The Need To Dress

[EjayeCD]

I lost my wife on 11/19/2010, and I have had the though of dressing since then, but I have not dressed since my wife died. I know this is a lot to ask of other members, but has anyone had a similar experience? It was totally devastating when my wife died, and it would take a long time to explain her health problems.

[Cynthia Anne]

I'm saden for you! I hope the need to dress comes back for so you can move on with your life!Hugs!

[Jilmac]

I lost my wife to cancer in August '07, the only dressing I did in the four years prior was an occasional pair of panties. After she died I began to dress as completely and as often as I could. For me it was great therapy in coping with the loss of my beloved spouse. Although she never appeoved of my dressing, I'm certain she's in her spiritual life, watching me from afar and saying, " if dressing helps keep your sanity, so be it.

P.S. I'm a lifelong crossdresser but was on sabattical from dressing during my wifes' long illness. I can dress now knowing she's at peace and I have peace of mind.

[Sandra1746]

Ejaye I would like to extend my sincere condolences on the passing of your wife. I can't imagine the magnitude of your loss.

Regaining the balance in your life will take time, and dressing is a part of that balance. How long it takes is not easy to tell, only you can determine what is best for you. My best wishes for you are all I can send.

Love,
Sandra1746

[ArleneRaquel]

Ejaye, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. My wife died of cancer in 2002, but my reaction was the same as Jilmac. I had to dress more and more and I have been 24/7 since 2004. Hugs Ejaye & Jilmac

[Jacqueline Winona]

Really sorry to hear this, Ejaye, my heart goes out to you. I'm fortunate about this issue but can understand how it could affect you. Just be yourself, friend, let the rest take care of itself.

[Barbara Ella]

I am truly sorry for your losses Ejaye and Jilmac. Grieving takes different times for different people and their situations. Jilmac found her touchstone. You will find yours with time Ejaye. Do not read anything negative into your lack of dressing in spite of your thoughts. You will know when the time is right, and what it is that you need to do, and your loving wife will be with you when you make that decision. Your mind is in confusion right now, give it time to straighten out. Treasure the memories and accept what happens when it happens. I wish you peace and love.

Barbara

[TheresaLynn]

My situation may seem a bit strange, but whatever…

Back in 1997 I had the most wonderful girl, the mother of my beautiful 15 year old daughter. We weren’t married, but in my heart we were. We were so close, we were one, our heart beat and breath were synchronous, we were telepathic (seriously). She is the only girl I dressed for and we talked about it. Then… I lost her to her insanity, she left… Interspersed with sobbing like a baby for six months and not wishing to take my next breath, I dressed in what she left behind. It made me feel better; it was like a counterpoint to my grief. I didn’t hear from her for a couple of years, and then in 2004 she died. I will always have yet another tear for her… It’s OK now.

[sissystephanie]

Ejaye, my sincere condolances to you for your great loss!! I lost my wife to cancer on 2/20/2005 and it was totally devastating to me. She had gone to the doctor for something else, was diagnosed with cancer and 2 1/2 months later was gone. She had always supported my crossdressing, but still her death stopped me for a while. I have never felt "the need to dress" as some do, I dress simply because I like to!

You know that your wife is now in a better place, and both of you will be fine!!

[EjayeCD]

I thank all of you for your advice & understanding. I will remain in touch with all of you. I appreciate it deeply.

[Veronica27]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my first wife to breast cancer about 30 years ago after a lengthy 3 year battle. She was diagnosed a few months after the birth of our youngest child, so I was left to cope with a young family. She was aware of my desire to wear feminine clothing, but I refrained from doing much dressing because I didn't really understand those desires in those days, and there was virtually no information available. When her illness struck, I was devastated and hated myself for my habits which had pretty much been confined to underdressing with mostly bras, pantyhose and slips. I think the fact that it was breast cancer made me feel extremely guilty for having craved the sensation of wearing a bra from time to time.

After her passing, I had great difficulty sleeping at night, and eventually found that holding one of her nightgowns helped a little. After a while, I took to wearing it, but had to have a quick change handy in case of an emergency with the kids. I began to also put on one of her bras and a girdle that I found in her things, and slept that way for a couple of weeks. Then I suddenly snapped out of my feelings of despair, felt like I was dishonouring her memory, and told myself to stop this craziness. I then threw out all my wife's clothing, and tried to put crossdressing completely out of my mind.

Eventually I remarried. I was still just in my mid forties, and for quite a few years felt no desire to crossdress what-so-ever. Then one night, my second wife and I were chatting and she asked me a very strange question. She asked if I had ever tried on a bra. She may have noticed something about me or the way I was with her clothing, or some other tell-tale sign. I answered her honestly, and she then asked me to try on one of her bras. I did so, still somewhat puzzled by this turn of events, and then she suggested that I should get some women's clothing to wear around the house if I was in the mood, as it would probably help me to relax. She just didn't want the kids to know about it. She then suprised me with some gifts of a dress, slip, hosiery, panties and bra.

That was a long time ago, and I have been able to come to terms with my desires, thanks in large part to my wife. I don't know what the future holds for you, but what I have learned is to just accept how you feel at any given point in your life, think positive thoughts, and not allow any feelings of guilt do anything more than putting aside the cause of the guilt until you are ready to deal with it.

Veronica

[Nikki A.]

I suddenly lost my wife in 2007. While she wasn't completely supportive she was accepting that I needed to express this side of me.
As I was going through her belongings I did keep alot of the pieces that she was partial to (and that also fit me). Wearing some of these things made me feel somewhat closer to her. Since then I have expanded my wardrobe and also started going out dressed. Still some of my faves are things that belonged to her.

[Annette_boy]

Hi everyone

I too lost my wife of 30 years .she was accepting and suppourtave of my dressing . doing so more and more after her death helped me cope and helped me realize that I was transgendered and to accept myself.
My condolances to everyone on there losses I know the pain .She will be gone 8 years in June.
Compassionate Hugs
Annette

[Tina B.]

Sorry for your loss, I have not had a loss so heavy as that, but I do know when I'm depressed, or really sad, I might want to dress down deep, but just can't bring myself to do it. It just seems to be pointless, and take to much effort. Until these feeling pass, I'm somewhat paralyzed when it comes to dressing, I don't know why, but it has always been like that for me. Most say the grieving process takes about a year, that why women used to go into mourning for a year. This may not pass until you have had more time to process all you have gone thought in then last few months, give yourself plenty of time, you've earned it.
Tina B.

[Karren H]

No but if I lost mine I would probably quit for for a long time if not for good......

[suchacutie]

I'm so sorry for all the losses that have been talked about in this thread. My heart goes out to all of you.

My wife was instrumental in bringing Tina to life. She is Tina's best gf. There has never been anything they couldn't discuss, and Tina would be a neophite without her wonderful gf. We've been married for just short of 39 years.

I can't imagine what kind of shock it would be to suddenly lose this pillar of my life. I can fully understand the complete confusion and lack of focus you speak about. Amplifying what Karren posted above, I could see how almost everything that is currently called "my life" would simply shut down for a period of time. Life could not continue without a reflection of the massive change that had occurred.

It would have to be a new life because the rudder of the old life would have been lost!