Question about this forum for CD-ers with SO's

[StacyPump]

I'm a new member here, with my cross-dressing having recently been disclosed to my wife. We are in "Don't ask/Don't Tell" mode, but I am looking forward to gaining more acceptance from her. I am trying to decide whether to tell her about this forum, and ask her to do some reading here, but I go back and forth on the issue. This place has been SO helpful to me already, but I'm un-decided as to whether it would be helpful to her.

Of those here who have SO's, does your SO know that you are a member of this forum?

If your SO knows that you are a member, does your SO also read the boards?

If your SO does (or did) read the forum, did anyone find it helpful or troublesome in your plight to gain understanding/acceptance?

If you are an SO of a crossdresser, perhaps you wouldn't mind providing an opinion based on your experience here? Did this forum help or hurt your relationship?

Thanks!

[Mimi]

I am a gg, Eryn's spouse. Eryn told me about this forum over a year ago, when she disclosed to me that she had started CDing, and she wanted to explore it further. I was apprehensive at first, but once Eryn joined the forum, she suggested I read some of the posts, and if I was interested, join. It was a gradual thing for me--I read a few posts, saw that the people posting here were real people with feelings, problems, and a lot of love towards their wives, and I joined. It has been good for us in that I can get some insight into what Eryn is going through, and by joining FAB (just for GGs), I can communicate with other women in my same situation. I would warn your SO, however, that there are a lot of threads and posts that may have nothing to do with you or your situation--people posting about wanting to go on dates, talk of transitioning, etc. that can be worrisome to a spouse. Ultimately, it has been a good thing for me and for our marriage.

[April_Ligeia]

My SO knows that I am a member of this site, but she does not go on it. I dress often at home, and she likes it, so maybe she just doesn't need to read anything on here, I don't know.

[AllieSF]

There was a relatively recent thread on the very topic. I think it was like "Would you recommend that your SO join this site?" or something like that. You can do a search and maybe find the thread and all that was stated in that one. I agree with Mimi, but only caution that you know your wife better than anyone else, there are a lot of different topic threads and posts here that cover all facets of this lifestyle. Some of them can be upsetting to the naive or very sensitive person. So, some common sense and ability to wade through that which may not be applicable to your situation would be a good thing. Otherwise, I would say it is not a good idea.

[candicd]

Stacy,

For sure GGs will be best to answer. My wife knows and accepts so we are not where you are at. Eryn will know best about the other forum. When I brought up the forum to my wife, she basically said "I don't want to go read a bunch of male bashing posts." She understands where these wives are coming from, she just doesn't want to have that influence I guess is the best way to put it.

-Candi

[DanaR]

My wife knows that I'm a member of this forum, but she isn't interested in joining. Sometimes if I see something that she might be interested in I'll show it to her or tell her about it.

[Noortje]

My SO knows I'm a member, but she does not read the boards. We've discussed it, but it never seems to happen, because she's too busy, or maybe she's a bit scared as well. Sometimes this makes me sad, because I don't want her to be afraid. Sometimes it makes me happy, because the board is occupied with a few too many people who are not representative of me, and I wouldn't want her to think I'm like that. I already gave her a big disclaimer when we discussed the forum ("opinions expressed on the internet do not necessarily represent... etc"), but still... Some of the people here weird even me out, and I'm pretty open-minded.

[mbmeen12]

Of those here who have SO's, does your SO know that you are a member of this
forum?


Yes...


If your SO knows that you are a member, does your SO also read the boards?

I read messages back to her and she opines.


If your SO does (or did) read the forum, did anyone find it helpful or
troublesome in your plight to gain understanding/acceptance?

It helps knowing everyone on forum is sooooo helpful.









If you are an SO of a cross dresser, perhaps you wouldn't mind
providing an opinion based on your experience here? Did this forum help or hurt
your relationship.


I will try to ask her to opine more... Hope this helps StacyP

[paulinescotlandcd]

My wife knows of this forum and I have read out a few questions but she has never shown any interest in joining which is fine by me because if she looked at my profile she would then find out that I have been posting pictures on Flickr for many years.

[YorkshireRose]

Yes my GF knows and like some of the others I tell her about and show her stuff on here, but she has not shown any interest to join, however I am sure she would find it fascinating and helpful if she felt the need to.

[SusieK]

My wife knows I am a member, and I would suggest that if possible it is important to let your SO know. Because of the nature of the forums, I think not being open about it is the same kind of secret as the secrecy of cross-dressing itself. To me - the fact that people share their innermost feelings including relationship issues with a group of unknown men who like to wear female clothing is actually quite a big one!
My wife has no interest in joining, or reading the posts, though I have shared snippets occasionally when I thought them particularly relevant to our situation, or just interesting anecdotes.

[KelleyG]

My wife also knows that i am a member here and from time to time will read some of the posts with me. I feel that this site has helped us both with my CD'ing

[Laura912]

Wife knows I go here and occasionally mention some of the discussions. She does not visit the site nor has she expressed any interest to.

[linda allen]

My wife does not know. I've just recenly come to the point where I am wearing a bra and panties around her (and out). I don't want to push things.

[Kristyn Hill]

My wife knows I am a member but she has not looked at the forum. I just cleared the air last monday so I am taking small steps for the crossdresser kind.

[JenniferR771]

My wife is domineering and knows but dislikes my cding. She checks my history every day before I get out of bed. So she usually sees just the subject line. Which at times can give a very strange impression of what I have been clicking on. I would like her to read a bit more, but as far as I know she has read only one or two full paragraphs. If I am reading on this site (frequent) when she comes into the computer room she insists I close the site immediately, but sometimes she reads a line or two.

If I delete my history she gets even more suspicious. Sigh.

[Cheryl T]

Of those here who have SO's, does your SO know that you are a member of this forum?

If your SO knows that you are a member, does your SO also read the boards?

If your SO does (or did) read the forum, did anyone find it helpful or troublesome in your plight to gain understanding/acceptance?

Thanks!

1. When I first "came out" to my wife and we spent days talking about all this meant to me and such I brought her here and asked her to sit and read as much as she wished and to ask me about what she read if she had questions. I prefaced that with the knowledge that we are not all alike, we have different desires, needs, reasons for crossdressing and that that would be most obvious from the threads and responses.

2. She did come here and read and read and asked many questions about others responses and my feelings about different subjects. She also became a member so that she could read the threads in the sections restricted to GG's. She still reads the board, though not with the frequency that I do.

3. She found it very helpful. She began to see that we are not just "crossdressers". She saw that we are very individual with many opinions, but that there is a commonality that exists....we are struggling to understand WHY. She found that there is no single reason why we dress, that there is no "trigger". Most of all she began to realize that the fear that we are all secretly "gay" has no foundation.
She also learned that this is not a substitute for something that she lacks, but a search for something that is inside us.
It helped her to understand and she is my closest girlfriend, my shopping partner, my style adviser and so much more. She also has found her dearest friend, her shopping partner and a style adviser. It's given her more confidence in herself and more desire to be the best she can be in all ways. I love her dearly.

All in all I would say this is a wonderful thing if she approaches with an open mind and is willing to ask about things she finds curious or simply doesn't understand and IF you are completely open with your answers to her questions about what she reads and how you feel.

[Taylor186]

My wife knows I'm a member of a couple of crossdressing forums but has shown no interest in joining.

I'd be happy for her to be a part of FAB as the comments I've read from the GG's here are uniformly excellent. But, the comments from the general CD population, not so much. If I could filter out the stupidly, as we experienced people do here, then no problem. But a SO new to CDing? How would they sort out opinion and fantasy from reality.

[rebekkadg]

My wife is fully aware of these forums and keeps an account on them though she does much more reading than posting. When she first starting reading posts things were a bit hard on her at times but that was mainly because she was emotionally working the issue out to herself and would get a little "overexposed" to the issue sometimes while reading, especially considering how wide the spectrum there is in terms of the posters.

She just got enough posts recently to become a full member and has basicly no problem now emotionally reading these forums. It isn't important for her personally to keep up with what is happening on the forums. If she sees that I have been on them for more than a few minutes while she is home she will normally hop on just to see what kinds of things I have been looking at and posted, but it is more curiousity than trying to track what I am doing. She'll also post about anything significant or funny she found about our relationship in relations to crossdressing. She was actually dying to make a post the other night but we decided that the nature of the post might turn to a little too crude a conversation :).

[Aylineira]

My SO knows that I'm on this forum but she is not a member. She doesn't read the boards to my knowledge but then again who knows.

So far my experience in this forum has been pretty good. I've done a lot of searches on past posts on a couple of subjects that was troubling me and came to very good conclusions. I suppose I could've created a new post and have newer people comment which I suppose I will soon enough.

[Miriam-J]

My wife knows that I'm on this forum as well. She isn't a member, but I discuss many of the items with her - especially when they help to enlighten subjects that we've discussed before. It's helped to deal with a lot of the issues that we had originally. I think she'd get a lot out of reading herself, but she has quite enough to do online already.

Miriam

[Marleena]

Stacy my wife knows I'm here often. She has no interest in joining because she trusts what I have told her. Besides she rather play PC games on her own computer.:) I don't hide anything from her and sometimes we discuss things that get posted here.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I are in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship, which appears to be fine with both of us. I sense she has become more accepting on my cross dressing, but, does not want to participate in any manner. She has also become accepting of other sexual minorities. That's a complete reversal for her. Maybe, it's because she sees I am an otherwise a great guy, and, some of her professional associates a lesbians. I don't think she is ready to read on this site,although, maybe she has read postings, etc without my knowledge.

Jennifer, I would suggest you also download Mozilla Firefox and automatically have your history deleted. My wife and I do not seek out each others history. I use Mozilla Firefox because family visitors use our computer.



My wife is domineering and knows but dislikes my cding. She checks my history every day before I get out of bed. So she usually sees just the subject line. Which at times can give a very strange impression of what I have been clicking on. I would like her to read a bit more, but as far as I know she has read only one or two full paragraphs. If I am reading on this site (frequent) when she comes into the computer room she insists I close the site immediately, but sometimes she reads a line or two.

If I delete my history she gets even more suspicious. Sigh.

[VickysBFF]

I believe that AllieSF says it best. Overall, maybe not the best idea. She may read some things that may ease her towards more acceptance but she could also read some things that might scare her away even further.

[Lorileah]

My GF knew I belonged to this. She was welcome to read anything I wrote but we never had an issue with me dressing (in fact early on she told me I could dress 24/7 if I wanted). She was on other forums and we really did not share the same online hobbies. She would ask me for help or opinions on hers and I would ask her "how do women walk?" and "what make up should I buy?" She never needed a reason to be on here but I would have welcomed her if she had.

[Wonderwho]

After 26 years of marriage my wife found out about my CDing because I failed to clear my computer system. It was the best thing that could have happened to us. I was forced to tell her everything, after many tears and long nights of conversation we have come to a simple loving connection. I set some boundries that I feel are in respect for her and what she is having to learn about. I am then able to do what I want, travel the internet where I want as long as I do not throw this new situation in her face. As in leave the browser open to the breast store site. I mention this site a few times, I do not want to pressure her into this world faster than she wants to go. I use my broswers in private browser setting, this closes all cookies at the closing of the session and leaves no history. I love the people of this site but as a just plain CDer with no aspirations of going out I feel this site may be a little hard on her right now. After all these years what's one more day. Wonderwho

[María José]

My SO knows that I´m a member of this forum, but she doesn´t read the boards ... because she doesn´t speak English!

Well, she know I´m a member of forums in Spanish but she doesn´t read them either. She is not interested. Sometimes she asks me what I´m reading and I tell her. And sometimes she looks at pictures of the girls here.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

As a GG and SO - recently (a few months) enlightened to my OH's cd'ing, I would say that I am glad I joined this forum. Topics here have given me food for thought and I ask my OH lots of questions - which is a good thing IMO.

There are threads which I feel are a bit bizarre sometimes, but I know my husband well enough to know that most of it doesnt apply to him. Only you can have a good idea of whether your wife is the sort of person who would ask if she were worried, rather than worry in silence.

All in all, if you have a good solid marriage, then your wife could find a lot of help here - with the caveat that you should maybe tell her that there are threads which are extreme and not everything raised here applies to you and your situation.

[Tamara Croft]

I'm the SO of a CD'er, he joined here before I did in 2004. Back then this forum was scary, no moderation, full of porn etc... was kind of a 'wipe your feet on the way out'... kind of forum. I didn't really stay, didn't like it, felt it wasn't for me but if he liked it then that was fine with me. I did however come back after a few months and got into reading a few threads here... back then there wasn't any private sections, no where for the GG's to talk amongst themselves, so I suggested this to the site Admin and it was created... then I became a mod of that section and eventually became an administrator. Did this board help or hurt me? at first it hurt me, it was a horrible forum, but over the years of building it up with the rest of the staff, it's become a huge help. Even now when I need help, I know there will always be someone here I can talk to :)

[kimdl93]

My wife knows I'm a member of this forum,but thus far hasn't elected to participate. Her primary reason is a lack of time. She was on Facebook for about a week, and hasn't been back since. She's a smart girl, she's known about my CDing since before our marriage, and would be able to sift through the wheat and the chaff, so to speak, for things that apply to us. That being said, I not so sure that would be true for every GG who came here, particularly if the individual had been shocked at learning that her SO was a CDr.

[Joanne f]

Yes my wife knows that i am a member on here and will occupationally read some posts , my wife had accepted me for what i am before i joined so that part was not really helpful to us although i am sure it is a help to know that there are lots of others similar to me .
One thing that i would suggest if you are thinking of letting your wife see or join is to explain that there are different categories of people on here and maybe tell her where you fit in first as not to confuse her as once you start to read some of the post on here can be easily done .

[STACY B]

I'm the SO of a CD'er, he joined here before I did in 2004. Back then this forum was scary, no moderation, full of porn etc... was kind of a 'wipe your feet on the way out'... kind of forum. I didn't really stay, didn't like it, felt it wasn't for me but if he liked it then that was fine with me. I did however come back after a few months and got into reading a few threads here... back then there wasn't any private sections, no where for the GG's to talk amongst themselves, so I suggested this to the site Admin and it was created... then I became a mod of that section and eventually became an administrator. Did this board help or hurt me? at first it hurt me, it was a horrible forum, but over the years of building it up with the rest of the staff, it's become a huge help. Even now when I need help, I know there will always be someone here I can talk to :)

An we all thank you for giving up your time for us ,, An for being SO BEAUTIFUL while you do it . STACY B !!

[Janelle_C]

First let me say that I'm glad to hear that you are trying to go past the DADT becouse that doesn't work. My SO knows of this site and has read a few posts but has not joined yet I'm hoping she does. She supportive of me finding my self but is nervous about where it will lead. This site has helped me a lot it made me feel not so alone. Just remember it takes time and communication. Best wishes Janelle

[STACY B]

Oh an by the way mine knows all about it has been on ,, Low attention span I guess ? When she wants to know about something she will get on an check it out an then she is happy ,, Dont realy care always knew anyway she thinks im CRAZY , I wonder what ever gave her that IDEA ,, A man that wears girl stuff CRAZY ? N aaaaaaa just SEXY maybe ,, An a MANIAC heel freak ,,, Shes just mad cuz I can run in my HEELS ,,,, HA,,,HA,,,

[Maria 60]

My wife has seen a big confidence boost in me ever since joining this site and feels that i could talk to her about things but there's nothing like telling your friends with the same things in common with you a great story or ask a question that only someone in the same shoe's can answer. She feels it's great for me to hear other people are going though the same problems as myself. For myself this site has complicated things for me, it has made me more complete and with this it take's longer for me to dress and i can't half dress anymore. I am not Maria without a wig and fully dressed, she is more complete now. My wife is pretty cool about everything but i feel that i try not to push to hard and take it slow with her. I hope this site helps you as much as much as it helped me

[Barbara Ella]

My wife knows I am a member, got her registered by her request, but no interest after initial introduction. She has continually said she is glad the people are here for me to talk things over with. i can dress any time i choose, and she is fine with being with me. We talk about topics here all the time.

Babes

[Alice B]

Yes. No.Not applicable and not applicable

[StacyPump]

Well, thank you all so much for your honest and thoughtful answers. I really appreciate the full range of your thoughts and found this most helpful. I never dreamed I'd have the opportunity to hear thoughts and feelings from the spouses and GF's of other crossdressers. I suppose this is a perfect example of the power and beauty of this community!

Have a nice day all!

[PretzelGirl]

My wife and both daughters were completely accepting from the beginning. But my wife and oldest daughter came here to learn more anyway. They both read a fair bit and I guess that was enough as they haven't been back in a while. That is fine with me as it shows their level of comfort.

But I have always said here that if you are going to direct a family member or friend here to learn more about you, then sit down and talk with them first. There is a quite a variety of transgendered people here and someone who is not yet familiar with it all may think that something applies to you that doesn't. This is a very all encompassing forum when you look at each section, so framing how you feel gives the person something to work with when reading so they aren't thinking "he/she does that, and that, and that?".

[corrinediane]

She knows about this forum but is not a member. We usually sit together and one of us will raed the posts. She's more interested in the looks of the other gurls then what's in there heads. I think that's down to her trusting me. This is a great place for SO's. The sex is kept to a minimum and points of view are varied which is good. The help available for dressing is immense! Personally I don't care if she joins or not. Its just nice we sit and read the posts together. We talk about all the different situations the gurls are in and that leads to questions that concern us and it really helps our relationship. Its amazing what gets talked about and cleared up because of this forum. Stay away fro CD chat. They're all horn dogs there. (We've been there together too. Now its off limits to me) Just checked, they don't advertise it here anymore. URNA is another place you might check out. Good luck!

[5150 Girl]

If your SO is having trouble acepting or understanding this side of you, this forum can be a valuable recorce for her.