Interview with a Husband

[MandyGG]

I had an in depth talk with my husband about his experiences during the time he was experimenting with men. I thought a few of you would like to know what he felt and what he got out of it. This is personal, and his own words, so it doesn't mean that you will feel the exact same way. I am going to type the answers he gave me to the questions that I asked, but please know that the conversation was gentle, loving, and no feelings were hurt. I will have to change some words to keep it PC, but you will still get the idea.

Mandy: What gave you the urge to post onto those websites looking for guys?

Audrey: I was lonely. I was "turned on". I had no women that were interested in me, so I thought maybe I was gay. I was dressing up every night and I had bought a "toy" and tried it out. I enjoyed it. So, I thought, "Yeah, I am bi" because I had liked it and I was dressing up as a woman. It made sense to me. I went to the websites and opened the accounts. It was so much easier to get a straight guy to talk to you than it was to get a woman to. Even after I told them that I was a guy, they still wanted to talk to me. It felt good.

Mandy: They told you they were straight? But, they were the ones that searched for you, who was admitting to being a crossdresser, and they still said that?

Audrey: They were straight. They were just lonely, too. They talked about how they hadn't had a girlfriend in a while. They said that it was cool that I liked to dress up, and they thought it was pretty. We would talk on the phone and email. We talked about what we would do to each other.

Mandy: So, you wanted to feel pretty and special?

Audrey: Yes. I wanted to have guys turned on by me. I wanted them to want me. I wanted to be able to walk around and have people think that I was a woman and want to hit on me.

Mandy: When you showed up to meet them, were you dressed like a woman?

Audrey: Sometimes. Some of them wanted me to show up like a guy and then change later.

Mandy: Do you find men attractive and sexually appealing?

Audrey: I don't think of them as ugly, and I know when one is attractive. I like women much more. I don't think sex with men sounds fun, it isn't something that I want. I wanted something different.

Mandy: What were your thoughts during it?

Audrey: I wanted to have sex like a woman. I didn't want anal sex, I wanted vaginal, but I don't have one. I wanted them to touch me like a woman. I wanted them to be soft and gentle. kind of romantic. I wanted to be cuddled afterwards. I wanted to be kissed like I would kiss a woman.

Mandy: Were they gentle? Did they treat you like you wanted?

Audrey: No. They treated me like they were having sex with a guy. It was rough. It wasn't at all what we had talked about doing on the phone or emails. I tried to give them oral, but I wasn't good and didn't like it. I didn't like any of it, actually. I didn't even "get off" with any of them.

Mandy: If you didn't like it, and didn't "get off", then why did you try it more? Why did you email them asking for them to see you again?

Audrey: It was a fantasy! Don't you get that? It wasn't supposed to be real, but I made it real. I thought it was what I wanted. I tried again to see if it was different with someone else. I kept having the thoughts that it would be what I wanted it to be, but it ended the same every time. I kept trying because I thought it was what I was. I thought that I was supposed to do it because I kept fantasizing about it.

Mandy: Did you stop because I came back into your life?

Audrey: No. I had quit right before. It didn't make it me feel good and I knew it wasn't what I wanted anymore. I am not gay! When you came back, it made me know that I made the right choice.

Mandy: Do you still consider yourself "Bi"?

Audrey: No. I am straight.


So, that is what was said that I think others need to hear. I know that many of you feel the same way that he did about feeling sex as a woman, and that, in turn, makes you question your own sexuality. You are not alone. If you feel that having sex with a man is what you need, then please go for it. Keep in mind, that these are not straight men. They look for guys just like you for some unknown reason. They are attracted to the "Man in a Dress", they do NOT think that you are women. They KNOW you have a penis. First, make sure that you are genuinely attracted to them. Make sure that you are not in a "pink fog", and feeling 100% girly. Ask yourself if it is something that you would do, while in drab. Don't just think that this is what you want because today's outfit feels so good and sexy and you are having some serious fantasies. You do not have a vagina. It will NOT be vaginal sex. It WILL be 2 guys having GAY sex. It will NOT be hetero. Audrey learned this, and hopefully someone can learn from it.


Mandy

[suzy1]

Thank you mandy.

I think it’s some but not many of us here that would ever fantasize about being with a man and then go and do it.
Being 100% heterosexual means the very thought of really being with another man repulsive.
So I do wonder about your husband saying he is straight.

But that’s just my feelings on the subject Mandy.



SUZY

[MandyGG]

Suzy,

Believe me, I questioned it a whole bunch too. But, I am taking him for his word now. I have had one night stands that I am not proud of. They were hetero one night stands, but they were awful none the less. We will see in time. That's all I can say. I can't hold his past against him. I can only deal with what he does from here on out.

Edited to add:

I have read posts where straight CD's were talking about the fantasy of it. So, I just wanted them to know that once you make a fantasy a reality, it becomes just that... a reality.

[Andria]

That is an interesting interview.

I do wonder about the men that want sex with a CD, but don't want to touch or see the CD's private parts down there.

[MandyGG]

Andria,

That is a good thought. The men that he was with were ALL ABOUT his parts.... they played it off like it was going "so far" out of their comfort zone and how risque it would be. No. Reality is, they wanted to do exactly what they did.

I think the oddest part is that I do feel bad for my husband for what he went through, but I am not disgusted by him. I am disgusted with the "admirers" that take advantage of people like him.

[Andria]

I do hope he's dealing with it ok, and I'm happy that you are there for him.

[Badtranny]

Men who have sex with other men and think they're still straight as long as one of them is wearing a wig and lipstick are simply delusional. It's the only way they can rationalize their desire for some intimate male companionship.

[MandyGG]

Men who have sex with other men and think they're still straight as long as one of them is wearing a wig and lipstick are simply delusional. It's the only way they can rationalize their desire for some intimate male companionship.

That is the way that I see it, too. That is on both sides of this, the admirers and the CDs are both guilty. Like I said before, I cant hold what he has done against him. I can only hold him accountable for what he does now.

[janet54]

Mandy. You are very understanding LADY! You are right the past is the past. Does he know what a remarkable women he has!!!!!

[MandyGG]

Mandy. You are very understanding LADY! You are right the past is the past. Does he know what a remarkable women he has!!!!!

Thank you. That was very sweet.

[RADER]

Mandy;
What a very interesting line of thought. I am a CD in every way, I enjoy wearing womens clothes,
But I am strait as an arrow. The idea of going to bed with a man just turns my stomach.
I love my wife, who is OK with my dressing, and I am strictly in the closet dressing wise.
I think my dressing brings me a little closer to my wife, as I want to feel what she feels, and
have the feeling of knowing what she wants.
You are a very interesting person, and your questions where perfect.
Thanks for sharing your work on this Post.
Rader

[DanaR]

Mandy, this is an interesting subject, thanks for sharing it with us. I would imagine that Audrey's feelings are similar to what many feel (CD'ers and some women) and are then prayed on by some males.

[Jennifer Monroe]

Hi Mandy,
Thanks for a really interesting post. I am bisexual. I am attracted to men with or without wearing female clothes. I have never had an experience. My wife is also bisexual. She is an alpha female who wants a man in the bedroom and a fem woman. She does not want me to be the woman because she has had the really thing and it is not the same. I would want the man I wanted to be my lover to be a good friend who cared for me and I cared for him. One fantasy would be to wear something nice for him and be submissive. I realize the type of lovemaking we would be having but it’s all about trust and communication. I would want the sex to be out of love and tenderness. If he wanted to be submissive and if he wanted to wear lingerie then that would be fine also. I could be dominant if that was what he wanted. I think the trouble your husband experienced was that it was just about sex with someone he doesn’t really know. He trusted these individuals to fulfill a fantasy and he put himself in a vulnerable situation. He doesn’t know these guys and the guys might just be looking for fast sex. If had built a relationship with a man and got to know him with expressing his concerns then the lovemaking would be just an extension of their friendship and I’m sure it would be more fulfilling. I wish you both well and good luck!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Mandy, I am curious, did he have access to good, factual information about crossdressing/transvestism before he was with a man? The fact one can be hetero and a TV is something we have been trying and trying and *trying* to convey to people for many decades, it is very unfortunate the information was not made available to him if that is the case.

I understand why some do experiment, passively accepting GGs are hard to find, GGs who find it a turn on and are attracted to TVs are so rare they are almost nonexistent, and I know how how it is to find someone who desires you en femme (oh goodness do I ever understand this...) Still, I often warn dressers I know who are hetero but thinking about experimenting to think twice about it; because if they ever do find themselves a GG partner, they can never honestly tell them they have never been with another male.

[Laurie A]

Audrey: I wanted to have sex like a woman. I didn't want anal sex, I wanted vaginal, but I don't have one. I wanted them to touch me like a woman. I wanted them to be soft and gentle. kind of romantic. I wanted to be cuddled afterwards. I wanted to be kissed like I would kiss a woman.


Mandy

Mandy,
Thanks for posting, this was an interesting read. Audrey's response touched me because I have similar feelings.

[Kate Simmons]

Mandy, Like any relationship if true feelings are involved they will be shown and expressed by both sides. If it's just a physical thing, it won't last whether one is straight, gay or bi.:)

[kimdl93]

This is very interesting to me because like many males I had some m/m experiences in my younger days. It illustrates both the allure and delusion that can be associated with a powerful sexual fantasy.

However, I never dressed or attempted to project a female persona with my male partners. I still regard myself as bi by virtue of these past experiences, but I am married to a woman and we have a monogamous relationship.

[Miriam-J]

Thanks for sharing this, Mandy. I know another young man who told me similar stories, without the crossdressing, about the disappointment he felt with the roughness of male-to-male sex versus the gentleness that he had expected and had been promised (through people he had also met on line). In his case it managed to shatter his fantasies and curiosity quite thoroughly, just as it seems to have done for Audrey. In this young man's case I think he was always hetero anyway, but the curiosity is always understandable. It's good to hear another story with similar themes.

Miriam


I know another young man who told me similar stories, without the crossdressing, about the disappointment he felt with the roughness of male-to-male sex versus the gentleness that he had expected and had been promised (through people he had also met on line).
This statement has been bothering me ever since I wrote it, and I thought about it while doing some chores outside. I should have said something very different, and should not have presumed that male-to-male sex is rough (I really don't know). Instead, it should be ascribed to the character of the many predators that are waiting on-line for males or females, no matter how they dress. Anytime it's about sex rather than the relationship, the risk of predatory behavior is bound to be much higher.

A huge sorry to all those that I mischaracterized in the first post.

Miriam

[MandyGG]

Miriam,

I would hope that no one intentionally took offense. I hope the same goes for the post that I had written, it was never intended to be malicious towards male-male homosexual relations. It was like you said, a predatory action no matter the gender.

[Marleena]

Mandy your candidness and openess never fail to amaze me.

This topic (bi when dressed fantasy) comes up a lot here and to hear of one person's personal experience is an eye opener. It can also be a warning to those that go beyond the fantasy. There are men that take advantage of the vulnerability of CDer's. So hopefully some can learn from it.

[Kaz]

Fantastic thread and again, thanks Mandy. I really appreciate your posts - they are really helpful. I am going to admit this sort of fantasy... after all, the more we try to emulate some sort of femininity or whatever it is that we do... the more this becomes another part of feeling female... but of course it can never really happen as we want it to.

I have never taken it beyond fantasy because whilst I am starting to understand the attractiveness of men to women, sadly I am turned off by the physical aspect of having sex with a man. I experimented many years ago when I thought I might be bi and didn't anything too 'involved' but I couldn't get on with it after that brief encounter I never pursued it further.

So I can relate to your story. I am pretty much sure that if I pursued the same experiment I would also not want to pursue it further... the fantasy is probably the best place to keep these feelings!

[ReineD]

Mandy, thanks for posting this and please thank your SO for giving you permission. I think somehow it will be more believable coming from a CDer who has actually experienced it.

The truth is, for hetero CDers the sexual excitement is over wanting to feel feminine, not an attraction to men. Men are an accessory just like a purse. But unless a hetero CDer has actually gone out and tried it, he will believe himself to be bi, (although *only when dressed*) and further, the fantasy will continue to be exciting for him since nothing has happened yet to shatter the illusion.

Anyway, the term for this is autogynephilia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanchard's_transsexualism_typology) which means the love of oneself as a woman, whether it is expressed through autoeroticism or experimentation with men.

Caveat: for the TSs reading this, I know the article I link to suggests AGP as a reason to transition among straight TSs and I know this is not true. A TS, whether male or female attracted, absolutely needs to transition and there is no paraphilic motive. But, AGP still does exist and it is alive and well in the CDing community:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=autogynephilia%2C+

That said, yes there are CDers who are bi and genuinely attracted to men. But these CDers would be attracted to men even in guy mode.

As to the so-called straight men who are into CDers? They're not straight. They are attracted specifically to someone who looks like a girl but who has a penis. There's a conflict there: the CDer wants to be seen as a woman and the man who is attracted to him sees him as a man in a dress. These Admirers will drop a transsexual like a hot potato when she has SRS. Also, this is the best description I've read about such men, who according to the author also often harbor stifled and unexpressed desires to crossdress:

http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html

[MandyGG]

because if they ever do find themselves a GG partner, they can never honestly tell them they have never been with another male.

You are absolutely correct on this!!! He can never undo it, nor can he unsay it to me. And to your question, No, at the time he did not have any help in any way. Oh how I wish he would have known of places like this one to come to for help and support.

[ReluctantDebutant]

I read this post and looked back on my crossdressing and thought "there but for the grace of god go I". That got me to thinking, we all need something in our lives to keep us real. It can be anything outside ourselves that keeps us from getting lost inside ourselves: friends, families, loved ones, beliefs. Anything that can keep us grounded in reality. Crossdressing can be like a hurricane of thoughts emotions and fantasies that can suck you up and blow you around like a doublewide trailer if you aren't firmly anchored. It sounded like Audrey was at some low point in his life. He sounded lonely and confused. He didn't have anything firm to hold on to when the storm hit. I think all crossdressers have those moments of questioning their own sexuality. When one is on firm ground this can remain a mental exercise till one figures it out. when one is not, the confusion will take one to places one may not truely wish. If one is grounded in something real the path it will take us on will be real. We all can get lost in the storms in our heads.

[MandyGG]

Mandy, thanks for posting this and please thank your SO for giving you permission. I think somehow it will be more believable coming from a CDer who has actually experienced it.

He doesn't mind me telling our stories because if someone we know can connect the dots to figure out who we are from reading it, well then they have a little CD secret too!

I do wish that he were a member here, but he is still hesitant to join. I would love for him to be able to say everything himself, even with his horrible spelling and writing skills! LOL! I hope that someone who has also had this experience can step up with their story too. I would love to hear it.


It sounded like Audrey was at some low point in his life. He sounded lonely and confused. He didn't have anything firm to hold on to when the storm hit.

How right you are on this. He was about to turn 40. Never been married. No children. All he had was an apartment and his dog. And, of course, crossdressing. Fantasy was his only outlet. He WAS confused. He WAS lonely.

[ReineD]

Oh how I wish he would have known of places like this one to come to for help and support.

I'm speaking for myself, however I'm sure this applies to most everyone: when I'm hell-bent on experiencing something, there is nothing anyone can say that will dissuade me. This would be especially true of sexual experiences. People tend to see other people's experiences/advice as not applying to themselves ... until they've actually come to the same conclusions by trying it for themselves.


I hope that someone who has also had this experience can step up with their story too. I would love to hear it.

This was my SO's experience as well, years before he met me. I won't provide the details since this would be up to my SO. And in all the threads we've had about "would you date a guy when dressed", there are many people who respond in the affirmative, but who don't share actual experiences to back this up, which leads me to believe they are still very much at the fantasy stage. Several do say they've been with men but confirm they're either bi or gay, and the hetero CDers who have tried it have the same experiences as your SO and mine. And we also have the fantasy element in many posts: the people who say they've done something when there is a question as to whether they really did or not. This forum is, after all, a place where many members come to play.

[WifeofWrenchette]

Mandy,

I can't thank you enough for posting this thread! I sent it to my SO on his email so he would be sure and read it since he's questioning his sexual identity as a CD. Since he hardly comes here anymore I wanted to be sure he read it. It was VERY insightful and useful. Again, thanks!

[Jessica86]

I will share something personal on this. It may be harsh, but I work with a few gay men who make wonderful coworkers! Every guy/girl thinks about being with the same sex one time or another. Its how you find out if you like it or not. For the personal part, I have experimented with toys and things in a past relationship where I was treated like a woman while dressed. Every way. This was with a woman. I find the thought of being with a man repulsive. No problems with gay men as friends, but like I tell the guys at work "man, just don't hit on me," as most will make jokes every now and then about me being tall and handsome. For example, I hate coconut. On anything. I wanted to try it, and only took a little piece. Still hated it, put it down and haven't touched it since. My worry is this. Men begin to get aroused at contact while women take a while longer. If he wasn't interested, he should of known when they began kissing. Before going there. Then if he hated it so much, why go back again? He says because no woman wanted him....yet....depression doesn't force you to do that. You lower your standards. You pursue harder. You do something until you meet someone. Switching up sexes because of a breakup? Never heard of it, and will never believe it. Deeper issue at work here.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Men who have sex with other men and think they're still straight as long as one of them is wearing a wig and lipstick are simply delusional. It's the only way they can rationalize their desire for some intimate male companionship.

I agree with the above statement, sex with a man is sex with man - straight? I think not.

[Clueless]

Thank you very much for posting. I could see how that would be hard to do. I have read some threads about that topic before & always wondered what was going on in the Cders head. I must not have enough Cder genes in me, as I still think about women when dressed, never men. I don't think I could even do E-Mails or calls in that context. I would be too grossed out. I remember feeling disgusted when I was out dressed during Halloween & a guy was looking at me in creepy way. It made me feel extra vulnerable & a bit queasy.

If you don't mind me asking, how many times did he do it before he decided he didn't like it? Did he try other things with guys in person before doing that? I just can't wrap my mind around going from E-Mails & calls to jumping in bed with another guy. Most guys know how other guys think & how insensitive or worse they can be. I can totally understand the toy part & wanting it to wielded by someone else. Did he 1st try to find a woman who would be down for doing that with him? It seems odd that he doesn't understand it's not that act that defines what your sexuality is, but who you do the act with.

He said he likes women much more. Does or has he checked out/looked at men before or only women? I believe in the Dr Lector theory: we covet what we see. I'm only attracted to women & my favorite body part is the posterior & legs. I tend to glance (I've trained myself not to stare) at a lot of them & oddly enough now shoes and even bags lol. I've never looked at the male ones though. Fantasies (which freaked me out a lot before I took a human sexuality class in jr collage & learned that homoerotic dreams are 100% normal for guys) aside, I don't even think about other guys except family members, friends or idols like band members. Has he never thought about Lesbians & what they do when dressed? What type of p0rn, if any, is he into? Since catching the Cder bug fairly recently, thoughts of Lesbianism have taken up a lot of my fantasy spare time.

[MandyGG]

I can't thank you enough for posting this thread! I sent it to my SO on his email so he would be sure and read it since he's questioning his sexual identity as a CD. Since he hardly comes here anymore I wanted to be sure he read it. It was VERY insightful and useful. Again, thanks!

You are welcome! I hope he finds it useful!


Then if he hated it so much, why go back again? He says because no woman wanted him....yet....depression doesn't force you to do that. You lower your standards. You pursue harder. You do something until you meet someone. Switching up sexes because of a breakup? Never heard of it, and will never believe it. Deeper issue at work here.

While I agree with you for the most part, in the fact that gay is gay, bi is bi, straight is straight, but imagine how you would feel at 40. You reach "middle age" and still cannot find a woman that loves you. He would go on dates, but never get a call back for a second. He had little to no self esteem. He didn't do it because of a break up. He was never with anyone to use that excuse. He hadn't had sex with a woman in 5 years, with that sex just being out of loneliness on HER part. It had been 5 years before that. So, 10 years and only having sex a handful of times with one woman that wasn't even committed or interested in developing a relationship. By that point, you start to question everything that you had done until then. "Maybe there is a reason that women don't want to be with me?" Then you throw crossdresser and the stigmata behind that in the mix. And don't forget the fantasies that are rampaging his brain. It would have never happened had he met a woman, married, had children.... he had none of it.

Why he tried again? To see if the others that had promised what he was after (being treated like a woman) would fulfill that fantasy.


If you don't mind me asking, how many times did he do it before he decided he didn't like it? Did he try other things with guys in person before doing that?.......Did he 1st try to find a woman who would be down for doing that with him? It seems odd that he doesn't understand it's not that act that defines what your sexuality is, but who you do the act with.........He said he likes women much more. Does or has he checked out/looked at men before or only women? ..............Has he never thought about Lesbians & what they do when dressed? What type of p0rn, if any, is he into? Since catching the Cder bug fairly recently, thoughts of Lesbianism have taken up a lot of my fantasy spare time.

He tried it a total of 5 times. He never tried anything with men before the 1st, and by that point his brain was committed to going through with it. He is not a typical guy. He doesn't watch porn. He doesn't think that sex should be rough and hard with a woman. He doesn't "think" like other men to know how most men "think" about sex.

He couldn't even find a woman that wasn't down to kinky sex, let alone someone who was. Take into consideration that he was, at the time, a non religious person living in Mormon town of Salt Lake City, UT. Mormon women are everywhere, but only dated Mormon men. The few he found that were not Mormons, he would try to ask out and be rejected.

His fantasy of "being a lesbian" was his ultimate fantasy! It was so much of a bigger one than that of being with a man as a straight woman! He would have loved to have found a woman that would do it with him and experience it.

He only "checked out" women. He doesn't find men attractive enough to lust after them. He said that he knows when another man is good looking, like when I say another woman is hot, but neither of us sexually desire them.

[Deanna Jeanine]

Hi Mandy,

Thanks for this wonderful and enlightening post.Having been a CD for the past 37 years, I asked myself that question more than once. But fortunately I discovered that it wasn't sex from a man I wanted, it was acceptance of my "feminine" side and "being treated like a lady". Our society has been so overly sexualized that we blur the lines between intimacy and physicality. I found that what I really wanted was to be loved, not made love to.

I have had sexual relations with men both drab (first) and dressed. I as well discovered that there was absolutely NO difference in the experience for me. The sex was almost identical. My being dressed I discovered, wasn't for my benefit, but more for the man that was rationalizing his homosexuality by having sex with a "dude in a dress". If you are bisexual or homosexual, your outer appearance has no bearing in your sexuality.

In contrast, I have been married 3 times. My first wife and I used to dress together in matching lingerie (unfortunately our dressing never progressed beyond that) and it was a warm and loving relationship. She passed away, and my second wife also knew about my dressing, but would not acknowledge or participate in it. She was bisexual, and decided that she preferred to be with a GG and not a CD so we divorced after 11 years.

My current wife does not know about "Dee". She is legally blind and in 2009 I almost lost her due to some psychological and medication related issues. Due to her dual diagnosis and mental state, it isn't beneficial to her condition for me to "come out" to her. So Dee remains in the closet. Her psychological state and mental health is more important to me.

We moved from the mid west to southwest Louisiana last year. I had a GG girlfriend who I dressed with in Arkansas. I had the "best of both worlds" and wasn't Hanna Montana, LoL. But she wound up getting a boyfriend and our play stopped. So I purged and lost everything again. So here I am, once again a "broke azzed girl" who doesn't even have a pair of heels or panties.

I found an ad for a "CD" on Craigslist (yes I know that was stupid) and I agreed to meet with her. When I got there, I found a "dude in a dress" who only had 1 dress, a Party City wig, no makeup, gaudy lipstick, fishnet stockings he had "made crotch-less" and nothing else. He didn't even have a fem name. I was so disappointed. I was looking for a CD GF and he was a gay guy in a dress.

Sorry I rambled, and thanks for letting me vent. Love you all.

[sue1965]

Thank you for sharing. I feel the same as your husband that I do want to dress and be with a man but also have very mixed emotions about it as i do still like to be with women.

[katie_barns]

Hi Mandy,

Thanks for this wonderful and enlightening post.Having been a CD for the past 37 years, I asked myself that question more than once. But fortunately I discovered that it wasn't sex from a man I wanted, it was acceptance of my "feminine" side and "being treated like a lady". Our society has been so overly sexualized that we blur the lines between intimacy and physicality. I found that what I really wanted was to be loved, not made love to.

I have been wanting to respond to this post since it was put up. I just couldn't figure out how to word what I was feeling. Thanks you DeeDee for saying it for me...............

[MandyGG]

DeeDee and Katie, oh how I wish he would have realized that was what he needed beforehand. I am sure he does too.

[Badtranny]

Every guy/girl thinks about being with the same sex one time or another.

I don't think this is true at all. It's entirely possible that some people never question their sexuality.


DeeDee and Katie, oh how I wish he would have realized that was what he needed beforehand. I am sure he does too.


Mandy I feel like you're apologizing for your guy getting his freak on a few years ago. Please don't. There is nothing wrong with experimenting and in fact there would be nothing wrong with him being bisexual. One of my dearest friends is currently married to a guy in England (she's a GG) who she loves very much and he feels the same about her. Well, this girl had been in a committed lesbian relationship back in the '90s and her now husband had also played the field (both fields) many years ago. Today they are an adorable couple. Neither of them feel the need to apologize for who they are or were.

Your guy got his groove on and he didn't particularly care for it, big deal. It isn't a scarlet letter or something he needs to recover from, ...or hide from.

[ReineD]

Every guy/girl thinks about being with the same sex one time or another. Its how you find out if you like it or not.
I totally agree with Melissa. This may be true for a few, but believe me there are many people who know they aren't turned on by same-sex, they don't even wonder about it, and they're not posturing. It's a reptilian-brain (instinctual) thing.



Switching up sexes because of a breakup? Never heard of it, and will never believe it. Deeper issue at work here.
You underestimate the individual's strength of libido and the power and allure of a MtF who wishes to feel feminine sexually. Everything is a gradient, a spectrum, and some M2Fs feel this more powerfully than others.


I discovered that it wasn't sex from a man I wanted, it was acceptance of my "feminine" side and "being treated like a lady". Our society has been so overly sexualized that we blur the lines between intimacy and physicality. I found that what I really wanted was to be loved, not made love to.
We had a long, serious discussion about this in a thread years ago and the conclusion was, the ideal for a hetero CDer is to genuinely feel loved for who she is by a GG, in other words, find a GG who does appreciate her feminine self in bed (as opposed to an open-minded GG who sees him as a guy in a dress). The mind-switch this involves for a hetero GG is difficult, since she has to redefine both their roles in her relationship, and that's assuming she is receptive to the idea to begin with. This process can take time.



I have had sexual relations with men both drab (first) and dressed. I as well discovered that there was absolutely NO difference in the experience for me. The sex was almost identical. My being dressed I discovered, wasn't for my benefit, but more for the man that was rationalizing his homosexuality by having sex with a "dude in a dress". If you are bisexual or homosexual, your outer appearance has no bearing in your sexuality.
I'm quoting this to emphasize it, since this is yet another truth from someone who has actually experienced it, that is seldom said around here. :hugs:

[MandyGG]

Mandy I feel like you're apologizing for your guy getting his freak on a few years ago. Please don't. There is nothing wrong with experimenting and in fact there would be nothing wrong with him being bisexual. One of my dearest friends is currently married to a guy in England (she's a GG) who she loves very much and he feels the same about her. Well, this girl had been in a committed lesbian relationship back in the '90s and her now husband had also played the field (both fields) many years ago. Today they are an adorable couple. Neither of them feel the need to apologize for who they are or were.

Your guy got his groove on and he didn't particularly care for it, big deal. It isn't a scarlet letter or something he needs to recover from, ...or hide from.

You are right. I guess I am apologizing for something that I totally shouldn't be. I have always been a bit too protective of him. We have no hard feelings about his past. I am 100% sure of him wanting to be with me only and he is content with us. That is all I need.

[Sallee]

Interesting thread. I agree that if you have a male part and your sex partner has a male part it is plain and simple gay sex regardless of what either may be wearing. "Not that there is anything wrong with that"

[Soriya]

Hi Mandy!

First off, you already know this but, you are an amazing person. Not because of how much love you have for your husband no matter what but because you are a person who holds a tremendous amount of understanding of things with life in general. You may or may not be a spiritual person but coming from someone who is spiritual (not religious), you are very spiritually evolved to have that level of understanding. :)

Thank you to you and your husband for posting your thread. It is something a lot need to read and think about as I read so many posts from CD's here who I can see clearly get lost in the pink cloud and act upon those feelings. I have gone through almost exactly what your husband did but I never experimented. The same feelings of wanting to experience sex as a woman, as in like your husband said, what it would be like if I had a vagina were very strong in my 20's and after 15 years of not dressing, it was the biggest fear I had after a TS friend of mine suggested I try dressing again to figure it out. I was afraid those feelings would come back as they only appeared when I dressed.

They did at first but being in a very centered place mentally due to working on every other aspect of my life before dressing again, I figured out what it was. The thoughts/fantasies of it are actually hetero for CD's like me. When dressed, at least for me, I figured out that I was presenting as a woman, feeling like a woman and most importantly, thinking like one thus the thoughts of it are of a hetero thought process. In my 20's I did not have the internet yet so I did not have the avenue to explore it as a reality and who knows if I would have actually tried if I did. It was very confusing especially because I did not have resources like this site to learn from at the time, not to mention I have no physical attraction to men whatsoever. The fantasies for me included the 'faceless man' because of that lack of physical attraction to to the male image. It was more of thinking about the 'mid section' of a male.

This is a confusing, scary place to be for CD's when they get to this point and extreme caution should be considered, especially when it comes to the CD's own thought process behind it. For me, these thoughts have decreased almost into non-existent at this point as has dressing for the most part but that has come due to some heave sole searching and looking within to figure out what dressing was all about through my life.

As is the case with your husband, with all things in life, one of the most important things I have learned is "sometimes we have to be who we are not to realize who we really are". It's not a bad thing to explore and find out you don't like something and it's not worth feeling bad about with such found knowledge as in everything is a lesson, an opportunity to discover and learn who you really are. :)

[Kate T]

Mandy

This is quite possibly one of the bravest threads I have seen on these boards. You and your partner allowed us to read personal details about yourselves and your lives not for your own benefit but for the benefit of everyone else. Personally I believe the benefit we have gained from this frank insight is considerable.

Audreys actions were what they were. She regrets them clearly and your love and understanding has helped her to shed most of the guilt that she harboured over them, otherwise she would not have either told you about them nor would she have concented to them being recounted here. Audrey's explanation of her actions provide not only insight but instruction. I believe that it is highly likely that in the depths of extremely low self worth anyone can be seduced by false words into physical intimacy that they later regret. In many ways I suspect GG's may even perhaps understand this more so than even TG's. Fuelled by AGP I think it is not unimaginable that a heterosexual CD in such a state could participate in homosexual intimacy.

I am sorry that Audrey was preyed upon by those selfish individuals. They exploited Audrey for their own personal gain. Unfortunately such exploitation is all to common in both homo and heterosexual encounters.

I hope you can continue to love and heal each other.

[TrishM]

Thank you for sharing this Mandy. It was very helpful. You are very helpful. :) (Love the bluebird by the way!)

[Aloha Jayne]

Thank you Mandy for putting to rest any thought I ever had about "experimenting". It doesn't sound appealing to me and I only am attracted to women. But now I know that I would never feel any more like "myself" by doing something that goes against my true desires.

[Jessica86]

While I agree with you for the most part, in the fact that gay is gay, bi is bi, straight is straight, but imagine how you would feel at 40. You reach "middle age" and still cannot find a woman that loves you. He would go on dates, but never get a call back for a second. He had little to no self esteem. He didn't do it because of a break up. He was never with anyone to use that excuse. He hadn't had sex with a woman in 5 years, with that sex just being out of loneliness on HER part. It had been 5 years before that. So, 10 years and only having sex a handful of times with one woman that wasn't even committed or interested in developing a relationship. By that point, you start to question everything that you had done until then. "Maybe there is a reason that women don't want to be with me?" Then you throw crossdresser and the stigmata behind that in the mix. And don't forget the fantasies that are rampaging his brain. It would have never happened had he met a woman, married, had children.... he had none of it.

Why he tried again? To see if the others that had promised what he was after (being treated like a woman) would fulfill that fantasy.

I appreciate any kind of feedback, and encourage GGs to post, as we do not hear from them as often as we should. With that said, I did not understand anything that was said in response to me. I had a sexless relationship for ten years. I knew her my whole life, and found out she wasn't a virgin like I was....on our wedding night which was after the ten years we waited together. Imagine how that feels. Waiting all that time. Turns out she decided to blow it just 48 hours before that. It wasn't.....with a guy either. It was with multiple women in a dungeon like bondage deal I won't get into. How does that feel? All of these things did not influence my sexual preference. It doesn't. It can't. Not with time, age, or personal preference. Sexual preference is genetic. Genetics can not be changed.

[MandyGG]

Jessica,

I am so sorry that happened to you! Maybe in her eyes at the time she thought she was still a virgin because it wasn't with a man. Illogical thinking, I know, but....maybe. I think that it was very noble of you to wait for marriage for so long. Whether she kept her end or not, the bottom line is that you did. You should be very proud of that. I can't put myself in your shoes to know how it feels, because I have never dealt with a situation like it, but I could imagine that it really effin sucked! I am so sorry!

I see what you are saying, but neither of us are in Audrey's head now or at the time that this situation was happening. I wish I had a clearer answer for you about it. I guess, I will just have to take his word that these are his feelings. So, if by chance he is bi-sexual and just not admitting to it, then so be it. I am not going to leave him for it. I would only leave him if he acted on it. He knows that. I do still feel that certain circumstances, sex drive, and loneliness can lead a person to do things that they wouldn't "normally" do. So much of this lifestyle doesn't make sense to me and confuses the hell out of me, but it doesn't keep me from trusting him. I have had my thoughts and issues with it over the last 2 years and they got me nowhere. It was time for me to shed the doubt and take him for his word. I don't know who has the right answer on the situation to say if a straight man can have sex with men and still be considered straight. Many gay men have had sex with women and still consider themselves gay and no bisexual. Isn't that close to the same thing?


First off, you already know this but, you are an amazing person. Not because of how much love you have for your husband no matter what but because you are a person who holds a tremendous amount of understanding of things with life in general. You may or may not be a spiritual person but coming from someone who is spiritual (not religious), you are very spiritually evolved to have that level of understanding. :)

Thank you for those sweet words! I appreciate them so much! Thank you for sharing your story as well and you are pretty freakin' amazing yourself!

[Gocaps14]

Wow, this is exactly what I have been going through myself!! I have been having those same kind of feelings about being with another man, even though I do not believe I am gay or bi. While I have had feelings and fantasies, I noticed I was never attracted to real men, only photos of male models or my imagination. I never acted on my thoughts because I kind of felt reality would never equal fantasy. After reading about your husbands experiences I know I was right. I also know I am not gay, but now I can feel a little more comfortable with my fantasies, knowing that's all those thoughts are........fantasies, not reality.

[Badtranny]

Many gay men have had sex with women and still consider themselves gay and no bisexual. Isn't that close to the same thing?

It's exactly the same thing. Before I finally came out as gay in 2006 I was dating (and marrying) women publicly and seeing guys privately. I consider those years my unfortunate experimentation phase and there is no way I would call myself bisexual now. I haven't kissed a girl since 2007 and I am attracted to men exclusively. Nothing changed except my own acceptance. I was never bi, I was never straight, I was just a pathetic closet queen who couldn't deal with the truth.

Your guy could indeed be straight forevermore, if he was gay, there would definitely be clues.

[Ally 2112]

Being a cder for over 30 years and having not been in any kind of relationship for over 2 years nor active in anyway.I have found i do not miss or think about sex or my orientation at all .I just want a friend who is a GG that will acceppt me as her GF in just a friends way, one of the girls i guess ?.Anyways great post MandyGG it got me thinking .PS i have no probs with being or finding friends who are cders i will and plan on eventually going to a cd event .Just wanted to clarify is all :)

[ReineD]

After reading about your husbands experiences I know I was right. I also know I am not gay, but now I can feel a little more comfortable with my fantasies, knowing that's all those thoughts are........fantasies, not reality.

Fantasies are exciting, as long as someone's single. :) I once read a fascinating blog by a CDer for whom the fantasies of a faceless man were so enticing, sex with his GG SO stopped measuring up. Needless to say this caused issues in their relationship. Likely not everyone lets it go that far but while we're on the subject, I thought it was worth mentioning.

[Laurie A]

Bad,
I would not consider you as having been pathetic because you once had trouble dealing with the truth. Its a complicated world! Many of us tend (myself included) to beat ourselves up over trying to reconcile our inner selves to outside expectations, but I don't think it is productive or helpful to regret the past. I hope you can see it as a process of growing and learning. This speaks to Audrey learning from her experience: "It didn't make it me feel good and I knew it wasn't what I wanted anymore." I think it is more regret-able if we stay stuck in patterns that cause us pain.


It's exactly the same thing. Before I finally came out as gay in 2006 I was dating (and marrying) women publicly and seeing guys privately. I consider those years my unfortunate experimentation phase and there is no way I would call myself bisexual now. I haven't kissed a girl since 2007 and I am attracted to men exclusively. Nothing changed except my own acceptance. I was never bi, I was never straight, I was just a pathetic closet queen who couldn't deal with the truth.

Your guy could indeed be straight forevermore, if he was gay, there would definitely be clues.

[MandyGG]

Your guy could indeed be straight forevermore, if he was gay, there would definitely be clues.

Thank you, M! (Look at that cute little girl in that avatar pic!)

I am going to pull a you really quick.....So what if you got your freak on and found out that you think sex with women sucks, it doesn't make it unfortunate! ;)

I am curious to know what the clues are. Not that I think he gay, but I would just like to know.

Edited to add:

After thinking on this for a few minutes, I can't help but wonder. Because you identify yourself as a woman, we consider you a woman, and soon enough you will be 100%. Do you actually consider yourself more of a straight woman, that experimented with being a lesbian, more than just a gay man? Or, did you consider yourself male at the time, therefore you WERE a gay man? I am so sorry if this is offensive, I am not trying to be at all! This forum is my first experience interacting with TS. I have been around plenty of gays, but never any TS, so I am clueless and curious.

[Lorileah]

I don't know how I missed this thread at the beginning. Probably because I don't concentrate well recently. But it is a great thread. So many think like Audrey, most never act but in desperation it does happen. The confusion is even greater then because you were so sure that you had the answer. And we learn that fantasy is never (rarely) like what happens. Often people here, in their heads see themselves as totally female, working parts and all, and that becomes consuming. They convince themselves that they can force attraction. The other side of that coin is that the "chasers" usually have many issues oft heir own. They buy into stereotypic things (especially if they have been surfing porn) and aggressiveness and roughness are common. Early in my "life" (before this site...many moons ago when instant messages were new and exciting) I had many guys IM me asking me to meet them. And it wasn't for dinner and drinks. It usually was because the wife was out of town. AND they didn't want anything but having ME do things to them. No sharing (usually because they said they were straight). I learned quickly just how a woman felt and was treated by these guys (now a caveat here, not all guys are a**holes...just the ones who troll the chat rooms).


It's exactly the same thing. Before I finally came out as gay in 2006 I was dating (and marrying) women publicly and seeing guys privately. I consider those years my unfortunate experimentation phase
Unfortunate? Maybe undesirable but you didn't get ANY joy (and not just sexually) from being with them? I would say it was fortunate because it made you who you are. We never know what something is about if we don't experience it. Everything has a place in your life.

I was just a pathetic closet queen who couldn't deal with the truth. hardly pathetic. Confused, trying to fit a mold someone else made, probably, but not pathetic. Take that from another closet queen. :)


Your guy could indeed be straight forevermore, if he was gay, there would definitely be clues. I ate asparagus once because someone told me it was good. It wasn't. I tried it again since everyone else seemed to like it...I still don't care for it. What is the old saying? You can paint a hundred paintings and never be an artist but.. (I am going to leave this for some to Google or you can PM me). It is totally sarcastic of course. Just because you try something doesn't make you whatever that is forever. I tried so many things that I am never going to be. I will be a princess though, that turned out well. Now tell what clues I should look for ;)

[Katesback]

I always found it an interesting paradox as to how many straight CDs turn gay once they are dressed. I suppose you could call it straight till dressed. Actually having talked to many about this I gather that some see it as a alter ego taking over and at that point its ok to have gay sex because they feel they are a girl at that moment in time. Hey whatever works I suppose.

What was even more interesting was going to a trans conference and seeing the number of people that have sex there. The funny part is that some will hook up with a tranny chaser guy and go to the room and come back way too soon. I would ask them why so quick. LOL they would tell me they freeked out when they saw another penis and the dream came crashing down. LOL

People are funny arent they?

Katie

[Badtranny]

I am curious to know what the clues are. Not that I think he gay, but I would just like to know.

Oh? A propensity for decorating things, increased use of the words "girl" and "bitch", etc.

But seriously, my first wife always wondered why we didn't have a lot of sex, but the number one clue is the kiss. Remember that Cher song? It's in his kiss? I wasn't a big kisser back when I was pretending to be straight. I didn't enjoy making out, and I blamed it on sinus problems but it was really a vagina problem, I didn't like 'em. The "clues" will manifest in the bedroom, if he is pursuing you for intimate attention then he is indeed straight.



After thinking on this for a few minutes, I can't help but wonder. Because you identify yourself as a woman, we consider you a woman, and soon enough you will be 100%. Do you actually consider yourself more of a straight woman, that experimented with being a lesbian, more than just a gay man? Or, did you consider yourself male at the time, therefore you WERE a gay man?

ooooh I love this question because it touches on so many neurotic trans topics.

First of all I do identify as a woman now. I have indeed been reluctantly transsexual my whole life, (my avatar pic is me just before I "got the message") but I have not identified as a woman until very recently. Of course I never "felt" like a man and that was a source of confusion and depression throughout my life, but I certainly identified as one because it's all I knew. People who are born and raised male have no idea what it feels like to be anything else. Now, I was a fairly bright kid so I had this all "figured out" pretty early. I knew that I wanted to be a girl, but I knew that was impossible. I also knew that I must be gay because gay people want to be the opposite sex. (hey I was 10!) Since I grew up in a very rural part of Southern Louisiana, I never learned anything different and I spent my life fighting my attraction for men. As I got older my childhood desire to be a girl faded deeper into the background and I came to believe that I was homosexual but I could not reconcile that with how I felt inside. I never FELT gay even though I was strongly attracted to men. I didn't identify with the gay people that I met and an openly gay man was NOT attractive to me no matter what he looked like. I would get crushes on straight guys who would probably kick my ass if they found out. Yes, I am wildly attracted to big, strong, alpha males who happen to be straight. How's that for a plan to stay single?

Anyhoo, I finally came out as gay, thanks to my 2nd ex wife in 2005 and moved to the SF Bay in 2006 so I could start a new openly gay life. That was a disaster. It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't fit in with gay men any better than I did straight men. Imagine the confusion, when I thought that I had finally come to grips with my "problem". It wasn't until 2008 that I began to address the real issue. I was finally okay with being gay but I refused to entertain the idea of transition, and I spent 2009 learning to crossdress so I could put the idea to rest. Clearly that didn't work out.

In conclusion, I was an openly gay man (except for work) beginning in January 2006. I never considered myself a lesbian, ever. When I was cross dressing, I still considered myself a gay man. Now that I'm living full time, I do consider myself a straight woman but I am still pre-op so most straight guys will not be interested, but at least I can live an authentic life. This gender business is not decided internally, it is ascribed to us by the outside world so all of these designations that the trans community talks about are really irrelevant. If the world thinks you're a woman than you are. What you think about yourself is only valid among your sympathetic friends.

[KellyJameson]

Audrey's brutal honesty took my breath away, I cannot imagine the courage it must take to admit such intimate thoughts face to face to another person. The question of being gay or straight has tormented me my entire life even though I have not acted on it and probably never will.

I understand the desire to want to be wanted and I have played a very risky game presenting as a woman to draw the attentions of men toward me, flirting,dancing and feeling their hunger for my body wash over me and than making my escape into the night before it went to far. When women give me this same attention I am at a minimum indifferent, it does not make me feel powerful and alive and at times I even resent and fear it experiencing their interest as predatory.

For me I do not have the desire to take care of a woman as a mate, to protect her, nurture her, share with her beyond superficial relations even though I usually prefer their company and am personally repelled by the thought of being one of the guys. Everything is a contradiction in my relations with both sexes but in my heart I know that I would rather put my arms around a man than a woman but have no interest in sex as a man with a man so I live between the world of men and women neither of which I can be a part of.

I feel Audrey's pain Mandy and hope within her there is a male presence that allows for the success of your relationship. I like my life and would not want to be any other way but at the same time I would not wish it on my worst enemy because I have had to learn to live apart from the world and still find happiness, purpose and meaning. You live without connection to others always skimming across the surface of life without ever plunging into it's depths.

[LaurenB]

[QUOTE=Katesback;2825315]I always found it an interesting paradox as to how many straight CDs turn gay once they are dressed.

No paradox there. Humans long for companionship and intimacy and especially validation. Men in our culture either compete and win or they are losers. It's winner take all. The sad truth about it is that we all have feelings and longings which in some cases go unfulfilled. Sometimes our needs overtake our cultural and normative boundaries. I have a wonderful wife. Before her it was stark and lonely. Before her, if man came into my world that treated me the way she does, maybe I'd be with him now. I know that there are genetically driven orientation tendencies but the brain is very plastic and can be molded in the direction of greatest need. Loneliness is an unendurable torture. You can learn to love someone in those ways. Maybe the judgement must stop. And the competitive culture (and females are just as guilty of this as men) too. Fantasies keep some dreams alive and then something really real walks in and the fantasy vanishes. That's ok. People try to sooth their inner pain.

I feel for Mandy's SO. I hope he's happy with her. I hope she's happy with him. I give her credit for raising this issue on the forum.

[Helen Grandeis]

As my therapist says, life is a search for a good feeling.

[AmandaM]

Hi Mandy, this thread is right up my alley, I've started similar threads in the past. I had a similar experience to your husbands. I figured that I might be gay cause I crossdressed. I went to a bar, picked up a guy, and went all the way. After, it was a letdown. I decided I wan't interested in that again. But, I still had lingering thoughts of being a woman having sex, not a man with a man, I had to be a woman. I got into some internet porn, etc. and would fantasize I was the woman having sex with the man. I was confused because I tried it and didn't like it, so why do I fantasize about it? Maybe I was gay but not admitting it to myself? So, I started to check out gay porn. It was okay, but I didn't, you know, get excited. It got more interesting when the men were more feminine-looking. As I evolved my viewing habits, I found it got even more interesting when they were transvestites. Finally, I ended up back at straight porn. Still confusing though, cause I liked to imagine myself as the woman, but now, not all the time. I sometimes think of her being with me, and sometimes think of me being her. So it goes back and forth. I guess what I'm saying is, that I'm straight and fantasize about being women I see, walking, talking, having sex, etc. I don't think it's cause I want to be a woman having sex, I think it's cause I want to experience all the things she experiences. Somehow, I'm fixated on her femaleness and her life experiences as a woman. In fact, my ultimate daydream is to have been born a woman and live a life. As I see women, I not only get jealous of how she looks, I get jealous thinking about her life, a life I dont' have. I think about her growing up, dating, having kids, having girl friends, etc. Everything. Anyway, since I'm married, I don't pursue any avenues of any of this. I just move along life, and at times, look over the fence and long for the green grass on the other side.

[StarrOfDelite]

The OP's recounting of the Mandy-Audrey interview is very interesting. However, I would caution against drawing too many conclusions from it. Whether they admit it to themselves or not, there is no way that either participant could have exercised complete candor under the circumstances. To have any essential validity such an interview would have to be done by an unbiased third party professional under clinical control in a neutral environment.

[Piora]

Ummmm. Yeah. I would rather him NOT find the right man. I kinda like the fact that I am the only one romantically involved with him, you know, because he is my husband and all. I don't share well.
And neither should you. I'm a believer in the sanctity of marriage, but religion has nothing to do with it. I believe in monogamy - regardless of circumstances. If someone is dissatisfied with a marriage or relationship, then get the hell out. Only THEN do you pursue the fantasy or the desire to be with another. You don't do it within the marriage or relationship. And you then minimize the risk of causing hurt and pain to one another. It certainly won't be infidelity or adultery that will be part of the circumstances.

Your thread is very interesting, Mandy. I read through it observing the different takes and responses to it. Why are there CDs who believe that simply dressing as women makes them as such genetically, in order to perpetuate a fantasy? You're right. The sex is either bisexual or homosexual. The fantasy is simply delusion. Ignore Seanmuscle. HE'S delusional. He thinks that all CDs want to be with men - romantically or otherwise. And he's wrong.

I'm glad things worked out well for you. It was a hard lesson for Audrey, but perhaps the effect will be to strengthen the bond between you two. I wish you the best!!! :hugs:

[MandyLee]

Hi,
I have to admit that I get so lonely that I have broached the idea. Just wanting any human touch when I'm in female mode
I've heard to many stories and know how a lot of men treat woman there not in love with to keep me from going forward with the fantasy. But want to have the girl friend experiance is there.

[Lucy_Bella]

You know , I can relate but not really.. I do understand the urge to live out fantasy's.... But what I don't grasps is we have a choice.. I to have live out a few and when it came down to it, I made a choice...I knew it would be something I would have to live with after and was I REALLY willing to go through with any of it? Answer was no!! I made no physical contact and boy! Did I make the right choice.

Sexual contact and being treated as a sexual fantasy are to me ...Two entirely different things, yes we can place the ole feather in the cap when placing ourselves in the fantasy role but never and I mean NEVER !! Have I express any desire to become sexually involved during any fantasy .. In the heat of the moment I can understand things getting out of hand and going to far but ... When it comes to sex and getting involved sexually you do have full control.. I am not saying it's normal or unusual for things to happen any different than what you S.O. has experianced other than she must have wanted to go all the way ..

[MandyGG]

I think that some of you are quick to judge without remembering a line that he said:


Audrey: I was lonely. I was "turned on". I had no women that were interested in me, so I thought maybe I was gay. I was dressing up every night and I had bought a "toy" and tried it out. I enjoyed it. So, I thought, "Yeah, I am bi" because I had liked it and I was dressing up as a woman. It made sense to me.

So, YES he did have a choice. This WAS the choice he made. He really, truly, believed that he could be gay or at the very least bisexual. He tried it. He didn't like it, and realized that he wasn't gay. He may or may not be bisexual now, depending on who you ask. If you ask me, he is straight, because he has no want or need from men because he is content in our heterosexual relationship. If you ask someone else, then he is gay or bi because he has had sex with men before and they feel that once you do it, you are always gay or bi. It's all in how the person sees it.

I realize that I posted this on a forum with different outlooks on things. However, telling me that he is still gay because that is how you feel, is just plain stupid. You know that you are talking to a wife. A wife who already has to live with this reminder, and has to live with a crossdresser, and you are choosing to "point out the obvious". If your goal is to hurt my feelings, then you might as well look elsewhere. I am a strong woman. I can handle ruffled feathers.

I posted this thread in the hopes that it may help one confused CD out there, who has played with the idea. I didn't ask for or need you personal judgement on me or my husband. If I can live with the fact that he has flipped sides, then you should sure as hell be able to.

I will have the thread locked if I feel like anyone else is bashing me or my husband. If you want to judge, then you are really into the wrong hobby, girlfriend.

[Miriam-J]

'Atta girl Mandy. It's difficult to keep folks on track here sometimes, so I'm glad you came through with such clarity. It was certainly clear from your OP that homosexuality was only an exploration from desperation, so there's no reason for others to distort it any other way.

Thanks again for sharing such intimate matters from your relationship in a way that can enlighten many of our lives.

Miriam