Are you okay with being transgendered?

[Marleena]

There have been a lot of threads lately dealing with what others think of us, now it's our turn. It doesn't matter if you're TS/IS/CD/TG this is just to see if you've accepted who are you are. We all have struggled with it at some point.

Have you accepted it, if so was there a turning point or "lightbulb" moment?

For those still struggling with it what is causing your turmoil? Are you hoping, or trying to make it go away?

Basically what I'm asking is how are you dealing with it?

[whowhatwhen]

I'm at the 'resigned acceptance' stage, that is, I know that how I feel is never going to go away and that pretending otherwise is just going to take down myself and possibly others in the future.
Full acceptance will come when I know just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Right now I'm dealing with it by distracting myself if I get caught in an infinite loop of self questioning.
On the whole, I would have rather been 'normal' like everyone else.

[Cynthia Anne]

I deal fine with it thank you! However if I had a choice I'd be one or the other! Preferridly' an F not a m! Hugs!

[JohnH]

Yes, I am trangendered and that's OK. And it's OK with my wife.

I am on M2F HRT and I feel a sense of calm and the ability to concentrate on complex topics. In fact my wife suggested the HRT in the first place. She sensed that I felt a lot better when I cross-dressed and shaved my body.

The transgendered aspects of me are not going away, nor am I trying to make it go away.

Johanna

[Deborah]

"Are you okay with being transgendered?"

Yes but i'd rather be a woman ;)

[Kristy_K]

By accepting my transgender as part of me leaves me free to live my life happy and free of any guilt. And that is such a wonderful way to live.

Kristy

[diannecourtney]

I think being a lady is the neatest thing to be, all those goodies that one can slip in to, its to bad that there is some loose ends to deal with.
After reading the many thoughts, I have a more serious observation than above, oh yes being a lady is soooo cool but as the ex has said many times over, you will never return to manhood, and why should one wish to.

[kimdl93]

In short - yes. I'm very happy with my life and my identity as a TG person. Acceptance came in stages, beginning years ago in therapy, which got me past the "I'm a pervert" stage to the point where I could honestly admit that I was TG. Later, being accepted by my then gf was a big step towards living happily as a TG. More recently, expressing this part of myself on a routine, daily basis has been transformative. Instead of stealing a moment here or there, I can live it. And finally, I genuinely enjoy being able to go out into the world, being out to people I know, as well as doing both the routine and special things as a woman.

[JessHaust]

Yes! I like to consider myself 'gender enhanced'. To be able to see things from both worlds, to expierence life as both male and female is a gift, and one well worth embracing.

[sandra-leigh]

There's a phrase my therapist and I have taken to using lately, "It is what it is."

Wishes are not horses, my mother isn't getting any younger; my boss would rather retire than learn how to manage people; my wife doesn't see anything wrong with leaving 6 pairs of shoes strewn on the stairs; my mother-in-law has high-grade dementia and will never get better; the publication ban I am under for vast numbers of topics is Prior Restraint for the rest of my life (and beyond); friends move away without telling me or leaving any contact information; I am still recovering from a Depressive Crisis 9 years ago that still makes it impossible for me to work regular hours. Oh yes, and I'm transgendered.

I had a lot of struggles as I went through the CD'ing stage to the point of worrying about trans, a lot of "I need to do this and I don't understand it". I fought hard on the question of whether I was TG or not, as I had no intellectual proof, nothing but bare hints from my past. I was a guy as I grew up, and I didn't question that; my wondering as a teen what it was like to be female was from the starting perspective of knowing I was not female. I was a social mis-fit to be sure, but I had no reason back then to think I was outside the category of male. My GID was somewhat of a surprise to me, and I adapted as a survival tactic. No matter what I was back then, I am trans now. No matter how well I could do cartwheels when I was a teen, I have a "problem" back now. Life changes. I adapt.

[rachaelsloane]

I've got to agree with Jess, "To be able to see things from both worlds, to expierence life as both male and female is a gift, and one well worth embracing".
I have never worried too much about and I'm just having fun enjoying life to the fullest.
Who took my glass of wine?

[docrobbysherry]

While being "TG" sounds like a good excuse for what I do, Marleena, it's just TOO EASY for me!

When I began dressing about 16 years ago, I thot I must be gay! I dressed in a vacuum for the next 10+ years. During which I decided I wasn't gay, but wasn't aware of the TG/TS terms. When I came out here 4+ years ago, everyone said, "Well, if u dress, u MUST be TG"! But, I've never yet felt TG!

Maybe I'm just stuck in the "Pervert" stage Kim mentioned above!?

[Tina B.]

Sandra Leigh, and her Therapist, sum it up for me. It is what it is!
When I finally realized this is just who I am, and it is who I'll be the rest of my life. I stopped fighting it. I would still rather be one or the other, don't even really care which, but that's not the hand I was dealt. Thirty five years ago, I told my wife about me, she was more accepting than I was, and helped me learn to accept myself. Now it's just is no big deal to either of us, I dress when I need too, yes need, I am compelled to it. Wife is cool with it, and then the rest of the time, we ae just any other old couple.
Tina B.

[Michelle 2]

Jess has summed it up nicely and this is the way I feel. Coming to the realization and acceptance that you are "gender enhanced" is no easy task for anyone of us. But once achieved it opens a whole new perspective on the world and life in general. Like many here I am very happy to have this very special " gift" bestowed upon me. I am a trasgendered person and proud to be a member of this sorority

[STACY B]

Shoot yea ! I can holler louder than any girl , Pee outside in a dress an not take down my pantyhose , I tell ya what Ill bet if someone was in a burning building or car they would not care if I was a man or woman as long as I was strong enough to get there azz out ! HOT,,,,,,OHH,,,OHHH,,,HOT,,,HOT,,,,,, SUPA STAR !!!

[Cheryl T]

I'm very comfortable being TG. I've actually been this all my life but have gone through all the "term" variations that time has brought. Originally I was a TV until that term became *******ized. Then it became CD which is clinically more accurate.
I'm most comfortable with TG though as it more fully expressed me. I'm more than CD, yet not enough to be TS so being TG is a comfortable place for me.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I'm fine with it and just accept it as how I was created and no changing that reality. A personal early life crises in my early 20's brought me to the conclusion that my entire existence in male mode at the time consited of trying to "cure" myself. Once I got over that bump in the road things became a lot easier. Now it's just dealing with how far down the TG spectrum I'm heading and a what pace I am doing so.

[suchacutie]

I'm more than fine with being transgendered. I've known for almost 6 years and from the very first second it was as though it was someone saying, "well, obviously you're transgendered"! Since Tina has been a joint project with my wife, it's been just about perfect. My male self is better for it, I understand myself more and more, and my body is better for it, to be honest. If there is a negative it's that there is not enough time in my life to slice in the significant time that Tina could use at this point to develop fully. That's a pretty small negative in a sea of positive!

[Emily Ann Brown]

I accepted being TG a long time back. Since then I have been VERY happy! Only my workfriends don't know it. They just think I'm gay or weird..when is fine with me. Not a reason to fire me. NOT YET!!! HAHAHA

Em

[Stephanie Michelle]

I have always accepted the fact that I am transgendered. Since coming out to my GF and the way she has embarrassed it, I am now getting more comfortable about going out from the confines of my home with her right by my side.

[ArleneRaquel]

I accept, cherish, and embrace my transgenderism. Since my acceptance I have lived a kinder, gentler life and I love it. :)

[Lorenqt]

I have come to accept that I may be transgender. At this time, I'm not really pursuing it (talking to a head shrink, going on HRT).

I have always known that I'm different. As a kid I always hated myself (My parents had nothing to do with this, they were very loving and caring.), and even made repeated attempts to kill myself. I never really fit in, was always small for my age, wasn't very good in sports. When I went to high school, I did things a young male was "supposed" to do. I had a lot of friends, cut classes, got into fights (I was really good at that), chased skirts. With all that, something was still missing. Then I started dressing. At first is was kindda a fetish. As time went on, dressing became more and more of a lifestyle. I never really gave it much thought before. I love being able to dress and hate having to go back to boy mode. Over the past few months I've thought about it more and more. I believe that I might be transgendered. When that realization hit me, all those dark, self-destructive thoughts disappeared.

It feels soo good to know who you are.

[Erina]

Well. It would be nice to drop it; male living can be cool, might be able to get a hobby or something and live life. But I´m always trying, haven´t really managed to drop it. It is always going to remain nice having these thoughts that are nice to think of.
It often gets stressful. I just listen to music, go running, etc. If that won´t work which it rarely ever does, I´m just trying to wait it out. Others might do something else than suppressing that stress, what you're supposed to do I don’t know. Feels like there´s really no good answer to it. If that means that I´m suppressing it then I am. However I am not beating myself down about it.
Waiting for that lightbulb moment to come and I´ll know what to do.

[Foxglove]

Question, Marleena: if I'm not OK with being TG, what are my options? Can I return the goods and get my money back? No? Well then, I suppose I'll just have to put up with it, won't I?

It was lurking on this forum that finally made me see I needed to face up to things. I didn't lurk long before I joined. I saw I had no reason to be afraid of other TG's. And that led me to think that maybe I had no reason to be afraid of myself.

My attitude is changing a bit these days, I think. We all talk about accepting ourselves. Or some people say they wish they weren't TG. As for me, in a way I like being TG. But what I'm mainly thinking these days is, what else could I be? I've always been this way. It's not a question of liking it or disliking it. It's more like, grass is green and water is wet and Annabelle Larousse is TG. How else could it be?

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Julia_in_Pa]

I accepted being intersexed long ago but that didn't mean I was to accept true self until my early thirties.
Finally after all was said and done I transitioned in 2006.
It's been over five years now of living as my true self and overall it's been a mixed bag of much loss and some gain.
I had to transition to not commit suicide but for the first few years I had a very difficult time seeing that transitioning was the correct choice I had made.
I wouldn't wish being IS on anyone and at the same time I wouldn't trade it for anything either.


Julia

[Rachel Renee]

My path to acceptance started about eleven years ago, but it wasn't always easy and guilt-free. I always knew there was something different about me, but I was too afraid for the longest time to even consider the word transgendered. Those thoughts would surface, then be stuffed back into the deep recesses of my conciousnes, just as quickly. I tried to maintain like that, compartmentalized for many years. I found myself experiencing gender dissonance, but I didn't, or was perhaps not willing to acknowledge what it was. I just knew that the feelings were increasing in both frequency and intensity.

It wasn't until last August that I experienced what was the strongest, most disorienting dysphoria I had ever known, and it freaked me out. Lasted damn near the whole month, too. It was like a deluge of feelings that I'd suspected we're there, plus some other feelings that I wasn't immediately prepared to process. But the more I thought about it, the more everything made sense. It was like I was finally getting to know myself. The most shocking thing? How right it felt to admit to myself that I am transgendered. I still deal with dysphoria but at least now I know what my deal is. The weight is gone and I feel much more happy and sure of myself. The only thing that is still in question is how far will all of this go? I don't know but I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy the ride.

TL/DR; Admitting to myself that I'm TG has given me an inner peace and confidence that was never there before.

[AllieSF]

I am OK with it. Unfortunately, I started at an older age where the ravages of times have left their mark on my skin and looks. However, I am also very fortunate that I started this at an older because with that corresponding maturity, experiences, et al, I do not question who or what I am, I just accept it and, more importantly, enjoy it with or without a glass of wine.

[girlygirly]

I think I have too many questions about it to actually be fully content and happy about it, but that hasn't really been enough of a reason for me to ever purge or stop. Instead, I have slowly purged all my male clothing over the last ten years.

It has changed the way I live my life at times, and I still live my life 99% closeted, while wearing only female clothing, and admitting little to almost everyone who knows me. It is the best compromise I can come up with, leaving myself as the only person I really have to answer to. I realize the compulsion, and don't understand why being "normal" isn't a more easy choice. I also believe it is really a choice in the end, as much as some may insist that isn't true. I have no problem toning it down when I really have to, I just don't like to.

How does this all happen to us? Is the "gay gene" the same as the "crossdressing gene"?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers or troll, and I have looked for a sticky thread on this. I do understand that for many this is the elephant in the room and that discussing it generally causes mayhem, but one of the main reasons I came here was for answers, and many of my questions tend to cast me as a denier.

I don't understand this genetic thing at all, somebody's got some splainin' to do before it genuinely makes sense to me! Is crossdressing an extension of what some might call "denial of gayness", or is it a separate genetic trait altogether?

For me, there are enough things that happened to me as a child to make me think crossdressing could be some sort of programmed behavior which resulted from playing doctor and dress up games with girls when I was very young, but it also started for me at a young enough age for me to understand it can be a genetic trait, along with my fascination in everything which is girly.

What is actually known and scientifically proven about crossdressing, and why are we always lumped in with the gay community? That tends to make crossdressing seem like an act which is purely motivated by sexual needs, rather than an actual life path that we can't seem to avoid taking. Are the two that closely related? I have no problem staying away from men, there is no emotional attraction to men as a potential partner for me, but I am totally lost in tighty whiteys! I haven't worn anything but girl undies for years. I am much happier dressed like a girl, the girlier the better, but at the same time I would be mortified if I were caught in a dress. The compulsion and basic instinct to dress like a girl is unexplainable for me, but there are also limits to how far I can go and still feel comfortable.

If it isn't going to turn into a big fight I would be interested to see what anyone has to say about it. I realize this all has probably been said before in a different thread, but I'm sure there are many here who have researched this extensively, as well. If it one of those things that can only be debated, then quarreled over, just delete my post. I won't be offended.

[Marleena]

I think I have too many questions about it to actually be fully content and happy about it, but that hasn't really been enough of a reason for me to ever purge or stop. Instead, I have slowly purged all my male clothing over the last ten years.

It has changed the way I live my life at times, and I still live my life 99% closeted, while wearing only female clothing, and admitting little to almost everyone who knows me. It is the best compromise I can come up with, leaving myself as the only person I really have to answer to. I realize the compulsion, and don't understand why being "normal" isn't a more easy choice. I also believe it is really a choice in the end, as much as some may insist that isn't true. I have no problem toning it down when I really have to, I just don't like to.

How does this all happen to us? Is the "gay gene" the same as the "crossdressing gene"?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers or troll, and I have looked for a sticky thread on this. I do understand that for many this is the elephant in the room and that discussing it generally causes mayhem, but one of the main reasons I came here was for answers, and many of my questions tend to cast me as a denier.

I don't understand this genetic thing at all, somebody's got some splainin' to do before it genuinely makes sense to me! Is crossdressing an extension of what some might call "denial of gayness", or is it a separate genetic trait altogether?

For me, there are enough things that happened to me as a child to make me think crossdressing could be some sort of programmed behavior which resulted from playing doctor and dress up games with girls when I was very young, but it also started for me at a young enough age for me to understand it can be a genetic trait, along with my fascination in everything which is girly.

What is actually known and scientifically proven about crossdressing, and why are we always lumped in with the gay community? That tends to make crossdressing seem like an act which is purely motivated by sexual needs, rather than an actual life path that we can't seem to avoid taking. Are the two that closely related? I have no problem staying away from men, there is no emotional attraction to men as a potential partner for me, but I am totally lost in tighty whiteys! I haven't worn anything but girl undies for years. I am much happier dressed like a girl, the girlier the better, but at the same time I would be mortified if I were caught in a dress. The compulsion and basic instinct to dress like a girl is unexplainable for me, but there are also limits to how far I can go and still feel comfortable.

If it isn't going to turn into a big fight I would be interested to see what anyone has to say about it. I realize this all has probably been said before in a different thread, but I'm sure there are many here who have researched this extensively, as well. If it one of those things that can only be debated, then quarreled over, just delete my post. I won't be offended.

This is a great opportunity to you to find out. Simply start a new thread asking for the information.:)

[Rachel Renee]

While there are many theories out there, no one's definitively certain why we are. I've heard about estrogen wash in the womb, certain environmental factors, etcetera, etcetera. I like to think that it's a remnant of a past life that is bleeding over. Perhaps that's why femininity is so familiar and comfortable. Our souls remeber being women in a previous incarnation, but our conscious minds are left out of the loop. Maybe I've just read too much Edgar Cayce. We may never know the actual root cause of CD/TG, but at least in my case, it was not a concious decision to be transgendered. I just am.

[Barbara Ella]

I am still new to crossdressing, but am rapidly evolving my emotions and thought processes toward myself. I readily accpet what I am, and am working on the who part. A good portion of sorting out the who part of this is beginning to feel like there is really more to this than just putting on women's clothing, which is where I started 7 months ago. i can recognize that I do have a female component to my being. i am seeing that more as time progresses. No "ah ha" lightbulb moment, just a gradual realization, or enlightenment coming through my living with my two selfs on a daily basis and recognizing that the me I refer to has two very distinct and wonderful parts to it.

The female part is becoming less and less dependent on dressing to make herself present in my mind. I dont need to dress to feel like her, it is becoming more natural every day, and this can be frightening a little bit. I dress simply because it is natural now. I dont need the makeup and wig when dressed now, but I do need them when i have to look at myself. Male self does not disgust me, but is incongruous with my feelings, so I need them to level out.

So, in a short finish to a too long babble, Yes, I am okay with being transgendered, I am just a bit uncomfortable with not knowing how it will work out in the long run, and not having a real long run left to work with.

Babes

[Marleena]

By accepting my transgender as part of me leaves me free to live my life happy and free of any guilt. And that is such a wonderful way to live.

Kristy

I never commented myself but Kristy nailed it for me. The is what is comment also works.:)

[Inna]

Happiest girl in the world!............... transgender...........what's that????

[KellyJameson]

I have a love hate relationship with it. I love the gifts that come with it in my relationship with myself, the intuition, sensitivity, creativity, spiritual insights, connection with all things, one with nature and all things living, peace of mind from holding both halfs (feminine/masculine energies and perspective) within one mind but I suffer from how I affect others who experience cognitive dissonance in my presence from seeing a man and feeling/experiencing a woman (masculine absence based on their past experience).

Often people react with distaste because subconsciously they experience my energies as weak,submissive,passive,child like, which they are not and than project onto me their own fears while justifying their attacks on me by giving motives to my behavior that are untrue.

For me being what I am has given me the gift of insight but at the cost of having to protect myself from the hostility that being different causes. I love being me but hate the consequences imposed on me by others, it is an unnecessary burden born from their fears not mine, it is unjust.

[Badtranny]

and why are we always lumped in with the gay community?

CD's are not lumped in with the gay community at all. They choose to go to our bars because we're not openly hostile to the expression but I can tell you for sure that the gay people that I know have very little interest in straight men who dress like women. They don't understand it anymore than the straight dudes do and they sure as hell aren't attracted to such a thing. To be perfectly honest I don't understand straight CD's and I am actually transitioning so you'd think I would a little bit, but I can't understand it anymore than your wives do. Not to say I don't think it's cool and interesting, cuz I do but I can't imagine being straight (even though I pretended for so long) much less wearing a bra that I don't need. To each their own though. Taste the rainbow baby.

Back to the OP's question. I spent a literal lifetime wishing and hoping that I would wake up "normal" one day. My light-bulb moment came in 2010 on the side of a two lane highway just outside of Bakersfield. My totally cute new FJ was almost totaled and the dude I T-boned was lucky to survive based on his mangled pickup that was upside down in the weeds. The realization that my life could have been over washed over me and I made the decision right then and there to stop running from the truth. That night I cried blood almost and accepted the fact that I was a woman and I had some things to do starting tomorrow. Since then I've been happy like I've never experienced before. No more depression, no more doubts, just joy from each minute of living without secrets.

It has been a long strange trip since that fateful January and I've been scared, and impatient, and angry, and disappointed, but NEVER unhappy. Each day is a gift now instead of a curse and I love being alive.

[elizabethamy]

It (TG) just came upon me suddenly a year or so ago, and I'm intrigued by it, learning from it, sometimes excited, sometimes happy, usually fearful, still not accepting. I'm a lot closer to accepting it (which is NOT the same as knowing what to do about it - melissa, i hope i don't need a car wreck to figure out what to do!)...but the opposition at home and the prospect of losing my family and friends over it keeps me from being accepting. In fact, I'm still looking for a medical answer, given the late appearance of it, the strength of it, and the lack of clues in childhood. I suspect there is no medical answer other than a lot of repression/suppression, but accepting it, I think, happens in several phases and on several levels. Unlikely to be resolved in a short time. I think about it constantly, positively and negatively...

elizabethamy

[Andie Elisabeth]

I have made list of rules (4). Number 1 is "Take a good care of yourself.". It simply means to me that if I am not okay with myself then I can not follow that rule and I will be on downward spiral. And I don't want to be there. Whether I am or I am not TG it doesn't really matter if I'll follow rule #1 :)

[kristinacd55]

I've absolutely accepted it as a part of me, it's the drinking I'm getting rid of! DUI last Saturday morning, and now AA for me. Oh, and I was dressed when I got stopped too.....:(

[Marleena]

I've absolutely accepted it as a part of me, it's the drinking I'm getting rid of! DUI last Saturday morning, and now AA for me. Oh, and I was dressed when I got stopped too.....:(

Ouch! I hope you can take care of that, Kristina!:)

[drushin703]

Ime ok with it,for it certainly has been one fantastic ride. But unless my selfeshness makes me totally forget about the people around me, I know
they will never be ok with it. I imagine sometimes, all my good buddies,my friends from childhood, my work partners, those who know my mother and
my father, how they would react if they knew their homeboy, their partner, their ace-boom-coon, their schoolmate-playmate dresses in womens cloths?
But I cant help it. It feels too good and I look too good while doing it. Crossdressing balances me and demilitarizes my desposition. Being transgendered
makes me a better person.Though I know, full well, that the conservancy of decorum, those around us that regulates the fitness of all society, will
disapprove of me.


Any man, who can crossdress and doesn't, is a man without dreams.........dana

[Frédérique]

Are you okay with being transgendered? There have been a lot of threads lately dealing with what others think of us, now it's our turn. It doesn't matter if you're TS/IS/CD/TG this is just to see if you've accepted who are you are. We all have struggled with it at some point. Have you accepted it, if so was there a turning point or "lightbulb" moment?

Yes, I have accepted who I am – a long time ago, as a matter of fact. I can honestly say I never struggled with it (letting crossdressing transport me to the “other” side, I mean). Normally I would balk at being called transgendered, but in this case I’ll just play along – I’ve already dissected words and their meanings ad infinitum, so I know that anything with the prefix "trans-" does not accurately describe what I do in CD terms. In short, I dress for pleasure, for a quick excursion to my favorite Earthly paradise and back, whenever I can...

If there was a “lightbulb” moment, it was when I first tried on a wig, but I thought it was really fascinating, not cause for concern or evidence of a “storm” of difficulties headed my way. I just kept going, or kept accepting my “self,” no matter what I did – I figured I wasn’t the first male who ever dressed as a female, or entertained thoughts at odds with what he was SUPPOSED to think, so I just rolled with it, and I continue to do so. BTW, I really don’t care what others think of “us,” consciously avoiding negative thread material, even though “not caring” goes against my inherent effeminate nature. I’m OK with being TG, if you insist I’m TG – I’m really just Freddy the crossdresser, MtF variety, long-established and untroubled...
:battingeyelashes:

[monica.missil]

I would say at this point in my life, I would say no. Mainly because of my family, l have to stay deep in the closet. Thiseans I can not expres my feminity the way I desire to. So I would rather not have these feelings and desires, and also frustration.

[TGMarla]

I've accepted it. All told, I'd rather have not had to deal with it all. There are times when I really envy those persons, male or female, that seem so comfortable in their own skins. On the one hand, it might have been nice to have never had to deal with transgendered issues. On the other hand, I cannot imagine having missed the pleasure of experiencing my own femininity, of wearing pretty dresses and things, and getting the opportunity to at least kind of experience life as it can be for women. So there's a part of me that regrets having this in my life, and another part that is very grateful for it. Those two sides have struck a peace with each other, and life is much easier and better as a result.

[Stephanie-L]

Am I Okay with being Transgender? Define Okay. Have I accepted that I am TG, yes, years ago. Have I stopped fighting the fact that I am not a "normal" male, yes. Have I started to embrace and enjoy the female that I am, YES, finally. Do I wish I did not have to face all of the problems that I have had and I expect to face because I am TG, yes, of course. Am I looking forward to transition, and am I working as hard as I can to make it happen, yes, I certainly am. Am I frustrated at times, both with the external and the internal problems that come with transition, oh yeah, you bet I am. Do I wish I could make it all happen NOW, YES, YES, YES. So, am I okay with being transgender, yes, I guess I am.....................Stephanie

[Jonianne]

It took years of terrible struggle to accept myself. I went through nearly 8 years of weekly individual and group therapy to get to the point of self-acceptance. That was over 15 years ago.

The day I finally came to full acceptance was when it really dawned on me that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, "I" WAS THE ONE WHO WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, NO ONE ELSE WAS! The moment that dawned on me, my depression lifted and NEVER returned.

One saying from Dr. Joy Browne helped me immensely was "Accepting Yourself":
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?84515-Truly-accepting-yourself&highlight=

[Marleena]

It took years of terrible struggle to accept myself. I went through nearly 8 years of weekly individual and group therapy to get to the point of self-acceptance. That was over 15 years ago.

The day I finally came to full acceptance was when it really dawned on me that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, "I" WAS THE ONE WHO WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, NO ONE ELSE WAS! The moment that dawned on me, my depression lifted and NEVER returned.

One saying from Dr. Joy Browne helped me immensely was "Accepting Yourself":
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?84515-Truly-accepting-yourself&highlight=



Thanks for the link Jonianne! I hope others read that.:)

It is also nice to see so many people okay with accepting themselves right here in this thread!

[RenneB]

Not much more to add that hasn't already been said. The topic was "Are you okay with being transgendered?" and my first response was "like I had a choice?".

I mean being born this way isn't easy as y'all know. So basically, I've accepted the fact that I have to live deep inside the closet to keep my other life in a nice house with a great family.

So that's 'bout it for me..... but havin' a blast

Renne.....

[Jacqueline Winona]

Yes, i'm ok with it- I actually like the feminine side of me, very much. I guess discovering this palce bakc when I was lurking was as much a light bulb moment for me as anything else. For years I was isolated, and just thought dressing was a fetish. When I started reading others, it really hit me that it's much more than that, I'm really not alone, and thee's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I've grown more in the past three months or so since I accepted and embraced my inner Janice than at any other time that I can remember.

[NathalieX66]

Marleena,
All this is a learning experience for all of us.
You can always take the old adage "when you have lemons, make lemonade"......yeah, that works.
I can honestly say that I feel better about myself as a person, and not feeling constrained like I see many guys that do.

Not caring what others think has freed my mind up immensely. I also have some weird fetishes that is an offshoot of my transgenderness too.....goes with having a creative imagination.
But the image you see before you is the social side that is truly me, and the side that everyone knows. I'm glad I've spread my wings and met others, and let a bunch of frioends and family know.
I don't want to be on my deathbead not having experienced something I could have experienced. We are all snowflakes, snowflake. Every single one of us is different.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Marleena, Oh Well, It's who I am and it's what I do if they have a problem that's just too bad.

[Jenniferathome]

I don't think of myself as transgendered. I'm a guy through and through. I just have a part of me that likes to dress and enjoy the female mystique. Even dressed I don't think of myself as female. I'm a guy. Maybe I'm weird that way.

[Pinky188]

Not only am I OK with being a tranny, Im proud of it! I suppose the light bulb clicked on for me just recently. Its literally like a light came on and ever since I have been coming out and being myself. I totally accept who I am and I love it!! But It took a LONG time for that to happen though!

[Jay Cee]

It took me about 30 years to figure out and admit that I was a crossdresser. It was about another two years before I became relatively comfortable with it. I still have a ways to go yet, but I've made some pretty good progress. A supportive SO has been crucial in my coming to terms with who I am.

[Marleena]

I don't think of myself as transgendered. I'm a guy through and through. I just have a part of me that likes to dress and enjoy the female mystique. Even dressed I don't think of myself as female. I'm a guy. Maybe I'm weird that way.

It's okay Jennifer, transgendered is the easiest word to use since we all fall under that umbrella group. It's much easier than each of us trying to explain where we fall on the scale.:)

Wonderful replies so far! @ Renee you're right we didn't have a choice with this but some choose to fight and deny it instead of accept.

[whowhatwhen]

Outed politicians are a nice example of why hiding a part of our core being does not work and is also a neat example of taking others down with you.
o_o

[juno]

Being trans is great. Better than being a plain vanilla person.

[sandra-leigh]

Am I Okay with being Transgender? Define Okay. Have I accepted that I am TG, yes, years ago.

Stephanie, something in the way you expressed your thoughts reminded me of "Are you sure you're having fun?" "Yes, DAMMIT, I already told you I'm having fun, now get off my case! :brolleyes:" :tongueout


I still have a ways to go yet, but I've made some pretty good progress.

JayCee, was our support meeting last week the very first time you had been "dressed" in front of anyone other than your SO? You did well, up and talking to people, and not "wall-flowering" at all.

[PretzelGirl]

I don't feel like I ever had a negative thought about it, so I never had a lightbulb moment. I am a late bloomer and did it all along with my wife. So there was no hiding, no regrets, no denial. Lucky? Maybe. I just tend to accept things pretty easily.

[Michaela51]

I am very much much OK with being TG. I feel like a much more complete person since I have allowed myself to fall into who I am and dress like I do. The more time goes by, the better I feel. I am moving toward a more complete integration of my male and female energies and I like it. It also helps immensely to have a wonderfully supportive SO in my life.

[Melissa.Lynn88]

I'm very happy to be who I am. It's taken me a while to get to this point but it feels very good to accept myself being transgendered. It was something that I hid from for many years and was scared to admit to myself. But in the last few months I've realized I have been a much happier person and I enjoy life so much more now.

[sometimes_miss]

I've accepted who I am; I'm not thrilled about the whole 'feeling like I'm supposed to be a girl' thing, any more than I'm not thrilled by having arthritis. It's something you learn to deal with, like any other problem in life. I've always believed that we're as happy as we want to be with who, and what we are, and how our life is. You can choose to be miserable, or see the good side of life. I choose the latter.

[LeaP]

I am OK with it. I admit to needing a certain amount acceptance and approval, however, and don't see a lot of that now or in the future. Perhaps I'm more social than I've always thought.

Lea

[noeleena]

Hi,

Knew what i was who i was accepted with out any doughts , to explain that total no idear no words or meaning to express that just knew to not say a thing, age 10.

As i grow as a person was a bit rough, it was not about being a boy or a girl know there were a few things not quite right yet accepted that as just being what i was, mind you i was closed down so that helped .in some ways i expressed my girl / boy did not know there was a difference no problem.

Much later as i grow i knew there were things takeing place that would help me to live as a woman . just i had to go through things till the right time came , really it was about growing & to become strong in my self . accepted fully my difference,

...noeleena...

[lauraabdl]

YES
I have know since I was little that I felt there was something wrong. I always liked frilly things and looking like a girl. My mom dressed me like a girl when I was really young. Then at some age it wasn't ok, don't know for sure. But I always dressed up as a girl and couldn't stop for any real length of time. I tried hideing behind a male persona but the girl eventually came out. I purged my clothes many times and always regretted it. A light bulb finally came on for me when my four wife left me telling that she could not any longer compete with the two of me? It toke me a year of hideing from the world and living alone to finally understand and accept who and what I am, transgendered. I now live my life as a girl, except for the occasional job where a male needs to be presented. I have a lot of new friends that accept Laura for who she is and I have FINALLY accepted myself and I really couldn't be any happier. Laura is finally free and I love being able to be myself and do anything as a female. I have had hundreds of firsts since, flew on a plane, spent a whole vacation as Laura, shopping, working and just being a girl. Its so wonderful now, that I really don't know how I lived so long in deniel.

[Kirsty_D]

What choice do I have?

accept the fact or…

[Julie Martin]

I don't feel like I ever had a negative thought about it, so I never had a lightbulb moment. I am a late bloomer and did it all along with my wife. So there was no hiding, no regrets, no denial. Lucky? Maybe. I just tend to accept things pretty easily.

I envy you Sue! It's always been a curse for me, and though I've learned to accept that it's in my DNA, I'm glad that finally Julie only surfaces a couple times a year. At those times though, I do scratch the itch with an all-out Julie outing, which is awesome when it happens. It sure is simpler to just be a guy..being a woman is complicated! Though I will say that the experiences as Julie do give me an appreciation of what it might be like to be a woman, at least in some small way. I think the whole thing has helped me to empathize with women a bit more, and to be better at listening..usually not my strong suit!

@ Jenniferathome re: your comment "I don't think of myself as transgendered. I'm a guy through and through. I just have a part of me that likes to dress and enjoy the female mystique. Even dressed I don't think of myself as female. I'm a guy. Maybe I'm weird that way. "
You pretty much hit it on the head for me, though when dressed and on an outing I do try to step into a female role, as it helps to pull the whole thing off..but the line between fantasy and reality is never blurred.

[sandra-leigh]

Earlier I wrote "It is what it is."

There is a different but related question, "Would you go back?" or (for MTF) "Would you rather be a 'normal' male?"

The answer for me is to shudder. Even though I do not identify as definitely female, I don't much care for being a 'normal male'. Sure sex and making love were Good Stuff, and yes, I've probably had the benefit of "male privilege" more than a few times, but it grates against my grain. I've been a misfit a long time.

Of course, if there was a Be A Normal Male Pill, then I wouldn't mind about those things afterwards.

So I guess I'm at a place that is right for me to be at considering what I've gone through. Am I "happy", though? Not so much. The suffering I went through to get here... it tires me out, grinds down my spirit. I've been good, I've been conscientious, gentle, generous, hard working, ethical; couldn't the Fates have given me a lesser supply of loneliness and a greater supply of happiness?

[ashlee chiffon]

Be true to yourself and love yourself...it's a short life...enjoy every minute, no matter what drives you! Embrace the fact that you're different and special!

[bobbie c]

I will add to the chorus.....a year into this journey,at 60, and i am feeling alive and young and full of discovery.I do have a supportive wife and actually it was her that pointed out my possible crossdress ( call it whatever) leanings. I totally enjoy, embrace and have used this discovery to lose weight, acknowledge my love of "girly...fem areas.I still ride the harley, race sailboats and exsist in a very macho business world, but with me ......its a 2 for 1 deal. I am more peaceful and loving and frankly I think I look pretty good dressed...having fun. lastly, it is wonderful to read the responses....marleena...great question,as usual....

[BRANDYJ]

I am happy being me. I would not change my gender expressions in any way. I am a man that happens to be crossdresser and that helps make me a better man with a better understanding and appreciation for women.

[Lynn Marie]

Dressing is still a hobby with me albeit a somewhat obsessive hobby. I'm quite happy with myself, actually the happiest I've ever been. The real turning point was my divorce and later the breaking up with my ladyfriend. At first I felt I needed to jump right back into another relationship. As time has gone by, though, I've come to realize that I'm so much happier not having to live relative to another person. I'm free to do whatever, whenever I please. Wow, what a concept! I'm simply me now, plain and simple and happy.

[Kathy Smith]

I hadn't really thought about it until I read this thread. I think Freddy has summed it up quite nicely for me. I feel the same about "Tran--" anything, I don't think I am. I'm a non-sexually motivated CD. My outlook on life is masculine; I don't feel as if I should have been born female at all. I don't feel that I have some sort of second, female personality either. On the other hand, "dressing" is something that I just do - something about it makes me feel better somehow. It's an art form to some extent, I suppose - which is odd because I'm not artistic. I've accepted that part of my character and I realise that I'll probably always CD to some extent now.

[Stephanie47]

Life would have been a lot easier, if I was not a cross dresser! I would not have gone through long periods of trying to figure out my sexual identity. Instead of being a happy guy 90% of the time, I would have been a happy guy 100% of the time. If I could put a 'light bulb' moment on my self acceptance, I'd say it did not happen until I retired. You raise your kids. You do not have to worry about the job finding out! Your wife knows, even if it is DADT! You're financially secure-even at a 50-50 split of community assets! To be revealed or discovered by others has minimal consequences.

If my wife were to pass, then the percentage would switch to 90% girl and 10% guy. She is the only person I do not want to hurt by outing myself to the entire world.

Maybe what I'm saying is I had full acceptance of my sexual identity in the 1980's, but, full expression of that identity has yet to come.

[wendy360]

I'm more than OK with it I enjoy it very much. No light bulb, I've always wished I could dress like a girl.
As for how I'm dealing with it as with most things in life you either accept it or go into therapy for the next 20 years.

[Kerigirl2009]

I have accepted that I am different then most men, which is just great with me. I don't want to be a typical man as I really don't have much in common with them Oh sure I can blend with them and pretend to be interested in what they do but seriously I am a woman on the inside and that is where it counts. At least to me.
This affects every part of my being from the normal day to day chores. To doing the things that I really would rather do but can't because I look like a man, But I am working on that everyday.
Not to keen on being seen as this will cause my wife turmoil and me heartache probably. I don't care what they think of me but I do want to protect my family as much as any woman can that is in the body of a man.
I have accepted that I am indeed a crossdresser and quite possibly a TS to boot but I have not crossed that bridge.

[Lorileah]

I am who I am and that's all I am. Have I accepted it, yes because I like me. I really like me a whole lot more as a F tho :)

When did the light bulb go off? Call it midlife if you wish but at 40 I decided I was tired of being what others wanted and I needed to do something for me. Still 17 years later I haven't totally made myself happy but I am less concerned about how people see me. As long as they see me as a kind and good person that is what I am here for.

[abbyleigh]

Yes, I am very comfortable in my chosen gender... Once I finally realized that it was I who had to finally accept abby my whole world changed positively... There is now peace and tranquility in my life... No more anxiety or guilt attacks and amazingly the public is really more involved within their own world than mine...

abby

[Hali]

It is a herculean task managing TGism in any society of the world no matter how tolerant that society is. My history like most girls here was also filled with bumps. I have been trying/pretending to be a guy it has been my struggle. The turning point of my life is when i realize that the more i accept am a TG the less i want to dress, my second turning point (if i may say so) is when i realize and accept that the chances of me finding a woman that will accept me is almost zero, and thirdly is when i realize that am not alone (many TGs in the world). Accepting those three facts really helped me............and yeah this site helped alot in my journey.

[lisal]

Being yourself is always ok, being who you are not isn't. Been ok since day of realization and am happier for it.

[sexycrossdresser]

I am 100% ok with it . Infact , I love it more than anything else . I hope I stick with it for long.

[Debglam]

Interesting question.

When I was in the military, I received a lot of training in how to respond to being interrogated, what to expect if captured, etc. My absolute biggest fear was not death or injury but that I would be forced to admit out loud that I was trans. How I got from that to THIS (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?171053-Rainy-Day-Schedule&highlight=) is still a bit of a mystery to me.

I don’t know exactly what triggered things, possibly the deaths of some friends, but I reached a point where I HAD to be true to who I am.

So far, my life has gotten exponentially better, including my marriage. More complicated, more drama at times, sometimes tears, but definitely better. :)

That woman inside has been waiting a LONG time to get out and she doesn't appear to want to go back!

Debby

[Karinsamatha]

I am now, in the beginning no. It has taken a number of years to be OK with who I am becoming. :) Only time will tell where I end up, but I plan on enjoying the trip to the fullest. :D

[GBJoker]

I am not okay with being transgendered in the slightest. I truly hate it.

I have no one to talk to about it with. There's no place to go (but that's more money/gas issues than anything else). My family refuses to acknowldge it in even the tiniest bit. And since coming out about it, I've lost every single friend I once had.

If I could go back in time and stop myself from telling any one, I would in a heart beat.

And yes, I am trying to make it go away. I put all the female clothes over in the corner of the room where even I will never have to see them and think about it. I try to avoid the LGBT community whenever I can. I honestly don't know why I even come to this site anymore.

[Stephanie-L]

Stephanie, something in the way you expressed your thoughts reminded me of "Are you sure you're having fun?" "Yes, DAMMIT, I already told you I'm having fun, now get off my case! :brolleyes:" :tongueout

Sandra-leigh,
It looks a bit like you are taking what I wrote out of context. I was trying to express the fact that acceptance of ones TGness is not just one simple thing, there are lots of dimensions to it. As I said, I have learned to love the woman I am, and have accepted her as the person I have always really been. I have also gotten really tired of all the problems that being TG has added to my life. Will I deal with them and keep working my way forward, you bet I will. So, asking if I am Okay with being TG is kind of a limited question in a very large topic.........................Stephanie

[Noemi]

Marleena Honey, great thread.
I am way in the closet. To date I have only told one person, besides you all of course about Filomena(really Gina but I have yet to figure out how to change my name here, Filomena...what was I thinking). BUT I realize at a deep level that this feeling will not just go away, I have to deal with being TG'd. In the past I ran and got drunk and did drugs and almost died, I never really knew why, I buried it so deep. I still am not really happy being male. I do not want to be a gay dude but even that would be easier than being to the left of middle like I am designed.
So I deal with it but I only get so far. I continue to loose weight and shave and under dress, I can barley take my forms off anymore I love wearing them so much, so relaxing.
Knowledge is power, and I am glad to know what I am, I feel I have accepted myself....well I am close to it...Thanks everybody for their answers, a big help for this girl.

[Marleena]

I am not okay with being transgendered in the slightest. I truly hate it.

I have no one to talk to about it with. There's no place to go (but that's more money/gas issues than anything else). My family refuses to acknowldge it in even the tiniest bit. And since coming out about it, I've lost every single friend I once had.

If I could go back in time and stop myself from telling any one, I would in a heart beat.

And yes, I am trying to make it go away. I put all the female clothes over in the corner of the room where even I will never have to see them and think about it. I try to avoid the LGBT community whenever I can. I honestly don't know why I even come to this site anymore.

I'm so sorry for you my friend! Like my psychiatrist told me yesterday if people can't accept you the way you are they have the problem! I know it's easy for him to say but it's true. Avoiding it and the community won't make it go away but only cause you more grief. Have you considered a gender therapist, they tell us we only need one if we can't deal with who we are.


I've fought with being transgendered for decades myself. Only when I accepted it's part of my being have I found peace. I haven't told close friends or family that is the only difference between us. You put your trust in those people and feel betrayed because they can't understand your being different.

You see when I transform to a woman people will have a problem with that. It's a visual thing with all MTF's, it's obvious we are different. If they know me as a guy I look and seem normal so the change is drastic. It's hard for them to handle.

Ever wonder why a homosexual male that doesn't dress is easier to accept? It's because usually he looks like the rest of the guys. Put a dress and makeup on him and that changes the acceptance for many. People automatically have problems with something different outside of the norms unless they know or met somebody that might fall into that category.

Once people become educated that we were born different will it become easier for us. We won't seem so threatening to their own beliefs.

[Badtranny]

I still am not really happy being male. I do not want to be a gay dude but even that would be easier than being to the left of middle like I am designed.

Hmmmmm this sounds very familiar. I hoped like crazy that coming out as gay would be enough. ...It wasn't.

[whowhatwhen]

"Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see..."

[Acastina]

You mean like I have a choice? I yam what I yam,and I stopped fighting it a long time ago. OK? Yes, more than OK, with myself. With intolerance, not so much.

[Launa]

I'm not ok with being transgendered. I have totally accepted myself but I can't dress as much as I want to which just tortures me. I'm dealing with it one day at a time.