Arghh!

[Jari]

I wish I could get a balance between my two sides - when I indulge my feminine side and embrace it I start worrying my male reactions are being affected and I feel off balance. When I neglect it, I feel miserable and out of sorts. Its extremley difficult, I just dont understand myself at all and here I am 40 years old and still none the wiser.

Anyone here tried therapy? Or is that just a passport to further confusion?

Sorry this sounds so whiney but....Im sure a lot of you know where Im coming from. I guess my questions is how to move forward and be happy. Easy right? :D

[Michaelasfun]

I kind of compartmentalize my feminine side and just concentrate on enjoying it, sort of leaving my male side dormant whilst indulging, as though I'm two separate entities (maybe I'm nuts myself). I guess my .02 is to enjoy it just like you would anything else you like to do, it doesn't have to mean you're hurting your maleness by doing it. I haven't tried therapy so can't speak to that.

[kimdl93]

Don't worry about your male reactions, whatever they are. Just be yourself regardless of how yo are dressed. Dress en femme whenthe mood strikes you, don't when the mood isn't there. I think you'll find less confusion in life if you just live it more and fret a bit less.

[Joanne f]

The best therapy you can get is to stop worrying about it , if your male side has been dominant for most of your life it is understandable that you are going to have some form of reaction to the emerging feminine side that you now enjoy , you just have to learn how to stop fighting it and just enjoy it when you need to .

[Barbara Ella]

I think that by now, we all know boys will be boys, and you cant do a thing with them. I feel the same about the man side. It is gonna be a pain in the butt regardless of what i do when I get to let the girl out. He gets the majority of my time anyway, so i dont feel sorry for him one bit. I love him, and I love her but they just cant get along, so i keep them separate. Dont even like talking about him here, as i am fully female for the afternoon and loving it.

Barbara

[Cheryl T]

I felt much the same for so many years that I was in hiding.
Once I finally came out to my wife and found her support I was able to blend all the factions together and accept that all of this is the sum of me.

[katie_barns]

After 1 year of therapy I discovered that I shouldn't worry about it. I try to just be me; even if I find myself acting way too girly in male mode.
True happiness comes from being comfortable with yourself. I could never get the knack of turning my actions on and off depending on how I was dressed. My opinion. 'Don't let if bother you, just be yourself.' I also know that is easier said than done ! Good Luck

[Kate Simmons]

In no way is it easy Hon but a start is when you accept yourself and embrace your feelings.:)

[Stephanie47]

I am not a proponent of therapy unless you're self loathing and beating yourself up over being who you are. Then, the therapy should be geared to accepting yourself. Stay away from that bull crap therapy which tries to convince a person they are sinners and headed to hell in their best prom dress.

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with having your feminine side nurture your male side on how to treat people and react to those around you. Just don't engage the women around the water cooler about the best brands of pantyhose and bras and panties.

Also, whether you are single or involved with a SO, it is necessary to strike a balance in life about EVERYTHING. Life is not Burger King where you get it Your Way all the time.

[ArleneRaquel]

Stephanie,
I totally agree. Great post !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jari, One of the first laws of physics says,"No two objects can occupy the same space at the same time".

I guess that also applys to gender identity too.

[Jari]

thanks all of you for your replies. It certainly helps to know you are all out there too and some wrestling with the same problems. Half my trouble is dressing is closely entwinned with my sexuality but i think the advice I need to go with most can be distilled as 'Stop worrying about it, enjoy it'

Im going to keep trying. Thanks again

[Jacqueline Winona]

Balance is something most of us are always striving for- just remember the balance you need isn't always going to be the same as it was yesterday. It's not always easy, but you can get through it by just accepting that you're happy when you dress and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Noemi]

Hello Jari,

Firstly I really dig the Pirate speak Arrgh. At times, when I am alone, I find myself speaking like a pirate Arrggh, just cause its fun.
But seriously, I just came from dinner at the local pub with a couple of guys I was working with tonight. They are friends that I have been working with, on and off for years, and we had a fun time. Lots of laughs and good meaningful well intended intelligent conversation too. My point is I was very male tonight with them, but at this point in my life I am conscious of this, that I am acting the part for their benefit, to fit in. I can get quite lonely being trans gender me, and wanted to have company tonight....I think sometimes I am selling everyone short by not being my self too. I do not know, it is not easy for me right now. I am in my early 40's as well and have a clue about many things at this stage in my life but dealing with Noemi is difficult.

Then I came home and felt like a big hairy monkey, even at the job tonight I was noticing how big and muscular I am, and did not like that. I am not having an easy time of it, but I suppose I compartmentalize my two sides, and no one knows or has a clue that Noemi exists. But here I am in my nightgown, panties, bra, forms, cute slippers writing to you.
I under dress and keep my body as hair free as possible...What I have learned at this point is that, Noemi will not go away, I really enjoy Cd'ing, I feel better if I let her exist, give her permission, she exists anyway and is me, no matter what I do. So no purging anymore, and I am on the road to discovering how to live my life trans gender.

Thank you for posting your feelings tonight, they help.

♥♥♥
Noemi

[Jennifer Monroe]

Hi Jari,

What seems to help me is just being myself. A lot of things are stereotypes anyway. There are some GG that are stereotypical masculine and it is just who they are as people. They enjoy typical guy stuff and its cool. They also have a softer side that is traditional female. There are guys who are stereotypical feminine but that is who they are. They enjoy things that are associated with females and that is fine. Im sure even these guys dont hate every single thing associated with what guys normally like. Society, families, etc make a big deal of everything and somehow you cant express or worse off you cant be you. There are GG who are very feminine who can watch a sporting event and watch an action packed movie and nobody cares. Basically you can like feminine things whether it is lingerie, girly films, etc, and still like certain things as a guy. I love to dress up in sexy lingerie. I love to be pampered with a massage. Does that mean suddenly I hate baseball because it is a sport attended by more men than women? No it doesnt. You dont have to switch off...just be you and life is less complicated. Good luck!
Love,
Jennifer

[TrayciCD]

You all are so thoughtful. Thanks for helping the OP--and me too.

[Jari]

thanks to all of you, its really helpful and uplifting to know you are all out there and to hear your advice and opinions. Its a considerbale comfort to know we are not alone.

Jari

[Frédérique]

I wish I could get a balance between my two sides - when I indulge my feminine side and embrace it I start worrying my male reactions are being affected and I feel off balance. When I neglect it, I feel miserable and out of sorts. Its extremely difficult, I just don’t understand myself at all and here I am 40 years old and still none the wiser. Anyone here tried therapy? Or is that just a passport to further confusion?

Either bring the two “sides” together, or ditch the idea of two sides – you’re YOU, no matter what imaginary side you think you’re on. Just relax – you can be male and dress as a woman (I do this all the time), or you can dress as a male and feel like a woman (I do THAT all the time, too, since I don’t have two sides). Balance is the key, allowing femininity to mix with your inherent masculinity, blending the genders together into a homogenous whole. I see therapy as a passport to confusion, definitely, since only another crossdresser can advise a crossdresser, and you have to BE a crossdresser to understand why someone would crossdress…

I recommend reading the information contained on this site, since it is the voice of experience… :battingeyelashes: