Reaching out to other TG folks

[NathalieX66]

Well, first of all, I'm not talking about people like you...you know, because we are all here, we are online, and we know each other.

I had a rather surreal experience this weekend of showing up and drinking & dining at a neighborhood steakhouse/pub which was about a mile from my house, with my dad this past St. Patrick's day. The restaurant /pub was pretty crowded. ....lots of green plastic bowler hats, and what not.

Lord knows my dad loves to chat up everybody, he just does. We just drove 200 miles to visit my sister, then came home and arrived at my place for the night, and decided to eat locally. My dad ended up talking to nearly everyone at the bar, including a trans woman, and him having no idea.
I tried to talk her up but she was very shy, and somewhat evasive. I wasn't even concerned about her trans-ness, and I did not try to make it obvious that I was trying to start up conversation.
However, this being my neighborhood, i wanted to reach out.
I'm as out & about as they get, though even though I was dressed as a guy in the company of my dear old Dad.
I just want to look after my nearby sisteren in my neighborhood......peace &love.

[Cynthia Anne]

Yeah like Valrom said! I think ''reaching out'' is great but it's so easy to send a wrong signal! Every situation is difference, yet the same! If there is a right way I wish someone would explain it to me! But like you I will keep trying! Hugs!

[Lynn Marie]

It just seems that with each of us starting this adventure hiding in the closet, we have this natural aversion to being social. It takes a while and considerable boldness to overcome that fearful shyness inherant to hiding for so long. I'm always trying to reach out to other CD's in the state with pretty miserable results. Forums like this are as far as so many of us can open the door to our closets for whatever reasons. This is okay, I just feel the need to reach out and encourage whomever I can. I was helpd out of my closet by a lovely sister, I can only do the same.

[Miranda-E]

your dad seemed to be talking to her as just another person.

you, while "not concerned about her trans-ness" were motivated because she was trans and she probably spotted it right away.

[docrobbysherry]

When I first showed up in drab at the bar in the SCC hotel in Atlanta 3+ years ago, Nathalie, that was my first ever meeting with another CD/TS! But, even tho I was nervous and apprehensive, seeing MJ at the table with a few other dressers I knew from here made all the difference!

If I didn't know so many of the girls from cd.com would be there, I wouldn't have gone! And, likely wouldn't have ever met another CD. I'm sure I'd still be dressing quietly alone in my closet! Now, I'm learning how the vanilla public reacts to my dressing. That's going to take quite awhile for me to adjust to! It's all a process isn't it? And, probably different for every one of us.

[DebbieL]

Some trans-women who are now living full-time as women don't want some part-timer blowing the lifestyle they may have spent years trying to achieve. And she probably DID read your femme side. She saw your eyebrows, trimmed and plucked to a fine line, perhaps a manicure, and that extra close shave. You didn't need to be wearing lipstick and a skirt for her to figure out that you could read her, and that you might think it would be wonderful, in a room full of men who only know her as a woman, to talk about her transition and her life as a man, before the operation, and what it was like to transition.

I have had similar experiences throughout my life. I eventually learned to be discrete. To give her a card with my phone number and name on it, and something like "need help with TG", so she would remember why wanted to talk to her. Then just say something polite like "I know this isn't the time or place, but I would like to talk to you, could you call me?".

Sometimes I get a callback, sometimes not. But at least I haven't blown her chance to be "Normal" in a world where her ability to fit in could be a matter of life and death.

[Kate Simmons]

I've learned that the best approach is a matter of fact one and just proceeding as if TG folks are no different than anyone else, which they aren't really. As you say though some may be sensitive or not too outgoing and there's really not much we can do about that.:)

[Julia_in_Pa]

This post concerning full time TS and IS people is right on the money.
If you approach please be discrete or better yet just don't approach at all.


Julia



Some trans-women who are now living full-time as women don't want some part-timer blowing the lifestyle they may have spent years trying to achieve. And she probably DID read your femme side. She saw your eyebrows, trimmed and plucked to a fine line, perhaps a manicure, and that extra close shave. You didn't need to be wearing lipstick and a skirt for her to figure out that you could read her, and that you might think it would be wonderful, in a room full of men who only know her as a woman, to talk about her transition and her life as a man, before the operation, and what it was like to transition.

I have had similar experiences throughout my life. I eventually learned to be discrete. To give her a card with my phone number and name on it, and something like "need help with TG", so she would remember why wanted to talk to her. Then just say something polite like "I know this isn't the time or place, but I would like to talk to you, could you call me?".

Sometimes I get a callback, sometimes not. But at least I haven't blown her chance to be "Normal" in a world where her ability to fit in could be a matter of life and death.

[kimdl93]

Nathalie, I do feel very badly for TG folks who try to get out but have a difficult time interacting with people. The shyness is understandable...she was probably hoping not to attract attention to herself, but in the process denied herself a chance for a positive human connection.

I was talking to an SA at Clinique about this a few weeks ago. She mentioned having another CD client, but this individual was reserved to the point of seeming unpleasant. She kept her head down, seldom made eye contact and rarely spoke. The SA said she finally was able to draw her out. Not everyone will make that effort!

[sometimes_miss]

As much as I know that so many here are supportive, when I was growing up it was males who made my life a nightmare, and as an adult, was double crossed by a few guys as well, so I have a very strong distrust of men. I will gladly try to help people when I can, but will never completely trust anyone with my own secrets again.