractive female, talks to the pretty new neighbor at a neighborhood barbecue, looks at porn, or even looks at fashion magazines to see the pretty women, especially a Victoria's Secret catalog. That is a lack of trust on the woman's part, in my opinion. Now she may have other reasons to not trust him too. She may also be more religious and conservative in her beliefs, which is her business not mine. However, I think that a research of past studies on male masturbation will show that it is a common occurrence and not something that should be considered as something negative in a relationship, unless he over does it.

Anyway, these are my thoughts and am interested in what others think about this too.

And, OP, sorry to write such a long answer to Cindyo, and hopefully this will not derail your serious question. I think that once you dress more often you may find that urge and need to diminish. But in the meantime, it looks like you have found something that may help you. Good luck.

[KaTanya]

Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?most people (GM and GG) would find the notion of a woman giving her man intimate relations on an "on-demand" basis degrading. I'm not going to go there, but your statement does send the kind of mixed message that leads to all sorts of relationship issues. Just because he's "ready" doesn't mean she's "willing". C'est la vie. The notion that women don't engage in (and enjoy) self-grat... Really?

To answer your question, there is a level of fetishistic grat to it. To various degrees, some of us grow out of it. Some more than others, and others still not at all. It's not monolithic.

[Jenniferathome]

Is this really the kind of message you want out there and on which any women reading would form an opinion of you?

[Tamara Croft]

This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)

That doesn't make any sense :strugglin So if a woman has solo sex whilst dressed (in womens clothing), is that degrading also? They are just clothes, some clothes are sexy, make you feel sexy and if you don't have a partner/SO etc... what's wrong with solo sex?? I don't see it degrading, I don't see anything wrong with it... So all CD'ers that have solo sex whilst dressed in womans clothes in your opinion are degrading to women... that's pretty insulting imho...

[YorkshireRose]

When I was in my teens I used to borrow my parents copies of clothing catalogues for release. It was never the girls in the pictures it was always the clothes+the girl. Specifically dresses and skirts. I was always in reverse to you NC Amazon, in that I always used to encourage my gfs to stay dressed while having sex, rather that X dressing myself. Mainly because it was a huge turn on/fantasy and also because I was trying to repress my strong desire to CD.

Since coming out to my gf, and now that I have started to purchase some clothes, including a lovely dress my SO has bought for me I really am not sure which direction this will take. I will probably know once I slip on my new dress for the first time.

[AllieSF]

Is this really the kind of message you want out there and on which any women reading would form an opinion of you?

Jennifer, this is a CD site. This topic as many other topics get there fair time every so often. All people coming here need to have an open mind and understand the real world. Now, if this was a dating site and the OP was looking to meet some GG from this site to date, then I would agree that this would not be the place for the OP to discuss this topic. Since this is a support site and it is posted in the correct section, no foul committed. It was a serious post and should be treated as such and support should be provided.

[NCAmazon]

IT is what it is. I'm not trying to sugar coat why I CD and what happens while doing it. I'm just exploring beyond just gratification sexually for it. This is a support forum and I posted what helped me. I have a high libido and thats good in a lot of ways.

This subject seems to make a lot of so called wholesome CDs get defensive. The CDs who act like humans don't masturbate.

[Marleena]

I don't find it offensive at all. I would think many CDers like the arousal from wearing womens clothes. Like you said it is what it is. I'm sure there are some single females out there that put on sexy lingerie or whatever and please themselves too.

EDIT: Oops I see this was a already mentioned, sorry.

[MsJanessa]

to Cindyo

many CDers start with being what is known as fetish CDers---we originally got turned on when dressed---I'm sure that a pyschologist could explain way--I can't----but the fact remains that many of us start our crossdressing careers this way--eventually most of us go beyond the bedroom and venture out, either full time or part time dressed without the sex--but as for me, and I'm sure many others, it is always in the back of our minds

as for degrading women--I'm not sure how it does that--and as for degrading our sexual partners--well, often times we don't have sexual partners, or if we do, they don't want to have sex with us while we are dressed, which is when we want to. The tone of your posting indicates, to me at least, that you would not want to have sex with a male who was dressed and made up as a woman---why should you complain then, when the "woman" pleasures herself?

[Aprilrain]

This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification

Clearly you have never had a male libido.

I'm not sure how old you are but I assume you are an adult. If you haven't figured out by now that men approach sex from a completely different angle than woman you have not been paying attention.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Question about this topic from a GG
This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
...
I takes all types to make this world. If the person having "solo sex" is not hurting anyone, then what's the problem?

[ReineD]

This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)

You're right, we don't get off on ourselves because we wear girl's clothes. But, CDers aren't girls they are men with male libidos who find it highly arousing (especially in the beginning) to wear women's clothing. I don't see it as being degrading to us either, it is just their brand of sexuality. You could say in the beginning it looks more like a sexual fetish than dressing for identity reasons. But, this does change (if the CDer wants to change it). NCAmazon is describing wanting to move beyond the sexual aspect and he has found a way to accomplish this. Eventually, the sexual urges associated with the CDing will diminish or possibly disappear. I can't tell you how many posts I've read from the more seasoned CDers who confirm this.

I also quite agree with NCAmazon's second post: if a CDer who is in a relationship does this frequently and there is not much sexual energy left over for his partner, this would present a problem, and the CDer needs to deal with it.

And last, you mention CDers emulating women. It looks as if this is what they do in terms of appearance, but honestly I believe they are rather getting in touch with their own inner femininity than trying to "mimic" us. And, because they are men physically, they also have to deal with the male physical reactions to all things female. They are, after all, one and the same person who has some feminine tendencies and characteristics (also masculine tendencies and characteristics) combined with male bodies and male hormones. It is only once they get past being slaves to their male libidos that they can focus more on the feminine feelings.

It's a process, Cindy.

EDIT Thinking about this further, in the beginning I also didn't understand the concept of libido associated with the CDing. I took it if a CDer was aroused while dressed, this was in direct competition with his desire for his SO, since it looked as if he would much rather have sex solo than with his wife. To an outsider this looks as if his femme self is his mistress. It's hard for any newbie GG to intuitively know this is not the case, since she has nothing in her internal landscape that even approaches what it feels like to be transgender. But, over time I did come to see that a CDer's sexuality is not like other men who do not CD. It can't be compared. My only advice to you is to keep talking to your SO about this if you feel neglected by him sexually. :hugs:

[Chazity]

I think the masterbating is definetly a phase, when I first started dressing I could barely get dressed before I had to do it. Now it doesn't happen any more often than when I don't dress. Now the clothes make me feel more comfortable than sexually aroused. And they are so much more interesting than men's clothes.

I agree it does feel comfortable ,i dont even think about sex when I dress,but when I was 12or13 it was a sexual thing

[Vickie_CDTV]

Self sexual gratification is a form of stress relief. So thats how many men deal with it or feel. Its not always the case. The masturbation is a personal thing that you don't go out in public cding and talking about.


This is something I wish more GGs understood about males (in big bold blinking capital letters.) Just because a male masturbates does not mean he does not love you, or does not find you attractive, or does not want to be with you. It can be a form of non-destructive stress relief (better than a drug addition, right ?) It has nothing to do with whether or not a man loves you and wants to be with you or not. This is absolutely sincere and it is true.

Cindy, a male who dresses up and pleasures himself does not to it to hurt or demean women. As said, he would do that for stress relief and an escape, there would be no malice intended.

[Aylineira]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?


I understand where you're coming from and believe me there's one line that answers this: Men will always find a way.

Whether he buys pornographic material or likes the way the washing machine feels when the spin dry section is going... men will always find a way. This is just one of those ways for some men.

I believe that there was a study done and nearly 90% of all men admit to masturbating. This activity, though you may feel apprehensive to, is something that men do on a regular basis.

Truthfully there is more to it then what I have written but bottom line is you need to know that we are not trying to demean or degrade women in any way when some of us relieve ourselves while crossdressing.

[docrobbysherry]

Interesting post, Amazon! I had never thot about this until I read it! But, I seem to enjoy or suffer, a sexual dichotomy when dressing.

When I'm dressing at home, I usually get aroused somewhere along the line. My at home relaxing, satisfying sessions often conclude with a happy ending.:o (I do not and have not had an SO since Sherry first appeared in my mirror!)

However, when dressing to go out, while I'm out, and after returning from an outing, sex is the LAST THING on my mind!:brolleyes:

I find THIS process to be quite stressful and the return to my private safety a big relief! But, NONE of that is arousing! Sounds quite different from YOUR dressing experience doesn't it?:straightface:

[Lorileah]

In young human males, almost anything can have a sexual connotation to it. Since the availability of young females is limited, then self pleasuring is often an outlet. I think most here can admit that somewhere along the line there was pleasure in wearing something (even if it didn't culminate in "release").

In Western society, females have been trained that any sexual act other than for procreation is lewd or perverted. That the joy of any sexual act needs to be shared with only one person (we won't get in that any deeper) and thus they believe that any sexual act needs to be with your partner. Be that as it may and based on your social upbringing, the fact is that often males and females (or even same sex couples) do not mesh with the needs. Also on a primitive basis males "need" to spread it around to make as many clones as possible while females are unable to do that and must conserve their gametes.

Long story short here. GG's may find things perverted or un-natural mostly due to societal mores and upbringing, but nature (or whatever deity you choose) made the act pleasurable (if done correctly) and thus it cannot be bad right? I think the majority here will have to admit there is (or was) a sexual element with dressing. And, yes, I know the OP's point that the desire can lessen after "release" but I think it is more guilt than anything else.

[suchacutie]

CindyO, there are many answers to the issue you raised. For me, transforming to Tina involves a complete change. My wife describes it as "two different applications running on the same database". I will admit that Tina finds the transformation process sensual, but not sexual. For her the "gratification thing" gets in the way of who she is.

So, with everyone being different, I don't think any group can be painted with a broad brush.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

I relate with the OP, I still have the guilt sometimes.

[KaTanya]

Back on topic:
this reminds me of "There's Something About Mary" and the pre-date discussion with his friend, about not wanting to "go out with a loaded gun" (or something like that, it's been a while). From that standpoint, it may not be a bad idea.

Just do a better job of washing your hands afterwards.

[CONSUELO]

There are some surprisingly judgmental comments on this topic as if being a cross dresser involves just a very limited range of behaviours and feelings. From my own experience and from what I have gathered from many other crossdressers, early experiences with crossdressing often resulted in sexual arousal and culminated in masturbation. My introduction to sexuality from the age of about 5 was around the erotic experience from dressing in lingerie and feeling the softness on the skin while looking at the effect in a mirror. i probably spent a lot of time dressing in slips and half slips, corsets, bras, nightgowns etc. In the 1950's slips especially were a part of women's wardrobe and were beautifully designed with very fancy lace hems and busts and wearing them and looking at them in ads and in stores was a great erotic delight. As a teenager I dated girls and loved it when they wore lovely slips. It was all a part of the erotic experience. While I used to experiment with makeup and outer clothing a little, it was those wonderfully sensual slips etc. that would drive my sexual feelings. For many years I thought that I simply had a fetish for lingerie and it was only in later life that I began to dress more and buy wigs and skirts. I find that being dressed as a woman is a very comforting and calming experience for me but it is often a very erotic one also. Later in life I found that I was attracted to having sex with men but I had to be dressed in order to do it. I needed to be in the feminine role for it to feel right. Psychologists seem to have lots of theories about crossdressing and transexualism but as they don't see the entire spectrum; just those who are particularly troubled seem to dominate the examples of people that they treat, I doubt that we are anywhere near understanding the causes. Also, I have been intrigued by the way in which my cross dressing has evolved over time. Why? Also why is it that when I was in my teen years I never ever thought about sexual relationships with other males but, decades later I found it very erotic and fulfilling? It is all very confusing still. One hypothesis is that you create a feminine alter ego that is sexually arousing to you and so when dressed you find that masturbating is a form of sexual engagement with that alter ego.

So, for those of you who like to have a happy ending to your dressing, I say you are not alone by any means and don't feel badly about it. Transvestites cover a spectrum of behaviours, not one particular type.

[EllieOPKS]

The original posts takes me back to my younger days, and as you read this, you'll have a flashback too because we all have common denominators. In the younger days, after having a sexual encounter, I had no interests in sex at all - for about 20 minutes. Then I was ready to "play ball" again, my mind and body were ready for round 2. In the OP NCAmazon kinda identified with this as the 2nd experiment with masturbating while in the process of dressing and then pushing on to finish dressing and going out. The feelings that had her start the dressing session to start with returned though be it a little more mellow sexually.
To respond to CindyO's question regarding men doing this in girl mode the answer is yes. And men do it men mode yes. Its not cheating unless you go to your wife and say babe, you've been replaced by my right hand and theirs not room enough for the three of us. Masturbating is completely normal CindyO, I would suggest you give it a try, and if it helps, my wife thinks about George Clooney. :)

[CINDYO]

Ellie
you missed the point, masturbation is normal, no one is questioning that. The question is why would a man mastrubate when he is suppose to be acting womanly. Put in another way, would you mind or take offense if you were quite willing to have sex with your partner but she preferred to sneak off and masturbate while wearing mens clothing. Think about it? That is the question, not why masturbation, why when suppose to be emulating a women.....if there is a willing partner involved.

[kendra_gurl]

I can't believe no one has asked Cindyo the question yet... Are you willing to have sex with your SO while he is dressed?

While my wife is willing there are lots of those here who don't have that special person in their lives.

If you are a willing partner of a CD who would rather self gratify than be with you while dressed then I can also see your point

[AllieSF]

Cindy, I think that most of us here get it. I am not sure that you do. Most of us, including some GG's have stated here in this thread in response to your previous post here that men masturbate whether dressed in male or female mode. Yes, the female clothes may bring on certain tactile feelings that cause arousal and/or the whole idea of dressing as a woman with the tactile feeling is enough to arouse a man. Now, if my wife or girlfriend did that dressed as a woman or a man, I would not care as long as it was not exactly when we were both willing and able, and I preferably was not around. If either one does that when the other is interested and they both know that each other is interested, whether either of them is dressed as a woman or a man, then they both have problems and I can see your concern.

Now, am I missing something in your question? Am I not getting it?

[CINDYO]

my apology to the the initiator of this thread. Should have probably started one myself, no idea my coment would be off and running. Sorry we are off topic.

[Flent]

I've been curious about the same sort of thing.

I'm fine with anything someone wants to do in private or with another consenting adult. I can see how crossdressing can be very sexy. I think sharing that with a partner must be great. I also don't have an issue with masturbation in a relationship for the kinds of reasons Sandra-leigh mentioned.

The thing is, I expect masturbation within a relationship to be of the relaxing quickie variety, or a bit of porn surfing on an evening when I'm not around. Crossdressing takes time, money and a degree of committment that doesn't match up with what I understand as a simple natural urge for sexual release. I guess it's what Reine said about the femme side seeming like a mistress. I think crossdressing is sexy, but if someone's primary motivation is sexual, then it confuses me because I don't understand going through such lengths for a turn-on. A pair of panties is one thing, but wigs, forms, heels, a whole wardrobe… it doesn't add up.

The other part of it is going out. I find it kind of off-putting that people who dress primarily for thrills and sexual reasons (and not just to express a feminine side) would even leave the house. It's seems like it's involving non-consenting people into a kind of personal fantasy. (Exceptions for clubs or places where it would be acceptable, of course.)

I guess the NCAmazon's post interests me in that maybe it's that the sexual aspect is there, but seen as a hindrance in public? That would make more sense than the sometimes disturbing impression I've gotten otherwise.

[sandra-leigh]

Crossdressing takes time, money and a degree of committment that doesn't match up with what I understand as a simple natural urge for sexual release.

No car, other things to do, physical porn is getting difficult to locate now... have to plan and make time to go at all. Then when I'm there, I have to look through the subcategories and see what kind of things interesting me that day, and then I would have to go through the various offerings within that category to find one that wasn't pure junk. Take it home, and store it in a good place until the time it is needed. That 15 minutes of frustration-relieving took an hour and a half of preparation. Faster to buy a skirt in a store I just happen to be near.

[Carrie Ines]

I suppose this depends on the reason why you dress... Is it to feel feminine or is it for sexual release. Im no stranger to feeling aroused, sometimes but definitely not at all most of the time, when dressed but personally it is a much better experience if I don't release, this just reminds me I'm male and in that mode that is the last thing i want to be reminded of x

[LaurenB]

Flent, please don't worry about CDing being the mistress. The going out part is the enhancement of excitement brought on by risk - adrenaline. CDer's are to my knowledge the most faithful of men. We are, however, driven by our sexual hormones just as you are every month by yours. In our case it gets channeled quickly if we put on that whatever beautiful thing. Trust me when I say we really don't have much control over it - particularly when we're still young. It's not something to be jealous of - he is yours alone. I'd bet on it.

The really great news is that as CDer's age we become much less driven by those hormones and become much more in tune with our relationships. Personally speaking, my wife and I have the best s#x we've ever had now that I do not focus on release and just be in the present with her for how ever long we want. Our mutual feeling, caring, empathy, nurturing and just pure love takes over.

Don't know if that helps or is even close to topic. Apologies if not.

[SusieK]

There can be more than one thing going on when you crossdress, and though it seems like a contradiction, it's really not.

A heterosexual male brought up with the imagery of modern society is prone to being turned on by sexy lingerie, the curve of a bosom etc. As a teen, when hormones are raging, these feelings and the inevitable consequence are intense. If, for whatever reason, this coincides with a desire to CD (and taking the opportunity to do so), then it makes a strong mental connection. This is the start of the classic fetish CD. Fetish by definition is the need for some specific additional feature in order to become aroused, though it is often used with a slightly looser meaning.

Now what if the cause of the desire to CD was not actually the sexual aspect at all. Gender roles can be quite restrictive depending on the community in which you are brought up. It's by no means one sided (oh, don't we guys have it tough?) but there are pressures on males to be physically and mentally tough, and repress gentler emotions. The degree to which this affects your actions should you find that you're not a neat fit with the stereotype vary too.

Do you enjoy watching chick-flicks? Do you feel able to say to your mates that you enjoy chick-flicks? Do you feel able to say to yourself that you enjoy chick-flicks? Why is it not OK for me to be pampered? Why can't I get dolled up and pretty too? Cross-dressing is a way of giving yourself permission to experience some of the things that females have by rights. The most obvious (duh!) is the clothing itself, it's pretty, it's tactile, and it represents femaleness. It flicks a switch in the mind that then gives you permission. It removes the barriers that you have placed there with the guiding hand of society to define what you should or shouldn't feel, enjoy, or participate in.
It may not be femininity, or how a female would actually feel, because you still have a male brain (assuming you're not TS) and male hormones (after all it's not entirely society's doing), but nevertheless it has a powerful effect.

So in conclusion, let your male self enjoy the release, then give your whole self permission to enjoy being you.

[docrobbysherry]

I've been curious about the same sort of thing.--------------
The thing is, I expect masturbation within a relationship to be of the relaxing quickie variety, or a bit of porn surfing on an evening when I'm not around. Crossdressing takes time, money and a degree of committment that doesn't match up with what I understand as a simple natural urge for sexual release. I guess it's what Reine said about the femme side seeming like a mistress. I think crossdressing is sexy, but if someone's primary motivation is sexual, then it confuses me because I don't understand going through such lengths for a turn-on. A pair of panties is one thing, but wigs, forms, heels, a whole wardrobe… it doesn't add up.

The other part of it is going out. I find it kind of off-putting that people who dress primarily for thrills and sexual reasons (and not just to express a feminine side) would even leave the house. It's seems like it's involving non-consenting people into a kind of personal fantasy. (Exceptions for clubs or places where it would be acceptable, of course.)

I guess the NCAmazon's post interests me in that maybe it's that the sexual aspect is there, but seen as a hindrance in public? That would make more sense than the sometimes disturbing impression I've gotten otherwise.
This is all your fault, Flent! I was trying to stay on topic!
First off, masterbation. I've never gotten off on pictures. Not when I was a teen, and not now. Sometimes I can visualize pics and begin a mental journey that results in release, as it's called here. I've ALWAYS gotten excited by the company of attractive females, tho!

My solitary orgasms in drab don't approach the intensity of those that I have while watching Sherry in the mirror! And, as Reine said, I think it would be VERY inappropriate of me to be having that kind of sex if a had an SO. Which I don't! Because I fear I AM getting hooked on Sherry!:doh:

I've read that some get sexually excited or an adrenaline rush from going out dressed. For me, going out is like getting a bucket of cold water dumped on me!:eek: I've spent nearly a week dressed at CD conventions with NEVER a thot of sex the entire time there!

And, finally, Consuela. I'm over 60 and don't EVER recall a date wearing a "slip"! Maybe that's just in Cal., tho.:heehee:

[Piora]

I don't find it offensive at all. I would think many CDers like the arousal from wearing womens clothes. Like you said it is what it is. I'm sure there are some single females out there that put on sexy lingerie or whatever and please themselves too.

EDIT: Oops I see this was a already mentioned, sorry.
Up until about 2 years ago, I was a fetish crossdresser. I used dressing primarily to get off. I would wear the clothes, do my thing, and then would immediately lose my desire to be dressed, and would want to get out of the female attire, and back in to my drab clothes. On that particular day, I did the usual, but then I did not lose my desire to keep my female clothing on, and wore it most of the afternoon. During that time I experienced a similar euphoria to what the OP was describing. I had never felt this way before, and I really liked it.

I also have to explain that up until that point, I had strictly dressed in underwear of some type - corsets, panties, garter belt, stockings etc. I had never been interested in getting any outer wear (dresses, skirts, blouses - even shoes) After that, I then started having the desire to get clothing of that type, and found that after I did and dressed fully.....I no longer had the desire to 'get off' while wearing girly stuff, but continued to have that very satisfied feeling - which I had never experienced before. Since then, I probably dress more than I ever used to. For me, it was rather like an 'awakening' or a 'revelation' or something.

[Bree-asaurus]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

Replace "crossdressing" with ANY fetish.

What's wrong with solo release? If you're in a relationship and expect your partner to only get off when they're with you, you have some jealousy and control issues. As for getting off from a fetish... It's a friggin fetish... And most CDers, I would think, are afraid of rejection from sharing this with their significant others. I'm not a fan of lying to your partner (my bf and I have no secrets)... but hearing so many stories of how a crossdresser's partner is horribly disgusted by the very idea of crossdressing, is it any wonder that CDers keep it a secret? Have you been a man? Probably not... so you wouldn't understand that getting off for a man is a physical, instinctual thing... and is nothing compared to the intimacy and sensuality shared between a couple.

For the record, I'm not a crossdresser and I am in a very healthy relationship.

[NCAmazon]

@Piora- You know exactly what I'm talkinb about. On the same page.

Bree_K- Fetish by definition as mentioned means it must be there for someone to get off. If someone can get off by crossdressing in addition to many other things its not a fetish. Fetish has a bad connotation.

[Bree-asaurus]

@Piora- You know exactly what I'm talkinb about. On the same page.

Bree_K- Fetish by definition as mentioned means it must be there for someone to get off. If someone can get off by crossdressing in addition to many other things its not a fetish. Fetish has a bad connotation.

A fetish is not required for one to get off. What if you have multiple fetishes? You have to partake in all of them to get off? I don't think so.

I have a bondage fetish... I don't need to be tied up to get off.

It only has a bad connotation if that is what you believe.

[NathalieX66]

Bree_K said
Replace "crossdressing" with ANY fetish.



There's a difference between what gets you off or aroused vs. self-identity.
Some CD'ers don't get that.....sorry if I offend here.

[Barbara Dugan]

I don't think I can ever have a release when in guy mode anymore...Before I started dressing masturbation was more of a burden than a pleasure.I still have a low libido and can go weeks without it, and even I found the action kind of in congruent, the act of self pleasuring while enfeme is the only way I can feel connected with my body and feelings otherwise is just and empty action

[Jenniferathome]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here.

As much as I hate to continue this thread, the question asked by Cindyo is EXACTLY the reason why I expressed my frustration with this post in the first place. Women are confused by crossdressing enough. Now, throw in a topic that most women just don't want to hear about and "crossdressers" are even more off-putting.

Cindyo, it is a male thing. It is also a fetish thing, it is NOT a crossdressing thing.

[Bree-asaurus]

Bree_K said

There's a difference between what gets you off or aroused vs. self-identity.
Some CD'ers don't get that.....sorry if I offend here.

I totally understand that. People crossdress for a variety of different reasons. I was just referring to those who get off because of their crossdressing.

There are plenty of crossdressers that do it for other reasons, including expressing their inner self or their feminine side.



NC, there are many forms of 'fetish', some having NO sexual connotation whatsoever. ;)

[...]
* Venturi Fétish, a car produced by Venturi Automobiles.
[...]

I wanna drive a car called a "Fetish"... :D

[Amy Lynn3]

Tamara, may I say my hat is off to you my dear Lady for your post in this thread...ReineD, you know I love you, as your post are always spot on and your post here is another good example.

[NCAmazon]

NC, there are many forms of 'fetish', some having NO sexual connotation whatsoever. ;)

* Fetishism, the attribution of religious or mystical qualities to inanimate objects
* Sexual fetishism, sexual attraction to objects, body parts, or situations not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.
* Fetish (album) (1999), by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
* Commodity fetishism, a Marxist concept of valuation in capitalist markets
* Growth Fetish, the pursuit of economic growth in politics and economic theory as a universal cure for all society's problems
* Fetish fashion, clothing fetishes
* Zuni fetishes, small carvings from various stones, made by the Zuni Indians
* Venturi Fétish, a car produced by Venturi Automobiles.
* Fetish, a fictional superheroine in the Bomb Queen series.

Interesting. The definition I read was from Psychology today, maybe that magazine doesn't have all the details. Fetish it is.

[Kimmie Amanda]

i agree that we are all different,and dressing,the more i learn,has as many stages and changes as does adolesence.i think we are all dicovering and nurturing another side of ourselves in different levels of maturity as the "new charactor".Alot of what i read describes these stages,but just like adolesence we are all going to go through different stages at different times,rates,and ending at different places.I was in the same stage of getting dressed,masturbating and being ashamed for a long time untill i met someone who supported me.now ive "moved levels"? i now worry about my outfit and makeup and hair and such to the point that sexual release isnt at the forefront of my endevors anymore.As far as degrading to women,well,i feel like i emulate women.I find myself jealous of their ability to express themselves through clothing and accesories,the ability to be surrounded by soft things that are pretty and soothing to touch...and the fragrances!There are a LOT of feminine atributes that men in our society arent able to openly enjoy,and it is arousing when we can.

[PetiteDuality]

When I was a teenager, I used to dress and "release" myself. But I didn't dressed just for the pleasure (at least at the beginning). I got dressed because I had an urge to feel more feminine, and when I got dressed, the arousal was a consequence, not the objective of getting dressed.

It was amazing for me how feminine I would feel and look (specially when I was much younger). Back then, I was extremely shy and with very low self esteem. I thought that no girl would ever love me, and this feminine version of myself was the closest I'd ever get to a girl. But all these thoughts came little by little.

But at the beginning, masturbation was a consequence, not the objective of dressing. And the arousal of dressing was simply higher than any other thing I have experienced at the time.

I also have to say that I'm happy this has changed. Self gratification can't be compared with really making love with somebody you love. My humble opinion is that self gratification is selfish, and I don't understand how can somebody say that masturbation is a substitute or a complement to normal couple relationships, because it's more convenient, or less trouble than synchronizing agendas with your SO. At least it's not the case for me.

[YorkshireRose]

This is one of those 'AHA' moments for me. I used to look in the Sears & Roebuck or Mongomery Wards catalog and what sexually turned me on was not the woman, not the clothes, but the OBJECTS. ;)

I love how open and honest every one is one here. If I am totally honest, it was purely the clothes for me not the the model, specifically certain dresses and skirts. So I guess that is more a clothes fetish than CD, or am I wrong there? However that has evolved a lot as I have got older and I really enjoy expressing my femm side in girly clothes as much as anything else.

[Cheryl T]

In my youth this was most certainly a sexual thing. The clothing was stimulating and erotic (thank Playboy and the pinup girls for that) and developing sexually only increased that feeling. Later as I passed that stage of life the sexual component decreased and this inner need to express some hidden femininity increased. Now I rarely become aroused while dressing and it is not even a thought while I'm out. When we go shopping and to dinner my thoughts are on what I'm doing just as anyone else. Is this on sale, what do I want for dinner. My mind is not wrapped up in what I'm wearing, do I look sexy, do I feel sexy....just as yours aren't CindyO.
At the time when this was draped in sexuality, EVERYTHING was draped in sexuality for me. It was puberty, girls suddenly were attractive and everything made me horny.

[ReineD]

@Piora- You know exactly what I'm talkinb about. On the same page.

Bree_K- Fetish by definition as mentioned means it must be there for someone to get off. If someone can get off by crossdressing in addition to many other things its not a fetish. Fetish has a bad connotation.

I'll add to Purple8229's response to say there are non-sexual fetishes. It can also be a preoccupation, fixation, obsession, (a.k.a. strong psychological need). Have a look at the second definition at dictionary.com. I'll quote it for emphasis. Unfortunately most other dictionaries focus just on the "object".



2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fetish

[whowhatwhen]

Kind of OT, but can you 'disable' it?

I mean, "I'm looking at earrings damnit, why are you popping up now? Totally inappropriate there so just go away for a while OK?"
Honestly it's a hinderance and I get pretty annoyed, if it had ears I would chew it out for a good while.

To attempt to be on topic:
I think I had some interest in sexy clothes when I first started, but I ran into a wall where I noticed that I was uncomfortable seeing myself as a man wearing them.
I haven't put on anything since and won't until I can do a proper complete transformation where at least I'll look somewhat less male.

Oddly enough release is just to handle the biological requirements of being male, I get nothing out of it but there are consequences if a man doesn't.

[PetiteDuality]

I think I had some interest in sexy clothes when I first started, but I ran into a wall where I noticed that I was uncomfortable seeing myself as a man wearing them.
I haven't put on anything since and won't until I can do a proper complete transformation where at least I'll look somewhat less male.


I totally relate with this. I feel so uncomfortable seeing a man in a dress in the mirror, I haven't dressed in a while. I wish I could find a good transformation service in my area

[NCAmazon]

I totally relate with this. I feel so uncomfortable seeing a man in a dress in the mirror, I haven't dressed in a while. I wish I could find a good transformation service in my area

Yep, thats what offen leads a dressing session to stop.

I used to think why else would someone dress if they don't get off on it. I didn't get why I was ready about others who claimed they got no erotic ties to dressing. This experience gave me insight and some movement in that direction.

[Tonya Caramel]

@brea i'm speaking in all realness you are one of the most beautiful girls i ever seen. i'm jealous!

[whowhatwhen]

I totally relate with this. I feel so uncomfortable seeing a man in a dress in the mirror, I haven't dressed in a while. I wish I could find a good transformation service in my area

Even without seeing myself I still know I'd look like a man, uncomfortable is a great word to describe it.
Because of that I went into body maintenance and soul searching mode instead.

However, when I did try the clothes on I was physically aroused but still uncomfortable for the previous reason as well as it being pointless for other reasons.
The physical reaction is something I expediently want to do away with, any thought about making myself more feminine brings it up and god damnit it's ****ing annoying and again, pointless.

As for transformation services, I'd rather save up and buy stuff for myself and learn how to use it on my own.
Then again I'm poor so take that as you will.

[Bree-asaurus]

@brea i'm speaking in all realness you are one of the most beautiful girls i ever seen. i'm jealous!

Are you talking to me? Well thanks I guess lol... especially since it's your first post :P

[Karenmarie]

When I first started to CD many years ago, it WAS very sexy to feel the soft clothes of a woman as I put them on, so yes, I would masturbate more or less to get everything back to normal so I could go on dressing. Does any of that make any sense??? As time went by, when dressing, it wasn't so much sexy any more but soothing, relaxing and feeling a whole lot better in the femme clothes.
Does any of that make sense??
Now, the clothes serves to make me very confortable and relaxed and I feel, when dressed, like I am what and who I am supposed to be.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi NCAmazon...

Wow...one could pyschologize this to death and there appear to be many takes on it. Too tough to explain it in a way that all will understand; maybe you are feeling that way? I have been dealing with similar feelings as you and I have been experimenting a little to work through those same feelings.

I am a decided closet dresser so I do not experience the free feelings outside the home; I am fine with that. I do similar things as you in that if I "finish" I tend to conculde my dressing session. In recent months I have remained dressed regardless of immediate negative feelings and just kept on with my day. It's tough but important for me to do this.

For me this scenario is not about emulating women or a woman's sexual drives but about being a male hetero dresser who experiences perhaps more sexual arousal from dressing than I want to.

If you would like to discuss further please feel welcome to send me a private message. We can share a few other thoughts on the topic.

Thanks for sharing this!

Veronica

[Acastina]

... what's wrong with solo sex?? I don't see it degrading, I don't see anything wrong with it...

To paraphrase the old Woody Allen line: It's safe sex with someone I love...

[kellycan27]

Lots of men have solo "release".................... even when they're with their partner:heehee:

[Lorna]

Up until about 2 years ago, I was a fetish crossdresser. I used dressing primarily to get off. I would wear the clothes, do my thing, and then would immediately lose my desire to be dressed, and would want to get out of the female attire, and back in to my drab clothes. On that particular day, I did the usual, but then I did not lose my desire to keep my female clothing on, and wore it most of the afternoon. During that time I experienced a similar euphoria to what the OP was describing. I had never felt this way before, and I really liked it.

I also have to explain that up until that point, I had strictly dressed in underwear of some type - corsets, panties, garter belt, stockings etc. I had never been interested in getting any outer wear (dresses, skirts, blouses - even shoes) After that, I then started having the desire to get clothing of that type, and found that after I did and dressed fully.....I no longer had the desire to 'get off' while wearing girly stuff, but continued to have that very satisfied feeling - which I had never experienced before. Since then, I probably dress more than I ever used to. For me, it was rather like an 'awakening' or a 'revelation' or something.

I too can relate to this. For a long time I had to make a positive effort to stave off the gratification moment because I wanted to enjoy the clothes for as long as possible before the inevitable happened and I then just wanted to get "back to normal". Eventually, though, I realised that I wanted to try to stay dressed for a much longer period in order to get to understand better what it is really like to go about everyday activities dressed in women's clothes. I often heard women complain about the difficulties, discomforts and restrictions their clothing imposed on them and I needed to find out whether I would feel the same way after the self-gratification had gone and I was doing "normal" things. The result: yes, I could see what those women meant. Some things were more difficult in a skirt; the bra could feel tight or limiting when reaching up to a high shelf; the girdle could pinch and the suspenders pull when trying to relax on the sofa.....but despite that, I still loved to be dressed that way....and my low point came when the time arrived to return to male clothes. Slowly, the gratification part diminished in importance but the feel of the clothes has never disappointed.

[PetiteDuality]

For me this scenario is not about emulating women or a woman's sexual drives but about being a male hetero dresser who experiences perhaps more sexual arousal from dressing than I want to.


Exactly!!! When I started experiencing with CD, I was really upset about feeling so aroused by wearing feminine clothes...