Transitioning, Family and Your thoughts Please

[Shareecd]

So I have been full time now for 6 months. I have found the experience to be everything I hoped it could and would be. I am so much more at peace with myself. The learning still continues. It is exhilarating to be living as female yet there are so many things to learn about my new life. I won't bore you with them all, lets just say every day seems to bring a steady stream of joy, and contentment, knowing I took this step for me.
I live a some what paradox life. My work and everyone who has remained my friend are so wonderful in the way they continue to support me, Showing they love me. My wife is no exception to this. She works with two friends at work and after sharing my journey with them they all planned a girls slumber party for me last night. Since I had never had one, they thought I needed to catch up. I think staying up til 3 AM was a little more than catching up LOL. :heehee:
My father has been in the hospital and it has been a nightmare lately in dealing with an un-accepting family, being exposed daily to their attitudes towards me.
The events spurred a sharing of emails with one of my daughters and she asked me last night. "So if I move to this place you say yu want and need me to for us to, how and what do I do with all of the pictures I have setting and hanging around my house"? "What do I do with all of them Dad"? This has caused me to pause and reflect a lot, since I am not certain how to answer her. I offered to speak with her by phone but she refuses to talk to me. I know my daughters are hurt. It has been exactly a year since they found out about my transitioning.

If anyone has input I would really appreciate hearing it.

Thanks,
Jacqueline

[Julia_in_Pa]

Sharee,

Congratulations on joining the full time club.
I have no children so I cannot offer any input concerning this dilemma only to say give her time, plenty of time.

I transitioned over five years ago and lost all my family because of it.
One cousin now acknowledges me but the rest are still gone.
I'm still hopeful they will return.



Julia

[Scottey1]

Hang in there,Sharee.
You have so much going on right now.
Try and take one issue at a time. Little by little, the family will come around.
Do you go out much in Indy? I'm not too far from you and happy to meet up sometime to just listen.

[Kristy_K]

Hi Jacqueline,

Not all transitions are perfect or goes they way we want them to. But it is still easier to live life as yourself.

Maybe your daughter will see your happiness in the end and realize you did the best thing for yourself. Change is hard for some people to accept.

Kristy

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm sorry about your father..
When my mom was sick, we spent day after day at the hospital..
my aunt and uncle "Support me", but kept calling me male names and at one point i got incredibly angry and lashed out at them...i told them many times to stop it..and they just didn't...

as far as kind, which pictures?
My daughters have pictures of the "old" me, and they are proudly displayed in their rooms...they are 15 and 18 btw...their favorite pic of me is on the fridge...what do i care? It's a good picture of my kids with me (back in the day)..
i say let her do whatever makes her feel best... let her know you care about her first...i decided that i would not force them to bury my past...it doesn't impact my transition, and it hurt them..so for them, i'm still dad.

[Kate T]

I'm not TS so my opinion may be completely meaningless but I do have children.

Personally, those photos and memories are as much theirs as they are yours. They should not be ashamed or feel the need to hide those memories if they don't want to.

BUT the photos I suspect are incidental. The real issue is your daughters acceptance. There I cannot help. You know your daughters. I suspect time will help. Maybe restarting a conversation with your wife as mediator? Can you meet for coffee somewhere neutral?

[noeleena]

Hi,

As youv not said any thing about your family it would be very hard to give an answer. nore about your self , as in family relastionships, between all of you. & how it effects every one.

All ill say is give them all the time that is needed & if it takes 12 years then give them that.
because ill tell you now in 30 years time theyll get used to yet will still remember who you are, thier father. no matter what you wear, will they accept, im still working on that.

In about 20 or so years after im gone they our 3 will still wonder why im not in thier eyes a male percived as one , yes i never was a male in the true sence because im intersexed yet even that does not count.not to them,.to Kaylyn im still her dad after 33 years she has accepted im different & wear womans clothes & has got over the shock of what i am she knows im a woman yet still her dad.

so just give plenty of time,

...noeleena...

[Momarie]

She loves and needs her Daddy.

"So if I move to this place you say yu want and need me to for us to, how and what do I do with all of the pictures I have setting and hanging around my house"? "What do I do with all of them Dad"?

It's not about the pictures you know, it's sooooo much more than that.
In her own way she is reaching out to you, her Dad.
She is sad and grieving and she needs your love and support on her terms, not yours.
She needs the Dad she always knew, that you ALLOWED her to know and believe in.
You might be exhilarated...but your daughter is devastated.

Tell her to leave the pictures up...I am your Dad and I always will be.

And then go to Koh'ls, Marshalls or T.J. Max and buy a fabulous frame and put in your best fem photo (with your arms around her if possible).
Then tell her you understand her feelings but maybe she could keep your special photo in a private but constant place, like displayed in her walk-in closet or inside a kitchen cupboard, so when ever she opens the door...she smiles and has a beautiful memory of you.

I reckon some will criticize me for putting you "back in a closet" but that isn't my intention.
My intention is to condition her to your new self in a safe, warm, welcoming place.
As you deserve to be.

[Sandra]

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Have you told your daughter that you are still her Dad? When we told Amy our daughter about Nigella it was made very clear to her that she was still Amy's Dad. Amy calls her Dad and Nigella has said that she wouldn't want it any other way.

[SuzanneBender]

I am sorry to hear about your father he is in my prayers. Hopefully, your family will see you rallying to his side and this will help them find acceptance in their hearts, but even if it doesn't do not let them deter you from being by his side.

It has been a year since your daughters found out and that is not a long time. They are worried they are losing their Dad which they are not. This is the perfect opportunity to reassure your daughter that she isn't losing you and that those pictures should stay up and when she is ready she can add some updated pictures of her Father. Limit your email discussions about your transition. This is a sensitive subject and email just has a way of causing things to be misinterpreted or blown out of proportion. I always make sure I talk with my daughter about the heavy stuff in person even though she is 4 hours away.

[kimdl93]

all I can say about dealing with your daughters is that if you keep the doors open, and regularly extend a loving hand to them, sooner or later, they are likely to come around. They are hurting a bit now, sure, but if you keep trying they will know the most important thing - that their father still cares about them.

[Jorja]

Acceptance is gained by what you do not by what you say. Show them that you are the loving person you always were. Show them that it is ok to be who you really are. After you have done that, sit back and allow them to think about it. They will come around.

[juno]

I have a somewhat unusual view of life. I generally see all of humanity as family. If blood realtives want to disown me, I am not going to get upset. I don't have children, in which case the mental attachement may be too strong to take that view. In any case, time spent being stressed about it is never helpful. Just keep being a good person.

[jamie_44]

First a loving hug to you...remember you are special...Second I have been in the exact situation....both parents had terminal illnesses during my transition...i have three older children whom I am completely estranged from...i text and email but get no responses...my one brother has hated me for coming out...it is very very emotional hear wrenching situation...however I have connected with an affirming church and I have a great support network of loving friends...i think you have to be patient, let family know how much you continue to love them and look forward to cherishing the day when you can hug/cry/laugh/love together again. I have been waiting almost three years just to see my children again...I am told they are no longer angry and understand me better...they still do not want to see me...
It is important for you to have a good support system while you are dealing with these issues...close friends to call and meet...etc...
my prayers are with you as I say bye.