When did you start revealing your TG/TS side?

[emmicd]

When you realized you were TG/TS it took a long time to understand and accept it.
When did you feel right about sharing it with others and how did you decide who you would tell initially. I notice I am starting to open up more about it and I have told 2 of my closest friends, both male that I am TG/TS and their reactions were very positive and supportive. It made me feel good. I have a long way to go but I think it is important to tell some people in my life.

Also how long does HRT usually take before you start noticing changes in appearance and how do you approach explaining this to people, especially your employer?

emmi

[Kristy_K]

Hi Emmi,

It took me also a long time to understand it.

Then a friend mine meet Kristy for the first time and she was really impress with the differences in what she seen. She then wrote Kristy an email saying how much she enjoy herself and how different I was. That email was so powerful that I used it to come out to my friends.

The strange part for me was that when I did understand I was TS or accepted I was TS. I just wanted to shout it to the world or something like that. Maybe it was because I did finally understand after all these years and I knew where I needed to go and this time without the lies and deceit.

I guess it was my time to be free.

Just accept it and enjoy life as it was meant to be.

Hugs hon,
Kristy

[Patrice_CD]

I've slowly been coming out to friends one at a time. So far it's been good but I just sence there will be resentment with some. Not sure how I will handle when that day comes.

[ArleneRaquel]

In the years 200-2004 I finally decided to follow my life long desire and live as a woman, 24/7 if possible. So far after a very halting start I'm at peace with myself and I'm very happy.

[elizabethamy]

I havent told anyone, Emmi, except my wife and therapist. Every day I think of telling someone, of sharing this new me with a friend, but so far I just can't...but I think it would be healthy. I wouldn't recommend doing it recklessly -- just start with one person you absolutely trust, if you can identify that person. It will be a sweet day and will mark a milestone on the journey!

elizabethamy

[sandra-leigh]

When did you feel right about sharing it with others and how did you decide who you would tell initially.

It took me time to work through and figure out that Yes, I was TG.

3-ish or so months later, I was planning to tell my sister when I visited her and my mother, but I wasn't really planning to tell my mother during that visit. About a week before the visit my sister and I happened to be talking on the phone, and she expressed some worry about me (she knows about my depression), and so that she wouldn't worry I told her about being CD/TG. (Yes, so that she should would not worry. Because I was addressing my depression and had found something that made me feel much better.) A couple of days after the start of the visit itself my sister advised me to tell my mother as my mother was noticing things and wondering what it meant. So I did. The telling wasn't exactly easy. (She listened well and took it surprisingly well, but figuring out what to say, being worried about damage to the relationship... stressful.)

About a week after I got back from that vacation, I called a good friend and told him.

In the lead-up to this, I had been struggling for months with the question of whether I was TG or not (with the assistance of this forum), but once I realized that I was, I accepted it immediately. It was a big relief to know instead of being consumed with trying to decide. Though accepting that one is TG or TS is not the same as knowing what to do about it, knowing how to live one's life or knowing how one wants to live one's life.


Also how long does HRT usually take before you start noticing changes in appearance and how do you approach explaining this to people, especially your employer?


It might only be a few months until ones breast development starts to become noticeable if one does not specifically hide the development. I had promised myself that if I ever developed real breasts that I wouldn't hide them, and I carried through on that -- I didn't even worry about it. I didn't tell my employers anything, and no-one has said anything about it to me.

In my particular case, other than the breast development, I had much more visible markers, such as my dangling earrings, my long hair, my non-male clothes; I had those already before I started HRT.

My employer does not have a dress code, except that protective equipment must be used for jobs that need protective equipment (e.g., those of my co-workers who work with chemicals have to wear labcoats when in the chemical labs.) I also do not deal with the public face-to-face so there are no concerns about "professional image".

My gender therapist claims there are notable differences in my face since I started HRT. I don't see much change myself. I think maybe my chin is not as sharp as it used to be, but it is difficult to say. (Note: I am 50, so big changes are not really expected for me.)

[morgan51]

Started by telling one close friend and then another slow and steady my children as well know now it doesn't have to happen allat once. Seems all the worry was not warranted , most fears are only in my head. I wouldn't rush though you will know when its time. Morgan

[Jorja]

I started coming out to friends and family someplace around 1971. Then there was that last ditch effort, one last try at being the man I was born as. I joined the Navy and for four long years and I tired and failed. I just could not give it up. I knew for certain I was meant to be a girl. The day I got discharged I went home and took the man suit off for the last time. The next day I went full time. About 6 weeks later I started on hormones.

[Rianna Humble]

At the time I first realised I should have been a girl rather than a boy, no-one in my circles ever mentioned the term transsexual and transgender hadn't been coined (IIRC). It took another four and a bit decades for me to accept what that meant apart from knowing that I could never be the man in a relationship.

The decision about who to tell was in some ways taken away from me at Xmas 2009 when a co-worker asked me why I was wearing a suit to the staff Xmas party. I replied that a suit was required for men and she answered "Yes, but wouldn't you be more comfortable wearing a dress?". Even so it took a couple of uncomfortable weeks for me to get up the courage to discuss it calmly with her.

I am ashamed to say that I put off discussing it with my father for another 3 months even though we share a house, but when I did, he couldn't have been more open.

I agree that it is important to tell people who are close to you, but only you can judge who to tell and when.

I'm not sure that there is an answer to how long it usually takes for HRT to have a noticeable effect as it depends on so may variables including your weight, the dosages and combinations of drugs used.

[kimdl93]

My ex wife helped begin the process of revealing my TG side when she outed me to my children and other family members, as well as a number of co-workers and friends. I was mortified. A few people asked me about it and I was evasive. That was before I went into therapy (or maybe the last shove needed to get me there).

After a couple of years of cognitive therapy, I finally began to accept myself for who I was. When I first started dating my present wife, I told her about being TG. She accepted this with little hesitation (note "little"). No one could have been more surprised than I. That was almost 15 years ago.

Note that I don't consider myself TS, but I do lean a bit a more towards TS on the transgender spectrum. So, I'm not taking HRT at this time nor contemplating surgery.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Emmi, from afar it sure looks to me like you have some work to do..

Here is what you need to figure out...are you really a woman in your mind? yes, no , don't know...

assume all the stuff you know about being a woman and transitioning is WRONG...assume you are not going to wear dresses every day...assume your body will be only slightly changed by HRT.....assume that if you actually transition, feeling feminine is not important anymore, it will feel like nothing (GID is gone..that's it)..assume you will need 200-300 hours of painful , time consuming electrolysis... now are you still a woman?

forget the details you are currently worried about...telling people, employers...people take HRT their entire lives without telling friends or employers...

right now, based on your posts, you should be telling NO ONE.. there is no need
...even with a couple of supportive friends you may realize over time that you should have figured stuff out better before sharing all of this..

in reading your posts..i think you are well served to step back and get serious about yourself...realizing your are "TG" or "TS" are totally and completely different things... Lots of people choose to live TG lives (regardless of whether they are really transsexuals)... knowing with confidence what you are is essential to the real life steps you need to take to meet your own goals..

you got good answers to your questions

..i hope they are helpful..but it sure looks to me that you are fascinated with the process, and fascinated with the feminization .....and not able to progress with the truly important stuff...

[Traci Elizabeth]

In the years 200-2004 I finally decided to follow my life long desire and live as a woman, 24/7 if possible. So far after a very halting start I'm at peace with myself and I'm very happy.

You have lived a very long life! Where were you living in the year 200? The Middle East or perhaps Africa? Did you know Fred Flintstone and Barrie? Was Elma really cute or a lush?

[LeaP]

I'm revealing it to no-one other than a few trans friends, my therapist, and my wife. Period, even though I feel the urge to reveal myself. Nothing I can think of would be more destructive. When and if the time comes, it will be coming out on my timeline and terms, to the best I can manage that.

Lea

[Kathryn Martin]

Not one person knew except my wife about my being TS until I had decided to transition. The reason was that revealing yourself is final. Once you have spoken the words you can never take them back.

If you have any doubts about your true self then you should not reveal anything.

For me after 5 months the changes to my body could no longer be hidden. There was nothing to explain. TS people have this need to explain themselves. Have you ever heard a woman explain to anyone that she has gained weight and therefore her boobs are now bigger.

When you realized you were TG/TS it took a long time to understand and accept it.
When did you feel right about sharing it with others and how did you decide who you would tell initially. I notice I am starting to open up more about it and I have told 2 of my closest friends, both male that I am TG/TS and their reactions were very positive and supportive. It made me feel good. I have a long way to go but I think it is important to tell some people in my life.

Also how long does HRT usually take before you start noticing changes in appearance and how do you approach explaining this to people, especially your employer?

emmi

[nikkijo]

i just started noticing big changes that are HUGE and obvious.. and thus to those who dont know either takes explaining OR they assume female.. lately tho... being friends with a large number of queens kinda makes people assume im one of them... oh well... and as far as my employer... shes a total and utter bitch so she doesnt take to kindly to me not being myself because if i start hiding production drops.. sucks being self employed doesnt it....lol

[Traci Elizabeth]

The reason was that revealing yourself is final. Once you have spoken the words you can never take them back.

TS people have this need to explain themselves.


Kathryn speaks great words of wisdom. Never ever tell anyone you are TS if in fact you are not or unsure. Once Pandora's Box is open, it can never be closed and your life will be forever changed!


Kathryn also has a point that TS tend to have "motor mouth" or this overwhelming desire to explain their existence.

I would also add that once you broadcast to the world that you are a TS, when you finish transitioning and now want to be seen as a woman, all those you have told that you were TS, will always see you as such!

We tend to be our own worse enemy and have a bad case paranoia.

[Jorja]

And you all thought Kate was wrong when she said "keep your mouth shut". :)

Ooops, there I go again, stirring the pot.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi Emmi,

For me I knew something wasn't correct when I was around four years of age.
Because of this I had alot of anger issues and subsequently went to therapy starting around 1st grade.
This is where I told as many people as I could that I was a girl.

Concerning telling your two closest male friends; Emmi, there will be many many people that you will tell about who and what you are and their initial reaction will be very positive but be very aware of something I call the great backlash.
After a period of time the shock of your revelation to those you told will wear off and many of them will no longer be there for you.
I didn't lose my family and friends overnight. It took upwards of a year after I told them to not have them come see me and or return my calls.
I am by no means attempting to discourage you from revealing to others who and what you are but instead I'm trying to convey to you what will most likely happen over a period of time.
Even though you feel the need to reveal your true self to people, unless you are ready to fully transition to full time within the next few months it would be very wise to heed my advice of keeping your secret SECRET!!!.
Why potentially ruin your life when you are not ready to roll the dice yet?

HRT is very subjective and changes will occur according to your own individual biology.
Unless you are wearing something very revealing HRT will not be noticed at first by the average person. AS you progress however you will need to take precautions if you are not yet transitioned when those changes are evident.
When my breasts were close to what they are now ( a 38 C) I had to wear a minimizing sports bra or bind my chest with an stretchy Ace brand bandage that I would clasp with a large diaper pin.

I hope this helps you.


Julia

[JohnH]

In the years 200-2004 I finally decided to follow my life long desire and live as a woman, 24/7 if possible. So far after a very halting start I'm at peace with myself and I'm very happy.

You have lived a very long life! Where were you living in the year 200? The Middle East or perhaps Africa? Did you know Fred Flintstone and Barrie? Was Elma really cute or a lush?

Always a wise gal in the group! [Same as a wise guy only female!]

I guess I thought I was not quite like the rest of the boys when I was a kid - I was not the usual rowdy boy and I walked in a dainty tip toe manner and had pale complexion. I remember that I "converted" a pair of shorts into a "skirt" by cutting the cloth between the legs.

I came across SkirtCafe.org and that is when I started wearing skirts instead of shorts in the summertime. I did not fight my transgendered leanings. I then got into wearing dresses. I made the black velvet dress in my former avatar for my ex-wife, never dreaming at the time that i would be wearing it and that it would fit me perfectly.

Only my wife knows for sure that I am transgendered. My brothers and parents suspect that with my unusual choice of clothes and hair styling, but otherwise I do not broadcast my transgendered status to anybody!

I think people overlook my more and more feminine appearance since I have a deep masculine speaking voice. I did not start out being totally flat in the chest and then have my breasts appear all of a sudden. I will not bind my breasts or in any other way try to hide them.

My breasts started to develop around October 2010 and in September 2011 I went on hormones.

John

[arbon]

When did you feel right about sharing it with others and how did you decide who you would tell initially

I don't know if I felt right about it, but I did it when the internal pressure was becoming unbearable, it was kind of like letting it vent a little. I just needed to be able to talk to some people. I started coming out to more people, after a bit realized I did not need to say anything anymore because people don't keep those kinds of secrets well - which was fine with me for the most part, and I don't believe that the local gossip could have been avoided anyway I did it.


Also how long does HRT usually take before you start noticing changes in appearance and how do you approach explaining this to people, especially your employer?

A few people were noticing a difference about me 4 - 5 months, thought I must be sick. One was worried I had cancer and asked my mom. ---- My mom, she saw the changes, and on top of that she knew me and my brother had something bad going on between us (for a short period he was very upset about what I was doing) so my mom was really worried, she knew something was going on but could not figure it out. By boss was noticing some of the changes to, and was also suspicious about why I was taking a lot of days off to go out of town (which was for therapy and hair removal and to a support group). The facial hair removal was going on to so that was changing my appearance as well.

[Kathryn Martin]

Please specify who "all" is. I have always given Kate a lot of weight in my considerations.


And you all thought Kate was wrong when she said "keep your mouth shut". :)

Ooops, there I go again, stirring the pot.

[Rianna Humble]

Have you ever heard a woman explain to anyone that she has gained weight and therefore her boobs are now bigger.

Interesting question, I overheard that discussion in the pub recently and I am as certain as I can be that it was a GG speaking the words.

There was also a magazine article (with pics) about a celebrity who dieted too much, started to look flat chested then put on some weight and (in the words of the article) "got her boobs back".

[noeleena]

Hi,

as being intersexed, certinlay not in our day you keeped your trap shut tight. 50's to early 60's.

I know very few knew i was different . & i was told over 5 years ago they were not surprised when they saw me on T V. 5 years ago.
!6 years ago i told Jos i am a woman im not a true male, never was any way .about 8 years ago i started telling people & friends what i was. & what was going on i opened my self up so they could be a part of my life as i went through any changes in my apperance both body & clothes, though my looks did not change that much as iv often talked about.

Jos then family friends & those i worked with bussness's, & people i had a lot to do with . i was to well known to even think i could hide. i made sure every one knew. even today i picked a guy up to give a lift home he knew about me so where would i hide, no were, being on two T V statons nation wide papers & the net. apart from our Village, & talked to large groups of people, where ever i go people know about who i am .

This to both Jos & i i was given this oppitunity & i went for it, by far the best way to show people yes we are different & yes we are a part of socity & can be accepted, this was right for myself & worked well.

I wont say every one should do this because this is not what im about & i would not expect others to even try & do what has been right for myself, i was privilidged to be given this to do. & because of that it worked so well. i had people who backed me up. & really this was not just about myself this was about Jos our kids us as a family, & i went along for the ride, & it really was a neat ride, & still is,

...noeleena...

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

I told one of my best friends when I still considered myself a CDer. Even though I suspected that I may have been TG/TS and had feelings of being more than just a CDer, I lacked knowledge. I suppose that I was in denial as well. She had asked if I had ever considered HRT (she did some research) and at this point, I had considered it but deduced that it wasn't worth the health risk (this was before I knew how closely monitored HRT really is). I suppose that I used this "health risk" excuse to write off HRT on a subconscious level, which in turn allowed me to keep my mindset on "Oh I just like to crossdress", even though I knew there was more there.

Shortly after telling my best friend, I told another friend. I knew that she would be accepting of it and I really needed to tell someone else. When I told her, I threw myself in the TG/TS category whereas with my best friend, I believe that I kept myself in the CD category. Anyway, when I was in the peak of my depression late last year, I made my mom guess what was going on. Having her find out allowed my step-dad to find out (funny thing is that he supports me whereas my real father, who doesn't know, won't) and my best friend told her mom, as well as her boyfriend. Eventually, I told a few others but the total amount of people who knew was still under twenty. Last week, after my uncle told my grandpa without my permission and after receiving an E-Mail from my grandpa (find God, "you're misprogrammed" etc.), I decided to tell everyone via Facebook.

Coming out to everyone at once was pretty impulsive but I don't regret it. Everyone has been very supportive, even people that I thought would never be. However, I could tell by some reactions that even though they said that they support me, they might not. If not, no big deal; I don't really talk to these people much anymore anyway. Thus far, there has only been two intentional negative reactions, both biased by religious beliefs: my grandpa and my friend's best friend (who I know because I went to college with her). She said that I was brainwashed by a therapist, which I find funny because I knew I was trans before I even went to therapy.

All of this happened within a pretty brief period. The length of time between me finally realizing that I was trans and then finding a therapist only took a couple of months. It took me nine months from telling my best friend to making the FB announcement, six months of knowing 100% that I am TG/TS. The better part of the time was spent pondering feelings, ignoring feelings and misinterpreting feelings. In my adult life, everything began around 2006.

So, yea. I'm not full-time or even part-time for that matter but it's pretty much out in the open. I am going to wait a while before I come out at work but in less than a month, I will be able to start living at home as Erin (who I live with currently prohibits me from being myself). Me and a friend got a townhouse up in Redmond last weekend and we move in next month. Needless to say, I'm stoked.


Also how long does HRT usually take before you start noticing changes in appearance and how do you approach explaining this to people, especially your employer?


Well, I'm only on week five of HRT so it's really difficult for me to answer this. I'm guessing that the changes aren't noticeable yet because my father hasn't mentioned anything. Then again, I don't think my father gives enough of a shit to even notice. As far as work goes, I work from home often so people don't see me every day. When I look in the mirror, I do see someone different. However, the only physical changes I can confirm are related to skin softening and slower body hair growth. I think some body hair has start to thin out as well. Oh and libido is pretty much gone!

[Kathryn Martin]

But does that mean that we should explain our body changes to anyone. I still believe that there is nothing to explain to people.
Interesting question, I overheard that discussion in the pub recently and I am as certain as I can be that it was a GG speaking the words.

There was also a magazine article (with pics) about a celebrity who dieted too much, started to look flat chested then put on some weight and (in the words of the article) "got her boobs back".

[Rianna Humble]

I never said that we should explain our body changes, I merely replied to your question about whether GG's discuss the subject of weight gain and it's effect on breast size.

[Empress Lainie]

In my case a little different - It was instead TS revealing itself to ME.....even now that I know what changes I made subconsciously to me, but obvious to others
in little bits: in 1995 I just had to have this lovely female nightgown, and two more in short order. My then wife told me they were too feminine, I said I don't care.
In 2000 I could no longer stand seeing my mostly bald head, and HAD to start wearing wigs...my first was a red long haired SHOWGIRL wig! I started dancing every night for 5 hours in 2007, April 1; and soon realized I danced like a girl, not a guy. I was trying to date a girl who I thought might be TS and she took me to a TG meeting July 2, 2007. I realized that night (my Epiphany).....I have always BEEN a FEMALE person.

I resolved to never live another day as this pretend man and didn't. Told everyone that I was living the rest of my life as a woman. The staff in the school office where I taught music for 22 years seemed supportive, but the director was a back stabber and got a person at City Hall to fire me. The only person who wouldn't go out with me, but would talk to me was my ex I had separated from in 2000; we were still lovers and good friends until that day. Another of my friends I had known for 20 yrs and was her boyfriend was and is totally supportive and is my best girlfriend (except maybe for my S.O. TS I live with, that I met at that TG meeting, and had dinner with after every meeting until in Sept she asked if she could come home with me, and has been with me ever since. My other best gf (gg) treats her like a daughter. (My SO is 35, we are 77.) My kids told me they love me no matter what my gender is, and I will always be their Dad. (Hey I REALLY don't like the term DAD applied to me anymore, but the best I can get them to do is call me Lainie.)

HRT - Took phyto's for years, already had breasts when started A's about; after a year have full B's, started getting my hourglass figure (a little! 42-40-42 from 44-43-42) My stomach is now flat under my boobs instead of looking like I was 5 months PG (which I did take advantage of with my "Miracle on the Way T-shirt - lovely!)

Since I have been accepted as a female and was hired as a female where I work and my friends all know of me; I have no explaining to do; the two gg's are actually envious of my boobs; one of them says:"your boobs are bigger than mine!"

Thanks emmi for the thread.

[KellyJameson]

I refused to identify as TG because I could not unravel my complex relationship with sex. The psychology of women would repel me sexually and quickly I would shut down because it created a conflict between my subconscious identity as a woman which I was not aware of and my conscious mind reasoning that I must want them sexually because I enjoyed their friendship. To add to the confusion everyone was always telling me that I'm gay but I was never sexually attracted to gay guys but I had three extremely close friendships with straight guys where it was clear I was relating to them as a mate but without the sex, my twenties were a nightmare for me and any woman who happen to be emotionally involved with me. It was only after looking back over the carnage of my life that I could see a pattern to the insanity and start to solve the mystery of how gender dysphoria played out in my own personal expression of it.

If I had ignored everything and only thought about whose company I prefered over all others that may have saved time but it was still like reading tea leaves. The strong interest in the TG world, drag shows, friends in college who were transitioning should have made it obvious but I could not work out the sexual angle. Once I did everything clicked and I had a big Aha moment but yet there is still a part of me that refuses to believe GID is possible or real and my mind is just screwed up in other ways and I'm using it as an excuse so it is a constant back and forth fight in my own mind and that is even with a lifetime of hormonal and metabolic issues that should have further convinced me. The problem with GID is it's forever and I do not want to deal with the reality of that so I ignore it except I don't, a bit like being Dr Jekyll and Ms. Hyde, I know the truth but do not think about it hoping the problem will go away by itself living this strange half life between two worlds.

Strangely I have no hesitation telling people if it comes up in conversation and it always does because I look and act so feminine and I'm so damn tired of being asked if I'm gay, I have struggled to mentally survive this split between what and who I am and who I want to be (normal) that I had to let go a long time ago worries about what others may think of me, when the house is burning down you don't worry about paying the phone bill.

[ELIZABETH46]

i dont know if i could .
so far my wife and a close friend (female) knows, but no one alse.
i would like bigger boobs, yes, and if some one notice the difference, .....so !!