Tale of Two Cities...and feeling weird

[StacyPump]

So, I'm working from home today, and my wife (with whom I have a Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell agreement) is at work, so I was in Stacy mode, in a cute retro dress, sitting at my desk, working, and loving it.

I had to change gears in the afternoon, though. I put my normal guy clothes on, and went to my child's elementary school to watch a classroom presentation, which was very cute, and I enjoyed it.

But the whole time I'm standing there, next to the other parents and teachers, many of whom I really like and with whom we are friendly. And I can't stop thinking, wow, these people would REALLY wig out (no pun intended), if they knew that a mere hour ago, I was strutting around my house in heels, hose and lipstick, sitting at my computer, admiring my fake boobies in a cute lacy bra.

It sounds a little funny and humorous as I type, but in the moment, it sure feels awkward and strange.

I assume that this experience is probably very different for those who are out-and-about, but do any of you girls, who are not completely out, struggle with that kind of transition between worlds?

[Voulez-Vous]

The more time you spend in femme mode, the more time you want to spend in femme mode.

[kimdl93]

I get out and about quite often, and some of the people I see routinely also see me en drabb. That might seem a bit strange at first, but they seem to be adapting to it ;)

But I've had your feeling too. I dress pretty much full time at home, but for occassional professional meetings I still go drab. So, often as I sit through meetings, I ponder how my colleagues might react if I came dressed en femme. A week or so ago, I was at a wedding and I'm almost certain I was the only male there wearing a black thong and black thigh highs under his suit. On the other hand maybe I wasn't.

[Julie Denier]

I've been there, Stacy -- and it was so delicious knowing it was something they'd never suspect of a guy who looks like me.

[Marleena]

Quite often when standing with a group of the guys I wonder if I'm the only one. I also get a not fitting in feeling often in a large mixed group. I feel like an outsider.

[carhill2mn]

Struggle? Only every time that I have to assume my male identity for a few hours.

[Kaz]

Totally empathise with with what you wrote! The conflict within is always there... but I don't get out much! I am not as 'integrated' as many members appear to be. I both struggle with and enjoy these moments! Had loads in the past week travelling to Italy and then Germany - airports!

[STACY B]

Well that fixes that ? What you ask ,, Just fixing to start a thread kinda like this in strange way ,, If I was to be paired with being like someone on here it would be KIM ,, I am just a little behind her ,, But my plite was this ,,,Being I dress ALOT when old friends call or request my presents being ive moved from my original home to another spot an all but disapeared from all of the people I once knew an hung around with ,, But with that being said I will just cringe an have all kinds of excuses why an what Im doing or not doing to keep from haveing to man up so to speak an go back around . So when it gets to bad I will get as close to the ol me an try an make the rounds to as many as I can to satisfie all in one day ,,Ever happen to anyone else ,,An often wonder how many wish that they could be me without realy knowing about me .

[Cynthia Anne]

Yeah it gets a little weird sometimes! For instance when I go to the bank that I use to go to in male mode and now it's female all the way! Oh yeah! They know! Hugs!

[Leslie Langford]

Don't beat yourself up too much over this. Who knows what really goes on behind closed doors and drawn window shades?

For all you know, your prim-and-proper next door neighbor might be harboring a marijuana grow-op in his basement, a clandestine BDSM chamber - or both - LOL!

[suchacutie]

It has to be a natural result of living in two worlds and not have anyone in one world know about the other! It doesn't matter which of my gendered selves happens to be presenting because no one knows about my other self!

So, I live every moment with that smile of "if they only knew the other" :)

[Jacqueline Winona]

Happens all the time! :) A few hours of dressing usually is something I treasure enough to get by through the long male only times, though.

[paulaloha]

I can definitely relate! The past 2 days I have worn panties under my drab clothes to work. I would stand there at work thinking, "I wonder what people would think if they knew I were wearing panties?" I also went to the climbing gym yesterday, it was funny, I was dressed and hanging out on my computer when I realized I was late for meeting up with my friend. So I quickly jumped up and got out of my girl clothes, changed and ran out the house. Well I guess my brain didn't have time to unwind from that because once I got to the gym it was quite warm, so I took my shirt off. I had one of those "You Know You're A Crossdresser When" moments. I immediately thought "Oh crap, I'm shirtless and not wearing a bra!... Oh wait, I don't actually have to wear those." So I laughed at myself and then thought how weird it would be if everyone in the gym knew I had a panicked moment for that reason.

[StacyPump]

Well thanks, ladies. There were some very honest responses in there. I guess, as cutie said, it is just the very nature of living in two world, and it will take some work and reflection to get to the point of smiling with the thought of, "if they only knew...".

Now, where is my therapist?