Was just leaving work when someone shouted "Tranny"

[Emma Leigh]

I was just leaving the store I work at this evening when a colleague and friend shouted "Tranny" and pointed in my general direction. I stopped, took a deep breath and went back to the group that had gathered, at which point He sort of pointed with his eyes at what appeared to be an elderly Lady crossing the car park "thats a tranny" he said. My emotion at this point was somewhat mixed, gratitude that my secret was intact, and pity for someone not unlike myself having to suffer public ridicule

[Cristi]

I don't think that this person would have enough other redeeming qualities that I'd still be able to call him a friend.

That he not only had a problem with her lifestyle, but beyond that had to be the type that shouted out to ridicule her... I don't believe I could associate with this person anymore.

[Kaz]

Public ridicule is the big scary stuff for me... but what motivates someone to make a public declaration like that? I seriuously wonder what they are trying to achieve... A part of me tells me that they aren't thinking, they are just doing what their predetermined mindset tells them... Scares the hell out of me though... however we intellectualise things...

I suspect that there are still Neanderthal genes circulating, even after all these years!

'Against stupidity the Gods themselves labour in vain".... Schiller

[Lori B]

only "tranny" in my vocabulary:hugs:>

[STACY B]

Was just leaving work when someone shouted out Tranny !! HERE !! Oh thought someone yelled my name ? My bad !

[Emma Leigh]

That he not only had a problem with her lifestyle, but beyond that had to be the type that shouted out to ridicule her... I don't believe I could associate with this person anymore.



Public ridicule is the big scary stuff for me... but what motivates someone to make a public declaration like that? I seriuously wonder what they are trying to achieve...

Things are different here in the UK to the US, its zero tolerance here, I believe the thinking is by ridiculing someone who dares to be different, no one will accuse them of anything

[STACY B]

Things are different here in the UK to the US, its zero tolerance here, I believe the thinking is by ridiculing someone who dares to be different, no one will accuse them of anything

HA,,,HA,,,HA,, Surely you gest ? Thats the BIGGEST thing everywhere ,, Throw the spotlight on someone else ! It aint no PICNIC here ether . Ya gotta pick your battles ,, JESSICA WHO does it best with comedy . Me too,, Best way to shut em up . Ya might not want step two ?

[Emma Leigh]

HA,,,HA,,,HA,, Surely you gest ? It aint no PICNIC here ether .

No Jest, I think it is

[Pinky188]

You should have taken the opportunity to educate that person on, #1 How immature it is to call people names. #2 How calling someone "tranny" in that context is bullying! #3 What a jerk he was for doing that!!!

[Pinky188]

Don't get me wrong! I use the word Tranny to describe myself and my tranny girlfriends all the time. I have no problem being called that either. But if its someone who is useing it in a derogatory manner then I have a problem with it!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Emma, You do know that you just can't fix STUPID.

[NathalieX66]

I would have smiled and waived.

[Pinky188]

I would have smiled and waived.

I love your comment!!!

[Sallee]

how did he know the person he was pointing at was a "tranny" was his penis showing otherwise it was a cruel assumption and shouldn't have been said
"you can't tell a book by lookin at the cover"

[Miranda-E]

the real pity is you allowed it to continue to "keep YOUR secret".

[ReineD]

This would have been a good time to say something compassionate about the lady, in contrast to your friend's callous behavior.

[Debglam]

Ouch - Misread the OP! I thought the guy WAS referring to the older lady's car! Not so funny!

[Badtranny]

the real pity is you allowed it to continue to "keep YOUR secret".

I second that emotion. It's silly to get upset at a douchebag for just being a douchebag. I'm calling out the girl who didn't have the seeds to tell the dork he should mind his own business.

Shame on you Emma for not speaking out for your sisters.

[Talldrinkofwater]

Wow! Insulting a complete stranger for appearently no reason is such a deplorable and immature act. Like a two year old pointing out things they see ..."truck" or "doggie." The diiference is the child has a bigger vocabulary. I understand your uneasy feeling in the situation, but she may have appreciated hearing someone standing up for her.

[Helen Grandeis]

Things are different here in the UK to the US, its zero tolerance here, I believe the thinking is by ridiculing someone who dares to be different, no one will accuse them of anything

Verily the press in the UK has been brutal to some of our sisters. My personal nightmare is to be accosted, chased, de-wigged and worse by a group of mall rats.

[Eryn]

Every once in a while in male mode I have the occasion to hear someone make a negative comment about a LGBT person. I make it a point to make sure that they know that their comment is not appreciated at all, usually by a comment along the lines of "can we be a bit more mature, please?" or "Do you really feel so insecure about your sexuality that you have to ridicule others?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I second that emotion. It's silly to get upset at a douchebag for just being a douchebag. I'm calling out the girl who didn't have the seeds to tell the dork he should mind his own business.

Shame on you Emma for not speaking out for your sisters.

Well I am backing her up. I strongly disagree with yo Melissa. You are doing this your way..which is good for you...it's not too good for me... I transitioned for me...it was the first thing in my life I ever did just for myself, and I reserve the right to do it MY way...

[Badtranny]

Well I am backing her up. I strongly disagree with yo Melissa. You are doing this your way..which is good for you...it's not too good for me... I transitioned for me...it was the first thing in my life I ever did just for myself, and I reserve the right to do it MY way...

How strongly? ;-)

I'm not understanding your position though Kait, why would you disagree that she should have said something to her "friend". I'm not saying she should have pulled out the T-Flag, but a gentle verbal correction at the very least was in order here. This guy was yelling what I can only assume was a slur at this poor woman. What if it had been a black person and a rascist A-hole yelled out Ni**er? Would you say something then?

How about "hey hey, that's a little over the line there buddy, let's try and keep our adolescent opinions between us". What is the alternative? To pretend that you didn't hear it? ...and what does it have to do with a transition?

A totally closeted CD could speak up in a situation like that and nobody would suspect a thing other than he was a pretty good guy. I'm surprised that you would disagree with me on this one, but I still think you're an okay broad. ;-)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

How strongly? ;-)

I'm not understanding your position though Kait, why would you disagree that she should have said something to her "friend". I'm not saying she should have pulled out the T-Flag, but a gentle verbal correction at the very least was in order here. This guy was yelling what I can only assume was a slur at this poor woman. What if it had been a black person and a rascist A-hole yelled out Ni**er? Would you say something then?

How about "hey hey, that's a little over the line there buddy, let's try and keep our adolescent opinions between us". What is the alternative? To pretend that you didn't hear it? ...and what does it have to do with a transition?

A totally closeted CD could speak up in a situation like that and nobody would suspect a thing other than he was a pretty good guy. I'm surprised that you would disagree with me on this one, but I still think you're an okay broad. ;-)

i read her post as to say she is not out to anyone...and its a work oriented situation... i can't imagine a real friend saying that as a derogatory thing...
So i think it tough to push somebody that is choosing to do this privately to out themselves ..

How strongly?? hmmm.. i guess really strongly? its a little less than extra strongly.. i know when i feel strongly its probably very intimidating!!!:heehee:

kidding aside,
just focusing on your post, i agree with you..if one of my friends (All of them know about me) said something like that I'd let them know and i'd also be really really disappointed (kind of like hearing the "truth" about how they really feel)..i'd probably have a hard time feeling good about them again..

[noeleena]

Hi,

A miner point would be was this older lady a male . female or a mix of both how did this person know . could she have been intersexed like my self & yet is a woman yet just shows masculine features. i wonder how he came to this he knew what this person was / is,

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

I feel pretty much the same. Certainly, I'd hate to be outted at work, but I'd also feel bad for some lout ridiculing an old person, who was just minding their own business.

It would be appropriate to interject a comment like , "is she a problem for you?" Of course, hindsight is 20:20.

[Emma Leigh]

Verily the press in the UK has been brutal to some of our sisters. My personal nightmare is to be accosted, chased, de-wigged and worse by a group of mall rats.

A friend on this very forum, who was a public figure has told and shown me examples of the treatment she received from the press when she began transitioning, and in some cases was tricked in to telling her story, just to be publicly ridiculed in a national newspaper.


I feel pretty much the same. Certainly, I'd hate to be outted at work, but I'd also feel bad for some lout ridiculing an old person, who was just minding their own business.

It would be appropriate to interject a comment like , "is she a problem for you?" Of course, hindsight is 20:20.

Yes Kim with hindsight I may have reacted differently.And a number of you have stated that I should have made some comment in her defence, and maybe I should, and possibly would have, but as I stated a group had gathered, some of whom I do not know at all, this is what made me decide to say nothing

[Kirsty_D]

Verily the press in the UK has been brutal to some of our sisters. My personal nightmare is to be accosted, chased, de-wigged and worse by a group of mall rats.

I miss the UK for the support networks there that could help me but I really don't miss the UK for the mindless stupidity of people who can't see past the gender binary.

To be transsexual in the UK is not good at least here it's acceptable though I do get the strange looks and some people staring at me, nobody would abuse me in public like I would be abused if i was still in the UK.

[ReineD]

I miss the UK for the support networks there that could help me but I really don't miss the UK for the mindless stupidity of people who can't see past the gender binary.

To be transsexual in the UK is not good at least here it's acceptable though I do get the strange looks and some people staring at me, nobody would abuse me in public like I would be abused if i was still in the UK.

This is interesting. I live in the US and always thought the UK and especially the Phillippines were so much more progressive than here. The grass is always greener?

Still, although we do get strange looks sometimes (most people don't read us), I've only once heard a rude comment while I was with my SO. The vast majority of people do keep their comments to themselves or at least out of earshot.

And I need to add, a good chunk of people accept us with open arms and have no issues. :)

[kimdl93]

Yes Kim with hindsight I may have reacted differently.And a number of you have stated that I should have made some comment in her defence, and maybe I should, and possibly would have, but as I stated a group had gathered, some of whom I do not know at all, this is what made me decide to say nothing

Certainly not intended as a criticism, Emma. I hope the experience comes to my mind if I hear a similar remark.

Your story reminded me of an event from my distant past, when I was in the Army. A fellow in our company was evidently doing what he could to get discharged - wearing mascara, wetting his bed, and finally getting caught in a compromising position with another guy from the unit. Well, that finally ended his service, such as it was. But I recall making a highly derogatory comment about the guy, and one of the other fellows in my unit, said, "Why does the fact that he's gay bother you so much".

Of course, I had my own secrets, and until years later, when I started to come to grips with my issues, I could be as bigoted in my remarks as anyone. In a way, I suppose I was using these opportunities to divert attention from my own "differences".

[Lorileah]

He sort of pointed with his eyes at what appeared to be an elderly Lady crossing the car park "thats a tranny" he said.

To paraphrase Winston Churchill. "She can go home and change back to being a man, but you sir, will still be an A$$."

[Stephanie47]

I would not fault Emma for not interjecting a comment concerning this intolerant person's statement. It is probably a CD-ers biggest fear to be outed to a group of co-workers or family members who are intolerant. Most people would be taken back by the comment-startled-unable to quickly think on their feet. Yes, on occasion I have questioned what issue does somebody have concerning a person's sexual identity, religion, ethnic background, etc. Unfortunately, I know people who are intolerant of anybody who is not a clone of themselves. Unfortunately, there are too many like that person.

And, I'll take Emma at her word the UK is a lot more intolerant than many parts of the USA.

[Badtranny]

It is probably a CD-ers biggest fear to be outed to a group of co-workers or family members who are intolerant.

So is fear now the official excuse for not doing what's right? Kim got called out in the military by a dude who may or may not have had an ax to grind, but he was unquestionably an upright kind of man.

This is really starting to bother me for some reason. All I hear about on this board is how manly so many CDs are most of the time, and how they can take care of themselves and nobody better get physical cuz they're still a man and yadda yadda yadda. Yet standing up for someone else is supposed to be scary?

I was in line a few weeks ago and this dude cut in front of some ladies and I turned around and said "hey, do you realize you cut in front of that group of ladies?" Maybe he did, maybe he didn't and it was none of my business but I could tell that it bothered THEM. By the way, I'm no badass, this dude would have likely knocked me out with one punch, but getting in a fight is NOT the first thing that comes to mind when I'm out in polite society. I know men probably think everything will escalate, but if you walk around being too afraid to speak up for yourself and others than I don't know how you could call yourself anything but cowardly.

[Kathy Smith]

I think the problem for TGs in the UK is that we don't know where we stand. CDing is not illegal. We have legal protection if someone attacks us (physical or mental abuse) under the "hate crime" legislation. We are free to CD anywhere, use any toilets etc. BUT, if there is a complaint to the police of any sort, we can be charged with "behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace". We'll probably get off without any problem if we behave well, but the threat is there. We just have to hope that nobody complains - all complaints have to be investigated.

[EllieOPKS]

I have always believed you should pick your battles carefully. If the loud mouth started in the older ladies direction, intervention would be proper. By calling the guy out over his comment you don't really accomplish much. You really think you could change his opinion? Once I identify someone as an idiot or a bigot, I no longer associate with them, work or otherwise.

[Beth Mays]

only "tranny" in my vocabulary:hugs:>

Is that a Chevy Tranny?

[Beth Mays]

Been a couple years ago I stop by Hooter's on way back from Highland games, I had on Kilt and some guy at a table says "hey are you Gay?" I turn around and look him up and down and respond.. "No sorry dude, but I am sure someone like you will have no problem finding someone who is."
All his friends told him to close his pie hole, and the manager (who is Scottish) ask them to pay up and move on.

[Alice Torn]

Maybe the friend was really shouting "granny".

[Emma Leigh]

So is fear now the official excuse for not doing what's right? Kim got called out in the military by a dude who may or may not have had an ax to grind, but he was unquestionably an upright kind of man.

This is really starting to bother me for some reason. All I hear about on this board is how manly so many CDs are most of the time, and how they can take care of themselves and nobody better get physical cuz they're still a man and yadda yadda yadda. Yet standing up for someone else is supposed to be scary?

I know men probably think everything will escalate, but if you walk around being too afraid to speak up for yourself and others than I don't know how you could call yourself anything but cowardly.

I resent every aspect of what you say, your comments may have some relevance in a tolerant California, but you do not have a Clue what the repercussions could be in a small town in Northern England, I was not frightened of possibly getting into a fight, but of being outed, and I am frightened of what could happen to my family if I made a mistake and what I am becomes common knowledge. We are surrounded by Neanderthal sheep following sexual stereotypes who will jump on anything they consider out of the ordinary as this is what they expect their fellows expect from them, and therefore will do anything to increase supposed esteem, and make your Rednecks look like pussycats. I cannot understand how a member of this forum could make such criticism on another member, its not as if I made the comment myself

[ReineD]

Yet standing up for someone else is supposed to be scary?

I think it's more about the fear of getting found out. It's not a stretch to understand why CDers are afraid of this: years of male social conditioning where the worst nightmare was to be thought of as being feminine, a "fag", a "woos", by one's peers and later the fear of social & economical consequences should the secret be let out.

Still I had no idea just how fearsome is the prospect of being found out until a few years ago when I watched a video posted by one of our members. She looked very nice, she had the voice down pat (which is rare), she had a petite stature, and she was in a hotel room contemplating just going out into the hallway to walk to the elevator and back. Never in my life would I have imagined witnessing such abject fear, such terror. I felt really bad for her. She was videotaping her first "leaving the room" episode to post here.

This is when I finally understood why so many CDers are not only closeted, but deeply closeted, and sometimes to even themselves. I don't know that anyone other than CDers can truly understand this. It's not just the fear of being ridiculed or shunned by others, I think there is also flack coming from a CDer's own male identity and I can't imagine the inner conflict this presents and the length of time it takes to resolve it for many CDers. It's a process.

Emma Leigh did say that in retrospect she should have said something, but she froze on the spot since there was a group of people there. I understand this. Maybe she would have said something if there had only been the two of them. But everything is a process and I'm sure that Emma Leigh will react a bit differently next time, and a bit differently the time after, just like the baby steps that CDers take to go out. One little baby step at a time, and that's OK too.

:hugs:

[Lori B]

very well put Reine...................

[Silentpartner GG SO]

I resent every aspect of what you say, your comments may have some relevance in a tolerant California, but you do not have a Clue what the repercussions could be in a small town in Northern England, I was not frightened of possibly getting into a fight, but of being outed, and I am frightened of what could happen to my family if I made a mistake and what I am becomes common knowledge. We are surrounded by Neanderthal sheep following sexual stereotypes who will jump on anything they consider out of the ordinary as this is what they expect their fellows expect from them, and therefore will do anything to increase supposed esteem, and make your Rednecks look like pussycats. I cannot understand how a member of this forum could make such criticism on another member, its not as if I made the comment myself

I can totally understand your fear Emma Leigh - I live in the N. of England so know exactly what you mean. Unfortunately others who live in a more accepting and tolerant society cannot possibly imagine how parochial and judgmental small villages can be. You would never live it down if you were outed, your life and the lives of your family could be made hell on earth, and physical abuse would be a walk in the park compared to that.

Your choice was to voice a defence of the lady being ridiculed or protect yourself and your family from a living hell. No contest.

[az_azeel]

its not very often im dragged out of my comfort zone... (the lounge)... but here i am... there are many reasons over here to stay in the closet and its not a fear of being outed.... its a fear of total anihilation... believe me when you live in an area like Emma and i live and a few others i know from this forum ... rednecks... heck i could handle them all day.... im not going to get into an argument about being out or not ...nor social acceptance....im referring to Badtranny here... you might be all well and good in your world but honestly dont pass judgement on our world ...not until you live it.....and live it here...

[Emma Leigh]

I can totally understand your fear Emma Leigh - I live in the N. of England so know exactly what you mean. Unfortunately others who live in a more accepting and tolerant society cannot possibly imagine how parochial and judgmental small villages can be. You would never live it down if you were outed, your life and the lives of your family could be made hell on earth, and physical abuse would be a walk in the park compared to that.

Your choice was to voice a defence of the lady being ridiculed or protect yourself and your family from a living hell. No contest.


its not very often im dragged out of my comfort zone... (the lounge)... but here i am... there are many reasons over here to stay in the closet and its not a fear of being outed.... its a fear of total anihilation... believe me when you live in an area like Emma and i live and a few others i know from this forum ... rednecks... heck i could handle them all day.... im not going to get into an argument about being out or not ...nor social acceptance....im referring to Badtranny here... you might be all well and good in your world but honestly dont pass judgement on our world ...not until you live it.....and live it here...


Aaaah locals, thank you both for confirming I am not just paranoid

[Badtranny]

Your choice was to voice a defence of the lady being ridiculed or protect yourself and your family from a living hell. No contest.

Maybe I'm missing something but how does speaking up in defense of someone "out" you? I've already said that he didn't have to fly the T-flag, meaning you don't have to tell people WHY you're offended other than it was an offensive comment and civilized people shouldn't act that way. I hear what RD is saying but does saying, "hey man don't be such an asshole" really mean your family is fated for a living hell?

I think the 'keep quiet' folks are being a little bit dramatic, and frankly that's MY territory.

[Momarie]

I was just leaving the store I work at this evening when a colleague and friend shouted "Tranny" and pointed in my general direction. I stopped, took a deep breath and went back to the group that had gathered, at which point He sort of pointed with his eyes at what appeared to be an elderly Lady crossing the car park "thats a tranny" he said. My emotion at this point was somewhat mixed, gratitude that my secret was intact, and pity for someone not unlike myself having to suffer public ridicule

Not to be unkind but I wonder about your "secret".

Were you in male mode?
Or like your photo in your avatar.

Still, it was brave of you to go back to the group that had gathered to find out if they were referring to you.
Braver yet to defend an elderly person.

[Badtranny]

... rednecks... heck i could handle them all day.... im not going to get into an argument about being out or not ...nor social acceptance....im referring to Badtranny here... you might be all well and good in your world but honestly dont pass judgement on our world ...not until you live it.....and live it here...

Az, with all due respect (and I'm not being patronizing) you and yours are purposely distorting my sentiment into a "coming out" tirade. I am NOT teven talking about coming out. I'm talking about showing proper human compassion for someone who is not in a position to defend themselves. I have an issue with bullies and cowards, I'll admit that but all you're doing here is demonstrating false bravado and excusing a person's cowardice by somehow equating that with him not wanting to out himself. Who said he had to? If he knew the guy who said it, why not just take the opportunity to be a bigger person and say "that's not cool dude". Do you really expect me to believe that saying ANYTHING would be tantamount to "outing" yourself?

Whatever, but I will judge it as I see it. You are of course welcome to disagree.

[Emma Leigh]

Maybe I'm missing something but how does speaking up in defense of someone "out" you? I've already said that he didn't have to fly the T-flag, meaning you don't have to tell people WHY you're offended other than it was an offensive comment and civilized people shouldn't act that way. I hear what RD is saying but does saying, "hey man don't be such an asshole" really mean your family is fated for a living hell?

I think the 'keep quiet' folks are being a little bit dramatic, and frankly that's MY territory.

Yes you are missing something, by showing sympathy, you are condoning what they are, by condoning what they are you must be one yourself, THAT is their logic. YOU know nothing of living in these parts, fating the kids to a living hell, very likely






Were you in male mode?
Or like your photo in your avatar.

If I was like the picture in my avatar, I think it would have been safe to assume he was definetely refering to me dont you think?

[Natalie D]

I’d love to say that I’d have said something fitting to the moron shouting out “tranny” but in all honesty until you’re placed into that situation you don’t know how you’ll react. As for the difference between the US and here I can only go by what I read on here. But I’m sure there is a difference. It does appear that CDing is far more accepted over there than here.
I’ve said this before but the place I live in is a place where being different is a reason for being attacked. Some of the locals here really do live in the dark ages. Why would I put myself into being physically attacked and being forced out of my home just because some mentally backward caveman shouted out to a stranger, something I disagreed with and the incident was over before it was even noticed by those around? Yes not and exaggeration things like this happen! Men of low intelligence will be men of low intelligence! Let them continue to be so while the rest of us laugh at them. If it turned to violence then believe me I would not stay silent but why bother causing more problems than its worth?

[Emma Leigh]

You are of course welcome to disagree.

It appears that the UK disagrees Melissa?

[ReineD]

Let's move on Emma Leigh, and Melissa. You've both had your say. It's turning into a squabble and squabbled threads get locked.

Thanks.

[Badtranny]

It appears that the UK disagrees Melissa?

...and I'll concede.

I still think I'd rather be beaten up (wouldn't be the first time) than remain quiet, but I suppose that I'm in the minority on that. It's quite possible that my poor psyche may have been indelibly scarred by one too many bullies.

[alice clair]

Lori B
i was just wondering if that was a 350 turbohydramatic or an old powerglide tranny?????

[Momarie]

"If I was like the picture in my avatar, I think it would have been safe to assume he was definetely refering to me dont you think?"


No, I don't think that.
I wasn't sure.
It's a nice avatar.

And sometimes CD's see themselves in a way others don't.
So if you had looked like your avatar, I was just gently trying to suggest maybe your secret was out and you shouldn't worry about it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

FWIW --- my response based on your OP and avatar was that you were living as a woman without any trouble passing!!!

not buttering you up!...that's why i responded with surprise to Melissa when she expressed her frustration..

[Michelle Deere]

A response could have been “Ya…and? So what? So what if she is a tranny, that impacts you how?” Wait for a logical response, that they will not be able to provide, shake your head in disgust and refuse to be part of the ridicule.

[BillieJoEllen]

Years ago when I worked in a very, very redneck factory we had a TS truck driver make a delivery. Wouldn't you know it? She was harrassed by about 8 or 9 guys who didn't have anything else to do at the time. I went over and told those guys to shut up and mind their own business. They asked me if I was a %$&^@* transvestite too so I lied to them and said no and went back to work. To this day I wish I could've been a bit bolder and done more. Awhile later the company hired a completely transitioned TS. She needed a job. She went through hell while she worked there. She even got grief from HR and management. Gotta give her credit because she faced everything with dignity and poise. I was always cautious about saying anything to defend her. Even our female employees didn't like her much. As I recall there were'nt many workers that didn't have something negative to say about her.

[Shananigans]

People are so dumb...you have to forgive them. I have very low expectations for people generally, so I'm rarely disappointed. It just makes it so much better when you meet someone that can actually walk and chew gum at the same time. I would let this roll off my shoulders. It took you by surprise. Looking back on it, you might have acted differently. This thought process usually prepares you for when/if it happens again. I always think about what I could have done/should have done in a situation, and I feel helpless about it until I am more prepared to confront a similar situation. And, it probably will happen since gender issues are being pushed to the spotlight. Some people go about it in a sense that they are like "I am a tranny too." I understand WHY people do this, but it concerns me sometimes. Ryan (my SO) was talking about going to a bar the other night and two lesbians were dancing together. One girl looked exactly like a guy, except she had "dyke" written on her shirt. I f*cking hate that word. But, what just really grinds me is that this person was saying she was a lesbian, but people associate her attire with her sexuality as well. (For the record, the other lesbian was dressed like most other women would dress). I'd like to think I would be just as likely to talk to the woman that called herself "dyke" just as I would confront anyone that yelled it at her. But, then you are called a "lipstick dyke," so you never actually when.

In all honesty, hope is probably lost with people that are yelling out names at old people on the street. Hope is lost on most stupid people. I'm probably wasting my breath when I go off on people/educate people, and you probably are too. You DO feel like you have accomplished something, and perhaps you have inconvenienced that person enough that they will think twice about saying it again. But, don't expect some spiritual revelation with these people. They are yelling things and acting like douches for a reason. (Because, they too were "born that way" and can't help they are so damn dumb). I feel much better about life now that I lowered my expectations of people. I usually respond to stupidity with, "Hmmm...yes, that's nice." People seem to get really angry when you respond to their outbursts and intolerance with apathy. They are yelling things and being obnoxious...so, sometimes, your anger towards them fuels the fire. Complete apathy and a sympathetic look on your face that reads "Wow, it must be very hard to be you...to be such a dumbf*ck" is the best response that I have found.

Sorry if this post is negative and lacks hope for humanity.

[giuseppina]

Emma Leigh,

I would have stayed quiet in your situation, and I too live across the pond in Canada. We're generally very tolerant here, but there is the odd bozo that would kill us and leave us for dead. There is a thread in the Media section about one of us who was murdered in Winnipeg a week ago.

I think it is best to choose battles very carefully. If the group decided to get violent, I would secretively call the police emergency number and watch to collect evidence that may assist in the prosecution of charges. I say secretively because I don't want to be a target, but I'm probably a little on the paranoid side of this sort of thing.