I'm freaking out!

[Tera]

Hoping that some of you can calm me down and give me ideas after reading this. Check it out. So my mom is helping me get things together for a trip tomorrow. We're looking for things in my room. She goes in my closet, all my girl clothes are there. In her obvious curiosity she looks at everything and then puts it all back without saying a word. And it's driving me crazy. I mean, she knows they're not hers. Does she know? Does she know and not care? Or could a person be that oblivious? I know I want to tell my parents at some point. Totally thought today would be the day but now I'm definitely trying to get courage and ideas together. "So about that stuff you found the other day...." I dunno please help!

[Princess_Andria]

Hey Tera, i remember a few years ago when my mum went in my room and took a bag which had god knows how many pairs of my hose in, it was clear that they wern't hers and she said after- i put all yourstuff in a different bag. With most CDs they start off wearing there mums or sisters clothes and don't be fooled mroe then likely they know, at least on some level. My mum never said anything and that was years ago, now shes jealous of the makeup i have and my tights end up randomly round the room becuase i am more open with it and still ive not had anything said to me (she washes my girly socks and boxers) lmao as i said chances are shes known for a while but if you are going to talk about it i would talk to your mum first and just open with what you said. Be calm and gather your courage, you can do this. I hope it all works out for you :) x

Andria x

[Jacqueline Winona]

Ok, I'll try. First, yes she knows. My bet is everyone here who has dressed since they were a kid and is older than you probably has had mom find their stuff. She is in a bit of shock right now is my guess, not knowing how to proceed. She didn't fly off the handle, and at some point in the fuutre (maybe years from now, maybe days), she will bring it up and ask you some questions. You just need to worry about your responses right now. The typical questions are whether you are gay, whether you want to be a woman, whether she did anything wrong, and how long have you been doing this. I feel for you in this situation and you're concerns are very, very normal for any CD. Just be as honest as you can with her. When in doubt, say less than you normally do and dig deep in your heart for your answers- stated another way, don't ramble or use cliches. My mom found my stuff, didn't say anything for months, then worried about me. It took her some time but she really did figure out that it was just a way to express my feminine side, more than any other person I know. And no, we really don't talk much about it, but she in her motherly way told me that she knows and let me know it was ok with her.

[Tera]

Thanks for the input. Yea I've been figuring she has to know something's up when I know I've left a few of her dresser drawers slightly disheveled a few times lol. And man if I could get her to wash all my stockings and such that would be amazing! Guess I gotta figure out how to do it myself for the time being. :P

[Tera]

Wow you both have made me feel so much better thanks! :)

[Missy]

sounds like she already knows about you and that she still loves you no matter what you wear
give it some time and let her bring it up about your stuff in your closet
and if she ask tell her the truth about it

[Annie D]

Okay, she saw your fem clothes....what next?

1. Hey mom, did you see those clothes in my closet? She says yes, no, what clothes? You shut up and wait for her to inquire no matter what her response; then go from there.
2. Hey mom, those clothes that you saw in the closet, can I put them in the wash?
3. Hey mom, those clothes that were in my closet; do you think that they are my color?
4. Hey mom, I hope you don't mind but I sometimes wear those clothes you see in my closet.
5. Hey mom, do you mind if I sometimes become the daughter you always wanted?
6. Hey mom, do you know that most crossdressers are heterosexual and don't want to have sex changes?
7. Hey mom, I just wanted to let you know that I am gay and want to have a sex change.
8. Say nothing!!!!

[RileyEvans]

I agree that the best thing to do would be honest and open, given her reaction. When my mom found my stuff it was met with a lot of yelling and anger.

[Bree Wagner]

Yeah, she almost certainly knows. After getting caught once as a kid (maybe at 12) I'm pretty sure my mom has had some idea that I kept doing it for the past 20 years. I think she's tried to bring it up obliquely but I've always shied away from the conversation. So while I think it'd be great if we could talk about it, it's still gut-wrenching for me at 32 so I can only imagine the butterflies that would be in your stomach to talk to your mom about it at a younger age. I think the ball is in your court at this point and you'll eventually make up your mind as to how to handle it. As others have said, she seems to have given you at lease tacit approval so things may work out great if you talk to her. Good luck Tera!

[Chickhe]

It depends on your situation and what your Mom is like... and if you know what to say.

[Christina Horton]

I told my mom and dad when I was 21(1991) and living at home. I could not tell them so I left my Night gown sticking out from my quilt. That broke the ice bit you have done that. Just sit down with your mom and just say. "Mom when you were looking in my Closet you saw my dresses. Well I'm a crossdresser......" And you go on from there. My Family had not idea I CDed. And I have been doing it since I was 4. Now my mom did not want to talk about it . She just wanted to not think about it. But in 2009 She excepted it. (If you'd like to read more go read my High school reunion thread and others from that time frame and you'll see what I mean. She is now 100% fine with it and has not only met Christina but went shopping etc with her. Everything will be fine.

[Jenniferathome]

You know the answer. She knows and you should just do as you wrote. You'll feel worlds better

[TheresaLynn]

My mom has been gone for 11 years now. :( Based on some of our conversations while I was growing up, I'm sure she would have reacted the same way and would be totally cool with it, and I'm sure she wanted a girl, hence my given name , whatever... At some point in time she would certainly ask the questions, are you gay, would you rather be a woman, etc? I don't think she would ask if she did anything wrong because she was cool that way, and she didn't do anything wrong. She painted my nails when I was a kid, I loved it...

[Cheryl T]

She knows...believe me, she knows!
Mother's aren't "oblivious" to things like that. Obviously it's not a big deal to her.
Why not try talking to her about it and see how it goes. The cat is out of the bag so you have nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain.

[Tina B.]

Tera, I don't you or your mom, but just to show another possibility, Mom may not want to know what she knows. For some it's hard to talk about sex with there kids, much less something as strange as gender, and how fluid it can be. She might not want to embarrass you, or herself, she might not want to talk about it at all, as in Don't ask, Don't tell, or like so many mom's maybe she is waiting for you to be comfortable enough to come to her. You've known her your entire life, so you have to figure out that part.
Tina B.

[Kristy_K]

Tera, just being able to be honest is a wonderful thing in it self. It is even better if you can be honest with your Mom. Take the chance just be honest and it could open up a new world for you with your Mom.

Kristy

[Confetti]

My mother was terrible for years had an amazing collection of tasteful cross dressing magazines and really short skirts she did not think I should have.She confiscated all of the said paraphernalia and burned a my stories sigh. I ended up getting mad because it soo many years to accrue the novellas.

I think if she found it let her come to you at some point, besides if you have to live with them there is no reason to make a big deal out of it.

My best friend used to wear dresses all the time growing up his mother and nana shrugged it off if she is that kind of mum its no big deal. Just relax its not like she broke the lock off you suitcase -

[Renee W]

I think your mom would be more hurt if you didn't talk to her about the clothes she saw in your closet. Just be honest and forth coming and be prepared for the usual questions of "Do you want a sex change?" and "Are you gay?".

[diannecourtney]

Renee W is absolutely right, those were the first questions my ex asked when when she discovered my girlie shoes. 3 months later she did not wish a lesbian relationship as I had lost my abilities and suggested the inevitable. That was the bomb.

[Leelou]

Hi Tera,
It sounds like you have a wonderful Mom. My honest reaction to your post is that it's entirely possible, probably even likely, that this was not the first time she noticed your girl clothes in plain sight in your closet. Moms are always in their kids' rooms putting away clothes and such. I think maybe she made it obvious to you that she knew they were there by noticing them in front of you. That also explains the lack of a bigger reaction from her. Really kind of sweet, I think.

As far as talking to her about it, I say give it some time. Up to you, of course. And good for you for having the clothes right out there to see. That shows a level of self-acceptance that a lot of us didn't have at your age.

[Momarie]

Of course she cares...about you!
I think she is just trying to be respectful to you and your privacy.
She might be thinking...if he needs to talk or tell me anything, he will.
Until then, I'll just love him.

[Cassandra Lynn]

It sounds like you have a wonderful Mom. My honest reaction to your post is that it's entirely possible, probably even likely, that this was not the first time she noticed your girl clothes in plain sight in your closet. I think maybe she made it obvious to you that she knew they were there by noticing them in front of you. That also explains the lack of a bigger reaction from her. Really kind of sweet, I think.


I agree with this.
I think she prolly wants to have a chat about it, but is either shy about it or doesn't want to cause you any stress by bringing it up.
It is entirely possible she did this to let you see it was alright.
I doubt though she will bring it up later, she's waiting for you. She most definitely seems ok with it, so why not have that talk and ease your worries.

I was one of those who lost my mother before i was accepting enough of myself to have that talk. She knew, as has been said they usually do, so i wish i could have told her how close she really came to having that daughter.

[5150 Girl]

Your Mom knows... (or atlests suspects) Moms know everything about you, weather you realise it or not!
I might pick my least fave dress (in case it does go wrong, you'll have a chance to stash the best) and go up to her, hold it up to front of you, and say "I guess you know this is mine"
That's somewhat how I handled mine, and it was cool...

[Stephanie47]

Every adult was once a child-enough said!

[DonnaT]

In her obvious curiosity she looks at everything and then puts it all back without saying a word.
Of course she knows. Something.

What to do next?

Next time you see you mom, give her a hug and say "thank you for not getting upset about the clothes." See where the journey takes you.

[Tera]

Wow. First off I've never done the whole forum thing so this outpouring of support is kinda overwhelming but I'm appreciative of all of it :) But Leelou said it best. She's always putting clothes away and all that and I know plenty of times I never did do the best "hiding" job before laundry day lol. And I agree with the idea that she probably made it a point of noticing it all in front of me. Because grabbing the shoe box, opening it and seeing my (favorite, haha) pair of shoes and then putting them back without saying a word says "I know" You're all probably right that she was in a sense putting the idea out there that "For now I'm more or less cool with it, but when you wanna talk about it I'm ready." Of course she's also the type to spring stuff on me and I have the day off so we'll see what happens. Thank you all.

[~Joanne~]

If your mom didn't freak out, why are you? Of coarse she saw it and knows. Now you have to decide whether to fill in the blanks or just play it by ear. Either way, good luck :)

[Glenda58]

Mothers will always love thier children. They are very understanding. Told mine 25 years ago. We still do things together. She has pionted out cloths that she things I would look good in. But she doesn't want to see me dressed.

[docrobbysherry]

Ok, Tera. So, here's how I see it:

She knows!
U know she knows!
She knows u know she knows!

If either one of u NEEDS TO DISCUSS IT, u will. If not, u won't! Simple as that!

[Ally 2112]

Im sure she knows or just does not want to know ? .My mom always suspected something she just never outright asked but skirted(no pun intended lol) around the issue this i know !

[5150 Girl]

So how's this thing play'n out? Updates!

[Tera]

I'm kind of taking it a day at a time. There's a few different things I got going on, like trying to get a good job, being here for a friend in a little rough patch he's going through. Can't really find the "right" time to bring it up. I wanna get most, if not everything else, ironed out before I bring it up. But at some point I will for sure.

[Jessica86]

My mom found my stuff long ago. Long story short, it disappeared, reappeared, and here I am.

[Organza]

Washing stockings? Jeez :) You'll do fairly well if you just half-fill the sink, squish a bar of soap through your fingers a few times, and wash them there, followed by a couple of rinses. If they're fancy then you might want to use something gentler than bar soap. Hand washing is not obsolete :)
Lisa

[Organza]

I remember how nice my mom was to me (and my dad was too). It was the sixties and although they accepted me as I was, they told me that society wouldn't and got "treatment" for me -- the treatment turned out to be a pretty good psychiatrist who didn't change the crossdressing at all but helped our family quite a bit.
Lisa