How I got here

[Rachel Smith]

I started "dressing" around age 14 but as far back as I can remember I always envied my sisters because they got to wear all the nice girl clothes. Hated them for that, lol. I just wanted to be the one in the dress. I was 4" 8" short and weighed a hefty 98 pounds when I graduated high school. Anyway I dressed every chance I had then even if it was only for a couple minutes before my brother got home from sports practice. When I got older and didn't have to go away when my parents did for weekends that was a special time for me, heaven. My Mother dressed me as a girl one Halloween when I was about 7 or 8 and that got it all started. We only went around the neighborhood which was mostly my Dad's relation. All I had on my face was make up and a small mask like Zorro wore and no one knew who I was though I was with my brother and one of my cousins. Shaved my legs for the first time when I was around 17 even then I hated that hair.

At 21 I joined the USAF and got rid of all my girl clothes which wasn't much at the time. I put that part of me away for good, NOT, well that was my intention. When I got out I met my wife, we got marrried and I had a new supply of clothes I could wear when no one was around even if they didn't fit too well they still made me feel good. Fast forward some years and I introduced Sherry to the other me. I still didn't have a name at that time and didn't feel comfortable doing it around Sherry so I kept that part of me in the closet along with the clothes I was buying. Actually they were in a box in the basement. Then one day I put them all away NEVER to be gotten out again, NOT. That lasted a couple years but I need that person, she made me feel good and not just sexually just GOOD in general, peaceful, whole.

Then I discovered the internet and met some people in real time that gave me some support. All they really said was hell your not hurting anyone so enjoy yourself. One of them then gave me my name and I have been Rachel ever since. Then I met Mischelle and Rick here in VA and they gave me support like I never had and they still do, hell they left me move in with them. Now I am Rachel all the time except for 8 hours a day at work and wish I could be myself there too.

I will write more later about all this hope ya'll don't mind.

Love
Rachel

[Inna]

no matter, I am glad you here and able to be Rachel :)

[Rachel Smith]

Why Do I Cry?

At weddings why do I cry
Is it because I am happy for the newlyweds
Or because I am hoping they will make out better then I

When I think of my parents why do I cry
Is it because I feel unconditional love
Or because I feel like I am no more than a festering wound in their side

In church why do I cry
Is it because I am rejoicing inside
Or because I know that this Fathers love will never die

At funerals why do I cry
Is it because I am sad to see a friend go
Or because I wish I was the one that had died

When I see others happy why do I cry
Is it because I am happy for them too
Or because I am sad on the inside

When I think of my life why do I cry
Is it because of life’s sweet memories
Or because with the way some things turned out I’m not satisfied

When I think of relationships past why do I cry
Is it because they are fond memories
Or because love is something I give but myself I deny


When I see something touching why do I cry
Is it because I have the emotions of a woman
Or that I have to live my life in the body of a guy

More questions than answers is that why I cry
Or is it because I don’t know if I will know all the answers
Before the day that I die

Written by
Rachel Smith 2-15-11[/FONT]

[Rachel Smith]

no matter, I am glad you here and able to be Rachel :)

Thanks Inna and I am glad to be here with so many others like me. I just would like people to know a little about me.

Love
Rachel

[Sandra1746]

Welcome to the forum Rachel,
Your story mirrors parts of mine and parts of most of us here. This is a big, diverse, and warm family (with little of the real animosity that real families often display). You will find a lot of support and good information here; and some humor too.

Welcome, participate, and have fun.

Love,
Sandra1746

[Julia_in_Pa]

Rachel,

Hi!

Welcome. I'm very happy your here with us.
It's not what you did or didn't do in the past Rachel but what you do now and in the future that will lead you to where your heart desires to go.


Julia

[Kaitlyn Michele]

welcome to the forum Rachel

Your story sounds very familiar to lots of people here and I bet you find alot of people that can relate to what you are saying (a good thing!)

[Chari]

Welcome here Rachel to this very friendly forum! Your adventures in life are like many here, including mine. Through many hours of therapy, I have finally accepted who I REALLY am, and feel comfortable and confident with my feminine side. Continue doing what you feel is best for you, as it is YOUR life! Thanx for sharing.

[Kristy_K]

Welcome Rachel to the form to where you can always be Rachel.

Plus you will get encouragement to just be yourself here and enjoy life to its fullest.

Kristy