"My castle, my rules..."

[Mercury]

Quote from "The King's Speech"

This line has stuck since I saw the film in theaters, and I have recently been pondering its meaning in relation to our own place (my wife and I). She is fine with me dressing and nearly every evening I am wearing something found in the women's section, be it just a tank top or a dress and heels. This has been little of an issue concerning unexpected guests, because of where we lived. Last month however, we moved into a suburban neighborhood, very near several relatives, and they often come over unexpectedly. We don't mind the drop-ins, but I am leery of being caught one of these times. Has anyone had similar experiences and what was your solution?

I feel that it may be prudent to simply tell (at least) one of the couples, who live just a block away, and come over often. I don't dress inappropriately or anything, I just know they would be taken aback if I opened the door in my girly yoga pants and top, without letting them know about me first. Going back to the quote, is this one of those "My castle, my rules..." where its their problem for being offended if a) they don't know, but come over and see me dressed or b) I tell them and it bothers them?

Normally, I think that since I'm not going out in public (not yet anyway), they do not need to know about this part of my life. However, it is mildly annoying to wait until 7-8 pm before dressing up because it is finally late enough that people shouldn't come over. Any thoughts?

[DanaR]

I think that I would tell them that you sometimes are not dressed for company, so if they knock, it might be a few minutes before you answer. A solution might be if they were to call ahead. Just don't answer the door if you are not dressed to meet anyone that is there.

[DianeDeBris]

I think that I would tell them that you sometimes are not dressed for company, so if they knock, it might be a few minutes before you answer. A solution might be if they were to call ahead. Just don't answer the door if you are not dressed to meet anyone that is there.

I agree totally! At the risk of sounding like an old hag (i.e, a B***ch) when did we give up the basic courtesy of calling ahead to ASK if it would be OK to drop by?
Hugs -- Diane

[Cynthia Anne]

I don't think I ever heard any of that there ''My castle my rules'', but I like the way it sounds! I guess you have a choice to make! Do as Dana suggested or stick to your guns, my castle, my rules! My self, I prefer the latter! My signatrue says it all! Hugs!

[DAVIDA]

Things can get exciting at times living on the QT like this.:heehee:
I used to go running to the bedroom shucking off clothes as fast as I could.
I got really fast at quick changing.
In the several years since, I just answer the door and my friends or family come in all the time knowing that I will be dressed.
Nobody treats me any different than before they knew.:thumbsup:

Regardless, I still want a call before anyone "drops by".

[STACY B]

Just my subject being I am just getting threw the same situation ,, This what ive done ,,An mind you I dont wear anything CRAZY ether just normal girl stuff around the house PJ bottoms an painted nails , Maybe girl sandles ,,But this is what I did_______________________________ Yep ,,, NOTHING !!! Hey just let em in an act normal ,,Now thats the real dont ask dont tell . Dont ask any thing that you realy dont want the answer to . Cuz this is MY HOUSE ,,An ill be dammed if ill be JUDGED in my house ! When I go somewhere else folks have all the rite to say what they want but not in my house ,If ya dont like it hit the door ,,Cuz guess what ? Thats just one more azzhole that this ol fat girl dont have to deal with ,,,, GOOD ! Becuz guess what I dont want to have anything to do with folks that dont like what I do ,,,I dont go around people that do stuff I dont like ,, Do ya hang around with meth heads,, Or murderers , Or bank robbers , Or racist , Noooooo ,, So everyone has a choice an if they chose not to come around me cuz of this ,,, GOOD ,,,, That way I dont have to hear any negativaty . Cuz Im a SUPA STAR !!

[Dannigirl]

Nope, don't tell them.

[catriona36]

you only need to answer the door naked once, then they will call before stopping by.lol i did it with one of the church mobs.. 7th dayadventists i think they were.. they never did knock on my door again... justa thought :)

[kimdl93]

It is your home, and in the end you decide what's appropriate. Still, you'd have to be the judge of how this information will be received and what impact, if any, it may have on these relationships. You may find that it won't have any impact at all.

[Miriam-J]

Just tell them you're dedicated nudists and need advance notice of any visit, and put curtains in front of any windows by the door. Of course this might not work as well if they too are nudists, but at least it'll slow 'em down a bit.

[BRANDYJ]

I had this problem with a brother some years back. he would show up any time he felt like dropping by. I repeatedly asked him to call in advance. I don't care if it's because I sometimes might be dressed or not. I just don't like people just dropping by. One day he called and said he's liek to drop by. I asked when, he said he was already in the parking lot. It angered me because that was clearly not respecting my wishes that he call in advance. A minute to mydoor is NOT advance notice! In a low point in my life, I sent him an e-mail telling him of my problems ( not related to dressing) But in that letter I told him why I never liked him to just drop in. I told him I was a crossdresser. Long story short, until just a couple of weeks ago, we had not talked for over 4 years. So two fold answer to the OP's question. DON'T TELL! and do ask anyone and everyone that you do not like people to just drop in and that you wish to have them phone first in the event you are busy with other things. They don't have to know what those other things are. Could be a movie, making love to your wife, house cleaning, office work or whatever.
Again, I think it's rude to just drop in. Not gonna happen in my house.....my rules.

[Joanne f]

Yes you are right " my castle my rules" so you can do what you like in your castle but just remember that if other people do not like your rules they will not visit your castle .

[STACY B]

Yes you are right " my castle my rules" so you can do what you like in your castle but just remember that if other people do not like your rules they will not visit your castle .

FINALY ,,,, Someone who gets it !!! Thank you ,,,, About time ,, Hey dont blame me ,, She said it ! NO ONES HOME !!!! GO AWAY !

[DonnaT]

Depends on how liberal they are, and whether or not you believe they can keep a secret from the other relatives.

[Dawn cd]

You're never going to win this one. If it's not a relative dropping in, then it's going to be the postman, or a neighbor wanting to borrow something, or Girl Scouts selling cookies, or firemen selling tickets to their ball, or . . . someone! You can't simply build a wall around yourself. So if you can't change quickly into guy clothes, you can just refuse to answer the doorbell (and tell the visitor later that you were in the shower). Either that, or have an arrangement where your SO answers the door while you retreat to an upstairs room.

[KimberlyJean]

Most of the time I can change quick enough, until you commit to nails, make up, and perfume. I think my neighbor noticed my earlobes once where I had been wearing clip-ons and they left an impression but she didn't say anything.

[Mercury]

Thank you everyone for your responses. You have given me a lot to think about. Most of my family is conservative, so I'm relatively sure how coming out to them could turn out. The couple I live nearest, and am considering telling, are much more open minded, and they are also much closer friends to us than the rest of the family (part of the reason we moved close to them). I know they would likely not have an issue and would respect my wishes for secrecy, but it is still nerve-racking to consider the conversation. I also need to figure out for myself if the benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks. I would like to be able to dress how I want amongst company, but the world doesn't revolve around me, so at what cost remains to be seen. Thanks again for all the posts!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mercury, That's why I keep my screen door locked.

[STACY B]

Get a MEAN DOG !!! RUFF ,,,,, RUFF,,,,, GET,,,EM BOY,,,,

[AmberDay]

I've informed my whole family and friends that unless they want to see me dressed, they better call first. And just because they call doesn't mean I'm willing to change just to make them more comfortable. I used to 'rush change' when somebody showed up, but that was too stressful. Then I wouldn't change, but not answer the door either, which caused problems. I was dressed one day and my mother in law stopped by unannounced to drop of some clothes for my wife. I didn't answer the door and kept watching tv. She reamed me the next day, "I know you were home, the car was in the drive! and heard the tv going" So then I found myself not dressing because somebody might stop by. I decided not to adapt my life to suit them. Like I told my mother in law not too long after that, This is MY life and this is MY house.

Amber

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Well I'm a GG so I dont have the "dressed" issue but I dont like people just dropping by - as Brandy points out, who knows what you might be doing or what they might be interrupting - I think its just darn rude to do this. We have a neighbour across the road who until recently was on my doorstep almost daily and it came to the point where I had to make it quite obvious that I wasnt going to stop what I was doing to chat to her about inane sh*t for an hour or more. She did knock one evening when my husband was "dressed" and the poor guy had to retreat to the bedroom pronto - we couldnt exactly pretend not to be in.

I think I would be inclined not to tell them - but next time they drop by, leave it a good few mins before you answer the door and then take the guy aside during the evening and ask if he might call ahead in future as they caught you at a bad time (making love, in the shower, middler of dinner, whatever) or your wife take the other wife aside, same thing.

Some people just dont think before they act and its obviously annoying you so better to speak up now and get it sorted than let this fester and become a big issue in your mind.

[Kat42]

It took me a long time to figure out that a knock at the door does not create an obligation on my part to answer the door. Doesn't matter "how obvious" it is that someone is home or not. If they bring it up later, I'll simply say "we were otherwise occupied and no one was expected so we figured it was door-to-door sales not worthy of my time. Next time call first."

Same same for the phone. I am not obligated to answer the phone because it rings. At least there a machine will record a message though. At this stage of life, a ringing phone is almost certainly not for me so I don't answer it.

Bottom line, if you are going to call ahead to stop by, you need to do so with enough time for someone to actually check the messages.