A good Action Plan to see where I am TS or Not

[NCAmazon]

Ok,

I'm at the what the heck am I phase of this development. I've started working with a counselor and getting input on my TS tendancies and CD tendancies. I have a mix of both it seems. I wanted to put my thoughts together and see if anyone had any other ideas or if this seems like a good plan.

Right now I spend a lot of time going through analysis paralysis. I've had several relationships over the years and I thought now would be a good time push the exploration since I'm single at the moment.

1. Continue the healthy things I'm doing in life like work, exercise and hobbies.

2. Continue to work with the counselor and get feedback.

3.Go out dressed in femme when the opportunity arises and see where the moment takes me, but don't let it overtake important things like relationships with loved ones etc..

4. Keep note of how I feel when dressed and not dressed.

5. Spend less time on internet forums trying to figure it out or look for answers on internet forums.

6. See what changes and doesn't over time.

Does this seem like a good plan? Any other ideas for a healthy sane way to approach this?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

its like you read the book on how to do it right

the only chapter you missed is start hair removal YESTERDAY....laser if your beard is dark...otherwise you are looking at 250 + hours of painful, time consumming , expensive electrolysis...and if you end up transitioning, you will find this is your worst bugaboo..

hehe
i said bugaboo..

[JohnH]

its like you read the book on how to do it right

the only chapter you missed is start hair removal YESTERDAY....laser if your beard is dark...otherwise you are looking at 250 + hours of painful, time consumming , expensive electrolysis...and if you end up transitioning, you will find this is your worst bugaboo..

hehe
i said bugaboo..

It depends how much of a beard shadow you have. I don't have ANY beard shadow for at least 14 hours after I shave my face. I have a ruddy complexion and grey and reddish-brown whiskers so I don't have the contrast of black whiskers against a pale complexion. If I use Vaniqa I could get in a situation where I never have a beard shadow. So in my case beard removal is very low in my list of priorities. Now if you have the Richard Nixon beard shadow look then beard removal would be mandatory.

Johanna

[Kaitlyn Michele]

johanna sorry to disagree quite strongly.

NO Beard shadow EVER is the goal.. NO shaving...EVER...that's the goal..

Your advice only applies to a very small group of people and frankly to no one that is contemplating full time transition, unless they want to live their days around what time they shave

[JohnH]

Let me preface this reply - if you are one of those individuals who has a beard shadow immediately after shaving, or if appears in a couple of hours, by all means get facial hair removal if you are contemplating full-time transition. However, that does not apply to me.

It takes all of 30 seconds for me to shave my face and it's good for at least 14 hours. If I were to use Vaniqa I most likely would be good for at least 24 hours. I spend a lot more time blow drying my hair than shaving my face. Now there are individuals who still have pronounced beard shadows right after shaving. So I guess I am blessed to be a very small minority with a very minor issue with facial hair.

In my case I am unemployed and do not have the funds for laser or electrolysis. However, the M2F HRT has been a real Godsend to me. I would not have wanted to postpone the HRT for another minute.

Johanna

[EnglishRose]

bugaboo..


haha :)

I had shadow immediately after shaving but hell I really wanted permanent ('reduction' - I'm getting laser right now) removal. Vaniqa? I'd never heard of this stuff but it really sounds expensive in the long run. That's not a long-term or final solution if you ask me :)

To offset the cost, I've been using Groupon type deals. I've bought a total of 24 sessions across two places so far.

[MsSamanthaErica]

Laser and electro are aspects I have considered as well, but I think that the OP was asking more... and for that I would agree, you are doing it right. First, it's not a marathon, you don't get a prize for being first to the 'finish line' - take it slow. One of my friends is post-op and she is going through a VERY hard time right now dealing with that and her employment. We are all trying to boost her back up and make her see it's the outsiders slamming the box on her, not her gender that is causing the issues.

Secondly, it is terrific you are seeing a counselor, I can't stress how important that is for mental well-being. They won't have all the answers but they can guide you in the right directions and help you.

You are not doing anything I would not (and will not) do myself, I am not quite at the stage of going to a counselor but it IS something I need to do, sooner rather than later, because despite how I feel sometimes thinking it's OK to be 'male' it would be so much nicer to be female... I applaud your open honesty in how you're feeling and I encourage you, do keep taking those steps you need to take to make your life complete and to make YOU happy :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

If you don't have the money, then electrolysis is out...

vaniqua is a mistake for transsexuals...it makes long term hair removal harder not easier

I hear you johanna..

i guess what' i'm saying is that the #1 and #1a regrets for transitioners are not transitioning sooner, and not starting hair removal sooner...
it really sucks to be a woman and shave every day..

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi,

I've had a few friends that behave and think in a very logical and black and white way of thinking.
It is this thought process that is causing you analysis paralysis.

This is the single biggest reason why TS women that think in this way have an extremely difficult time concerning things related to transsexualisim.
You cannot dissect and study GID when it's constantly and consistently changing and evolving.
You cannot approach something logically that defies logic.
The " what if's " are going to be the end of you if you don't change your way of thinking about this.
In my opinion the one's including myself that were able to successfully deal with their gender issues and ultimately transition are the ones that are able to suspend logical thought and approach it from a process of " feeling ".
One must feel their way through this instead of the thought process of A + B = C because most of the time the true answer is in the heart not the brain.


Julia

[JohnH]

I hear you johanna..

i guess what' i'm saying is that the #1 and #1a regrets for transitioners are not transitioning sooner, and not starting hair removal sooner...
it really sucks to be a woman and shave every day..

Ok, I'm not going to blow my money on Vaniqa.

However, being out of work really sucks - compared to that shaving is a very minor annoyance. I would really love to toss most of my male clothes but since I can't afford new clothes I'm stuck wearing them of the time being. A lot of the dresses I have were left by my ex-wife and they are out of style. But I have to make do.

At least under my circumstances I don't have much of an issue of bead shadow, no brow ridge, and no Adam's apple and for that I am really grateful. It's odd that I don't have an Adam's apple since I am a deep basso.

Johanna

[Bree-asaurus]

johanna sorry to disagree quite strongly.

NO Beard shadow EVER is the goal.. NO shaving...EVER...that's the goal..

Your advice only applies to a very small group of people and frankly to no one that is contemplating full time transition, unless they want to live their days around what time they shave

Let's not forget that even if you don't have beard shadow, you have to grow your hair out for laser (so they can determine laser settings) and electrolysis. Then you'll have this horrible red rash looking thing on your face for several days that you can't cover with makeup and you can't shave because it hurts too much. Not something you want to deal with while living 24/7.

[Anna Lorree]

Let's not forget that even if you don't have beard shadow, you have to grow your hair out for laser (so they can determine laser settings) and electrolysis. Then you'll have this horrible red rash looking thing on your face for several days that you can't cover with makeup and you can't shave because it hurts too much. Not something you want to deal with while living 24/7.

Ugh, that doesn't sound fun at all...

Anna

[SuzanneBender]

Its a plan and if its the one that works for you then you go for it. Julia is right though. A+B rarely equals C in this crazy journey. Logic never seems to be enough. If it were all of the things that should be completely fulfilling in our lives wouldn't continue to fall short.

My method of telling was simple. I stopped dressing and I stopped spending much time here for well over 6 months. It has been almost two years since I fully dressed, but guess what? I still feel the same. My outlook of the world didn't change. The female thoughts didn't go away nor did the nagging desire for everything to match.

Its good to see that taking care of yourself physically and emotionally are number one and two on your list. I initially tried to take the "test" you are taking without a mental health provider and it was a real mistake.

While you are working on this question there are lots of things that you can do to remove barriers to your transition if you choose that path. I have heard Kaitlyn's advice from several ladies that have made the journey. Therapy is also a good one. Also establish yourself on firm financial footing or improve your marketability in a niche' that is more accepting. All are beneficial in the long run even if you don't transition.



he he
i said bugaboo..

What a fun word! Its hard to say it without smiling. I think I will make it my word for the day! Now I am off to see how many times I can use it today. :heehee:

[JohnH]

Let's not forget that even if you don't have beard shadow, you have to grow your hair out for laser (so they can determine laser settings) and electrolysis. Then you'll have this horrible red rash looking thing on your face for several days that you can't cover with makeup and you can't shave because it hurts too much. Not something you want to deal with while living 24/7.

I guess I will have to postpone living 24/7 and be dressed en homme under the circumstances describe above when I get funds for facial hair removal. However, I will NOT bind my breasts.
I understand Julia waited 5 years before transitioning full time after initially going on M2F HRT.

Johanna

[EnglishRose]

Let's not forget that even if you don't have beard shadow, you have to grow your hair out for laser (so they can determine laser settings) and electrolysis. Then you'll have this horrible red rash looking thing on your face for several days that you can't cover with makeup and you can't shave because it hurts too much. Not something you want to deal with while living 24/7.

Not necessarily. Some laser types require you to be shaved before treatment, because the hairs would just abosrb it and be much less effective.

That said, I couldn't shave for four days afterwards - yuk! :p

[Sandra1746]

It sounds like you have a good plan. Good in the sense that you developed it for yourself, with some help, so it has a high probability of working. Or at least providing information on the next step.

Best of luck,
Sandra1746

[Bree-asaurus]

Not necessarily. Some laser types require you to be shaved before treatment, because the hairs would just abosrb it and be much less effective.

That said, I couldn't shave for four days afterwards - yuk! :p

I'm pretty sure all laser types require that you be shaved. But at the place I go to, they want me to come in with a little growth so they can SEE the hair, then they shave me.

[Miranda-E]

Ok,



Right now I spend a lot of time going through analysis paralysis. I've had several relationships over the years and I thought now would be a good time push the exploration since I'm single at the moment.



3.Go out dressed in femme when the opportunity arises and see where the moment takes me, but don't let it overtake important things like relationships with loved ones etc..

Does this seem like a good plan? Any other ideas for a healthy sane way to approach this?

#3 seem like your just dreaming about being TS. there is no "when the oppertunity arises" or "moments".

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Bree that's how it worked for me too... ..in any case...having the whole hair removal thing in my life still plagues me after 250 hrs of electrolysis and at least 5 laser sessions...i just have really bad luck with facial hair, and i still shave my lip and chin area 4 or 5 times it week...and although i don't have beard shadow, i have very stubbly skin and very damaged skin in that area...it sucks.. its my own fault.. i put off hair removal until right before it started transition..

++++++++++++++++++++++

its true A+B doesn't equal C in the world of self discovery and transition...

however, i'd strongly urge people to try their best to think through the very predictable issues that pop up in our learning process and in our transitions,
this was very hotly debated over the years in my therapy group, and based on 2011, the people still in therapy are the ones that didn't have a "plan"...

Having a "go to" set of plans is always helpful when things go kerflooey...hehe ..i said kerflooey... a common misconception about planning is that its set in stone...in fact plans are meant to be broken...goals are missed and then reset
anchoring and adjusting off plans is a way to stay on your best path in difficult and confusing times...

[JohnH]

Bree that's how it worked for me too... ..in any case...having the whole hair removal thing in my life still plagues me after 250 hrs of electrolysis and at least 5 laser sessions...i just have really bad luck with facial hair, and i still shave my lip and chin area 4 or 5 times it week...and although i don't have beard shadow, i have very stubbly skin and very damaged skin in that area...it sucks.. its my own fault.. i put off hair removal until right before it started transition...

Wow - I now can see your adamant position. I don't think I would have nearly those issues after the treatment you had. After all that treatment - then you still must shave 4 or 5 times a week. That would really suck. In my case I have not had any treatment so shaving 7 times a week is no big deal - at least compared to being unemployed.

So I will have to do as Julia did in the past - postpone total transition to something in the future if I even ever decide to do so.

Johanna

[Badtranny]

I guess I will have to postpone living 24/7 and be dressed en homme under the circumstances describe above when I get funds for facial hair removal. However, I will NOT bind my breasts.
You can go 24/7 right now if you want to. There are certainly TS women who have done it. They go full time BEFORE they even start HRT! They schedule electrolysis, on Sunday evenings so they can use the weekend for growth. Anything is possible if you just can't stand another day living as a dude.
Personally I care a lot more about LOOKING like a woman than I do DRESSING like a woman. I've got nearly 200 hours of hair removal done and if all goes according to plan (which I no longer expect) I will be under the knife in exactly 10 days from now to fix my dudely face. THEN and only then will I begin the name change to complete my professional transition. It is extremely important to me to pass unconditionally and there were steps that I needed to take in order to facilitate that, but that's ME, and there are as many ways to transition as there are transsexuals.

[ReineD]

1. Continue the healthy things I'm doing in life like work, exercise and hobbies.

2. Continue to work with the counselor and get feedback.

3.Go out dressed in femme when the opportunity arises and see where the moment takes me, but don't let it overtake important things like relationships with loved ones etc..

4. Keep note of how I feel when dressed and not dressed.

5. Spend less time on internet forums trying to figure it out or look for answers on internet forums.

6. See what changes and doesn't over time.

Does this seem like a good plan? Any other ideas for a healthy sane way to approach this?

My SO approached it this way with an emphasis on "going with the flow". This means to also pay attention to the times when you do feel content in guy mode (if this ever happens). In other words, she tried her best to remove any agenda other than honoring her feelings at any given moment, no matter what they were. :)

She also made a point to get to know people who only know her in girl mode.

Oh, and she also did everything she could to enable an easy and seamless transformation from guy to girl mode, thus enabling her to go out on a whim if she only has a few extra hours and to spend more time out vs. prep time. She had laser beard removal and so does not need the heavy concealer, she keeps her legs shaved and arm hair clipped as part of her regular routine, grew out her nails (to an androgynous length) which makes her hands look feminine enough in girl mode so as to not require time consuming nail polish application, pierced her ears (which is unnoticeable in guy mode), trimmed her eyebrows again in a manner that suits both male and female presentation, plus she's had long mid-back hair since her college days that he keeps tied at the nape in guy mode, thus requiring no wig. :)

[NCAmazon]

Logical structure can be restraining here as many said. What the Counselor I spoke to told me and he has worked with over 1000 TS,CD people is that what I described to him is something he has seen among TS and CDs.

The key question he told me to think about is "Do you not like your penis or your body", Do you feel discomfort with having a penis or wish your body was different where you disliked your male body to a high degree. This is what he says is what can determine where I am at.

He said people have changed their views over months and often decades where he has seen CDs fully transition and people who thought they were TS completely never want to put on a female garment again.

Basically he gave me questions I need to keep asking myself as I progress.