Something to think about

[AKAMichelle]

This week a friend of mine passed away. The friend suffered a stroke and never recovered. The family pulled the plug after the friend was declared brain dead.

The friend never took the time nor had the time at the end to prepare the family for what they would find. See the friend was Mardi. She ran a support group here in Denver but the family never knew about it. When they walked into the house they found wigs, clothing and lots of material but no letter explaining anything.

I guess Mardi thought she had time to tell the family or at least time to write that letter, but she ran out of time. Thursday she was buried without that explanation. Now the family will have to figure it out themselves.

Don't let time pass without taking the steps. I told my family 4 years ago and the world didn't end. They laugh at me sometimes, but I don't care. I am free now to be myself.

[Darlene-VA]

Yes I agree it is best to tell people, my parents and brother know and most of my closest friends know of Darlene and they have instructions to donate all of my clothes.

[PretzelGirl]

I agree. If you live alone or haven't told the people you live with, it is probably wise to tell them or leave a note with your belongings. If you don't tell them, then they are left to whatever their imaginations want to come up with.

I only met Mardi last year at DLV. She was friendly, positive, and very involved. I am sure she will be missed in your community and many others.

[Stephenie S]

Huh?

I find it strange to have to leave a letter. Would you do so for any other act you don't want to explain when you are living?

"Dear Family, You know I carried on a lusty relationship with my ex long after our divorce."

"Dear Family, You know that new car I bought in 2006? I embezzled the money from my company."

"Dear Family, You know I never loved my wife. In reality I was a closet homosexual for most of my life."

All such revelations can only serve to cause more trouble than they are worth.

And note, if you will, such trouble is caused by YOU, but only after you are gone and no longer have to be accountable for your disclosure. This sounds kinda chicken s**t to me.

If you want to be held responsible for your actions (and I do approve of being responsible), then "man up" and do it when it means something. After you die, it scarcely matters to YOU, right? It can only bring confusion and ill will to those you love if you wait until after you are gone.

S

[AlanaG]

Personally I don't care what they find when I'm gone. It will just give them more to talk about.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I had a major heart attack last summer, one of which the docs told me 60% of folks would not have survived.

I'm healthy now but it changed me somewhat, and even though just a yr and a half ago i thought i would hide this part of me forever, i now think that it would be for the best to come out. I may not tell my dad, but i know some of them wonder about the issues i've had in my life.
Coming out would explain many things to them.
I'm now easing the extended family (dad and brothers and their families, i'm single with no kids) into it, and i hope by the end of this year to at least tell the oldest brother.

Thanx for the reminder Michelle and God Bless Mardi and her family as they deal with this difficult time.

I doubt this post was about a leaving a letter folks, more so an attempt to give more thought to what comes after.

[PretzelGirl]

While I agree with you in principle Stephanie, I wanted to avoid sending this into becoming a tell or don't tell thread. So for those that don't want to tell, a note is the next best alternative.

[Stephanie47]

If I precede my wife, she'll take care of the clothing. I'm sure since she is not a fan of me cross dressing my wardrobe will be donated. If I precede her and then check out, well I really do not give a crap.

Since she and I will be in the hole in the wall at the veterans cemetery, she may have something to yell at me about! Oh, well. We are married for eternity. Maybe, I'll finally get to wear a flowing chiffon angelic gown. Then I will not be a cross dresser! :)

[AKAMichelle]

Personally I think you should tell your family, but not everyone agrees. That's why I labeled this thread as something to think about.

If you don't care what family thinks then keep it secret, but otherwise you should bring it to someone's attention.

[marny]

I was diagnosed with cancer last year. i am very lucky. We caught it early and cut the evil out. three operations. so it puts a whole differrint shine on the world. I am Marny

[Chickhe]

...so you are saying that a secret will leaving all of your money to the local support group is not enough?...

[Rita C.]

Sorry for your loss of a friend. I just went through the some thing, A very close friend of mine had a stroke, when i seen that he was not going to make it i tried to get moist of his things out of his fidding place but i missed some and the family found it. It was bad enough to cope with his death, but then to find out about his life style ( it was not only the clothes it was the books and letters that thay found) thay were at a lose for what thay found. Me bing the closest friend he ever had, you got thay came to me for answers. Will we all got through it. but Michell is wright we need to leave a letter or tell some one. For it is hell to be the one to have to explaine to a family that there love one had a hid life style.

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry to to hear about your friend's passing. In my case, my wife, sons and step daughters know, so I'm covered.

[CamilleLeon]

Nobody is ever ready for death. I'm sorry for your friend's passing...my father passed last September and one of the things I am glad of is that I told him about my crossdressing while I still had the chance. I feel like we just need to take the time to live life fully and embrace ourselves.

[AKAMichelle]

Sorry for your loss of a friend. I just went through the some thing, A very close friend of mine had a stroke, when i seen that he was not going to make it i tried to get moist of his things out of his fidding place but i missed some and the family found it. It was bad enough to cope with his death, but then to find out about his life style ( it was not only the clothes it was the books and letters that thay found) thay were at a lose for what thay found. Me bing the closest friend he ever had, you got thay came to me for answers. Will we all got through it. but Michell is wright we need to leave a letter or tell some one. For it is hell to be the one to have to explaine to a family that there love one had a hid life style.

That is what happened to Mardi's best friend. The family had lots of questions.

[Stephenie S]

Well I am perhaps missing something, but I still don't get it.

You're dead. Gone. No longer able to take ANY responsibility for your actions. It just seems so cowardly. Why would you want to tell your family about something that you are too ashamed of to mention when you are alive, AFTER YOU ARE DEAD?

"'Bye folks. Oh, by the way, I was a crossdresser. Bet you didn't see that one coming. Ha! The joke's on you."

Why? Why not "let sleeping dogs lie"?

Your family will find all sorts of things long before you are actually dead. Remember, we are unable to care for ourselves for months if not years at the end of life. That's just the way it works. Dad is moved into a nursing home LONG before he dies. Do you really think no one will be going through your stuff?

If you are too ashamed of your actions to mention this activity while you are alive, better dump everything now while you still can.

S

[LynnInDenver]

I was saddened greatly when I'd heard, and I did attend Mardi's funeral. It was a little strange to have about a half dozen of us, a couple that I've never seen in drab before then.

As for me, just about everyone who needs to know does know. The few that don't, sadly, I don't expect them to really outlive me at this point.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not close to my family, neither mom nor sister can accept the crossdressing. Both were less than supportive of me when I was growing up, and that's the nicest way of putting it. So I have left a note with my landlord, and a few envelopes already stamped for mailing should I be found dead. Each contains a letter explaining a lot of things, but basically starts out with 'if you're interested, here's what my life was about; if not, just throw this away, and remember, life is short, so don't put off what you think there is always more time to do'.
That's it. No apologies for how I lived my life.
I am also DNR (do not resusitate). When I'm dead, I'm dead. End of a difficult life. I tried my best, and that's all anyone can expect.

[Cheryl T]

Well, since my wife is well aware I don't really care what happens if something did affect me that way.
Should she and I both go at the same time I suppose the heirs can discuss me in whatever framework they see fit as they listen to the reading of the will. At that point I think the response will be, "well, maybe he wasn't so bad after all". If not, I'm dead, what the #$%@ do I care what they say.