When to STOP gender therapy?

[sandra-leigh]

Yesterday, while I was thinking about someone's thread about starting gender therapy, I realized that I had made a bit of a strategic mistake in my own gender therapy: I did not plan any "exit strategy". I do not have any clear notion of how I will know that it is time to stop going.

When I started gender therapy, I had no particular question. I knew I needed to go, but I did not know what could be done or what I wanted. An end to the confusion, I guess. Answers to "What am I? What do I do? How do I live??"

I have been going to gender therapy for about 3 1/2 years now, and there have been times when I've wondered what I am still getting out of it, and times when I didn't really have anything to say or ask about gender. I have been thinking about reducing from once a month to about every 6 weeks, perhaps tapering off to 2 months. I don't know.

I didn't set any kind of goals for myself, and I think over the long term that is proving to be a mistake. I could always have added or modified or removed goals, but if I had had a better idea of what I wanted, I wouldn't be floundering now: I would either still have something to focus on, or I would know I didn't need it (at least as often.)

I will work on this for myself. In the meantime, for those of you who are starting or recently started gender therapy, I recommend you try to think of how you would know when to finish.

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Note: it so happens that recent life stress I have gone through has led me to have a whole bunch of topics to discuss with my gender therapist starting in our next session. So it isn't my time to end or reduce yet -- but I'm thinking that I could have done without some of the sessions in-between.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi Sandra,

I stopped specific gender therapy about 6 months after I transitioned.
For me I had to deal primarily on the loss transition caused me so I switched therapists to someone more focused on that type of therapy.
Perhaps before your next session you could create a rough draft of what some of your goals concerning your trans status would be.
I think this would greatly assist you in focusing your therapy where it's needed most.


Julia

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Note: it so happens that recent life stress I have gone through has led me to have a whole bunch of topics to discuss with my gender therapist starting in our next session. So it isn't my time to end or reduce yet -- but I'm thinking that I could have done without some of the sessions in-between.

looking back and thinking about what could have been is easy...looking forward and getting it done is hard...
i wish i started my diet 2 months ago, i'd have done the hard part..but i didn't...and so today sucks....can i live today for 2 months from now?? we'll see...probably not..heh

Your realization is common and for many people it takes 5/10+ years... in my group we called it the "go slow" club, but that was being kind

i hope you can take this recent thought process and make something happen for yourself

..when bad stuff happens, therapy is a crutch and it can replace real progress in dealing with life, and the best therapy is off the couch..
why not use right here and right now as the time and place to cut back, and prove something to yourself..?

[Bree-asaurus]

When to stop gender therapy? When you have nothing more to learn. When you spend 5 minutes talking about real issues and 55 minutes just chatting. When, prior to therapy, you think about what you're going to say and you already know what they will say in return.

But you don't have to stop... you can just take a break.

[RachR]

I started gender therapy in October. I'm sure it'll be a while before I stop as I'm still in the early stages of things, but I've already made some much needed progress. I've been in an out of therapy for other things for quite a long time. I've always found therapy to be useful, and even on the days where I've gone in without anything to talk about something always comes up. The times I've stopped/taken a break is because I felt I was no longer getting anything out of it. I've never planned an "exit strategy;" it was just a feeling of "being ok with things" that led me to stop/take breaks.

[Stephenie S]

Stopping therapy should be at the forefront of every initial therapy visit. This is a hallmark of a good therapist. The goal of therapy is the eventual lack of necessity FOR therapy. Always.

If you have not broached this subject with your therapist, it's time you do so. Therapy should have a goal. The goal should not be continual therapy.That only lines the pocket of the therapist. The goal should be the end of therapy.

Stephie

[Bree-asaurus]

Stopping therapy should be at the forefront of every initial therapy visit. This is a hallmark of a good therapist. The goal of therapy is the eventual lack of necessity FOR therapy. Always.

If you have not broached this subject with your therapist, it's time you do so. Therapy should have a goal. The goal should not be continual therapy.That only lines the pocket of the therapist. The goal should be the end of therapy.

Stephie

A good therapist will tell you that you might not need to make your next appointment. I know mine did ;)

[Sharon]

A good therapist will tell you that you might not need to make your next appointment. I know mine did ;)

As did mine. Actually, we practically stopped discussing gender stuff after just a handful or so sessions as there was no doubt in either of our minds that I was what I claimed to be. :)

[Kristy_K]

The only reason I went to therapy to begin with was just to prove I was really crazy enough to be a woman and get my two letters for a SRS. I will stop it as soon as I received my letters which should be in a couple of months.

But everyone is different.

Kristy

[thechic]

I stopped seeing my therapist basicly when i found out who i was ,and what i wanted to do about it.(visited the therapist for about 1 year.)Its now just every so often

[Traci Elizabeth]

Like others have said, only you know when you are done going to your therapist.

It sounds like you are your therapist's cash cow to me! But that do I know. I only went to mine only for a few sessions to get my letter. And I had been living full time some quite a while before so it was obvious.

[morgan51]

Mine stopped it after 2.5 years said we didn't have any more ground to cover and we both agreed I was doing well. I have seen her for other issues since. Nice to feel she's always available if I need to talk or work thru something.

[Miranda-E]

When I got the letters I needed.
therapist was a means to an end.

[Katesback]

From my observations of a ton of trans people I got the impression a lot of them, especially the long term transitioning people were going to therapy for a hell of a lot more issues than gender related. One of my favorites was a convicted sex offender that got a orchie and said she/he had SRS. Oh and that person was in therapy big time.

On a sidenote I just wonder what gender therapy is all about. I never went to one. I mean how does a therapist help someone? I mean I kind of think that if your TS you already know it before you go to a therapist. I guess since the DSM strongly recommends it people just do it. Strangely the lady I care for has a doctor that wants her to take eight medications but when she was talking them she fell several times, passed out a lot and ended up in the hospital twice from the falls. After some serious discussions with the doctor she is down to three meds and her quality of life is 100 times better and she has no problems, walks two miles every day on her own and is doing great. I guess I just think doctors push a lot of crap that is not always helpful. Thats my little bitch.

Katie

[sandra-leigh]

The goal of therapy is the eventual lack of necessity FOR therapy. Always.

I agree. I was too lost at the beginning to be thinking about setting goals, and it become easy to drift, especially once the HRT kicked in and dampened the dysphoria way down. I think I ended up using the gender therapist as a second life-stress therapist when I should probably have instead scheduled more time with my regular therapist.

I started thinking about this topic when my regular therapist announced she was moving; in posting about that, I mentally reviewed that I had had a goal with my regular therapist, which reminded me that I did not have a goal with my gender therapist and had been feeling uncertain about the benefits the last while.


From my observations of a ton of trans people I got the impression a lot of them, especially the long term transitioning people were going to therapy for a hell of a lot more issues than gender related.

Yeh, everything gets mixed together. How to handle such-and-such gender issue when there is this-other non-gender barrier to cope with? The patterns that led to gender anxiety might have led to other situations.

For example my long-time pattern of largely putting other people first affected my assertiveness of my needs at both work and in my relationship; it can be hard to be "selfish". Sometimes I have to reflect back to the 1975 psychology book, "When I say NO, I feel guilty (http://www.webheights.net/lovethyself/smith/no.htm)" ...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

For example my long-time pattern of largely putting other people first affected my assertiveness of my needs at both work and in my relationship; it can be hard to be "selfish". Sometimes I have to reflect back to the 1975 psychology book, "When I say NO, I feel guilty (http://www.webheights.net/lovethyself/smith/no.htm)" ...

This sounds familiar to me for sure..

It's a good habit, and its good behaviour to put others first, but I know i went way to far in that regard.

I also found that its a good habit to keep, and the 45+yr self esteem problem really doesnt ever go away, it just gets managed......

[noeleena]

Hi,

Quite interesting all this about seeing a therapist. never seen or talked to one ,& there was no need ,

told our G P yes both Jos & i used to see her, told the Psych & endo the samething im a woman & ill live as one . got signed off & told to live my life as i should, my difference as you know a intersexed woman.so no problems ,
Now im not saying others here should not get help when needed you should just some of us dont need that ,

...noeleena...

[Frances]

I have never met anyone who would not benefit from a little therapy, seriously.

[Andie Elisabeth]

I have never met anyone who would not benefit from a little therapy, seriously.

Seriously, when my parents divorced I was sent to a therapy. I disliked both therapist I was seeing. Mainly because they called me by my full first name which I still have problems to pronounce and with which I don't identify at all. And that caused my hesitation to see another one until I came here.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I have never met anyone who would not benefit from a little therapy, seriously.

Especially the people who are compelled to brag that they don't need it..i always find it interesting that people that don't take advantage of it love to tell us all about it..

and Elisabeth you raise a powerful point..

Getting SENT TO THERAPY is a bad thing in my opinion...
telling your wife and kids to go to therapy because of your transition, or divorce or whatever is a message that says they are somehow wrong in their feelings...

my big sister and mentor's biggest regret was sending her kids to therapy..she forced it on them, and they still resent it...it created a new issue for them..

to me , its something you have to want for yourself...

[SuzanneBender]

You are spot on Kaitlyn. Therapy is something one must want.

So many of us have so many issues in our lives tied to being transsexual that it takes awhile to untangle that ball of mental yarn to the point you can cope with it. How long you need to be in counseling depends on you and your life circumstances. Only you know the answer. Now snatch this tangled ball of yarn from my hand grasshopper.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I have never met anyone who would not benefit from a little therapy, seriously.

I agree 100% with Francis. The greatest gift I got from one of my gender Psychiatrist was when he got me to the point that (and this was a life altering epiphany) I realized that I did NOT become a transsexual because of all the mental, physical, and sexual abuse I suffered. I was abused because I was transsexual. That may seen a play on words but it was one of the most monumental moments in my life. And once I understood that, my life had clarity and direction.

So, if you ask me, therapy with a qualified transgender specialist can be the light out of the darkness.

[Frances]

I agree 100% with Francis. The greatest gift I got from one of my gender Psychiatrist was when he got me to the point that (and this was a life altering epiphany) I realized that I did NOT become a transsexual because of all the mental, physical, and sexual abuse I suffered. I was abused because I was transsexual. That may seen a play on words but it was one of the most monumental moments in my life. And once I understood that, my life had clarity and direction.

So, if you ask me, therapy with a qualified transgender specialist can be the light out of the darkness.

Who is this Francis guy?

[Traci Elizabeth]

Who is this Francis guy?

It's a Freudian slip as Francis is in fact a guy in my church who has fallen deeply for me and I must of had him on my mind (lol). But no you are NOT Francis and I know better. :hugs:

[Frances]

It's a Freudian slip as Francis is in fact a guy in my church who has fallen deeply for me and I must of had him on my mind (lol). But no you are NOT Francis and I know better. :hugs:

It's not even my real name, but it's very close to my old name. I might as well have chosen Bob by the looks of it. I may have to change it.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Who is this Francis guy?

It's a Freudian slip as Francis is in fact a guy in my church who has fallen deeply for me and I must of had him on my mind (lol). But no you are NOT Francis and I know better. :hugs::

[Kaitlyn Michele]

...................Francsis???????????