Should I change my husbands "femme" name?

[MandyGG]

I need your advice. My husband said that I could change his name from Erin to whatever I wanted. He thinks it would do me some good for a few reasons. 1) I have hard feelings about the fact that he was on the adult websites as her, so all of the screen names had Erin in it. 2) He confessed that it was the name of his biggest crush during school 3) He wants me to feel like "she" is mine. So, therefore I can pick a name that I think is beautiful.

I think it is such a sweet gesture, but oddly I am so used to referring to her as Erin. I do like the idea, and he swore he wasn't "attached" to the name. I would love to finally let the past go, and forget about the website drama all together, and the name Erin immediatly reminds me of it.

Also, what would I name her!?! I am going to need some ideas if y'all think I should do it!

[suzy1]

From what you say I think you have very good reasons for changing his name!
I only hope he can move on and forget the associations that the name Erin has for him.

Choose Suzy and I will scratch your eyes out.:Angry3:


hugs :)

[MandyGG]

Suzy is a beautiful name, but my eyes are a wee bit precious! So, I will have to decline naming her Suzy.

He swears that me changing it would not bother him a bit... So I hope. It's nice to see him work so hard to keep me comfortable and included. I will have to change my screen name for sure now. That will be nice to have an identity of my own instead of just someones wife. The other GG's have been telling me to do that for like a week!

[Sandra]

Why not try and choose a name together?

[Cynthia Anne]

Go for it! I think you should pick a name that is speacial to only you! Let her be reborn to only you! I don't want to influince your choice because she belongs to only you! If I could rename you then that would be easy! For your name I would pick Preacious! Hugs!

[jaye_cd]

Ask his parents what they would have named him if he was born a girl and go from there?

Either gender, my father said he would have named me Blue. My mother won the discussion and named me something else (thankfully). She said she would have named me Sonja if I was born female, but chose the anagram instead after I was born. Growing up, everyone called me 'J' or 'Jay' or however you want to spell put my first initial, so I took that phonetically and turned it into Jaye. (Note: If anyone calls me Bluejay I will find you and do things the moderators will delete this post if I divulge....(kidding! but no, don't call me that))

I guess the point is... take a good look at your SO standing next to you in a mirror all dressed up and both of you start blurting out names. The first name you both say together, run with?!

[Kate T]

Only speaking from my point of view.

Honestly, I have no real attachment to my feminine name. My wife and I don't use our names often when communicating with each other (we seem to have an ability to communicate well even non verbally) and at home she calls me by my birth name, even when dressed.

"Whats in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet"

The Bard has it. Whatever name you choose, your love will still be true.

[Di]

I would look at the books or web sights that give the meanings of names. So it means something and is special.

[Laura912]

Interesting question and you are to be complimented on wanting to find a name with your ownership as well as your spouse. Go through a list of names and pick ten, and then sit down together and do the final selection. Use Google for a list. Look under each letter of the alphabet because you may not care for names that start with certain letters. Once a name is picked, have a private naming party and invite her.

[Millie]

My wife and I chose my name. We got Millie, because we don't know anyone named Millie and it fits me.

[Kerigirl2009]

I would suggest maybe picking a name of one of Your good friends from your childhood. maybe put a twist on it but then you can have good memories associated with the name you choose and if he is in the closet with everyone else and someone over hears you refer to him as the chosen name, you could say you where referring to a childhood friend.
I chose my name because when I sign my given name I omit the I in Kevin and it appears to me as Keri as I dot my N in cursive.
I always liked the name Alicia

Have fun with it
Keri

[GingerLeigh]

You should mess with him. Give him an old lady name like Eunice.

Gertrude, a strong wonderful name. Maybe Bertha? My wife has a name for my feminine side but I can't write it here. It'll be censored.

[kimdl93]

I honk its a good idea. Why live with lingering reminders of past mistakes. Thinkabout a name that elicits positives for you...like a favorite aunt, a close childhood friend or a woman you personally think is attractive.

[sinead]

Just an idea you use your first name and then he could use your second name
real togetherness

good luck

[darla_g]

You should mess with him. Give him an old lady name like Eunice.
I like Silk's idea. How about Gertrude and no he can't call himself Trudy?

[Tina B.]

An exercise for you! goggle baby names, in the list of sites, I found one that shows the most popular names year by year, not just the top names, but a long list year by year, it's great for ideas, and a chance to see if born a girl what would have been popular at that time.
Tina B.

[Kaz]

I definately think a new name would be good for the both of you, and I think you should choose it. You need to rename her in a way that is positive for you. I don't know if you have kids, but it should be a similar process to naming a new life in the world.

I didn't choose Kaz... the name chose me. I woke up one morning knowing this was me. I also wanted the more 'proper' name Karen behind it to give the flimsy Kaz some strength... Karen is very close to my GM name and ironically I subsequently found out that both my GM name and Kaz are in the same name group in Japanese! So it all fits together. But I didn't work it out... it just came.

Don't think about too hard... just let your mind run free... her name will come!

But I also like Tina's idea!

[Amanda22]

A new name is definitely a very good idea, in my opinion. Your husband is definitely asking you to lead in this, so I think you should take it and thoughtfully decide. As for me, I'd be absolutely thrilled to have been given a female name by my lovely wife. Darn, I should have thought of asking her! Just take your time. I think the name you choose will be very, very touching to your husband. It'll be way more than a name; it'll be the name you chose.

[MandyGG]

Thanks for the help, ladies! Some excellent ideas and thoughts! I am now really excited to do this! I will make sure to get his feedback and thoughts on it too!


If I could rename you then that would be easy! For your name I would pick Preacious! Hugs!

All I can picture is The Lord of the Rings.... it makes me giggle.


Either gender, my father said he would have named me Blue. My mother won the discussion and named me something else (thankfully)

Beyonce would kick you for even insinuating that the name Blue is bad! LOL!


Honestly, I have no real attachment to my feminine name. My wife and I don't use our names often when communicating with each other (we seem to have an ability to communicate well even non verbally) and at home she calls me by my birth name, even when dressed.

This really stood out to me! When he introduced himself face to face to me as femme the other day, we were talking and I asked him "Who are you right now?" He laughed and said his own name. So, I kissed him.


You should mess with him. Give him an old lady name like Eunice.

While that would normally be a great idea, I cant. While I was married to my first husband, and was still oblivious to the CD lifestyle, I would often refer to my ex as "Silva" because he reminded me of a bi+chy old lady.


Just an idea you use your first name and then he could use your second name
real togetherness

Lee is a great option! Thanks!


An exercise for you! goggle baby names, in the list of sites, I found one that shows the most popular names year by year, not just the top names, but a long list year by year, it's great for ideas, and a chance to see if born a girl what would have been popular at that time.
Tina B.

On his birth year, his name was #1 and #1 girls name was Jennifer. His second name was #5 and the girl #5 was Kimberly. (Erin was #39, btw!)

[NicoleScott]

Many of us have changed names. I had to change mine as a precaution when someone got unauthorized access to our home computer. I agree that it's a sweet gesture, and picking a name together sounds like a good idea. My only advice is to not force the name change until the right name comes to you. Relax, it will.

[BRANDYJ]

Only once did I choose a name by myself. That was way back when I came out to my first wife. Oddly, she asked me if I had a female name. At that point I had never even considered it . So I came up with Janice since that was a girl I sort of had a crush on in Jr. High. That name was fine for her. After she died, and I came out to mt second wife, she did not like the name Janice, so she changed it to Bridget. So that stuck for about 19 years. My Current SO did not like tha name and she named me Brandy sine we toasted our new relationship on a beach, with a bottle of brandy. I really like the name for several reasons, but mainly because my SO named me and that it is attached to a very romantic week we spent together shortly after we met.
So I think you should consider a name that you like. Maybe a name of a girlfriend, a teacher, or other female that at some point in your life ment a lot to you. If your husband is as sentimental as me, he will cherish the fact that you gave "her" a name. It's a small gesture that simply says you care and accept her in your life.

[DCChris]

If you've fully accepted that part of him, I'd suggest a name that gets you excited when you hear it and you want to spend time with him en femme, whether at home, going out, secret night drives with him. Whatever would get you excited, I'm almost positive, would be highly received by him.

my $.02

[DonnaT]

Your choice will make it more personal.
However,

I am so used to referring to her as Erin.
If of Irish ancestry (http://www.babynamesofireland.com/irish-girl-names):
Eryn, Eirinn, Bryn ?

[Barbara Ella]

It sounds like there are good reasons to select a new name, especially since he really feels no attachment. You have a wonderful opportunity to bond closer by selecting a name together. One in which you both have something to treasure. Such a wonderful opportunity. You must do it.


Barbara

[JohnH]

You should mess with him. Give him an old lady name like Eunice.

How about Louise. Or even better, Maxine.

John

[Jessica Who]

Wow! That's crazy b/c I asked my wife to do that a loooong time ago. Basically I told her that I was thinking of changing it and she should come up with a couple of options. She never did and the name stayed!

[Michelle.M]

Why not try and choose a name together?

You know, that's a pretty good idea. Kind of like choosing a name for a baby!

I previously worked in rural areas in Latin America for years, and I picked up a tip from Peace Corps workers who were often in my AO. In order to become part of the community they'd frequently adopt an Hispanic name by which they'd be known in the community, and they'd use that name throughout their tour in country. My former name had no Hispanic equivalent (i.e.: George = Jorge) so I'd ask the local children to name me. They loved the chance to give someone a name and it became a good story to introduce myself whenever I'd meet new people in the community.

I can tell you from experience, it's oddly pleasant to have someone you like give you your new name.

[Cheryl T]

A rose by any other name....

Do it together so that there is no resentment at any time over what is selected.

[5150 Girl]

Well,, personaly I think it depends ho how long she's been going by Erin, and just hoe engined it is.
My Polar Bear didn't care for my "Wynonna", (said it sounded like a drag queen name) and wanted to call me Stacy. I had to decline in that I had chosen it on behalf of my Native American heritage, and I had been going by that for a very long time before we even met. However, a situation did arise recently... I was wearing something nice and she asked me to do change and do something for her in the yard. And while it had serious potential to be messy, I was all, "I don't have to change to do that".... And I did the messy job without a bit of dirt on me. She and her friend were amazed! I said "I'm just a regular Bree Hodge/DeDecamp" Her eyes lit up and said, yes, that's what we ought to call you... BREE!!! I was like, "Well, my middle name is Brianna, which could be Bree for short"... She was all, I've always liked Brianna, I wish I had known this before" Then I'm, "You have been briefed on this before." then a reference to her stoke and memory loss, so to bring this agonizing long story to a close, she and her friends now call me Bree and mine still can call me Wynonna.

[Eryn]

I definitely like the idea of picking a name together. It affirms your acceptance of his female side and eliminates the danger of inadvertently picking a name that has unknown bad connotations.

I'd advise avoiding unfashionable names even as a joke. Now is not the time for teasing!

[Alice B]

How about picking the name of one of your closest female friends or the name of a woman that has had a major impact in your life.

[KelleyG]

Ask his parents what they would have named him if he was born a girl and go from there?

That's what I did, well I didn't actually go up and ask but the subject came up. My male name starts with a K also so i can keep the same initials.



Choose Suzy and I will scratch your eyes out.:Angry3:

OMG I literally lol'd when I read this. :)

[carhill2mn]

I suggest that you consider using a name that brings pleasant thought/images to mind (preferably to both of you).

[muzzy]

What about a name that has both male and female versions(unisex or epicene names) because he is a she sometimes....example.....Kelly,Ashley,Bobby,Kerry, Sydney,Taylor....you get the picture....you can look up the list on google xoxo

[Gaby2]

OMG, great thread Erinswife!
With all due sincerity to Eryn and yourself, and without questioning the importance of the issue, this is a really nice problem to have!

-----

I've had many heart-to-heart talks with my SO during the last few weeks, and one aspect has been trying to convince her that "Gaby" is only a pseudo-name for me...

My SO of almost two years has always been a little jealous of "Gaby".
For her, "Gaby" seems to be another woman in my life.
This other woman has been emerging at increasingly regular intervals.
"Gaby" had almost become a label for "the enemy", whoever or whatever that might be!
I hope I've stopped that dangerous development and managed to allay her fears.

I feel very much for her - she has been thrown in at the deep end from the word go in our relationship... at least I know, time is on our side, as I have been honest with her!

-----

I picked "Gaby" long before I found this forum, because it resembles my real name and it's German.
Initially "Gaby" helped me to identify a femme-self, which I hardly understood.

My male name has always remained my name.
However it doesn't fit my femme-self at all!
But quite often "Gaby" isn't quite right either!!!

My femme-self is with me all the time...
ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M OUT AND ABOUT AS DRAB ME...
That's probably why I find Eryn's offer a wonderfully loving gesture.

I am enjoying thinking about all this :rose2:Gaby:)

[Bree Wagner]

I definitely like the idea of picking a name together. It affirms your acceptance of his female side and eliminates the danger of inadvertently picking a name that has unknown bad connotations.

I seem to be agreeing with Eryn an awful lot. :)

I really like this option. It meant a great deal to me when my wife and I came up with Bree together. It was a huge part of her 'releasing me into the wild'. Hopefully you can each just throw some names out there and when the other says "Ooooh. I like that too!" you've found a winner.

-Bree

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi E,s Wife, You could do as I did I never even thought about a feminine name till
I became a member of this fourm I tried all kind of names every one just didn't
ring any bells for me so I thought well Blue is my favorite color and an Orchid
is my favorite flower and that's how Blue Orchid was born.

Gloria is a beautiful name it even has a song about it.

[Roberta Lynn]

Call her Sugar or Honey, that way you can never make a mistake no matter what the attire. :D

[docrobbysherry]

This is TOO EASY, E's Wife! It's going to be your name, too, u know. So, pick your favorite names. Any one of which you're ok with. Rite them down. Then, give him the list and let him PICK ONE! End of story!

[Anna Lorree]

I agree with jaye_cd. I use Anna Lorree because they would have been my first and middle names, had I been born a girl. I didn't get to choose my male names, so why should I get to choose my female names?

The other way for you to look at this is to select a name you have thought about for a daughter should you have kids. Obviously, you wouldn't name your real daughter the same name as your husband's femme side, so use a second tier name.

Anna

[Jacqueline Winona]

I think it's a great idea based on the reasons that you list for changing. I can't add anything to the names issue that haven't already been said, but I trust you'll find one that you like and he will appreciate.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is very sweet of your SO, and I should point out that it is a sign that he loves you and thinks so highly of you that he wants you to name his feminine side, it is a real (mutual) honor.

[Jillian Faith]

This is exactly what my wife did when I came out to her. When we were out shopping she and she would find a skirt that she thought I might like she would show it to me and say something like "Do you have a white skirt?" Needles to say we got a few strange looks. While walking into the mall one day I suggested she use my femme name i.e. "Does Debbie have a white skirt?"

My wife looked at me and said you don't look like a Debbie you look like a Jill. From that moment forward I have used the name Jill. It's not a big deal but I think it helped her accept my femme side and brought us closer.

I say go for it!

[MandyGG]

I read through all of your suggestions, which were all great, and last night we sat together and found a name we both agreed on!

I am no longer married to an Erin that I never really knew. I am now married to my husband, AND in a brand new relationship with a pretty great girl named: Audrey

We talked about how we may never use it, except for when we are in situations where identity will need to be preserved. We went to sleep content and happy! Yay!

[BRANDYJ]

This is good news Audrey's wife! I like the name. Audrey Hepburn came to mind. Then Audrey from an old western series TV, "The Big Valley" That was the charactor's name, not the actress Linda Evans who plyed her. Opps! I just looked it up, and the charactor's name was not Audrey, it was Audra...close enough. lol That show is on every day on the new network called Me TV that has all the old series we loved back in the 50's, 60's and 70'S
I hope Audrey feels closer to you since you both decided on the name together. Of course I kind of hope the suggestion was yours and not his even though you picked it together.

[MandyGG]

Shhhhh! Don't tell him! But, I had that name in my head ALL DAY.... We wife's have a way of talking husbands into things without them even knowing!



Edit: when did my grammar go out the window!?!? Wives. Not wife's. Ugh.

[BRANDYJ]

Shhhhh! Don't tell him! But, I had that name in my head ALL DAY.... We wife's have a way of talking husbands into things without them even knowing!

And we like it when our SO's talk us into things without our even knowing they are doing it. Or at least let them believe we don't know they are talking us into it. But my SO can talk me into anything. Ummm... sometimes that comes in the form of an order! lol

[Kaz]

Erin... or rather Audrey, is a very lucky person to have you as his partner! So glad you sorted this!

[docrobbysherry]

Great news, Mandy! U both have names! Now, it's time to get new driver's licenses and passports!

[MandyGG]

Great news, Mandy! U both have names! Now, it's time to get new driver's licenses and passports!

Heck yes! Where are you taking us??!?! LOL!

[Bree Wagner]

Edit: when did my grammar go out the window!?!? Wives. Not wife's. Ugh. :)

One of the many reasons you're so endearing.

Anyways, congrats on finding something that works for the both of you. Here's to many years of happiness together no matter what you call each other.

-Bree

[DonnaT]

Cool.

Everytime I hear the name Audrey I thing of Bread's song "Aubrey".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwdTcoUHfkw

[BrendaAlexandra]

Ask his parents what they would have named him if he was born a girl and go from there?

This is why I'm Brenda!