Struggle

[Carlene]

Good morning,

I was wondering if some of the more senior members, such as myself, have developed the strong pull to dress in later life. For me, there was always an intrigue regarding feminine clothing and a love of the female anatomy, but dressing seemed wrong and months, perhaps even years, went by without the desire to dress.

In later life, though, I am finding that the desire to feel a more feminine nature is almost overwhelming. I want to live without male competition and position posturing. In fact, I want to get as close as I can to being the woman within. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. It seems a little rambling but, perhaps, I struggle with articulaing these feelings because I don't fully understand them or their repercussions myself.

I would truly welcome any thoughts or insights from those of you further along the path than me. The support among the group of woman on this forum strikes me as extraordinary. Thank you all :hugs: Carlene

[Alice Torn]

I am noticing a great many men in their 50's and 60's on this forum. Their seems to be a pattern, besides baldness.

[Rogina B]

I think we realize that you have to enjoy living as you like,no matter if others share your view of it..Wisdom oftens comes with age lol..Or the fact that life is just plain to short to do as others want. Enjoy being yourself.

[GingerLeigh]

Uhhh...not in my 50's yet but the desire to dress DID intensify as I aged. Didn't see it coming really, I even thought I could kick it once. Boy was I wrong. I didn't even own a wig or shoes until a couple of years ago. Makeup? I still struggle with it.

What does age have to do with it? Is there more stress later in life, or is there more self acceptance and a care free attitude? "I'm me, and I'm too old to give a hooey about what anyone thinks."

Who knows?

[Marleena]

Carlene my wakeup call came this year (at 57) after decades of denial and repression, so yes it does happen. I knew I was different since age 8 but hid it all away to survive. Embracing who I really am has changed things for the better.;)

[sissystephanie]

Carlene, I have been dressing for over 60 years. I started wearing my sisters panties at age 6 and went on from there. I told my wife-to-be that I was crossdresser and she accepted me "as is!" We had almost 50 happy years together before cancer took her. I still dress almost as frequently as I used to before she died! I just do it differently. She always did my makeup and fixed my wig so that I was completely passable. I don't have the ability to do that like she did, so I don't bother. I go out in public as a man dressed totally enfemme!! Never have had a problem in the past 7 years of doing that! I am a crossdresser and rather proud of it!!

[Kate Simmons]

My only true regret for being open later in life is that had I done it when I was younger, I would have given all of those position posturers a run for their money doing the job even dressed en femme.It would have given me great pleasure to break the barrier in that way. I've never been a shrinking violet in any case. I dunno what would you call that? A male feminist?:battingeyelashes::)

[kimdl93]

[QUOTE=Kate Simmons;2816643]My only true regret for being open later in life is that had I done it when I was younger,....QUOTE]

I have the same feeling as Kate expresses. I have known since my earliest childhood...but did my very best to suppress and deny for many years. Now, in my very late 40s ;), I have reached a point where I'm able to accept myself and be myself. Perhaps it takes growing maturity and life expereinces to eventually realize that life is short...we should live to enjoy it.

[elizabethamy]

Good morning,


In later life, though, I am finding that the desire to feel a more feminine nature is almost overwhelming. I want to live without male competition and position posturing.
I

Carlene, you are describing something I feel very strongly. I didn't know I was even a CD until mid-50s. No real interest in women's clothes or women's culture (makeup, hair, etc), but most of my friends and colleagues were women from childhood on. I have looked back at my life over and over again and can't really find the "aha" moment when I should have realized my gender issues. But they are with me now, and I am working to understand and accept them as a revelation and a gift --thanks largely to the people here.

elizabethamy

[Michelle 2]

I guess everyone approaches their mid life crisis in different ways. Some enjoy getting back into cars and sports. Some of us prefer skirts and heels. My doctor has recently mentioned to me that he wished all of his patients were in as good of health as I am at my age. It made me feel good to hear this comment from him. The real truth of the matter is that I work hard at working on getting to a smaller dress size and the result is better for my personal health and well being. Thinking about it in these terms I choose to pursue the feminine arts in mid life. It may be just as expensive to do so but I feel I will be better off health wise in the long run.

Michelle

[Laura912]

This is similar to a question I posed back shortly after joining this group. Wonder if it relates to more time and funds available to enjoy?

[Carlene]

Thank you, Marleena. I don't think I knew that there was a woman within me who needed to be nurtured, but I do now. I like this woman of great potential and will do all I can to help her develop, hopefully with support from you and others here.

[Stephanie47]

Into my retirement years with a working wife, I get more alone time to be en femme. Monday through Friday I get seven hours each day. Now, I do not dress every day, but, I do not go nuts and antsy waiting and waiting for opportunity. And, since we are totally debt free money is not a consideration. Kids are out of the house. The other plus side of retirement is the lack of fear of being outed and that having a negative effect on income.

[elizabethamy]

Michelle, beware the "midlife crisis" cliche...for some, maybe
But for many, not. Revelations of the fundamental self are
Not hobbies and, alas, can't be solved by sports cars. It's important
To figure out which description fits each of us...

[Cynthia Anne]

Although I was introduced to dressing when I was four years old I can say yes, it did increase as I got older! I think a lot of it is because now I could care less what others think! I'm me and am going to stay me! Hugs!

[Alice B]

Well, I turned 70 yesterday and did not start dressing until I was 64. And, yes the desire gets stronger as I age more. Since my wife has become more accepting I am able to dress more, go out and even attend DLV. What I am finding is that my choice of clothing is becoming more practical, but that is OK. It is the act of dressing and feeling more like a woman that counts.

[Persephone]

I suspect that it is a combination of all of the things that have been mentioned above. Greater freedom, greater financial security, more time available, less employment worries, and, probably most of all, the sense of the shortness of the remaining time. I find myself thinking in terms of Motel the Tailor's line in Fiddler on the Roof, "Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness."


I want to live without male competition and position posturing.

Oh, Carlene, dear! Wait until you completely arrive in girl world! Female competition and position posturing makes the male version look like the preschool sandbox! And the GG's have had a lifetime of practice that we've missed! It is way more subtle and way more pervasive. It's moving from the corner pickup game right into the major leagues!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ArleneRaquel]

Embracing your real self makes for a happy life, repression leads to depression, anger, and,perhaps in some instances, self hate. Embrace who you are and life gets so much better, I know it has for me.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Yes, I am 55+ and want to dress more and more. I have been going strong for 50 years now but for the first 47 of them it was very covert. Told my wife of 27 years about 7 and a half years ago and hvae not looked back since.

[Karren H]

Not really. I've just passed the big 60 and have been doing this for 53 years..... If anything the last few years its dropped of a bit..... The good news is that playing ice hockey has taken its place... Plus some.... And I can still keep up with kids 35 years younger than me on the ice....

[Chari]

No matter where we are on the gender scale, regardless of age, we are all individuals that should be comfortable and confident in whatever attire we choose to wear. Each of us decides who and when to tell our "secret", with hopes for understanding and acceptance. Sadly, society usually dictates what is the "norm of living", and some of us must suffer in silence in the closet.

[Stephanie Michelle]

I will be 55 next month and yes the past few years have been hard because I want to dress more. I try to blend a few things in everyday, but that doesn't seem enough. My GF is good with anything I do and is encouraging me to go even farther. So I'll just have to wait to see what I am comfortable with as the days go on.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Carlene, I will be 70 and I have been dressing for about 65yrs. now.

[KimberlyJean]

I am only 37 but I have been dressing for over 25 years, I don't think the frequency has increased but the duration has. When I was younger it was dress up, take care of the little guy then undress. Now I want to stay dressed, do my make-up, go places, and generally enjoy being Kimberly.

[ReineD]

Wait until you completely arrive in girl world! Female competition and position posturing makes the male version look like the preschool sandbox! And the GG's have had a lifetime of practice that we've missed! It is way more subtle and way more pervasive. It's moving from the corner pickup game right into the major leagues!

I know you've had a difficult time with this just recently and after reading your story in the other thread I must admit that some women never do outgrow middle school behavior. But thankfully, not all of us are passive-agressive like that. :hugs:

[TheresaLynn]

I stumbled across this on the Internet today.

Don't put off living to next week, next month, next year, or next decade.
The only time you're ever living is, in this moment. ~ Dr. Seuss

It works for me!

[kathrynt21]

I have the same feelings, Carlene. And I think they have been expressed well here by many.
I too started young but hoped it would go away. And like Sandra Michelle, at 55+ after years of denial and closet dressing, I told MY wife of 32 years about 7 years ago. She took it well, then not so well and now seems to have come to grips with it. We share a lot in terms of shopping and taking but she hasn't seen me as Kathryn and doesn't want to.
I understand that completely and respect her wishes.
What she DOES appreciate is that now, as I let me feminine side appear more, I am more patient and even tempered and a lot easier to be around. I don't try to pretend I am macho (never really did) and I don't care who sees that I am more sensitive than most guys.
One of the things I DO NOT miss about hiding myself is that whenever a situation would arises that called for me to react, I would always ask myself, "What would a real man do in this situation?" Then I would try to act accordingly. Of course, it never did work out well since I was guessing about what "man" would do instead of doing what I would do. Now I do what feels natural and if it seems "girly" or whatever word you want to apply to me, I really don't care.
I think the advent of the internet has made it easier to feel like we are not alone. I am sure many of you spent time as a young girl thinking you were the only one who was doing this.
Is it easier for younger girls now? Perhaps. The community is more open and larger and to a much greater degree TG folks are being accepted. Not perfect, but certainly better than it was.
I feel everyday like I want to express myself more fully as Kathryn. And while my situation prohibits me doing it fully (dressed or transitioning), knowing I have let myself feel this way makes everyday better.
As we get older and lose parents and friends, I think we realize that not only does "time march on" but that there is an end to the march. Better not waste anymore of that precious commodity.
Getting to occasionally dress as I feel inside makes me happy and there is only so much time to be happy. Best grab it.

[Barbara Ella]

Alice has now become my role model. I realized i was a crossdresser at 65, only 7 months ago, and am looking forward to a long journey of development. It is hard for me to judge increased activity as my wife and i are very new into this. I do not have an idea how long it took the elder long time cross dresser to realize the inner female nature, but it took me 3 months to realize I really had a female presence/side to me, and to accept it It took me 6.5 months to feel my feminine name. I cannot dress as much as I want, because my wife is still in the preliminary stages of coming around, which I really hope she will in time, so in this regard I am not like those who came out years ago, and this could slow my development.

I only know that I have to dress whenever I can now, and i feel the need to do it in a more comfortable manner, more often, but cannot. So I will say the urge is increasing rapidly.

Barbara

[Eryn]

Carlene, your observation rings true with many of us. While I've always had an "inordinate interest" in things feminine, I couldn't put a name to it until I was into my 50s. Once I figured out what it was, things developed more rapidly

[Loveday]

I never had any feelings about this until I approached age 50 other than rejecting the idea of wearing doctor orderd pantyhose in my mid forties. Then it hit me hard. The feelings to dress just keep getting stronger and stronger now even though I am dressed most of the time.

[Organza]

I am 58. The desire has been strong in me since at least as far back as six years of age. I started wearing my mom's clothes when alone at eleven, I was buying lots of dresses and skirts (and especially slips) when i was 22, and there has only been one period of my life when I didn't dress up regularly -- the first four years of my first marriage. If that marriage had worked out, I might not have gone back to dressing, but it was doomed anyway. Now I have a much more tolerant wife and I'll never quit again, especially since I can have dresses made just for me.
Lisa

[NathalieX66]

I'm going to chime in and say that the majority of crossdressers/transgender/transsexual are fully aware & accepting of themselves after age 40. Yes, plenty of TG folks younger than 40, but the numbers don't lay on until after 40. Why?
Because young people are too busy setting up their lives and careers, and establishing their lives & marriages, and kids, and then it goes on from there.

Gay guys go as they go, even early on,but so few of them turn into transgender folk.

I don't know how else to explain it.

[daarleane]

I am 75 at the present time. I have been a cd for as long as I can remember, although I stopped while in service and also when the children were growing up. I lost my first wife to cancer and my present wife is knowing and accepting. It is the second paragraph of your query that I really relate to. I am and have been retired for a quite a while but I still feel the male competition and positioning posturing as you put it. But, i don't want any part of that any more. i want to feel compassionate, openly friendly and fun loving. I just want to enjoy what remaining time I have left and I want to enjoy and feel all of my emotions, not suppress them as I had to do as a male for all those years. Sorry for the rambling.

[Gillian Gigs]

Yes, in my case the frequency has increased. I have often wondered if it had anything to do with the last of the children leaving home. With an accepting wife, I don't have any issues with how, or when I dress at home. Yet to be honest I feel that things are "clicking" differently in my mind now. Is it lower hormone levels, who knows. It may all just be that after years of struggling with this issue (guilt), and I have finally accepted myself for who I am. Now I have freedom (no more guilt), and I am exploiting it the the "max".

[Tina B.]

I'm another oldster, that started dressing at around 6 years old. it was something I would do for a while, purge, or put it all away, sometimes for years at a time. But the older I got, the more I've wanted to dress, after I retired, I found I have more time on my hands, and have not wasted it. Now I dress as often as I can, always under dress, have a much larger wardrobe as a women than as a man, and spend most days dressed completely, and still want more time to spend dressed.
Tina B.

[julia marie]

Another grey hair, new to this site. I was always interested in womens clothing, and dabbled a bit over the years. But didn't really get into it until 60. Glad I'm not alone, and that I found this community. Thanks to all for sharing your experiences.

[Joanne f]

I have dressed in one way or another for most of my life so whether this softens the overall desire from someone who has started late in life i do not know but i can tell you that at times it has been hard to cope with so i can understand a little of what you are going through.