Is it ok for my kids to know?

[Shawnc]

My kids know that I CD. They see me in my dress and heals all the time. Is this a wrong for them to see their dad like this?

[JessHaust]

Depends on the kids, their age and other factors.

My girls know, but they are in their early 20's, I waited to tell them. They are more than good with it and even accompany me out, help me shop and act as my advisors on all things girl.

But, I have friends with teenaged kids who have not taken the info so well. It's hard enough to go through the hormone explosion we call puberty with mundane parents, but when one fundamentally changes reality, it really becomes especially hard.

[DonnaT]

Not if they don't seem to have a problem with it. Mine know, and one sees it every day.

[Persephone]

Our son was told when he was about 12 years old. He is now 23. He's basically always been O.K. with it and has gone out with his "aunt" many times.

My spouse (his mother) is not one for wearing much makeup nor is she into heels and the like so when he has needed makeup for a show or for going to Rocky Horror he has always come to me. It was a bit odd the first time when, for Rocky, he came in and said, "Dad, do you have some heels I could borrow?"

By all indications we continue to have a great father/son relationship (as well as an aunt/nephew one). I do find that he brings up my crossdressing more often than I would like, but our communications are always open and honest.

He has expressed a concern that I might want to completely transition because he says that when he has kids he wants them to have the grandfather that he had as a father.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Nikki A.]

Well if they know i guess it's too late to do anything about it.
I have never told my kids, but I have a feeling they kind of figured it out. I will soon have to come clean, since my son just graduated and he will be moving back home. At this point I really don't want to hide it like I did when they were younger (I do go out now dressed)and I don't like keeping secrets from them.

[Maria in heels]

And, most importantly, it depends on YOU and how you react and talk with your children. Yes, their age, upbringing, social circles are very important (only naming a few things) but it is how you have taught your children how to act/react answers your question. Unless they are little ones, but then you have to explain in their age words not yours, and they will be fine...

[Jenniferathome]

It is well studied and scientifically supported that the younger the kids, the more easily accepting and LESS confused they are by anything non standard. They know, so always be ready to discuss. Also, be ready to be outed because the younger they are the more likely they are to share your secret.

[Barbara Ella]

Our daughters are grown with families of their own, in their late 30's. No need to burden them at this time, but in general, there will come a time when it is just right to tell them. This will depend on their maturity level. If your children know, have you discussed this with them, or just dressed?

Barbara

[JessHaust]

Barbara, why would it be a burden? My daughters love it and spend as much time with me dressed as they can.

[Jacqueline Winona]

My kids see me dressed for the walk a mile event (more like the man in a dress, though, no make up, bra, or anything upstairs) and they think it's pretty funny when I'm practicing in my shoes (they both love to wear them and pretend). But i don't know about telling htem eveyrhting, they could handle it as I'm raising too very kind-hearted, strong willed, assertive young women. Just don't know how their friends owuld handle it as I'm sure they would say something, and their friends parents raise an issue I don't want to get into. Maybe closer to the end of high school we'll talk more about it. The really ironic part is that I'll be the one to teach them how to walk in heels- my wife has a bad foot injury and just can't walk in heels bigger than 2 inches, or for very long at all.

[5150 Girl]

It is well studied and scientifically supported that the younger the kids, the more easily accepting and LESS confused they are by anything non standard. They know, so always be ready to discuss. Also, be ready to be outed because the younger they are the more likely they are to share your secret.
I agree,,, We learn our rights and wrongs, what's normal and what's not at an early age. It is easyer to acept somting as normal if you don't start out thinking it's wrong. OR to put it another way, it is easyer to learn somthing right first, than to have to re-learn it later....
For example if a child is raised arround raceism, odds are they will grow up raceist, and it will be hard for them to break that habit.

[Lorileah]

If you were a certain religion, should your kids know? If you liked the color red should your kids know? If you were from a foreign country should your kids know? If you had a specific job should your kids know? If you are 7 feet tall should your kids know?

Stop and think about it. Why should you keep it hidden? Because someone else says it is wrong? Because you don't like yourself? Because why? If you raise your children to be open and honest why should not be open and honest/ If you raise your children to be accepting and tolerant of others, why should you not be out to them? Is what you are doing wrong? Illegal? Harming someone? Taking food from someone's mouth? Keeping someone from living their lives?

Really people, when you hide and sneak and lie, what does that tell your children? That it is OK to be sneaky? Or that what you are is wrong? That if you are one thing it is something to be ashamed of?

When you see a person on the street do you allow your children to believe they are better than the person? Do you say, "Hey they are different, so don't like them"? No you say that is a person who has every right to be who they are, to express who they are as long as they are not harming others.

No don't tell your children, after all why be the role model for raising a caring, non-judgmental person. Teach them that sneaking and hiding and keeping secrets is OK.

[Eryn]

I haven't told my daughters. I think that they would be OK with it, but since I'm not out in my own community I don't want to saddle them with the responsibility of keeping my secret.

Now, I have no illusions that are completely in the dark about Dad, but at this point it is best for them to have plausible deniability. Responsible people, like my daughters, tend to be better at keeping secrets that they aren't supposed to know.

After they are completely independent from home (they're in college now but keep in close touch with local friends) I might consider telling them if it becomes important for them to know.

[Jacqueline Winona]

I agree with Eryn's approahc on this. I just don't see it as a battle you need to fight- are we dressing in front of them or telling them about it for our own peace of mind, or is it something they just have to know? I haven't had any trouble convincing either of my young children to treat others right, or not to judge, just by talking to them. They get that, and knowing that I like to dress isn't going to help them understand any better. I had tears in my eyes listening to my older daughter tell me about how what she learned from reading the book Teammates (about Jackie Robinson and Peewee Reese,) she understands accepting people better than I did at her age. And one of her little friends is a boy who likes pink scarves, playing with girls and reading girly books- she thought it was wierd at first, but after explaining to her that we all llike different things, that girl and boy outfits or books aren't just for one gender, she got it (ironically enough, she is more tom-boy now than I ever would have thought.) So, what will seeing me dressed with makeup on prove to them that I can't already teach? Put another way, if they still beleive in fairy tales, the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause (or the equivalent in other religions), why do you need to tell them this? And if they are teenagers dealing with all the drama they already have, what good are you doing them by bringing this into their lives?

[Sandra]

I see nothing wrong in telling children, chances are they may already have an idea our daughter did, she was 14 and is very supportive of her Dad.

One thing I will say is though, if you are in the closet then don't put the burden on your children to keep to quiet, doesn't matter what age they are they shouldn't have to keep your secret, they may need someone to talk to about it.

[Shawnc]

Thank you all for the support. My son is 7 and my daughter is 14. Every night when I get home from work I change in to my iner women. My wife and I have talked to them about CD and the say they are fine with it. I just wanted to hear outher points of view.

[Beth Mays]

the more you hide something from your kids the more they think it "should" be hidden... your attude goes a long way in how things are accepted.