"Reverse emasculation"

[PetiteDuality]

"Emasculation" is an interesting word in English. It's used when a woman makes feel a man less of a man, and makes him feel humiliated.

Look this video (from a woman who is a "dating and relationship coach") to see what I mean:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr9GgHthGAk

It makes no sense to say that a woman can be emasculated, we don't have a term similar to this referred to women.

I bring this open discussion because maybe this is the equivalent to the feeling that a CD's SO feel when they discover that their other half is a crossdresser. Do they feel "defeminized" by our CD behavior? Is this the reason why it's hard for wives to accept our crossdressing?

What do you think? It's just an open discussion to try to understand this very important issue about wife's non acceptance of CDs.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Ill answer this because i do have expreance with this & from both sides yet my own answer will be as a woman,

Clothes make up & shoes those are the outward signs of looking like how a woman looks , yet that is not what this is about it goes to the very core of the person to what makes us the way we are, in many ways it cuts us down to the point of are we really female / women it undermines us it belittles us it humillates us to the point of are we female / woman at all .

Yes how we look, this is where for my self it hits home very hard. im a woman / female ,
i just dont have this & its not a word i can use for my self ...= Feminine =...so as some of my women friends have said the many guy's = dresser's look far better dressed than we / us do.
& Yes that gets to myself im going over to Austraila this May 13 to spend time with friends & some iv not meet , you know what im going to feel out of place because i know they dress better than i , thier hair make up & just all out look is going to make me feel like what the hell am i trying to do or prove that im a woman what am i doing here .

These are pretty much all men ,about 80 of. i just dont measure up you know i do get embarrist i really do i dont look like a female / woman . so i know what its like for women who have dresser's as thier husbands. you know its bloody hard & that does not really say it all

I know how i feel about this . I know i would struggle with this had i marred a male.i would have been gone , yea i know i accept others differences i can,
its different when your in the middle of some thing like this where do you go you hide you dont wont to show your face, because youv been total put down.
Its easy to talk about very different when you have to go through it,

as iv said this is from a woman so what about that part of myself as a male perceved yes just not a real male & really i did not think as one .being intersexed does change things , & your perspective is very different, so from a males side, i dont have much i can say, because i never was one to begin with, though i have learned a lot over the years,.

...noeleena...

[Kerigirl2009]

I would think that if a CDer is experiencing this type of relationship, they would enjoy it more because they enjoy being emasculated. I think what is being said here is a woman has fear that her SO would enjoy this and that scares the hell out of her because her SO doesnt mind being emasculated.
I know that this is a huge reason why my wife is not that accepting (only tolerant to the point of I know what he is doing)but I never want to see it.
Her fear is that someone else will pick up on it and I won't really care, which I won't simply because, I will do whatever I can to keep it from interfering with who I am. If they don't like it then so be it.
But for her if someone knew about Keri, this would dig deep into her core as a woman and possibly make them question why she would want to be with a man that enjoys portraying a woman.

I think that if people just worried about themselves and NOT what others will think, we could ALL just be ourselves and know what makes us happy.

[PetiteDuality]

Thank you both!

And what about wives feeling "defeminized" but our crossdressing? Is the same bummer for them than it is for a guy when they feel emasculated?

[Karren H]

I don't think my wife felt defeminized.... She married a man and wanted a husband not a girlfriend...

[Tina B.]

Petite, I know what you mean, it's not unusual when a guy comes out to his wife about this, for her to ask pretty much the same thing other women ask, are you gay, do you want to be a women, is it something I've done, or haven't done, (am I not women enough?).
I know my wife asked most of those things, but after explaining that I had been doing this since I was a small boy, she took herself out of the equation real fast. But sometimes she will still apologize, that I'm dressed nice for dinner, and she's not. Then I have to remind her, I'm the one with the clothes thing, not her, and after working all day, why would she want to put on a dress and heels. Then I serve the dinner I've fixed, and everything is fine.
Tina B.

[Sandra1746]

Perhaps competition is what most GG SO's feel when their husband comes out. I know I got all the "are you gay" and "where did I fail you" reactions from my wife. I think though that it is an inner fear of "another woman" stealing their "man"; even if the other woman is internal. Fortunately my wife has adapted well and generally accepts my dressing around the house and going out wearing androgynous but fem clothing. She phrases her unease as concerns for my safety but I point out to her that I'm at much greater risk of violence for the bumper stickers (political left of center) than for the jeans or shirt I'm wearing. BTW, I'm not a 100# weakling...

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[PetiteDuality]

Not sure if it would be competition, since I think that very few of us look good enough to compete with a GG...