What secret are you keeping from your SO?

[MandyGG]

I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

Here is my big secret at the moment:

I hid Audrey's clothes from her. Not because I want her purged, but because I want her to include me in it. I don't want her dressing behind my back, so I hid them so that when she has the urge to dress she will have to ask me where they are.

I know it isn't fair, and I do feel bad.... but I just want to be included, so I am making sure that I am!

Is anyone else being secretive?

[KimberlyJean]

I am not being secretive per say, but I don't tell her when I buy new clothes or go out. Our biggest problem is that I introduced her to Kimberly over 10 years ago and she has evolved so much since then. I would like her to know the Kimberly of today, who is more relaxed and not concerned about sex when she is dressed

[busker]

I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

Here is my big secret at the moment:

I hid Audrey's clothes from her. Not because I want her purged, but because I want her to include me in it. I don't want her dressing behind my back, so I hid them so that when she has the urge to dress she will have to ask me where they are.

I know it isn't fair, and I do feel bad.... but I just want to be included, so I am making sure that I am!

Is anyone else being secretive?

that could backfire on you. She may well think they have been "purged" and start a new collection, or--figure something is up, wrong and there may be problems coming along. Danielle's suggestion is a good one. Just like a xmas present, you can be part of the opening of the gift and it could be matching lingerie.

[MandyGG]

I am not being secretive per say, but I don't tell her when I buy new clothes or go out. Our biggest problem is that I introduced her to Kimberly over 10 years ago and she has evolved so much since then. I would like her to know the Kimberly of today, who is more relaxed and not concerned about sex when she is dressed

Is she not interested in getting to know this, new and improved, Kim? :(


Danielle, I know, I totally feel bad about it. And, I think you gave me a great idea! I am so new to this that sometimes I don't know the right way to go with it. I don't want to push him away by being "Too Supportive".... is that even possible?

[Bree Wagner]

I'm probably the other end of the spectrum. I'm too open. I want to talk about it more with my wife, but she has her limits. The conversation too often ends with "That's all you want to talk about!" but it just puts it on pause. I feel the only way to really figure out what you both want is to talk about it. I'd say that secrets are at best neutral, if no one ever learns about it, and far more often negative if someone does. Surprises, on the other hand, can be great. When my wife surprised me by bringing me home a new top it was great. It really let me know she was thinking about it and cared enough to do something nice for me.

My suggestion is to be encouraging and see what he wants. Hopefully, if he wants to slow down because you're being 'too supportive', he'll tell you. You two will find a balance.

-Bree

[KimberlyJean]

Is she not interested in getting to know this, new and improved, Kim? :(

No, unfortunaly I was still at an early stage of development when I first told her I need to crossdress and the sexual side of it was still a large part. Now we have a hostile Don't ask don't tell. My biggest progress is that she doesn't throw my clothes away when she finds them.

[Miriam-J]

For a while I kept some part of this secret. I think it was from habit (previous SO was severely opposed) and from fear that perhaps she wouldn't be able to accept as well as I hoped. We've been together 3 1/2 years now and my wife has shown incredible acceptance and has even taken the lead at times.

We've grown closest when:
- We discuss things I've learned here or in other sources (My Husband Wears my Clothes was a big one)
- We shop together for both of us, exchanging fashion ideas
- She helps me with my makeup and accessorizing
- Our one wig shop

Try a few of these things and perhaps you'll find yourself just as much a part of it as my wife is. Or pick your own ways to make it a part of your life together.

Miriam

[MandyGG]

Kimberly, I wish I knew a way to help you explain it to her. The Don't Ask Don't Tell situations make my heart hurt. I feel so horrible for the CD's in these, yet I know exactly what the wife feels and I don't blame them. It is such a hard thing to process at times that avoidance seems to work best for us. She loves the other 99% of you, and that is pretty damn close to perfect. Who knows, she may come around soon enough.

Danielle and Bree.... I will put the clothes back where they were. But I can't say that I won't "booby trap" them! Lol!!! Thanks for talking sense back into me. Ugh. ;)

[sandra-leigh]

One "secret" and one thing not made explicit.

The "secret" is that I've been on HRT over a year. My wife has seen all of my medications, but I've avoided naming their purpose. This "secret" will, I think, be revealed about the time I talk to her about the other item.

The thing not made explicit is that I am transgender, androgynous, not-male (but not necessarily female). Sometimes she knows it, more often she mentally puts it aside. In particular we haven't discussed consequences of this, or whether I will transition further (I suspect I will, but I don't know what or when; I don't have any inclination towards SRS though.)

[MandyGG]

One "secret" and one thing not made explicit.

The "secret" is that I've been on HRT over a year. My wife has seen all of my medications, but I've avoided naming their purpose. This "secret" will, I think, be revealed about the time I talk to her about the other item.

The thing not made explicit is that I am transgender, androgynous, not-male (but not necessarily female). Sometimes she knows it, more often she mentally puts it aside. In particular we haven't discussed consequences of this, or whether I will transition further (I suspect I will, but I don't know what or when; I don't have any inclination towards SRS though.)

WOW! I have to say, Sandra, that is huge! What do you think she is going to say when you DO tell her? I couldn't imagine Audrey taking hormones without talking about it with me first, however, I do not think that it is something that she is interested in. Whereas, you imply that your wife has an idea. Have you always been androgynous throughout the marriage? Maybe that is part of her attraction to you.

[Katesback]

Funny you said the hormone thing. If you were to call any of the CD stores and ask what thier big sellers are they will tell you they sell a lot of these magic dust hormones (otherwise called herbal). Makes ya wonder.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Mandy, how about leaving a note with the clothes (something along the lines of I ironed these, folded them, etc.)? Or "why not try this with the new blouse that I left just below?" You would get your point across and probably get the reaction you're looking for. :) To answer your question- I "hide" my clothes in plain sight- she knowwhere theyh are but they aren't somewhere where anyone would else see them. But the "I don't really want to know" approach she takes makes this easy for both of us. No sneaking, but not in her face either. Still, every now and then she does something to let me know she cares and can live with the dressing.

[sandra-leigh]

What do you think she is going to say when you DO tell her?

I don't think she'll be pleased, but she would probably accept that I needed to do it. The TG part will be bigger to her than the hormones. After all, I've already been on hormones for 15 months and I haven't changed so much, whereas the TG part has more implications for the future.


Whereas, you imply that your wife has an idea. Have you always been androgynous throughout the marriage? Maybe that is part of her attraction to you.

My wife does have an idea. She has asked me at times about my breast development, and about what the patches are for. Not long ago she used the word "hormones" herself in referring to my medication. I know some people would say, "She knows!" but I don't think she does, at least not consciously.

I've been together with her for 15 years, and for the first half of that time I did not know I was a cross-dresser.

The only person my cross-dressing has surprised so far is my mother; everyone else takes it in stride pretty quickly. I was watching a GG as she saw me dressed for the first time, and the expressions she went through were not surprise but instead more like, "Ah, so that explains it!" (that is, as if she already knew I was "different" but hadn't figured out what was different about me.)

I didn't have an androgynous presentation when my (common-law) wife and I met, but I wasn't macho either. Colorful T-shirts in odd colors, sweat-shirts with cave art, uni-sex things were fine. My wife has appropriated my Berkeley Flower Gardens sweat-shirt -- you don't get many guys in my area wearing shirts with embroidered flowers to the office, but I was happy with it. (Embroidered flowers on male shirts does show up in "cowboy" culture, but really that's more than 500 miles west of me, over towards Alberta.)

My wife was (and still is) an "outsider". She was born and raised in Asia but moved to Canada at 14; she doesn't fit in Canadian culture, but she also doesn't fit into the culture of her native country. And I was (and still am) an "outsider" in society too. I wouldn't have been interesting to her if I had been a "regular guy". But as to why I am an "outsider" in my own culture... no-one really knows. One hypothesis is that since I was fairly young, I have always had the vibe of not being exactly male; if so then that could explain a fair bit. But it's a relatively easy hypothesis, since it is essentially impossible to prove. One might as well just hypothesize that I gave out the vibe of "not belonging", and there would probably be more evidence for that.

[PretzelGirl]

My wife does have an idea. She has asked me at times about my breast development, and about what the patches are for. Not long ago she used the word "hormones" herself in referring to my medication. I know some people would say, "She knows!" but I don't think she does, at least not consciously.

She knows! Okay, just kidding. But let's think about it a little. You say your presentation has always been different. You dress at least partially quite regularly. And let's not forget that many think the first two things on wife's minds when they find out are "are you gay" and "are you transitioning" (not that I agree). So that could be a mindset.

But I guess it comes down to how involved your wife is and how your relationship has developed as we are all different. My wife has 11 prescriptions and I can tell you what each one does. If she has medical issues, I want to know what is in her and the possible side effects. If you are taking pills in plain sight, is your wife's personality to where she wouldn't want to know anything about it?

You are pretty open with a lot Sandra. It just seems that taking pills and anyone automatically thinking hormones is an easy "connect the dots" type of thing.



I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

I don't believe I have any Mandy. I am probably in more of a minority in that my dressing evolved from the very beginning with my wife's participation. We had boundaries from the outset and I very much wanted to stick to them. It has reached the point where there pretty much are no boundaries and this is because I always told her all the things that mattered. We also discuss where this may lead even with hypotheticals just so we know where each other stands. It has worked really well for both of us and I hope it continues that way.

[Cheryl T]

Not keeping any secrets anymore...and it feels so much better.

As for hiding you're SO's clothes to assure yourself a role in her dressing I think that might be extreme and viewed as controlling (unless she happens to like being controlled). I feel a better approach would be to sit down and discuss this. I'm sure that almost all of us would relish the idea that our spouse wished to be so included in this part of our lives. So many of us are still hiding from our spouses that to have one approach us and say please let me be part of this would emotionally knock us out.

[Tina B.]

I told my wife all about me, and cross dressing 35 years ago, because I don't like having to keep secrets. All I have and all I do is completely out in the open. I'm just not the type that could live with that big elephant in the room, so there never was any thought of keeping it a secret. Had I known the need to dress would come back after I got married, I would have told her before we did, but I thought I was "cured" and so no need to tell, but when the desire came back and was over whelming, it didn't take long for me to decide to come clean.
Tina B.

[Marleena]

Mandy, I guess I'm kind of boring. Everything is out in the open to my SO.

Perhaps let your SO know you have her clothes and why. I'm sure it will get the results you want.:) Your SO might think think you're in the not okay mode.

[Kate Simmons]

No secrets here Mandy. I can understand why you did what you did though Hon. No one really wants to feel left out.:)

[ReineD]

Danielle and Bree.... I will put the clothes back where they were. But I can't say that I won't "booby trap" them! Lol!!! Thanks for talking sense back into me. Ugh. ;)

Be careful Mandy, trust erosion works both ways. You want your SO to be willing to involve you and not make this decision because he feels controlled by you or he fears your reactions.

:hugs:


Funny you said the hormone thing. If you were to call any of the CD stores and ask what thier big sellers are they will tell you they sell a lot of these magic dust hormones (otherwise called herbal). Makes ya wonder.

What's there to wonder about? A lot of CDers are just plain unknowledgeable about the real effects of hormones. You know full well by the occasional questions we have in the TS section from CDers, they think it is possible to feminize "just a little bit" as a substitution to wearing forms without the loss of male sexual functionality or experiencing the mental/psychological hormonal effects. And there is also a belief the lotions and potions purchased on CD sites actually work.

[Holly]

I guess I am from the boring "no secrets" camp, too. It's difficult (impossible?) to keep secrets from someone you've been married to for over 43 years. I am one very fortunate spouse. My wife is way beyond supportive... she's participative. I make it a point to invite her into all aspects of my life (yes, I do other things besides CD). Some things she chooses to do and others she passes on. But the invitations are always open. As for TG related issues, we do it all together... eyes wide open. Some of the things we have done together; shopping (clothes, of course), groceries, household goods, dining out, movies, live theater (funny story there), the DMV (yes, my girl picture is on my license), plus we bought our house and recently a new car. As you can see, my wife is an amazing woman. I like to think that it cuts both ways.

If you're feeling left out then say something. It's your feeling so say so... "I'm feeling left out of part of your life" is much better than, "Why are you leaving me out of______?" Then say, "Can we talk about some ways to make me feel more of a part of this?" For the record, for as new to this as you are, I think you are doing amazingly well. I am so glad you have joined our community!

[Marguarite]

Gawd Bless Texas......and Mandy. I think you are great, give Audrey time to process all that she is experiencing and I am sure she will understand how to include you. MY wife is
very supportive and enjoys participating, but there are still things she is not ready to do. Such as to go out we me dressed, she doesn't want me to go out without her,and she says she is not
ready yet. I respect that and include it in our conversations to find out how she is changing. There have been a lot of good suggestions of how to gently bring up the subject, just don't give up
on them, or her. I wish you both all the best

Secrets, there are no secrets. I'd like to say it's all out of love, truth is my poker face looks the the joker, and i have a terrible memory and probably couldn't remember why i was supposed to keep it
secret.
to tell something.

[BRANDYJ]

I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

I know it isn't fair, and I do feel bad.... but I just want to be included, so I am making sure that I am!

Is anyone else being secretive?

Hi Mandy, the only secret I keep from my SO is the fact that I love you. But I might tell her when I get to Michigan Wednesday. LOL OK, I don't think hiding the clothes was a good idea. How does doing some hiding yourself help keep someone else from hiding things from you? That includes the booby trap too!
I know this is not for everyone, But since I am submissive to my SO and she is a very loving dominant.A few years ago she told me that I was not to dress unless she ordered me or asked me to dress for her. If I wanted to dress while she was not around, I had to ask for her permission. This was more of a test of my submission to her then her not wanting me to dress. Well, I can tell you the effect it had on me. I did not want to dress until she asked me too! It was so much more fun and exciting just knowing she wanted me too. so That turned a negative into a positive for me. Frankly, it made dressing without her asking me to dress for her... less appealing to me. Kind of like that saying "all dressed up and no place to go". For me to be dressed and serving her is the ultimate pleasure and feminine feeling in the world to me. OK, call me odd for being one that enjoys the power my SO has over me. I am anything but submissive to anyone but the Lady I love. But my point is, with her involvement, my desire to dress has reached new heights.
To answer your question....No, I don't keep anything from her and she does not keep anything from me.

[Raychel]

No real secrets here either. After I told my wife all about myself, All secrets were done. That was a huge relief. Although I do sneek some new clothes in at times. She doesn't really approve of me buying new dresses

[NyssaF]

Each time I try to keep a secret, I start feeling too guilty and tell her. :) I did let her know right away when I wanted to start cross-dressing. Then I bought some more clothes, told her. Decided to make myself some falsies, then told her. took some pics to use - including the ones I've post here, told her about it. Start experimenting with makeup and a wig, told her about it.

I've given up on trying to keep secrets. :)

[Eryn]

I tried the "keeping secrets" thing and all it did was almost ruin everything. These days I try to keep the secrets limited to what gifts I'm going to give her.

Mandy, if you want Audrey to be more inclusive of you I think that you would be better off suggesting things to do that include both of you:

"Audrey, would you help me select an outfit for [upcoming event]?" After you're done, you can look at her clothes and say "Gee, this is a pretty sweater, what skirts do you have to go with it?"

Shopping trips are another good way to establish mutual participation, if the two of you are compatible in shopping styles.

It takes time for a CDer to get used to sharing such ideas with her spouse. Guilt and shame do not yield immediately, even to logic. After hiding CDing from a spouse for such a long time one can't just throw open the doors and say "C'mon in!" Sometimes we need a little positive prompting to open up. Keep at it (gently) and Audrey will come around.

[suchacutie]

I have to say that the kind of games the involve secrets from a spouse cause me to worry for your relationship. Communication is really the only way.

Please, talk with your spouse ...

tina

[MandyGG]

I love how you ladies and gent's can smack me back into reality. I put the clothes back, SANS Booby Trap! He had no idea. So I am in the clear except for the massive amount of guilt for hiding them in the first place. I feel shame. :(

I promise, from here on out, that I will let this take it's own course and I will not try to rush or push things! It's just soooo hard!!! I want to be "OMG! Audrey! Come looook at these new shoooooooes!!! Check out this BLOUSSSSEEEE!!!!! Want some?!?!?! Do ya?!? Do ya!?!?!" and he is more like...."There's a new Titanic show and the lawn needs to be mowed."

P.S. - Brandy, I love you more!

[ReineD]

I'm glad you decided to not rush things. He really does need to go at his own pace, even if it means trying on the clothes alone the first few times, in order to increase his confidence in showing himself to you. Also, I gather that it is challenging for any CDer to strike a balance with all of this and if he feels reticent right now, it is his own attempt at balance. Maybe he's just not ready to jump right into it. But have no fear ... if he's like most CDers, he'll get into it soon enough! :D

One suggestion is to have your kids stay elsewhere overnight and suggest a nice, quiet dinner at home with just Audrey and you.

[Bree-asaurus]

I don't have any secrets that I keep from my BF. We've both lived lies our entire lives and we just can't do it anymore.


I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

Here is my big secret at the moment:

I hid Audrey's clothes from her. Not because I want her purged, but because I want her to include me in it. I don't want her dressing behind my back, so I hid them so that when she has the urge to dress she will have to ask me where they are.

I know it isn't fair, and I do feel bad.... but I just want to be included, so I am making sure that I am!

Is anyone else being secretive?

I see where you're coming from and this isn't an argument against what you're doing, but simply a suggestion from someone who knows absolutely nothing about your relationship: Have an honest discussion about the cross dressing. I'm sure if you two can talk openly about it, you can make it clear to him that you want to be a park of his cross dressing.

[Eryn]

I want to be "OMG! Audrey! Come looook at these new shoooooooes!!! Check out this BLOUSSSSEEEE!!!!!

Nothing wrong with that, but crank it down a couple of notches!

Do you two go shopping together? That can be fun, commenting on all the stuff you see, particularly the "what were they thinking" items. Your SO can be in either mode, depending upon comfort level.

[rachel_rachel]

I don't have secerts when it come s to my dressing.. it's open for all to see in our bedroom. The only secert i am kinda keeping is that i'm texting another woman who is a fan of my dressing, She's seen more photos of me dressed than she has not, and i've only actually meet her once... Even then she had 3 bags of clothes, shoes and underwear for me as a present.

Call it an affair if you like... I don't think it'll get to that point personally, I've spoken to a friend of mine about it who was having a 'digital' affair and he seems to of come out of it OK.

[CINDYO]

well a good question would be, if you have a SO and she was texting secretly and actually met up with that other person, would you mind? I always say, if you are doing something secretly and would prefer that you SO not find out then...... it is probably not going to enhance your relationship in the long run. IMO.

[ChrisP]

I try to make honesty my best policy in relationships, especially an intimate one.
However, I'm guilty of hiding a few things myself.
I didn't tell her that I have a wife and family in another state, nor that I have a career in a clandestine quasi-governmental security agency.
This causes me to be away from home at times, which I explain away as “business”.
While we struggle a bit with the bills like everyone, through arms sales to Middle Eastern consortiums I was able to purchase an entire island in the Bahamas, where I sometimes bring super models or aspiring actresses. My personal jet brings me there, which makes me feel bad since my S.O. wants a new car to replace her 2001 Camry.
For me, it's ability to be open that really is the glue of a long term relationship.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mandy, I don't really keep secrets it's just that it's a don't ask don't tell kinda thinggie my wife knows all about everything.

[catriona36]

mmmm i hate the secrets, how ever, in time they will not be needed in my case.
Some of my friends know some of my secrets and one or two know the whole story of what i do..
some ppl need to know while others have no need to know be it sexual or the cd'ing.
my next so will prob know all the secrets..

Mandy.
Heres a lil game you can play, depending on a number of factors.
I dont know if Audrey is out or not. I dont know how many outfits Audrey has. BUT.
What you can do is set aside a saturday night.
take a number of boxes, put a outfit in each box. ie formal/ semi formal. through to a lil sexy but not over the top.
Then you line the boxes up and get Audrey to pick a box. each box would all so correspond to a outing.like, semi formal might be a play at a theater or a musical, anothe box might correspond to dinnerand a movie. you get the idea.
oh and no, nothing on the box to give the night away ;)

[MandyGG]

It is so great to be able to come here for advice! I usually am a controlling person out of the need for someone in the home to take charge. I control the finances, the housework, the kids.... All because Audrey is so laid back that it would never get done. I guess, bottom line, I am totally wanting to take over HIS thing! I am wanting full access and full knowledge, when in reality this isn't mine. I am sure it is hard to share something like this when you lived all of your 42 years trying to hide it, and here is your wife coming in with ideas of her own and wanting to be a part of it too. I will just have to keep my mouth and ideas hushed until I am asked for it. You ladies know more than I do, and I appreciate all of your advice! I heart you to the moon and back!!!

About the texting. It is an affair. Virtual or not, you are intimately revealing yourself and making yourself available to someone else. What works for the goose doesn't always work for the gander. Just because it was easy as pie for someone else, doesn't mean it will work out as smoothly for you. Is this other woman really worth losing your SO for? If not, let it go. If so, then you need to reexamine your relationship as a whole. Be fair to each of you.

[GingerLeigh]

Yes, I have a secret! I'm a double knot spy, and my secret hideout is under my ceeeement pond! Nyuck nyuck...

Sigh..

Secrets stink. I've lived with them for too long and they took their toll on my sanity. Yes I have a couple little ones left, but my wife now knows ALMOST everything now. The relevant stuff anyway. What secrets I have left are nothing of any consequence.

Ginger

[Karren H]

I secretly went out and bought a new pair of ice skates.... Used. Normally $550 but these were almost brand spanking new for $190. Rebok 9k pumps!! amazing skates! She thinks I spend way to much on my hobbies so I didn't tell her... Used the money I was saving for a new corset..... And I gave my old skates to the daughters boyfriend! Yeah I feel guilty.... Till I step on the ice! Lol.

[Stephanie47]

Hi Mandy,

I'm glad you put the clothes back and did not 'booby trap' the location. I am in a DADT relationship. My wife knows I cross dress, although I am almost 100% sure she does not know the extent of my cross dressing. Why, because she does not want to know anything about Stephanie. What am I keeping from her? I choose not to use the word 'hide' because I am more than willing to let her know the extent of my cross dressing, when I am ready. I am very comfortable with my cross dressing, and, to the extent I cross dress. Do I want her to participate? I am not comfortable with the idea of dressing in front of her. How will she react? Will she cry? Throw a fit? Purge my clothing? Open Pandora's box? So, you really need to consider whether or not Audrey wants to meet Mandy.

If you really want to meet Audrey, ask your husband. If Audrey wants to come out and play, do it at her speed. What Audrey does in private may not be what Audrey wants to do in public. I'm not a gambler, but, there is a very good possibility Audrey will like to meet Mandy.

Would I have like it if I had come home from work one day and found a brand new dress, heels, hosiery, slip, undergarments and an apron spread out on the bed with a note asking Stephanie to cook dinner tonight? I would have loved it. Maybe Audrey would like it too! Good luck. And, if Audrey likes watching the Titanic, maybe Audrey would like to ride the "Love Boat" instead. Bon voyage!

[Jessica86]

None. I let her know everything that one night. The clothes, history, and the events leading up to it. Other than that, I am proud to say my wife knows all of my secrets. Maybe that's why we never fight? We know everything about each other, and that gives us no "ammo" during an argument. I definately found a keeper!

[sometimes_miss]

Well, as this forum is open to public reading, if you post your secret here, it will be secret no more should your SO or anyone else who suspects anything about you comes here and puts 2 + 2 together.
Just sayin'.

[meganmartin]

I keep no secrets and she knows of my cross-dressing, however just like in my GUY life i do not volunteer information...especially information that will get me into trouble. LOL
After being married for 20 years now....she has wised up and asks a bunch of questions.

[Ally 2112]

I have learned the hard way secrets are no good be honest and open right from the beginning

[Kerigirl2009]

I don't tell my wife about my dressing times, she figures I do it everyday anyway, I admit that I underdress nearly everyday and that really helps me relax, even if I can't see it, I know its there, but it isn't really enough. I guess My secret would be is that I want to dress more often and not worry about what others think about me. I dress age appropriate and this is how I intend to continue. I want to have a life too.
I would LOVE if my wife would be more OPEN to this side of me, but that is not really a secret.

[Miriam-J]

I need to correct my previous reply that I'm not keeping anything secret. I just bought her birthday present, and it'll be a secret for 8 more days.

Miriam

[kimdl93]

hmmmm, I thought long and hard about this one. I suppose if I'm keeping a secret its that I have a growing desire to go full-time. I still consider that somewhat unrealistic...so I think I'll sit on that one for a while.

[Kathi Lake]

I was secretive, now I'm just . . . waiting, I guess.

My wife and I had a DADT relationship for years. She knew I did it (if not the extent) but didn't want to be told. I kept my part of that commitment. Well, that came back to bite me (as it often does) in that she found out the extent of my goings out. Cue anger, tears, and accusations! We talked and talked (mostly through e-mail, but later face-to-face) and I believe I have her firmly-convinced that I'm not going to fly off the handle, leave her, and fly off to Thailand in a haze of estradiol. Our marriage is wonderful.

My secret? How much I want to get dressed and go out again.

I don't know how to approach her about dressing. Since I always did it "under the radar" in the past, transitioning to asking her has become incredibly difficult. I just can't find the stones to swallow my embarrassment and just ask her. In the interest of our marriage, fairness, and information-sharing, I feel that I must now ask first. However, I just can't get past that gulf of embarrassment. Neither, it seems, can she.

Both of us have definitely benefitted from this new arrangement so far - she has the perfect manly husband, I have the perfect womanly wife. Our marriage, as I have said, is wonderful. And yet . . .

Her perfect husband, under the surface, is sad. I feel that part of me has been ripped away. Not by her, mind you. I am the one that is preventing my dressing. I have not dressed since October of last year. This may not mean much to the newer members here, but those that remember my adventures of what is now long ago can probably understand how I'm feeling. Sure, the solution is easy, you say; I just have to ask. Yup. That's all. I just have to ask, and she will say yes, and life will once again be a bowl of (very stylishly dressed) cherries. Except as many here know, that's not what will happen. I will ask, she will start thinking about it again, her doubts about me will once again start, and once again we will be in pain because of me and how/who I am.

So, my secret? My secret is that I'm in pain.

Kathi

[Eryn]

Kathi, my heart goes out to you. It sounds to me like your wife has a "perfectly manly husband" who is secretly in pain. Yes, hiding pain is a very manly trait, but one that is self-destructive in the long run.

Flip the situation around. Would you like it if your wife was agonizing over something and hiding it from you? If you later found out about it would you consider yourself to be a good husband to have not even considered the possibility that something might be bothering her?

IMO, marriage is about sharing each other's life, warts and all, not damaging your own life in order to create the illusion of perfection for one's spouse.

[MandyGG]

Kathi,

I agree 1,000,000% with Eryn on this!! You cannot hold this kind of pain in! What good is that going to do but make a facade! You have to respect yourself just as much as you respect your wife! You cannot put yourself in turmoil just to please someone else. I get that she doesn't like it, I truly do. At times, I don't like it either. But it is part of the person that we chose to love through thick and thin, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. I can't pick the times to choose to love my husband. I love him through his CDing as much as I love him when he is not. I even love him when he is a pain in the a$$! Give her a chance to make her own mind up on this. Feel her out. She may just love you enough to love you through it. Then you could both be happy. Not just one of you.

[Jenniferathome]

That's odd in my book. Why not just talk to your husband and ask to be included? He'll be thrilled.

[Kathi Lake]

Mandy, I'm a pleaser. I love, love, LOVE making this woman happy. That, in turn, makes me happy. You know, . . . most of the time. :)

As for the "person we chose to love . . ." part - not exactly. When we were dating, my college drama class had us switch roles - males and females alike. I borrowed a few dresses from her for this, had her teach me a bit of makeup, etc. After a time, she finally said, "You don't get it. Being a woman isn't about the external, it's about the internal." She had me read a bunch of Jeanette Oke books as she thought the first-person narrative of a woman's thoughts would help. It was a fun assignment, and I'm sure she thought that was the end of it. Later, after we had been married awhile, there was more, then more, and then still more.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that she most certainly did not choose this part of me. It was a hidden piece of baggage that was kept in the basement of our lives until it wasn't so hidden.

So, is it fair that I "lose" so that she may "win?" Not exactly. Still, knowing that I please her pleases me. Am I willing to, well, . . . settle for less for awhile? Yes. For awhile. I did say about a month ago that I kind of missed the whole Winter dressing season, and may pick it up again in the Fall. We'll see what happens.

Kathi

p.s. I'm so sorry if I hijacked your thread. I did not, and do not, mean to make this about me.

[MandyGG]

You didn't hijack crap! It's invited. Promise!

Now, do you believe that I begged my husband to be a crossdresser? Umm. No. I spent 2 years wanting it to go away! I wanted to "cure" him of it. Now, I know that the task is impossible so now I beg myself to accept it! So much so, that I was willing to hide his things in hopes I would be informed. (I know better now, girls!) It is fantastic that she means enough to you for you to please her.... But at what cost!?!?

[BRANDYJ]

You didn't hijack crap! It's invited. Promise!

Now, do you believe that I begged my husband to be a crossdresser? Umm. No. I spent 2 years wanting it to go away! I wanted to "cure" him of it. Now, I know that the task is impossible so now I beg myself to accept it! So much so, that I was willing to hide his things in hopes I would be informed. (I know better now, girls!) It is fantastic that she means enough to you for you to please her.... But at what cost!?!?

My Dear Mandy. Am I reading your last line wrong? I'm not sure what you mean. It reads like we think she means enough to us for us to please her. Huh? I'm sure I'm reading that wrong...right?
But you ask at what cost. OK, in my opinion it should not cost you anything. It seems that you need to set some boundaries and discuss your own comfort level. In no way should you have to feel you are doing something you do not wish to do. On the other side of the coin, he should not ask you, or expect you to blindly accept whatever he wants to do without considering you first. You are in this together. You may need to lead and let him know how you feel when you feel it. I can't stress the importance of a very open and honest dialogue between you so each knows what the other wants and come to a compromise you both can live with. OK Mandy, I know you heard all this before, so I'll shut up. But that last sentence really confused me. And I don't even have my blonde wig on tonight! So if I read it wrong, I'm off base.

[MandyGG]

My statement was that Kathi said that he loved his wife enough to please her, therefore making himself happy. but I was wondering how much he is willing to lose within himself to keep her falsely happy. How could either of them be truly happy, if she is being "pleased" by him not being true to himself.

Did I explain it right this time?

[BRANDYJ]

My statement was that Kathi said that he loved his wife enough to please her, therefore making himself happy. but I was wondering how much he is willing to lose within himself to keep her falsely happy. How could either of them be truly happy, if she is being "pleased" by him not being true to himself.

Did I explain it right this time?

My bad. I didn't know you were referring to Kati's post. I get it now...Duh. But you know, I agree with Kathi's feelings. From some PM's we shared and from some of my posts, you know I get my greatest pleasure from pleasing the lady I love. I really don't feel like I'm giving up anything. Seems to me, the more I give, the more I get. The cost is zero to me. The rewards are priceless.

[MandyGG]

You're right, Brandy. I am so torn on this now. It is absolutely possible to love someone enough to keep them pleased. But, at the same time, Kathi mentioned being in pain about it. So now I am torn on if I am team "Kathi gets her way" or team "Kathi keeps quiet".... What is Kathi's thoughts on this?

[Miriam-J]

You're right, Brandy. I am so torn on this now. It is absolutely possible to love someone enough to keep them pleased. But, at the same time, Kathi mentioned being in pain about it. So now I am torn on if I am team "Kathi gets her way" or team "Kathi keeps quiet".... What is Kathi's thoughts on this?
Not Kathi here, but I have a thought. I remember a bit from the premarital counseling before my first marriage where the pastor advised that we should submit one to another (vs. the wife submitting, as in the traditional vows). This means that each of us focuses on doing the best for our partner. While we can guess and presume what is best for our partner, we can't know unless we have a lot of communication, and even that's not enough. Few of us even know what we want for ourselves, and it's even harder to communicate it effectively to someone else. We need to express our best understanding at any point in time, act on that if we can, discuss some more, adjust, and try again. Eventually we might get it right, or close enough.

Mandy, don't worry about doing it perfectly right away - you certainly won't. But continue to grow together as you both learn each others needs. As long as love and open communication are at the center, and you're both willing to accept occasional errors, you will make progress. I think you're off to a good start.

Miriam

[ReineD]

Cue anger, tears, and accusations! We talked and talked (mostly through e-mail, but later face-to-face) and I believe I have her firmly-convinced that I'm not going to fly off the handle, leave her, and fly off to Thailand in a haze of estradiol.

...

I just can't find the stones to swallow my embarrassment and just ask her. In the interest of our marriage, fairness, and information-sharing, I feel that I must now ask first. However, I just can't get past that gulf of embarrassment. Neither, it seems, can she.

...

I will ask, she will start thinking about it again, her doubts about me will once again start, and once again we will be in pain because of me and how/who I am.

Kathi I've been reading your posts for years and you've described your wife as an intelligent, capable woman. Why does she have a hard time understanding what this is all about? Why does she feel as if her marriage is threatened when you CD?

[Kathi Lake]

Kathi I've been reading your posts for years and you've described your wife as an intelligent, capable woman.Is that how I've described her? Wow, what a disservice. What an understatement! :)

Reine, unfortunately intelligence and capability does not equal tolerance, or understanding why your husband like to dress and interact with others as a woman, or why your femininity isn't enough for the relationship, or, or, or.

I guess the question is; why can you and Mandy and Allie accept that which most of society cannot?

Mandy, thank you so much for your care, concern, and genuine niceness. Those are some of the greatest qualities in a woman, and ones we strive towards. You ask, "What does Kathi think?" Well, it vacillates.

On one hand, I want this woman to be happy. No, not just happy. Ecstatic. Until the day comes when she can handle this a bit better, I can wait. Will it be a bit painful? I have to honestly answer yes. Will it be worth it? I believe it will, or I would most likely be single and in a dress right now.

Honestly, she's getting better. She's gone from outright melting down when I mention it to actually joking about it at times. So, I can wait.

:)

Kathi.

[MandyGG]

Kathi, I don't know you. But I love you. I love you because I see the beautiful person that you are! A beautiful person that is hurting. I hope in time she will come around to see all of the beautiful aspects of you as well. Both of you deserve that honor.

You want to know how I accept it? I look at him. I smell him. I cuddle up next to him. I can sit and watch him read. I laugh at his stupid jokes. (What did one bird say to the other bird? "Let's get the flock outta here!") I deeply love this man. Without him, I am less of a person. He makes me a better wife, mother, friend. I accept this, because it is something that makes him, him. I fell in love with a gentle soul. A soft heart. A kindness that I had never found in anyone before. It was an oddity to me before learning about the CDing, but now it all makes sense. I don't love that he does it, hell at times I don't even like it.... but it is part of him that I am just not willing to lose everything else because of. I accept it because I took it upon myself to become educated on the issue. I have fears. I have worry. But, I have the most amazing person that I have been so blessed to call my husband. I am willing to throw caution to the wind, dive into the unknown, and embrace uncertainty for him. He is worth it to me.

[Devi]

I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

Here is my big secret at the moment:

I hid Audrey's clothes from her. Not because I want her purged, but because I want her to include me in it. I don't want her dressing behind my back, so I hid them so that when she has the urge to dress she will have to ask me where they are.

I know it isn't fair, and I do feel bad.... but I just want to be included, so I am making sure that I am!

Is anyone else being secretive?
That would seem like the ideal way to go. Given a choice I'd rather dress in a partner's presence than alone. Doing it alone just seems too narcissistic and self-centered to me. However, when I was younger I have attempted to conceal my crossdressing from partners fearing disapproval, or having already gained disapproval, to maintain the peace. It didn't work out, of course.

[Kathi Lake]

Mandy, can't reply now. Crying too much. Don't worry, it's a good cry. More tomorrow.

Kathi

[ReineD]

Honestly, she's getting better. She's gone from outright melting down when I mention it to actually joking about it at times. So, I can wait.

I'm glad to hear it's getting better, and I hope you find a way to talk to her about this so that you can dress again. I can feel the pain through your words. :sad: :hugs:

As to why the few GGs who've responded to this thread are accepting, well we're not the only ones. If you do a Tag Cloud search for "accepting wives" here, you'll see thread upon thread of members who are married to understanding wives who don't even feel the need to join here for support! Granted, we get the occasional horror story, but I think the positive stories outweigh them.

I agree there are some GGs who will never become OK with this and for most GGs it is a shock in the beginning. But, if her husband doesn't go into a pink fog where he gives the impression he wants to do little else than CDress & shop, if he genuinely also likes to be her husband and their children's father and he finds a way to happily balance it all, then I do have a hard time understanding why a wife would not respect or even support her husband's needs after a learning period.

[MandyGG]

Kathi! No! Don't cry! That wasn't my intention!

Reine is right. Look at all of the success stories. There are so many accepting and supportive wives/SO's out there. Maybe yours just needs her healing and learning time. I sure hope so!

[Jessica86]

I was secretive, now I'm just . . . waiting, I guess.

My wife and I had a DADT relationship for years. She knew I did it (if not the extent) but didn't want to be told. I kept my part of that commitment. Well, that came back to bite me (as it often does) in that she found out the extent of my goings out. Cue anger, tears, and accusations! We talked and talked (mostly through e-mail, but later face-to-face) and I believe I have her firmly-convinced that I'm not going to fly off the handle, leave her, and fly off to Thailand in a haze of estradiol. Our marriage is wonderful.

My secret? How much I want to get dressed and go out again.

I don't know how to approach her about dressing. Since I always did it "under the radar" in the past, transitioning to asking her has become incredibly difficult. I just can't find the stones to swallow my embarrassment and just ask her. In the interest of our marriage, fairness, and information-sharing, I feel that I must now ask first. However, I just can't get past that gulf of embarrassment. Neither, it seems, can she.

Both of us have definitely benefitted from this new arrangement so far - she has the perfect manly husband, I have the perfect womanly wife. Our marriage, as I have said, is wonderful. And yet . . .

Her perfect husband, under the surface, is sad. I feel that part of me has been ripped away. Not by her, mind you. I am the one that is preventing my dressing. I have not dressed since October of last year. This may not mean much to the newer members here, but those that remember my adventures of what is now long ago can probably understand how I'm feeling. Sure, the solution is easy, you say; I just have to ask. Yup. That's all. I just have to ask, and she will say yes, and life will once again be a bowl of (very sitylishly dressed) cherries. Except as many here know, that's not what will happen. I will ask, she will start thinking about it again, her doubts about me will once again start, and once again we will be in pain because of me and how/who I am.

So, my secret? My secret is that I'm in pain.

Kathi

Kathi, I can remember how happy you were. The problem is this. We can't force this on our s.o. But our s.o. can't completely block it out either. It has to be a compromise on two ends. I don't dress much at all. Maybe once every two weeks. I don't go out....as of yet. I let my wife make any rules she wanted, knowing this is part of me I can't hide. I followed them, and slowly they faded as her knowledge on the subject increased. Now, I basically have no limits, but I limit myself for her. She tells me to go out, and I stay. Sometimes she tells me to dress and I don't. I think its nice for her to hear "I'd rather just spend time with you.". I know that my situation isn't your situation, but we have one thing in common. A secret that can't be left a secret. I let mine out and endured the hardships, which will come, but are no match for a good relationship. Best of luck, and you are a wonderful person.

[ReineD]

Now, I basically have no limits, but I limit myself for her. She tells me to go out, and I stay. Sometimes she tells me to dress and I don't. I think its nice for her to hear "I'd rather just spend time with you."

Oh dear. This brings up another matter. My SO will often say, "No, I don't feel like it today". I always took it he said this because she genuinely didn't feel like it, which made me believe that she truly does have an inner balance and he is happy in guy mode too.

I'd hate to think he would say this just because he thinks it's nice for me to hear, if internally he wants to be dressed. This wouldn't be honest at all since a wife would think her husband is at a different place with the CDing than he really is. :sad:

I'll have to ask him if he does this sometimes.

[MandyGG]

Reine, please let me know what his answer to that is... I am curious to hear his thoughts.

[DAVIDA]

I am another one who is blessed to have a woman that loves me for me.:o
I don't keep anything from her and I never have.
I don't like lying to anyone. It just isn't the way I am.
I have said before that Jean is the one who helped me become OK with the way I have always been.
She helped me come to realize that there isn't anything wrong with me.:D
Well, with the dressing anyway.:heehee:
She doesn't want to join here because she doesn't like getting on the computer.
She is a teacher and she spends a lot of time on a computer at work.
We both have met several members that are on this forum.:)

Mandy, I hope that you get the answers that you are seeking.:hugs:

Kathi, my hesart goes out to you and to all that have issues with their SO about dressing.:hugs:

[Kathi Lake]

Kathi! No! Don't cry! That wasn't my intention!Hey, I'll cry if I wanna! As a guy, I usually don't get to, so this is a treat. :)


Maybe yours just needs her healing and learning time. I sure hope so!And that, my friend, is why I'm waiting for her - giving her time to heal, time to process, time to remember I'm still the man she fell in love with (sure, I drug her kicking and screaming into that love, but . . .)


. . . but it is part of him that I am just not willing to lose everything else because of. I accept it because I took it upon myself to become educated on the issue. I have fears. I have worry. But, I have the most amazing person that I have been so blessed to call my husband. I am willing to throw caution to the wind, dive into the unknown, and embrace uncertainty for him. He is worth it to me.That is where I hope my wife comes to be in time. I mean, face it - I rock! :) I honestly feel that this part of me makes me a better man, a better father, and a better husband. In turn, she both directly and indirectly benefits from this. She has a spouse that is sensitive to her needs, willing to listen when she's down, and ready to shop when the urge strikes. What's not to love?


I'm glad to hear it's getting better, . . .Day by day. As I said, she is trying, I know she is. Hard as it may be for her, she's trying. She came back from a trip to find one of my tops hanging in her closet. I knew she had spilled something on her white top, so I said, "I knew you needed one, and you'll get much more use out of it than me. Plus, it'll look much cuter on you." There was a bit of silence at first (I could hear the wheels churning) but she was very sweet. She tried it on and had me help her pick out a few things that went well with it. She wore it to work the next day (and looked very cute in it, I might add). So again, I know this woman is trying.


I'd hate to think he would say this just because he thinks it's nice for me to hear, if internally he wants to be dressed.Sometimes, believe it or not, we honestly are not in the mood to dress. True story! Does he say this sometimes to make you feel better? Perhaps. You know what? Don't overanalyze it. Accept it. Let us be the white knight sometimes. Let us 'sacrifice' a little bit of our happiness to accentuate yours.

:)

Kathi

[Alice B]

Since I was totally open to my wife from the start I have to admit that I have no secrets and hide nothing. I'm very lucky.

[MandyGG]

Kathi,

I waited hours to see what you had to say. I was not disappointed. You are in the right mind set on this. I do feel that she will come around. When she does, offer for her to come here and talk to us. She will learn so much in such a short time. I hope the best for both of you. What a great couple you two must be!

[Kathi Lake]

What a great couple you two must be!That is certainly our opinion. :)

I do believe I am doing what I should be. It just . . . feels right. I want this woman to feel safe, secure, and happy.

Kathi

[MandyGG]

I do believe I am doing what I should be. It just . . . feels right. I want this woman to feel safe, secure, and happy.

Then I no longer want you to feel in pain about anything. Just keep hope that you WILL be able to return to the wide open world, presented however you wish, and with someone special in tow. (or at least waiting with a smile when you get back) the pain you feel is not permanent. You can be you, in clothing or not. You are here, right? That's still expressing your feminine side. I know it isn't the same, but I hope it cushions the blow a little.

[Kathi Lake]

You can be you, in clothing or not.That is very true. We are not our clothes. I can be me when dressed to the nines, or in jeans and a t-shirt.

As for hope in the future, I have plenty. We are on a mini vacation in Portland (well, she is at a medical conference. I'm just tagging along). Last night and today we went shopping. Both times I saw something pretty and she gave me the look like, "Do you want it?" I told her no thank you each time, but did let her buy some guy clothes for me. Of course, I did see a pair of shoes that I totally have been wanting (the ones in this post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?168346)). If they had been in my size or even hers (so I could love them vicariously), they would have been mine!

So, progress is good.

:)

Kathi

[MandyGG]

Awww Kathi! That's great!!! Those shoes are hot too! Have a good time!

[DonniDarkness]

So mandy, im curious "has your hubby asked for his clothes back yet?"

I understand your motivations behind hiding his clothes, but for you to take something from your best friend under the intentions of bringing you two closer together raises a red flag for trust issues.

Why not just ask him to include you with his dressing? I can tell you from experience that you are taking away an opportunity for a life lesson in confidence. The first times your SO sees you dressed is nerve wracking and shakes your emotional walls down Remember our male egos are fragile....even if they have a girly side. You could send him into a purge or depression or even denial. Talk with him. Tell him how you feel and give him his clothes back with the freedom to be who he is when he chooses. Express that you are hurt when your not apart of his dressing.

Kathi,'
I have read many of your posts, ive heard you pour your heart out many times here. And every time i smile and say to myself "Kathi will be all right" You have a great outlook and attitude towards life, just be that confident person you are and your wife will eventually get up to speed. But you do know you have to give her a chance to know Kathi, before she will ever accept you as her. Keep your chin up, we are rooting for you.

Mrs sandra leigh,

You have to be honest with her. Not telling the truth about something so important in your life is the same as flat out lying. Maybe im not understanding your posts but she knows that your on medication but just doesnt know its for HRT? This decision could really blow up in your face. Be honest with her.

Lots of love,
-Donni-

[MandyGG]

Donni, the clothes were returned the night this post was written, before he even knew they were gone. The girls around here talked some sense back into me! They are a pretty awesome bunch!

[sandra-leigh]

Mrs sandra leigh,

You have to be honest with her. Not telling the truth about something so important in your life is the same as flat out lying. Maybe im not understanding your posts but she knows that your on medication but just doesnt know its for HRT?

Different people attach different meanings to HRT. My HRT is an anti-depressant. Not that I object to the breast development, but if that was going to reach even an "A" cup it would have done so by now. At my age, I am not going to have much in the way of physical changes, and probably not much in the way of psychological changes either (other than those that flow from being less stressed-out and depressed.)

HRT can lead to big changes in some people. It isn't leading to big changes in me, and talking about it with my wife as being "too important not to mention" would be to frame the discussion as if HRT has an overall importance higher than is realistic for me. I mentioned lower effects with age; I also happen to have a number of body features that are towards the lower-end of masculine, so physical changes are mostly relative differences instead of big differences. For example my body hair was already "fine" and "thin", and that has now changed to "fine" and "getting sparse": you would have had to have seen me fairly close-by before and after to see the difference.

[Kate T]

Oh dear. This brings up another matter. My SO will often say, "No, I don't feel like it today". I always took it he said this because she genuinely didn't feel like it, which made me believe that she truly does have an inner balance and he is happy in guy mode too.

I'd hate to think he would say this just because he thinks it's nice for me to hear, if internally he wants to be dressed. This wouldn't be honest at all since a wife would think her husband is at a different place with the CDing than he really is. :sad:

I'll have to ask him if he does this sometimes.

Come on now Reine, surely you've also said "No, I don't feel like it today" to SOMETHING because you felt that your SO just didn't want to "deal" or "do" with whatever it was?

Most of the time if I say I don't really feel like getting dressed up then I don't particularly. Sometimes I don't because of other reasons (kids might be coming home or whatever) when I might want to but thats life, I get over it. It's not a particularly big deal.

[Kathi Lake]

I have read many of your posts, ive heard you pour your heart out many times here.My gosh! You make me sound like a drama queen, with a bi-weekly weepy meltdown! :)


But you do know you have to give her a chance to know Kathi, before she will ever accept you as her.But she does know Kathi! As I've said before, there is no she, there is no he, there is just me. To know me is to know me. I act the same, no matter which side of the closet I get dressed from. What she doesn't like is the reminders that her man is different - the clothes, the makeup, the hair, (and, of course, the boobs. Am I right, ladies? :)).

I know she appreciates that I am kind and gentle and thoughtful and not a "typical" (or stereotypical, as the case may be) man, but doesn't particularly like the "baggage" that comes with that mindset.

Kathi

[Joanne108]

I have no secrets from my wife!

[MandyGG]

My gosh! You make me sound like a drama queen, with a bi-weekly weepy meltdown! :)

But she does know Kathi! As I've said before, there is no she, there is no he, there is just me. To know me is to know me. I act the same, no matter which side of the closet I get dressed from. What she doesn't like is the reminders that her man is different - the clothes, the makeup, the hair, (and, of course, the boobs. Am I right, ladies? :)).

I know she appreciates that I am kind and gentle and thoughtful and not a "typical" (or stereotypical, as the case may be) man, but doesn't particularly like the "baggage" that comes with that mindset.

Kathi

You know what this sounds like? It sounds like you are married to me!!! She WILL come around! I can guarantee it! And once she does, you aren't going to be able to get her to STOP being so supportive! I see some hidden clothes in Kathi's future! Lololol!!! Oh this just tickles me all kinds of pink!

[Launa]

I told my SO right away in the relationship before we got serious so there is nothing I'm hiding other than sometimes buying clothes in store or online. The reason is that I have heard comments in the past like this thing is weird then later she has appologized but theres still that insecure feeling of starting an uproar in the house. I also don't tell her that I want to get out of the house once a month dressed but haven't been able to do it and I want to start. She has said this Cding has taken 5 years off her life. What can you say other than sorry.

[karren G]

No I am fully out to my wife after six years of taking it slowly ,and now i am incouraged to get changed as she feels i am a better person happy and content when in girl mode and dose not mind doing any house work.
And a big bonus we tend to have more girly chats now days &
i get given presents of clothes every now and again out of the blue - life is good.

[Antoinette]

I don't keep secerets from my SO. I guess except for being a part of the forums too (whiich shouldn't be an issue). The way my girlfriend handled me telling her about me crossdressing was all over the place. First she was curious to see me dressed and even helped me buy the clothes. We went out just for a casual walk around and even met up with my friends (which was foolish to do). Word of advice, NEVER hang wit your guy friends dressed up. Some of my friends took it well but one of them was pissed and feels that I'm gay. Anyways because my ONE friend felt that way my girlfriend thought that I should stop with fear that everyone wwill think I'm gay. My friends were also surprised that she allowed me to go out like that. So she also feels that people (yea, people, not just my friends) will think of her differently giving her another reason for wanting me to stop. But when we got home that day she wanted to have sex with me while dressed. She found it to be a turn on. Lastly (and this one is recent) I told her that I mentioned it to my family and she got pissed that I still dress up. She assumed it was a one time thing (when I originally explained to her that it wasn't, but it also wasn't an everyday thing). So now she thinks I'm a werido who should his head checked out. And she feels acts as if I should've kept it all a secret, saying how I was totally inconsiderate to how she would feel about the whole thing. Really!? I thought I was being considerate by telling her in the first place rather than she find out years later. So now our relationship is stuck in a rut until she can cope with it. Which I doubt will happen because her mom hates me and even thinks I'm gay (the lady doesn't know I cross dress but she assums so because of my hair. Yea stupid, I know) so her judgement gets clouded by her mom. My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and we've known each other for five years. We even promised to marry each other in the future (we gave each other promise rings since she moved out of state for school. And that turned out to be a failed attempt, but that is another issue)

[ELIZABETH46]

i dont have an "educated" opinion on what is "wright" or "wrong", but what i do know is that GAMES OF THE MIND and of the HEART do not have happy endings.