Surprise Suggestions?

[Understander]

Hello everyone, how are you?

I'm an SO of a CD. To cut the long story short: we met when we were 8, at 18 he finally asked me out. A few months later, worried I'd reject him, he told me. I laughed because it was strange that he thought I'd be opposed to it - I love him, simple as. To be honest, it wasn't brought up again so I kind of forgot about it - what with starting uni.

Now we're in uni he has the private space to dress up and he himself put a limit to one a month in bed too (though we've been flexible) because I like skin on skin. He's recently made an anonymous account on another site to show pictures of him CDing which at first alarmed me but after I saw all the positive responses and a burst in his self esteem I don't feel too worried now.

So here it is, I feel my worries at times can make him feel uncomfortable in his own skin (or dress) and now he's out at a metal gig I feel I have the opportunity to ask you all how I could surprise him? If there's anything you would want or have wanted your partner to say or do that made you feel more at ease? Any suggestions because I've asked him but his answers are always 'whatever makes you happy', but I want to make him happy, selfishly so. :)

Thank you for reading!

Griff

[kimdl93]

My first thought was 'can i do your make -up? '

[DonnaT]

Why not make it fun? Buy some glitter polish in your SO's fav color and insist on giving a pedicure?
Note: glitter polish can be hard to remove completely.

Maybe a clear polish for a first (?) time.

As for glitter, always use a clear undercoat.

Otherwise http://www.spellbindingnails.com/2011/09/tutorial-how-to-remove-glitter-nail.html

[BillieJoEllen]

If she would have only said: "Gee honey, you haven't dressed in awhile. Why don't you go and do it now?"

[Cynthia Anne]

Deer Understander' it's a pleasure to have you here with us!
I think a great surprise would be let him know you have a special night planned for him! Then help him dress, makeup and so on! And then give him a night he will remember! You are special! Hugs!

[Understander]

Aw these are all wonderful suggestions. Since I'm not very girly (I just gave him all my makeup since I never wear it), I'll have a go at putting it on him :)

Thank you! If any more ideas pop up I'm more than happy to note them all down ;)

By the way, Cynthia, your picture is soooo cute! >.<

[Holly]

Hi Griff. It's so nice you want to help your SO! It is kind of difficult to make suggestions when I know so little about either of you. Is her dressing strictly private or does she go out in public. Does she even want to do that? Does the budget allow for hers and hers manis and pedis with matching colors? (My wife and I used to do this. When people asked why we told them it was for if we got seperated at the mall we could be matched back together again). How about a girls night in? Pick out something for her to wear and spend a nice evening in with dinner, maybe a movie and/or a little dancing? Buy her something special... perfume, jewelry, lingerie, etc. Just tell her you love her. This would be the best of all.

[Understander]

Ah right! Erm, he says he's quite happy not going out in public... I think he's quite happy with those two lives in separate, like work and play :) He likes dresses and skirts, he originally told me he's not interested in make-up but since he started showing other CDers he's gotten more photogenic about it :).

[docrobbysherry]

I think the BEST advice may have already been given to u by your SO. And, it may be the most difficult for u to do! After reading your post, I think the only REAL WAY TO SURPRISE him is to organize something for the two of u that U WILL ENJOY DOING! He may or may not. But it sounds like you may be trying too hard to please him. Life doesn't always work that way. Much as u think it mite!

My college GF was always doing whatever I wanted. I picked the restaurants and movies. We went to my friends parties. She was very sweet and a tiger in bed. But, to be honest, I got bored with her after a time! Some guys want a partner that has their own separate and distinct personality! Not just female "yes" clone! I'm NOT saying u r. But, just think about that!

[Understander]

I was worried that it might seem like I'm over-compensating but he does generally make me do a lot of the choosing (I'm not very good at surprises :/). We talked last night about it but he told me he felt ashamed of it still so this is something special. I feel weird in saying this but I don't want it to be an elephant in the room, so to speak, but I also don't want it to be an elephant in the room that we always talk about, because if we talked about it like its normal than he might be comfortable with it one day. I have no idea if that made sense at all :/

Thank you though, I shall try all of the above :)

[ReineD]

I was worried that it might seem like I'm over-compensating but he does generally make me do a lot of the choosing (I'm not very good at surprises :/). We talked last night about it but he told me he felt ashamed of it still so this is something special. I feel weird in saying this but I don't want it to be an elephant in the room, so to speak, but I also don't want it to be an elephant in the room that we always talk about, because if we talked about it like its normal than he might be comfortable with it one day. I have no idea if that made sense at all :/


Yes, it makes sense to me. :)

A word of caution though: please encourage him to take responsibility for his own dressing and also respect his own speed. If he's not ready to go out in public, that's just where he is at the moment and that's OK. Same if he's not ready to wear a wig or makeup.

I gather he's quite young and struggling with the notion that men "shouldn't" be doing this, so he's quite happy to have someone else give him permission or take the lead. This is not all that uncommon. Or, he may be looking for reassurance from you that you are genuinely OK with the CDing. But, you do not want to become responsible for your bf's CDing. So I would ASK him if he wants you to put on makeup or nail polish. Offer to join in but let him know that each new step is up to him.

If he just enjoys wearing dresses and skirts at the moment and not going out, just arrange to have a quiet evening alone together dressed .. maybe a nice dinner or something and your attitude towards her when she's dressed will let her know that you do approve. :)

[Cheryl T]

If you're fully accepting then surprise him with a "girls" night. It could just be you two alone or out somewhere if you are both comfortable with that.
Lay out some clothes for him and surprise him with that and a makeover (at your hands). Even if you just stay home I'm sure he will be elated to have you so involved.

[Jenniferathome]

Your openness and support are really enough. But, if you want to floor him with a surprise, a girls night out would be nothing short of fantastic. Pick his clothes if you want but dinner and a movie as girlfriends will knock his socks off.

[sissystephanie]

You have had some very good responses to your question. But I think the most important one has been missed. I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser before we married and she accepted me "as is!" But she did have at least one hard and fast rule! No matter what clothing I had on, enfemme or drab, I was always her MAN!! I had no problem accepting that rule since I have never had any desire to actually be a woman. I just like to dress like one. The one thing that my dear wife and I did, which is the important thing I referred to earlier, is communicate, about everything. You said your husband sometimes tells you, "whatever makes you happy," and you don't know how to respond. Simply tell him that you are already happy, and that you want to make him happy like you are!! So the most important thing is communication!! If you talk about everything, you will find answers to lots of things. My late wife and I had almost 50 years of happiness together!! And yes, we did go out as 2 girls on occasion!

[Lorileah]

Why was the first thing I thought of an intimate dinner, wine candles, soft music? Talk, communicate, cuddle. If you want him to do this in a femme mode all the better.

My concern is "Let me do your make up" can come out "You don't do it very good, let me show you." And why should YOU give a pedicure? Either share the experience or go and have it done together. Nail color your choice.

Key here is "sharing" something not fawning or trying to do something for the other that they may not want or like. Sounds like he is still exploring and although you are a perfect partner right now, he is like a mouse in the dark...you can scare him easily

[Kate Simmons]

Too bad I'm not across the "pond" Hon. I could show you lotsa ways to surprise your SO.:)

[sandra-leigh]

To cut the long story short: we met when we were 8, at 18 he finally asked me out.

I don't know why it is, but cross-dressers can be incredibly dense. Sometimes hitting the donkey with a stick isn't good enough, and you need to also put a big sign on the stick that says, "This is a stick, and I am hitting you with it!" -- and add a flashing sign and a sound-track.

But anyhow...

[Miranda09]

A lot of good suggestions for you Grif....BTW, a big warm welcome to the forum. I think that a fun suggestion is to have him dress up and you do a photo shoot of her. That can be loads of fun, don't have to setup anything elaborate, just some bedroom shots, or anywhere around the house. Then she'll have some photos to post here! :)

[prettytoes]

I have always hoped that my wife would buy me a little something when she goes shopping. Maybe just a nice pair of panties, a new color of nail polish; anything feminine that would let me know she is OK with my dressing. We don't talk about it much, but she seems Ok with it for the most part.
One of the best gifts I got for Christmas was one of the least expensive things she got for me. It was a 3 pack of women's disposable razors. It really meant a lot to me; it reassured me that she is OK with me keeping my legs the way I like them...smooth and soft.

[Eryn]

Griff, your acceptance is the most precious gift that your SO can have. This gift is so precious, in fact, that sometimes we CDers have a hard time believing our good fortune.

Little tokens of that acceptance are always appreciated. Jewelry, clothing and nightwear are always appreciated, because their mere presence is an affirmation that you accept your SOs dressing.

[Foxglove]

Hi, Griff! I've read your post carefully, and I can tell you a true story.

Once upon a time, long, long, ago, when I was young, I was dating a girl. One evening she suggested that we swap clothes. I didn't respond, and she didn't push it, and the subject was never raised again.

Now I would have loved to get into her things. She didn't know that. I think she was asking, not because she wanted to see me in her things, but because she wanted to get into mine. (We were the same size.)

So why didn't I accept her offer? Because she was gorgeous and I loved her, and I was trying very hard to be her man. And how could I do that in her clothes?

You need to bear in mind that we CDers can be very confused people. A lot of times we don't know what we really want. But you've said that your BF confessed to you and then the subject wasn't raised again--for so long that you yourself forgot about it. But now that he's got his private space, he's into it. But from what you've said, it sounds like he doesn't share it much with you, except for one night a month.

It may be that he's in the same position I was. He really loves you, he really loves CDing, but he's not comfortable mixing the two. Right now anyway. If the two of you do have a long-term relationship, my guess is that as time goes on he'll become more comfortable dressing around you. Perhaps he really wants your love, but isn't yet convinced he'll have it if he dresses too often. I'm just guessing here. Obviously you're in a much better position than I to try and read him. But if that's where he is, give him a bit of time.

One suggestion I could make is that from time to time, if you see an item that is the sort of thing he likes to wear, buy it for him. And leave it up to him to decide whether or not to wear it in front of you. It may be that both of you still need time to discover how comfortable each of you is with this.

But bless you! It can be so hard for us TG's to learn to accept ourselves. If you can help him do that, that would be the greatest gift of all--a lifetime of happiness instead of going through the grief and guilt and shame that a lot of us go through.


I don't know why it is, but cross-dressers can be incredibly dense. Sometimes hitting the donkey with a stick isn't good enough, and you need to also put a big sign on the stick that says, "This is a stick, and I am hitting you with it!" -- and add a flashing sign and a sound-track.

But anyhow...

Sandra, it may be that he's not dense. Maybe he's a bit uneasy around girls, knowing that he's a CDer and fearful that they won't accept him.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Tina B.]

Just a complement as to how well "she" looks dressed, goes a long way.
Tina B.

[xdressed]

Hi everyone, I'm the SO in question. Thank you all for your lovely comments (except for the uninformed remark about how dense I am -_-). I'm aware it's not really going to be a surprise anymore, but obviously the surprise aspect isn't really going to be the best bit about the night. We're currently planning it together and I am very excited about it, will let you all know how it goes ^_^