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Frédérique
03-20-2012, 04:30 PM
Geez, I hope so! :doh:

The title seems to be the question these days, and, to be honest, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! Let’s start with laughter. Whenever I hear some man on TV ask “Are you half the man you used to be?” I usually say (aloud) “Yes, thank you, and I’m damned pleased about it!” Being a MtF crossdresser for many years, and an enthusiastic pre-adolescent lurker before that, I am most assuredly HALF a man. I hover right around the 50% mark, so my glass is either half full or half empty, for all those proponents of masculinity who worry about these ridiculous things. But, I’m pleased to say my glass is ALWAYS full, consisting of a very strong blended gender cocktail with a twist. I’ve always been like this, so I could say without fear of recrimination that I have always been half the man I supposedly am – it just took me a while to express that fact via the clothing I choose to wear, and the appearance I maintain (at cost)...

Of course “half the man you used to be” refers to decreased sexual virility, lost enthusiasm, or a general absence from the GAME you’re supposed to be winning. Can I sit this one out? This is not about issues of male potency; this is about a lack of recognition (or tolerance) for anything even remotely connected to effeminacy. I think most “normal” males would be appalled to know that some males actively seek to be...well...less male. It’s a calling of sorts, and not a problem earmarked for correction, but this insistence on keeping one’s masculinity at 100% plays like an annoying, obnoxious rhythm track that I can't dance to. The fact that males are always being bombarded with reminders to be as masculine as possible makes me feel alternately uneasy and determined at the same time. The more they insist on me adhering to a “healthy” model of male-ness, the more I will do my level best to be an iconoclast, a non-conformist, and a prime example of effeminacy...

Just once, I’d like to see a TV commercial where a man appears on the screen, dressed nicely in stylish (colorful!) male garb and says this: “Would you like to BE half the man you are now? Would you like to see what else life has to offer? Would you like to break out of the boundaries of your prescribed gender and really start LIVING? Then call this number and get a free sample of new, fully-tested Transvesterone!” Yeah, you’ll never see that commercial, as long as the males, their peers, and other societal watchdogs hold sway. I guess there’s WAY too much at stake to accelerate evolution NOW by bringing the sexes closer together – that’s the message I’m hearing, loud and clear, while I continue along my own personal path of discovery. Too bad. Meanwhile, the same people who INSIST men must be men at all times also say this:

“Hang on to your dream – with both hands!”

“Until your knuckles are white” they usually add, for extra emphasis. I assume that THEY (the voices that speak for us all) will not be receptive to a man’s (or boy’s) dream if it involves reducing one’s masculinity by 50%, correct? But, that is MY dream, to be less masculine, more feminine, and show this transformation to the world at every opportunity. I achieved my dream. It was a goal, I did it, and I’m hanging on to it with both hands. Therefore, you would think that my resolve, my tenacity, and, yes, my determination would be a beacon of hope for all of us who dare to challenge the status quo along gender lines. But, NO! I’m branded “queer,” summarily tossed into the barrel of the unwanted, and then pushed out of sight and out of mind, hopefully forever. All this for hanging onto my dream, something they tell little children to do...

Your dreams must fall within the rigid boundaries of your sex, or they are invalid – THAT is what they’re telling us. It’s not enough to dream, you have to dream other peoples’ dreams! How can I possibly hang on to someone else’s fond hope(s)? Huh? Really? Don’t they encourage you to “be yourself?” I guess you can be yourself, as long as you don’t go too far beyond the limits that have been laid out for your benefit, and everyone else’s benefit as well. This officially sanctioned duality works against much-needed understanding of the individual, and the desires that a true individual seeks to consummate. I see this all the time – people are encouraged to “follow” their dream, unless that dream is declared to be deviant, perverted, or not in the best interests of the public. In the case of the MtF crossdresser, how can anyone fully appreciate, or even understand, this compulsion a male feels to DO something about being “trapped” as a male? No, if you’re feeling LESS masculine, you really need to do something about it, pronto! Sorry, mister – I don’t have a problem. Can I please put my panties on now?

The “man” I used to be is long gone, good bye, good luck, and good riddance. I worked hard to distance myself from HIM, enhancing effeminate characteristics I already possessed and folding them into the “mix” that became ME. It was tough going, but I made a breakthrough that I can ill afford to turn my back on – doing so would be tantamount to self-destruction. With this in mind, I scoff at this incessant “Be the man you used to be” rhetoric that proliferates unchecked. When a feeling to the contrary is proposed by us, the minority, it is angrily denounced by the majority, and that includes both sexes. I know what’s going on – dreams are for dreamers, and two hands won’t be enough to hang on to them. You may wish to consider lamination, welding, crazy glue, or a different planet altogether. My dreams do not jibe with the conformists – not now, not ever, making it VERY tough for a man, a male, or a boy to be anything less than what he is expected to be...

Are you (the MtF crossdresser) half the man you used to be? Right now, I’m about 53% male, 47% female, but “fairer” weather is expected later this week...
:battingeyelashes:

Cherry Lynn
03-20-2012, 05:18 PM
Freddy, You crack me up with your posts. It may be that I can relate to them. Keep them coming.

abigailf
03-20-2012, 05:48 PM
Well, if ever you feel you are low on "man", you are welcome to some of mine. You can take it all for all I care.

The problem is the public. Most people actually believe that crap the hear and see on TV. So, what are they selling, potency drugs and manliness?

kimdl93
03-20-2012, 06:15 PM
Well that's a good question. I don't even know how I would quantify my male to female ratio. All I know is that I live better than 70% of my life as a woman, if time spent enfemme is a reasonable measure. To myself...I'm at least 70% female so therefore, not 1/2 the man I was oncepresumed to be.

SusanMarie
03-20-2012, 06:45 PM
Freddy...wordsmith par excellence!

In short...I am less than half the man I never was.

BRANDYJ
03-20-2012, 06:47 PM
This reminds me of an old Beatles song. YESTERDAY

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half to man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me. (is that a shadow or is it the pink fog?)
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away. . [in my closet?)
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Alice B
03-20-2012, 07:02 PM
Great post by Brandyj. Sort of sums up the whole thing. There is a lot of me that is not the man I used to be and a lot that still is. If it half I do not know, nor really care. I love where I am, being able to adapt as time and my moods allow. Since I am strictly a cross dresser and do not wish to transition because it would not fit the lifestyle I've carved out for myself.

Cynthia Anne
03-20-2012, 07:06 PM
I feel blessed in more ways then one! First of all for this great story that Frederique put together being the first one I've read in over two months! Second, for not being half of the less than half of the man I once thought I was! Thirdly for getting back on this lovely fourm! Hugs my dear!:)

Kevin_unknown
03-20-2012, 08:08 PM
This reminds me of an old Beatles song. YESTERDAY


Funny it reminds me of this ... way to go its stuck in my head now
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvRd4xgEWbw&t=1m32s)

KellyJameson
03-20-2012, 11:28 PM
Thank you again Frédérique, once more your words have helped me see myself more clearly. I have been trying to find the very thing most are trying to escape.

marny
03-21-2012, 03:25 AM
" The man I used to be" never left. but still marny 99% every day.

Laura912
03-21-2012, 06:36 AM
Because the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, there are no halves.

Beth Mays
03-21-2012, 06:44 AM
I see myself as twice the person I was before, more wise, see things I would not have noticed before, greater understanding, stronger acceptance... so no way I can use a fraction.
I hope I can keep on learning, accepting others, gain better understanding, see life even when the Pink Fog clouds the view!

cindy777
03-21-2012, 07:36 AM
I could not agree more Frederique. The man I use to be is long been dead, never to return. Even thought I tried to retain only the best qualities of my maleness, the principles that provide my moral compass in everyday live are very feminine.

This is one reason many co-workers come to me when they experience problems and require assistance, as I am a good listener, rather a quite individual which is not common where I work and have no problem with showing empathy. My work place is a very male orientated and macho type environment, which most people just keep up a front. For the most part I really do not care about this keeping up with the Jones type mentality anymore.

It is funny some of the softer qualities that are not regarded as male and are looked down upon society, until of course that someone requires assistance then the storyline changes rather abruptly.

My wife appreciates my feminine qualities but does not understand or what to understand my need to cross dress which some times is confusing to me. Unfortunately we all come as a complex package with no instructions. My male to female ratio would greatly depend on the day and situation, normally hovers some where between 60 – 40 leaning towards the soft side:)

Cindy

suzanne
03-21-2012, 08:37 AM
I know society, especially the male half, regards us as less manly, and even threatening. But there are lots of things that society has very wrong, and this is one of them. Because of my CDing, I am a more complete human being, not less of a man.

And I prefer the use of the word 'feminine' rather than 'effeminate', which I think has a negative connotation. It belong in the trash heap along with 'transvestite'. Yuck

Miriam-J
03-21-2012, 08:39 AM
Half the man ... I don't know. I'm certainly not the man described in those commercials, but I never was and never wanted to be. I don't think I know too many guys who would be, but of course the commercials will always emphasize the stereotype anyway. So, what is that stereotype? Loud voice, hot temper, self-centered, in charge all the time? Who wants any of that anyway. Do I have to be "feminine" to be kind, caring, supportive, and a sharing partner in the relationship? I'm frequently reminded of the traditional marriage vows from my first marriage where my wife promised to "submit", with the obvious inference that I would be in charge (and she believed it).

No, for the first time I'm not quite with you on this one Freddy. I think the stereotype of a man is really only 50% or less of what a man should be. It takes a real man to show the strength and weakness to be a complete person. I have progressed from a 30-40% man to perhaps 70-80% and I'm proud of it. And, by the way, this is not changed in the least by how I choose to present myself at times.

Miriam

daarleane
03-21-2012, 08:51 AM
I still do all the same "manly" things I used to do. If by "manly" you mean being a "handy man(person). I am retired I don't wear nice feminine clothes while cutting the grass of fixing the lawn mower but then neither do any of my gg neighbors. I do, however, dress better than they do.

Beverley Sims
03-21-2012, 09:15 AM
I think I am 150%
75% of each.:)

cindi cinnamon
03-21-2012, 09:31 AM
Great post Frederique.........

It's always been the dull witted "GROUP THINK", that tries so hard to paint the world "BLACK and WHITE". It never has been black and white..... nor will it ever be.

Humans are like snowflakes..... no two are alike. So, it just doesn't make any sense to me why there is such an effort from society, as a whole, to group people in "SAMENESS". Perhaps, it is out of fear, that individuals choose not to be uniquely different.

And, for what it's worth, I'm about 90% female and !0% male. With the male part that is left, slowly, but most assuredly, evaporating away.

Asche
03-22-2012, 07:45 AM
IM-not-so-HO, this phrase is in the same category as "have I got a deal for you!" The minute you hear it, you know somebody's trying to rip you off or otherwise get you to do something stupid, which you (ought to) know better than to do.

\begin{rant}

But I think that that is what the whole concept of "masculinity" is all about, anyway. It's about training male humans to believe and do things that, if they didn't have that training, they would rightly regard as utterly stupid -- or, in many cases, atrocities. They train you from birth on that your entire worth depends upon gettng it (whatever it is), but also make sure you can never really have it. That's what the whole fear of "losing one's masculinity" is all about. It's sort of like the mechanical rabbit that greyhounds chase. It's all a cheat. Even if you win, what do you get? A wad of fake fur glued to a piece of metal!


(FWIW, "femininity" is the same kind of con game, only for women.)

So I say: to hell with worrying about how "masculine" -- or "feminine" (or other!) -- I am. Mad Men take that BS! After over five decades of worrying about whether I'm what other people think I should be, it's time for me to find out what I am -- and what I want to be. However inadequate that may be, it's still better than the ass in motheaten lion's pelt that they're trying to make me into.


C.S. Lewis reference, in case you didn't get it.

\end{rant}

Wonderwho
03-22-2012, 10:29 AM
I never had alem with problem being man enough to fit the mold of society. I was raised by a single mother who required that I show respect andcosideration for all groups of people. I can swing a hammer with the best, in my age group, but that same man can hold the hand of a scared girl at the clinic where no one cares enough to see why she has marks on her neck. I am a person, in work boots and jeans I am a man, in work boots and jeans I am a woman,in the mix of those worlds where the cloths make the line a little less sharp I am still a person who cares about the feelings of all I meet. Love to all Wonderwho

KatyInDE
03-22-2012, 01:10 PM
Most of the time I just read the threads that interest me and move on, but had to say that "Then call this number and get a free sample of new, fully-tested Transvesterone!” cracked me up. Thanks Freddy!

JohnH
03-22-2012, 02:45 PM
In a nutshell as I mentioned on the forum my wife says that I am not much of a man. :)

lightfoot
03-22-2012, 03:01 PM
I'm more the man I use to be, because I'm comfortable with my sexuality.