online dating

[FurPus63]

I read on here once about someone who had a "date" with a het man. I was wondering if anyone has tried it? Online dating? Anything? Just curious. I've joined a website just for an experiment. Put on their that I'm trans. I've gotten some emails, but no takers yet. Anyone else have experien to share?

Paulette

[Roxylust]

Those are murky waters to tread D: You can never tell how someone really is over the internet. Just be careful.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Yes i have im on 5 , & yes i have had emails from 5 seemingly nice men . & were interested in haveing a friendship with marrage in mind,

I declined & as i said to them they need a woman who can give to them what they need & i wrote them a nice letter to say i could not give them that ,

Yes in my profiles i have said im a intersexed woman & i do let people know my background, well its very well known so no probs,

Im 64 & have said im interested in having friends, & yes i would meet with people so long as its on my terms & make sure other people are around & in day time,

advise, no drink if there is dont let it out of your sight, youv heard of knock out pills no night time unless you have a back up or can ring a friend & they know were you are at all times, & no going to your place or his or a secluded place,

No giveing of phone numbers & the like, in other words keep safe.

If you do find a = friend make sure he / they tell you his background & you can check up on that if not then back away fast, & dont let any one follow you home or to your car , they can trace you per car number.

Be very very carefull. better still have a friend go with you .

Oh by the way what site are you on,


...noeleena...

[ArleneRaquel]

Online dating is something that I don't believe that I'll ever try....way too dangerous IMO.

[Miriam-J]

Online dating worked well for me as a man looking for a woman, but I agree with others that it would be a dangerous place for a trans seeking a partner. As they have said, be very, very careful. Lots of messaging and phone calls before you ever date. Go to a public place and ensure you can't be traced.

Miriam

[Shananigans]

I've had friends and family try online dating...I had to "double date" them while they were on the first couple if encounters with their new online love interests.

Online dating has been kind of RUN, do not walk away experience...

I'm sure there are a few great people on dating sites trying to meet people. However, there are WAY more people on these sites that are on there for a reason. People that are socially inept, people that have more baggage than the ATL airport, people that are just looking to screw people online and sex with them is like throwing your junk into a blender...

I'm skeptical and I cant see myself doing it. But, I'm also pretty social and friendly....so, regular dating is pretty darned easy. There have to be a few good people on those sites, buy it's like a needle in a haystack. But, so is regular dating to a degree.

Try it if you want to...but, have very realistic expectations. And, you know, be smart/careful ;)

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it works. It takes patience to find a good guy who really like CD's however, rather that a sleezebag.:)

[Lorileah]

I guess once again I wonder what you are looking for. The word "trans" means many things. Here it could mean transgender OR Transsexual. Two different things (well one is inside the other). When a lay person reads "Trans" they will read transsexual. Not only that the guys on those sites will read "Chicks with d*cks" because that is what they know. They will want you to have implants and still function. Unless you say otherwise they usually will also think you are sexually ..uh...eager? Depending on the site you may also be looked at as a hooker (why I believe you should never use Craig's list...but that is just my opinion).

But if you like swimming with sharks.....

[Piora]

Online dating is something that I don't believe that I'll ever try....way too dangerous IMO.
If you think about it, it's really no different than meeting someone in a bar or anywhere at all, really. After all, you don't go on a DATE right away....you meet for coffee/tea/drink. This is the "interview process". The thing about online dating is that you can narrow down who you want to meet. Hopefully, they are truthful about who they are/picture is current etc. But, if you think about it, meeting someone any other way is dangerous, too. They could be anybody. Online dating has somehow managed to be labeled with this stigma that it's just for people who want to sneak a 'bit on the side', or that it's full of sexual predators. These types of people are everywhere.....not only on dating sites.

However, that being said, perhaps there might be an increased risk when a TS is trying to date. A site that I belong to has a transsexual (the only one I have seen so far) and she states right in her profile that she is TS. But her profile also reads exactly the same way as any other woman looking to meet men.

[docrobbysherry]

I've been doing online dating for about 5 years now, FurPus. I have yet to meet a "het" woman! Actually, I don't know what that is. So, is it possible I've met one?

I've met some excellent, quality GGs from online services. Including a new one now! So, I can recommend it as a way to meet them. Unfortunately, they have often talked about meeting/dating NOT so nice men! Maybe those r "het men"?

Wait, u don't mean heterosexual men do u? Because then I'm a "het man"! And, I don't date males! Never mind how they're dressed!

[Organza]

I guess I should add to this because my experience is way different from everyone else's. After my divorce four years ago I began internet dating, as a normal guy. I met dozens of wonderful people. Actually I met a fabulous girl very soon and we dated seriously for several months. I told her about the crossdressing after about three weeks. She chastised me for not telling her earlier, but she forgave me. The relationship broke up over circumstances that were both tragic and weird and were not really anyone's fault.

After that I dated for another eight months before I met my current wonderful wife -- through Craigslist! I met another fabulous girl on Match.com -- brilliant, astonishingly gorgeous...But I never told her about the crossdressing and she had commitment troubles anyway, so we drifted off. Then I had the only bad experience. It was partly my fault. I got in touch with someone, also through Craigslist, and we became rather excited about each other before we met -- bad mistake. When we met I was really irritated because she looked nothing like her picture. I should have just quietly said good-bye, but my irritation got to the surface and I mentioned in a gentle way that she really didn't look like her picture. She flew into a rage, ended the date, and began trashing me on the internet. That episode is over now, but what I learned is never to get too emotionally close or invested before meeting.

I met my wonderful wife on Craigslist, and I'll tell you how. It's really very simple. I read 60,000 headlines until I finally found one that was intelligent. Wait for it, people. Don't meet anyone because of what you expect to do together -- wait for someone who's the person you want to be with. That can't be faked. Don't talk about sex or sexuality. Just make friends over email, and then you can finally meet, carefully. It takes a lot of patience. Good fortune to you.

Lisa

[MsJanessa]

yes---to coin a phrase it's like a box of choclates, you never know what you are going to get. Safest bet is to meet the person in a public place--somewhere that's transgender friendly, like a gay bar maybe--that way if you don't hit it off, you can disengage gracefully---best way to do this is have a friend call your cell after about 30-60 minutes--you can always say an emergency has come up and get out that way--if things are going well, thank your friend on the phone, hang up and continue your date---

[Miriam-J]

However, that being said, perhaps there might be an increased risk when a TS is trying to date.
Consider this ... A guy inclined to rape or molest a person might assume that a trans would be much more hesitant to get involved with police than a GG, so they might have far less inhibition. They might be right. In my opinion, that makes this a far more dangerous situation requiring far more safety measures than a typical hetero date.

Miriam

[windycissy]

I've met some wonderful guys this way, including my current boyfriend...you have to be extremely selective, get to know him first through emails and phone calls, insist on a picture and meet him for the first time at a very public place, and don't be surprised if he doesn't show up. There are a lot of sickos out there but if you're careful, a surprising number of cool guys who are fascinated by girls like us are out there

[SweetTransvestite]

Guess it's harder young (or black?) where the pressure to "be a man" is stronger than ever-at least in my spot right now :-(. I've gotten compliments but can never turn them into dates.

[sherri]

I've done it several times without a problem. Some disappointments maybe, but no confrontations or anything. For new acquaintances, just keep these things in mind:

1. He wants sex.

2. Do NOT meet him for the first time in private.

3. He will probably freak out when you suggest meeting in public. Expect no-shows.

4. You will probably have to teach him how to think of you and treat you as femme.

5. He wants sex.

6. Do not have sex on the first date if you're interested in more than sex.

7. Remember, you're in control.

8. Odds are high that he has some secret CD desires of his own.

9. There's a chance he's cheating on a wife or SO.

10. He wants sex.

I have no experience in CD+GG dating so I can't speak to that scenario.

[ReineD]

I read on here once about someone who had a "date" with a het man. I was wondering if anyone has tried it? Online dating? Anything? Just curious. I've joined a website just for an experiment. Put on their that I'm trans. I've gotten some emails, but no takers yet. Anyone else have experien to share?

I can share what I've read here in hundreds of threads over the years.

You'll get many responses. They will say they are hetero, but they are not. They are called "Admirers":

http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html

What makes you appealing to them is your possession of the one thing that GGs do not have, which is a penis. Such men seem to drop post-op transsexuals like hot potatoes. Generally speaking, of course.

But, if you want to engage in a fantasy with a man who also fantasizes that you are female and you're both OK with the idea this is just about having sex, then it should be OK as long as you take all the proper precautions. Generally speaking, of course.

[Kate T]

I met my wife and dated at University. I have certainly never even vaguely been interested in anyone else romantically (or sexually but I'm a bit old school and the two go hand in hand for me).

There is something a bit too "selective" about Internet dating for my liking. How do you know you wouldn't get along with someone who has completely different interests? I also don't really like the fact it encourages labeling. And all those really annoying abbreviations!!

[Leelou]

Consider this ... A guy inclined to rape or molest a person might assume that a trans would be much more hesitant to get involved with police than a GG, so they might have far less inhibition. They might be right. In my opinion, that makes this a far more dangerous situation requiring far more safety measures than a typical hetero date.

Miriam

I would tend to disagree. After all, he'd know that under the dress is a guy with all the strength and fighting ability of a man. He probably doesn't want to get his butt kicked by a guy in a dress :)

[sherri]

There is something a bit too "selective" about Internet dating for my liking. How do you know you wouldn't get along with someone who has completely different interests? I also don't really like the fact it encourages labeling.Very good points. I've made the same argument.

[Piora]

There is something a bit too "selective" about Internet dating for my liking. How do you know you wouldn't get along with someone who has completely different interests? I also don't really like the fact it encourages labeling. And all those really annoying abbreviations!!
I don't understand how someone can be "too selective" about who they date. Isn't the whole point of this thread about exactly that? That if you're not careful, you could be in trouble? The thing about online dating is that it allows you to 'window shop' without giving anything of yourself away, such as where you live, or details about yourself that you're perhaps not yet ready to share. And yes, quite possibly, you might get along great with someone with different interests.....but everybody has at least one that the other person would enjoy doing.

Take the situation of a man or a woman who's new to their area. They want to make new friends, possibly do some dating....but they really don't know anybody. What's their alternative? Hang out at a bar or club where you can't even hear what you're saying.....let alone what the other person is? The other way is a friend of a friend....oh, wait....you haven't really made any of those yet. And what are the chances that someone you'd meet that way would be compatible with you? At the very least, with online dating, you can narrow things down. If you already have an active social life and meet lots of people constantly, then it's unlikely that you need online dating.

I've been divorced for 9 years. In that time, I have used online dating (I hate bars and clubs....at least to be there by myself) and have had, admittedly, limited success with it. But I rarely left a coffee meeting thinking that it was a disaster. Almost all of them were pleasant, friendly and fun. However, sometimes, after a couple of dates, I'd find out something that was a bit of a turn-off, or they would decline to go out again. But, those were women that I met that I would never have otherwise come in contact with.

Online dating is simply a means to an end. It's a tool. It helps you narrow it down so that it's more than simply a toss of the dice. You can stack the odds in your favour. You make contact in a stress-less environment. I've developed a pretty good instinct about the people I've communicated with on the particular site that I use. I'm usually right about 97 times out of 100 (not that I've had that many dates!!! lol! :doh:) However, my lack of success simply might mean that the women I've met perhaps haven't yet developed an instinct about whether I might be right for them! :heehee:

[girltoy]

I tried online dating after my divorce, mainly because I was working full-time, was taking care of a teenage daughter, and didn't do the bar/club thing back then. It resulted in a few email conversations, a couple one-off dates, a couple short term relationships, and a long term relationship (1+ years). Unsurprisingly, my current SO is one of my best friend's roommate ... we have hung out at so many social gatherings and actually got to know each other over the years, and one night I realized "Damn ... she's hot and pretty damn cool. Why haven't we taken more of an interest in each other??"


Consider this ... A guy inclined to rape or molest a person might assume that a trans would be much more hesitant to get involved with police than a GG, so they might have far less inhibition

Actually, from what I've read in all the non-fiction psychology books I find fascinating, people inclined towards rape get off on the power and control they have over another person, not the sexual act itself. It's more of a mental stimulation and more often than not is a crime of opportunity.

[Nicole Erin]

Yes i tried it. Not some pay site but a couple well-known shady ones.
My experiences -
Some guys are creeps but usually reveal that too quick. They cannot make it past the second conversation without outing themselves as loons. I never met the creeps.

All were at least honest and tasteful with the photos they sent. The ones I met in person anyways.

I have not had any guys try to hurt me or go crazy. Once again, the ones that seemed like nutcases even on the phone, I never met in person. All of them seemed really secure in the fact that they had a thing for TG women.

More often than not, they didn't want their room mates or whoever knowing they were meeting a TS.

Men who like us usually want us to umm, do something that a "well hung" she-male does to men in porn videos. NOT my cup of tea.

Now for the weird things I have encountered -
Some men didn't want to meet after seeing my photo. Well SORRY I don't look as good as the silicone she-males they fantasize about.

One guy wanted to meet in a motel, some 20 year old who had no job, he said something about how he could save up his money to get a room. Yeah I had to forego that one. He meant well but he deserves better.

One guy was actually uglier in real life than the pic. Some fat hairy guy with toenail fungus. We were watching TV and he starts bitching about politics. That and he was bragging about all the CD and TS he had slept with. THAT evening got cut short.

One guy, while he really was as sincere and polite as prince Charming, had some kind of CP I guess cause he barely was able to talk and he kind of drooled on himself. We went to the park and hung out and stuff (nothing X rated) even though I was grossed out. He was the most polite man ever, just could not get past the CP.

Usually it is the same guys cruising the same shady dating sites for years on end.

Also, there seems to be a lot of guys coming from out of town who are looking to fulfill some weird fantasy. They are staying at some hotel by the airport and are leaving tomorrow.
SO ladies, if you are looking for a one-night stand with a guy who is from out of town, look no further than the hotel by the airport. Source - read this countless times in dating ads.

[freeindress]

Does not seem to work with me, online dating seems useless time-waster. Despite the lack of hint about anything odd like CD on my profile pages and picture, almost no girls reply to my inquiry messages.

[shoelover80]

I've done it several times without a problem. Some disappointments maybe, but no confrontations or anything. For new acquaintances, just keep these things in mind:
1. He wants sex.
3. He will probably freak out when you suggest meeting in public. Expect no-shows.
4. You will probably have to teach him how to think of you and treat you as femme.
6. Do not have sex on the first date if you're interested in more than sex.
7. Remember, you're in control.


FurPus63, Sherri and ReineD have hit all the key points! Best of discernment (don't trust luck)!