To Our TS Friends: Please tell us how your lives have been affected by Transition

[Jeninus]

There is an endless debate on this site about CD/TG/TS and the meanings of the terms, and who fits in what category. We, on the CD side, I believe, think we understand, and we do respect, the sacrifices that our TS friends have made to achieve congruence, but it is scattered across many threads and is, therefore, diffuse.

Both for the education of your CD friends, and for the benefit of any researchers who might look here for at least anecdotal information, please tell us about your lives after transition. There are over 30,000 members of this site, with almost 7,000 active members, so it is a potentially rich resource for all of us.

Let us know how transition and the process of transition has affected your marriage or relations with your SO, your children - if any - parents and siblings; whether you still connect with your best friends from childhood and early adulthood. How has it affected your occupation or profession?

Do you feel that transition has achieved what you hoped for?

Finally what advice would you offer to CD/TG people, especially the youngest, who might not yet have entered into the responsibility of marriage and parenthood, who may be standing at the crossroad of their lives?

[Katesback]

Jeninus:

Sometimes the truth is not what you want to hear. But in the grand sceme of things the truth will set you free. Are my words going to break up families? Thats a good question. I suppose it is fair and honest for the wives to know what can and does happen with many CDs. If I was a wife I would sure want to know everything including the bad stuff so that I could make educated decisions about my relationship. It only seems fair.

So if I or someone else never said some of the bad things would that be your choice? If you ask me that sounds like your trying to avoid the truth. Actually there are countless posts in this very forum that point out what I have been talking about. Funny thing is they are posted by CDs. Every single one that talks about sex, TS issues, hormones, bisexuality, dating men, reinforce what I have been talking about. If you have not noticed those posts are the ones that get astronomical views in the hit meter. So before you suggest my words are false, damaging, or something like that you should go read some of those posts. You think the wives overlook them? LOL I mean really.

Or the wives can just do an internet search about crossdressing. The result encompases sex and behaviors the wives would probably be scarred to see. We can even take it local and check out craigslist. That site is often filled with CDs and other trans people looking for.......... well I will let ya guess.

Hey I am sure there are CDs out there that dont exhibit the behaviors I have been talking about. I am also sure that those are the ones that are closeted. If there is one thing I noticed is that once they taste freedom the pink fog takes over and the door opens to all sorts of activities.

Have you ever gone to a trans conference? Have you noticed all the sex that takes place at those events? Southern Comfort even has people that rent suites and have theme parties such as S and M parties, and all sorts of other things. Sex is very common there. Does that mean everyone has sex at the conference? Of course not. As a matter of fact the ones that are well behaved are more often then not the ones with thier wives at thier side. LOL go figure.

Of course for many others at the conference they are as far as thier wifes know on a business trip. It is often thier only chance to ever be a girl. They get a few drinks in them and all of a sudden they realize it is thier ONLY chance to really experience what its like being a girl (as they see it). Of course that means sex if you didnt get the suggestion. I might also point out that the conference has a nice following of tranny chaser guys. These guys sit in the lounge and only for a short period of time because they are in demand. They dont even have to try to get the girls attention because the girls come to them. Smart guys come to think of it they got it easy.

On Sunday when the conference is over one can sit in the lobby and observe guys crying because they have to go back to thier real life. You hear the stories of the guys that brought an entire wardrobe and then gave it away at the end of the conference because they cant take it with them, lord knows what the wife would think if she found out.

Lastly it has been said a few times that there are consequences for comming out and living a authentic life. Well yes sure there is. Fact is nothing worth anything in life is easy!

[ReineD]

Katesback, in the other thread I asked any responses to Jeninus to be made here, so I moved your post. You might want to come back in here and relate your personal transition experience in order to stay on topic.

[Stephenie S]

Just a guess, but perhaps what Kate is trying to say is that from the point of view of a crossdresser, it is impossible to know or understand what effect transition will have on your life.

S

[ReineD]

I would love it if this thread could stay on topic and TSs could answer Jeninus' question.

Now I'm beginning to wonder why this is not happening?

Edit Reading Kate's post more closely, for the record I do want to say there is an error in your logic. You've been told about broad-brush statements and once again, I'm reminding your that not all CDer's (or bigenders, dualgenders, TGs) wives or girlfriends have any "bad" sides to discover. I don't. Not all CDers are into this for sex or ultimately want to transition.

And now, back on topic ...

[Inna]

hi there across the domain, how is the weather there? LOL, I am an advocate for togetherness and honesty and always felt that even though looking at opposing extremes, where understanding is as vastly separated as between male and female, we are still same in the respect to Dysphoria driving gender expression to an act of presenting as opposite of sexes.

Understanding however of exactly what it is to transition, requires full immersion into the spectrum of emotions contained within turbulent process. Honestly, I don't think anyone who is not attempting such transition will fully understand how far the rabbit hole goes, and especially if such person doesn't have, sex specific gender imprint, they will not be able to perceive emotions which are only specific to such gender. What I mean by that, is that it is believed that for male to female transsexual individuals our brains are coded with identity sex specific imprint that of a female and so our thought, emotions and view of the world is simply through womans eyes with added testosterone poisoning we end up having a serious dysphoria and confusion as to what is up and what is down. Only after introduction of proper chemistry we regain clarity and balance through HRT.

Transition is simply, giving up on the idea that maybe I am a man, letting go of a pretense of masculinity, false gravity of success in denial and most of all, it is finally admitting that life which seemed lived was a mere interpretation, an illusion an act and now, real birth shall commence. And it does, in every bit of the meaning, birth brings on yet another try at this life, this time with feeling of authenticity and direction towards truth. What you have known before, is gone, whom you have held dear, values you had believed, professions you tooled, all of it is gone and the promise of anew is at hand. Not for all the loss will be so grave, for some love will survive, job shall remain, but when decision is made it all goes on line!!!!

Yet the power of truth is so grand that even the most horrid of hazards wont keep us at bay, that is an essence of transsexual, or at least that is an essence of INNA

[Katesback]

My post was moved so a lot of what I was talking about was supposed to be part of a different thread.

[Badtranny]

If you're wondering why there has been so little participation, it's probably because this is just a tired topic for so many of us. I've already written at considerable length about my transition and what it means to me. Much of my life over the last couple of years has been immortalized in my blog as well.

In a nutshell; I feel like my life began back in January of 2010 when I finally accepted my fate. I do not understand those that waffle back and forth on this issue. There is not a cell in my body that enjoyed anything about being a man. Accepting myself meant an end to the daily struggle of pretending, and the never ending effort to hide my true nature. The saddest part about our struggle is how hard we try to hide from ourselves. The weird psychological contortions we make in order to justify our feelings to OURSELVES. I knew I was a girl before I knew how to spell my name. By the time I started Kindergarten I already knew I had a problem because everybody seemed to think I was a boy. The rest of my life was spent mimicking the boys I admired. High School was a lonely place because I was starting to have crushes on boys and that just wouldn't do. My early adulthood was spent trying desperately to "butch it up" and I incorporated all manner of denial to that end. After my first marriage ended I dated men clandestinely almost exclusively. When I realized that I could not face the reality of who I was, I got married again. I finally came out as gay just a few months later.

It took a couple of years and a car accident still for me to finally admit to myself what I had spent a life denying. That I was not a man.

By then, I was at the end of my rope and within the next year I was out to everyone as a transitioning TS. It was terrifying but immensely gratifying in the end. I have never been so happy and so excited about tomorrow. It is profoundly sad that I spent most of my life feeling cursed when today I feel so unbelievably blessed and the only thing that changed was my attitude.

[kimdl93]

I can certainly appreciate why TS members might be tired of repeating something they've shared, sometimes frequently. But there are always new members and among those of us who've been here a while, our perspectives, well, they often change. So, I appreciate even the abbrieviated versions!

[Kathryn Martin]

I do not think that I can give you any advice whatsoever. Being TS is a congenital birth defect with associated situational emotional issues which are called dysphoria, crossdressing is a gender variance, which by definition does not have a physical component.

I would have preferred to have this placed in a Safe Haven Forum rather than here.

My transition has affected my life mainly by bringing finally happiness and contentment to my life.

Over the last few months I have purposely refrained from posting much. Most of my recent posts have not dealt with my personal history and path, because instead of writing about it I live it; every day. If it were not for the internet the extent to which I would contemplate my history before now would be minimal. The last remnants of my male history consist of what’s between my legs and that will be gone in 46 days. I will then be the closest approximation of a female anatomy that surgery can provide. I am going to Montreal.


I have completed my letters which I will have available in the next two weeks. My electrolysis has progressed to the point that everything to my jawline is cleared, my cheeks now grow light, fine peach fuzz. Hormones have been a godsend and my physical and emotional well-being is amazing.


In the meantime, I work hard and live my life with my loved ones and my friends. I am in a nutshell like any other woman. I get patronized, I smile a lot, my boobs get checked out in the grocery store (I am natural 36C cup) by guys as they pass me, I don’t merit a second glance as women and men pass me. I eat healthy, watch my weight to fit my clothes, do my daily skin routine, go get my hair done every 5-6 weeks and have my nails done when it’s necessary. I volunteer. I also do pro bono work for trans people and several charitable organizations trying to help with some of their law problems.


I am in a committed beautiful relationship with my spouse. I have always been attracted to both sexes, have acted on both attractions and have ended up being married to my soul-mate, best friend and the one person I want to grow old with. But do not get me wrong, I have lost family members the closest of which is my father. He refused any communication with me and being 6000km away from here it is impossible to overcome a concerted effort to reject contact with me. Since he is very old, time is running out. Most recently I have been successful in re-establishing contact and we are operating on an uneasy truce.

My spouse and I have worked hard and planned carefully to make my transition a success.

I often feel I am an exception to the some outspoken rule that you must lose everything in transition.

[Julia_in_Pa]

I transitioned in Helena Montana in 2006.
I had to transition or commit suicide.
Before marrying my wife at the time I disclosed everything that I was and what I needed to do concerning transition.
She promised to stay with me during and and after transition.
Approx four and a half years later she reneged on that promise.
I agreed to give her the house, land, furniture, etc.

Due to transition I lost many family members, my " friends ", my property and my job.


During the past five years I've experienced the very best and the very worst in people.

Overall it has been a mixed bag of regret and elation.

I regret my ex wife Becky decided not to stay with me and it haunts me to this day.
The elation is being able to be my true self.


You do not transition because you want to, you transition because you have to when there's no other option left.
I've lost two friends to suicide due to the loss they experienced in their lives after they transitioned.
Transition is a deadly serious thing. you must prepare to lose everything including yourself in order to gain it all.

Current day; I am engaged to be married to a wonderful and loving woman.
My financial situation is allowing me once again to not worry about things.
I live in a nice house in a nice suburb.
It took five years and being close to death in order for me to be where I am today.



Julia