Thought I was just a cd...

[Cody Valentine]

Well as the title says, I in a sense always wanted to be female but until recently I thought it was just the clothes. Now that I know that it is not just the clothes but the body, the walk, the talk, the mannerisms... What have I stepped into? What thoughts would be good for a step in the right direction?

Thanks,

Cody Valentine

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

This is a touchy subject because ultimately, only you can decide if you're "more than a CDer". I will say though that there was a point when I thought I was just a crossdresser. Over the course of a few years, feelings became progressively stronger. Feelings are very hard to describe because, well, they're your own feelings. As I learned more and more about transsexualism, I began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Everyone has their own method(s) of affirmation and you should take some time to evaluate what's best for you. I personally took a couple/few years because when these feelings started emerging, I didn't understand what I was feeling. Plus, I tried to deny/bury it, which eventually led to a severe emotional breakdown.

If you do decide that you're indeed trans (only you can decide this!) and move forward with HRT, you'll quickly know whether or not it's right for you. If the change in hormones feels invasive, it's very likely that you're not trans. For me and for most of us, within a couple weeks of HRT, you'll really begin to feel happiness. I'm on day 32 and I can honestly say that this year has been the best year of my life (I'm 28). Beginning the transition process was the best decision that I ever made but remember, you need to make a decision that's best for you. We can answer questions that you may have but these questions shouldn't be a deciding factor in your decision. Use the knowledge to understand, analyze and evaluate; don't use the knowledge to make up your mind for you.

[Andie Elisabeth]

Well as the title says, I in a sense always wanted to be female but until recently I thought it was just the clothes. Now that I know that it is not just the clothes but the body, the walk, the talk, the mannerisms... What have I stepped into?

Hi Cody,
welcome to the process of digging deeper into your soul and finding your own gems of yourself. :)


What thoughts would be good for a step in the right direction?

I am right now in process of getting a semi-permanent therapist who can serve as my navigator through my mind's shallow waters. It'll be handy to have one if you realise that you're TS and if you aren't .... I don't know, I am not that far in the process.

Andie Elisabeth

[Julia_in_Pa]

That my dear Cody is called professional therapy.
You need assistance in working out things that are very new to you.
Forget the walk,talk and mannerisms until your actively pursuing transition.
That is down the line so forget all the non sense and concentrate on your mind and where you are in all of this.
You may feel right now that you could be a transsexual but as I've seen many times in the past with people that is subject to change without notice.
Being TS is something extremely personal and very much a heart and soul issue.
It has very little if anything to do with clothing.
First you begin with the mind then you move onto the body.
WARNING: Do not put body before mind.
That is a very dangerous thing to do.

Be well


Julia

[lesliecleves]

If you begin to think you're more than a CD, and start therapy, is it not likely you'll go further if left to your own desires without outside constraints? So in a sense we all have an emerging answer?

[Cody Valentine]

Thank you for the replies. I have to admit that therapy seems to be the best choice of action. From there will leave me at a crossroads. Continue, fall back, or stay where I am. Thanks for the replies, they really helped :).

[Kristy_K]

I would also have to agree on finding a good transgender therapist.

[Cody Valentine]

The thing I have to deal with then would be finding one and when I find one how much time/money would it take.

[Inna]

Go to the mirror, look around and if there isn't anyone, scream: W T F................why meeeeeeeee! then hopefully feeling a bit better, do what girls already suggested, google a good, EXPERIENCED! TransGender specialist, preferably psychologist but a good therapist would do. Most of TG therapists will work with individuals to suit their finances, so don't be afraid of contacting anyone. And everything is confidential, so no worries if you are not ready to share the news.

IT GETS BETTER! this seems to be a message I agree with, and lots of successful Transwoman say the same, but to get to the other side takes some effort and determination, for me, my determination was life it self, because I couldn't bear to live one extra day as a man.

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

The thing I have to deal with then would be finding one and when I find one how much time/money would it take.

There are two approaches you can take with therapy, obviously. One, find a gender therapist in your area (more difficult) or consult a general therapist (often more difficult to work with). My therapist specializes in GID and is affiliated with the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality but I think that my geographic location contributed to me finding such an awesome therapist. Worst case scenario, you will have to work with a therapist that may lack knowledge in this subject. However, even though many general therapists may not specialize in GID, they may have some knowledge and/or an interest for it. Obviously, you don't want to see a therapist that's going to be biased and try to deviate you from transitioning; they should help you find the answer, not tell you the answer.

Money is all dependent on the therapist. If you have insurance, you will most likely have a copay. Also, some therapists may not accept your insurance and you will have to pay out of pocket. However, many therapists have a sliding-scale system (based off of your income). My therapist didn't take insurance but she did use a sliding-scale system. I paid the top-end ($165 per 1.5 hours) due to the amount of money I make. Overall, I paid about $1,000 out of pocket for my therapy sessions (a total of 5, which isn't the norm as far as I understand) and my letter (equivalent to one 1.5 hour session).

[Cody Valentine]

Lol. Wish I could but my father frowns on cursing in the house and will have to wait till after classes :). As far as googling for a good therapist/philology, I started before I posted the first time. Not sure what constitutes as good though but am looking and that is the step forward I was looking for :).

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Lol. Wish I could but my father frowns on cursing in the house and will have to wait till after classes :). As far as googling for a good therapist/philology, I started before I posted the first time. Not sure what constitutes as good though but am looking and that is the step forward I was looking for :).

I did a quick search in your area and came across:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/H.+James_Meginley_PhD_Chattanooga_Tennessee_76608

It doesn't look like he accepts insurance and it doesn't look like he even has a sliding-scale system. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give him a call and see what his costs are.

Edit (for more info): http://alternativescounselingassociates.health.officelive .com/DrMeginley.aspx

[Cody Valentine]

There are two approaches you can take with therapy, obviously. One, find a gender therapist in your area (more difficult) or consult a general therapist (often more difficult to work with). My therapist specializes in GID and is affiliated with the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality but I think that my geographic location contributed to me finding such an awesome therapist. Worst case scenario, you will have to work with a therapist that may lack knowledge in this subject. However, even though many general therapists may not specialize in GID, they may have some knowledge and/or an interest for it. Obviously, you don't want to see a therapist that's going to be biased and try to deviate you from transitioning; they should help you find the answer, not tell you the answer.

Money is all dependent on the therapist. If you have insurance, you will most likely have a copay. Also, some therapists may not accept your insurance and you will have to pay out of pocket. However, many therapists have a sliding-scale system (based off of your income). My therapist didn't take insurance but she did use a sliding-scale system. I paid the top-end ($165 per 1.5 hours) due to the amount of money I make. Overall, I paid about $1,000 out of pocket for my therapy sessions (a total of 5, which isn't the norm as far as I understand) and my letter (equivalent to one 1.5 hour session).

Thank you. That seems to make me feel a little better. As far as insurance, it is looped into the family insurance and that is not a box I want to open right just yet. I am glad to see that there is a sliding scale. The financial problems is something I was freaking out over.

[Cody Valentine]

I did a quick search in your area and came across:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/H.+James_Meginley_PhD_Chattanooga_Tennessee_76608

It doesn't look like he accepts insurance and it doesn't look like he even has a sliding-scale system. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give him a call and see what his costs are.

Edit (for more info): http://alternativescounselingassociates.health.officelive .com/DrMeginley.aspx

Ha I ran into the same one in my research :). Seems like a good choice thanks :).

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Thank you. That seems to make me feel a little better. As far as insurance, it is looped into the family insurance and that is not a box I want to open right just yet. I am glad to see that there is a sliding scale. The financial problems is something I was freaking out over.

There may also be the option of working with a therapist remotely. I believe in my search, I came across therapists that will work with you via Skype. I have no idea what this would be like but it could be an option if you're not finding anyone within your area.

[Inna]

How old are you Cody or if you don't want to disclose just give us a bracket, such as 35-55 this is the bracket for me although I like for every one to think i barely make the bracket, I will leave the rest a mystery, lol :)

[emmicd]

Cody,

I am also dealing with the same feelings as you and I have been where you are now where I was hoping to transition at a younger age. Then life happened, I lost my mom who I loved dearly, I met a girl I fell in love with, I got married, I became a father of a son I love more than life itself and I lost my dad tragically to suicide. This all happened in a span of 25 years when I first thought of transition. Now I have come full circle with all these experiences and still want to transition but now my life is much different and I have much in the way of responsibilities so it is not so clear cut now as to transitioning and it is much more complicated and I am much older now as I am now 51. I am also at a cross roads and seeking advice or personally shared experiences to give me insight. It is not easy having these feelings and I certainly can relate to you. As the girls say here we all have to be responsible with the decisions we make and they must be evaluated with the utmost of care and clear focus. It is not easy and I know that personally. I certainly will advise you to seek a gender therapist as the girls here have suggested to me as well. I wish you the best in your self discovery and any decisions you make. The girls here are sharing their own experiences but we all must decide for ourselves in the end. Best to you!

emmi

[Rachel Smith]

Cody,

I like you didn't know what to do when I thought I was "more" then a CD'r. Then I came across this wonderful place. I read and read and read some more and while I didn't ask directly everything I read said therapy/therapist before anything. I have only been to see my therapist two times and I am not sure yet where it will lead. I can tell you this though it is very comforting to have someone to talk to that doesn't judge one way or the other. I was severely depressed and my GP prescribed some happy pills but I wanted a second opinion on them so on my first visit with my therapist I ask her what she thought. After we had talked for about an hour she said she concurred and said I should fill the script straight away as I was having suicidal thoughts. Both her and my GP told me I wouldn't really notice a difference from the pills for at least two weeks, which is coming up on Wednesday, and as emotionally wringing as my first session was I feel SO much better already and I can only contribute that to seeing her. I was quite uptight before my first visit but now I can't wait for my weekly session with her. Don't get me wrong I still get sad but it is far from the depression I was feeling before. Though I still don't know if I am more then a CD'r I do know I feel much better about me and that is a wonderful feeling and I owe it all to the beautiful ladies here who w/o telling me directly said it was OK to be me and get professional help.

Julia said it:


That my dear Cody is called professional therapy.
You need assistance in working out things that are very new to you.
Forget the walk,talk and mannerisms until your actively pursuing transition.
That is down the line so forget all the non sense and concentrate on your mind and where you are in all of this.
You may feel right now that you could be a transsexual but as I've seen many times in the past with people that is subject to change without notice.
Being TS is something extremely personal and very much a heart and soul issue.
It has very little if anything to do with clothing.
First you begin with the mind then you move onto the body.
WARNING: Do not put body before mind.
That is a very dangerous thing to do.

Be well

Love
Rachel

[Cody Valentine]

Thanks again. A little more about my situation. I am currently a full time student. I am going to get a summer job just don't know what. As for my age, I am 18.

[Pamela Kay]

Another thing I would suggest is to do a search for a local transsexual support group. They will most likely be able to recommend a therapist and have some references to back it up. I am a member of a support group and have learned a lot of information as well as which doctors and therapists are the most recommended in my area.

I had trouble when I started looking for a therapist but luckily I had a relative who had 20 years experience in the mental health field here to direct me. I have been very happy with mine so far.

Good luck Cody.

[ReneeT]

The thing I have to deal with then would be finding one and when I find one how much time/money would it take.


I can point you towards my therapist in Chatt if you would like

[Inna]

hi back Cody, 18! how marvelous, I always smile when I see a young, yet courageous one, start opening up and allow the process of self affirmation to start. Take a good look around here and soon you will realize how fortunate is your age even though I never wish TS on anyone. For you saying "you are not too late" rings unusually true, and all the necessary groundwork is within your reach. Go for it babe, figure you self out, and if in fact you are destined to fill woman's shoes, make sure they are fabulous!

Love, Inna

[Aprilrain]

If you begin to think you're more than a CD, and start therapy, is it not likely you'll go further if left to your own desires without outside constraints? So in a sense we all have an emerging answer?

The problem with this contention is that it implys choice. I believe you are either TS or not. A pink fog enveloped CD IMO would not have the neccecary stamina to follow through with transition in most cases.

Most TSes are their own constraint. The guilt, the shame, self hatred. Ya know your TS when you dont want to transition but you do it anyway!

[Rachel Mari]

There may also be the option of working with a therapist remotely. I believe in my search, I came across therapists that will work with you via Skype. I have no idea what this would be like but it could be an option if you're not finding anyone within your area.

I tried using Skype with a therapist and because of the connection speed, the picture was choppy. I was able to be ok with that but sometimes the connection would drop and you'd have restart.
Kind of a pain, especially if I lost my train of thought.

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

I tried using Skype with a therapist and because of the connection speed, the picture was choppy. I was able to be ok with that but sometimes the connection would drop and you'd have restart.
Kind of a pain, especially if I lost my train of thought.

Yea, it would kind of suck. I suppose it's better than nothing for those who don't live in an area with good therapist options.

[kimdl93]

It seems to me that, although I'll allow for exceptions, one cross dresses because of an inner desire to emulate...or more honestly...an inner desire to be a woman. Its hard for any of us, raised as we usually are, to acknowledge that inner need/desire to ourselves. So, its not a great surprise that once we begin to explore and express this part of ourselve, we also become open to the possibility that its more than just the clothes. I know its true in may case and it seems to be a common experience.

[Badtranny]

Ya know your TS when you don't want to transition but you do it anyway!

That's my girl! This is pretty much the essence of the issue. NOBODY wants to transition. Do you think I WANTED to tell every dude I know and my macho bosses that I feel like I'm really a woman and I will be transitioning? Hell no. This is what you do when you literally can't stand to live a lie for one more day. It isn't easy. It will never be easy. I personally did not have the courage required to do this at 18, those that do have my humble respect.

[LeaP]

NOBODY wants to transition.

Well, yes and no. I do and I don't. I do because I want to be me. I don't because it's a frightening prospect. Sometimes I think I'll off myself if I can't and sometimes because I feel like I have to transition and maybe dying is preferable. The concept of want in all this is pretty problematic.

Lea

[Aprilrain]

Well, yes and no. I do and I don't. I do because I want to be me. I don't because it's a frightening prospect. Sometimes I think I'll off myself if I can't and sometimes because I feel like I have to transition and maybe dying is preferable. The concept of want in all this is pretty problematic.

Lea

yes, Lea we do want to be ourselves and transition isn't all hell on earth it can be fun and exciting at times, I was absolutely giddy when I changed my name it was a beautiful August day and I literally walked down one street from the courthouse to the SS Office then to my bank it was as if it were designed that way! Later that night I met the man I'm dating today, It was a good day. I was ecstatic for some time after FFS, I still look in the mirror and smile. And It really does get easier as you go its the in between crap that is pretty rough, I'm still there but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[elizabethamy]

For me, the sense of power and peace that I get on those too few occasions when I can dress is just overwhelming. I don't do it because I "want" to, but because it makes me feel wonderful,and feeling wonderful is something that is often in very short supply. It's not about clothes, it's not about emulating, it's not about some kind of superficial hobby that I have inexplicably taken up. What exactly it is and how much of it I'll need? I don't know. More than a CD, but a what?

Cody, I am so much older than you and so committed to family and complicated life, but even in my situation this journey has been a surprise, a revelation, a joy. I have been afraid on some level my whole life. Please skip that part of your adulthood! All the best.

elizabethamy

[Cody Valentine]

Wow, never new Skype was an option. Always thought it was only in person or on the phone. As for actually transitioning I see it as a weight off my shoulders if I decide down that path. Hopefully I won't see it as a burden :). That being said I know that it can be overwhelming but if it turns out I go toward transitioning then it will be worth it :). But that bridge is not even in sight yet, but I know it's there :).

[Helen Grandeis]

The great advantage of age 18 is that you haven't been poisoned by 40 years of testosterone. HRT should produce better results.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It seems to me that, although I'll allow for exceptions, one cross dresses because of an inner desire to emulate...or more honestly...an inner desire to be a woman. Its hard for any of us, raised as we usually are, to acknowledge that inner need/desire to ourselves. So, its not a great surprise that once we begin to explore and express this part of ourselve, we also become open to the possibility that its more than just the clothes. I know its true in may case and it seems to be a common experience.

I think this is a good point IF you are trannsexual.... ts folk don't want to emulate, they NEED to be...

the hard part is wanting to crossdress can mean so many things..and there is so much baggage around gender that we all make it so hard on ourselves...starting from the moment we begin dressing..(or for some, repressing their dressing)..
because most of us were 20,30,40 and we didn't NEED to transition, we were filling our cups with whatever coping we did

You either are or aren't transsexual... alot of folks are into the other possibilities of gender queer or gender fluidity......the idea of becoming more open to your true nature over time is probably true as well....and it wouldn't be surprising if a gender queer person sees themselves first as a crossdresser, then as a transsexual, and then realizes they are something in the middle...

it's great if you can start from a point of no baggage..and hopefully more and more young ts folks will be able to feel this way..and Cody if you can do that , you are in a good place!!

[ELIZABETH46]

my mind is female.
my body is following my mind.
here is where the "baby steps" came to play its important role.
one step at the time.
if you are not sure ( in your mind ) Cory, .....talk to a therapist and take your time.

[Cody Valentine]

Thanks for the responses, I have a couple of therapists in mind now. Right now I am trying to get a part time job to cover it. Once I have one, nothing I can think of will stop me from consulting with a therapist.

Lol. "Cory", not a bad choice for a name... Might use it in the future, try it out. Definately lightened my day though :). Thnx