want to be a women, or know you are a women

[Janelle_C]

I thought of this question after my last therapist appointment so I haven't had a chance to ask her , and yes she is a gender therapist. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be female, but I don't honestly know if I have alway felt that I was a female. My question is in my journey to try and figure out how far I want or need to go does that matter. Or will my journey unfold it self to me as I travel it. Thanks, Janelle

[Noemi]

Hi Janelle,

When I was very young I knew that I was supposed to be female. But I suppressed that feeling. Also, I come from a conservative back round. So I tried to make my life work as a male. And I am still trying but do not know if I can do it any longer.

The short answer is that I knew I was the wrong sex when I was a child and when I used to wear my Mothers clothes I really knew because it felt so right. Now that I am in my early 40's, I dress all the time. I am not out about my tg'eredness, but am single and am able to dress at home daily. I once again know that, I want to be a woman, or know I am a woman. I always new, I just buried it and am able to pass as a man easily, as in no one suspects a thing(well there are some who have an idea that I am not a normal hetro male). Passing as male in ways makes it more difficult for me to choose to transition as there is still a small comfort level in the acceptance of men, that I may be able to continue as a male, but that feeling is leaving me as I get older....Plus I have begun to care less and less what people think of me, they do not understand transgender........
Anyway, I am interested to hear others comments as always on this forum. A big help to have a way to communicate together.

♥♥♥
Noemi

[Jennifer Monroe]

Hi Janelle,
Noemi said it perfectly....I feel the same way as her.You will know what feels right to you and that will be the path you should take.
Best of luck to you! Take care, Jennifer

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Janelle,

Although there is a difference between wanting to be female and knowing that is what you always were, it can sometimes come down to how strong your dysphoria is at any given time. There is a lot to be said for just taking one step at a time, although the outward changes from transition are better the younger you start.

Only you can really tell whether you need to transition, or whether you might be dual-gendered or something else. It's good that you are talking to a qualified gender therapist, hopefully (s)he can help you to ask yourself the right questions.

[ReineD]

want to be a women, or know you are a women

I'm not trans, but I'd like to clear up a point of semantics.

A TS will know she is a woman although she will want the body of a woman. So this person may well say, "I want to be a woman", meaning the physical aspect, because she wants to align her body with her internal gender.

A CD may also want to have a woman's body, but without having the intrinsic feeling that she is a woman.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im a intersexed woman some what different, thinking is different as well so what applys to myself may not for others.
I had no say as to do i wont to be a woman i am allways was & from birth, yet there is allso some thing about my self that says male, so i gets it both ways, just more female than male. age 10 i knew & in our day who would have known. unless you said some thing ,not likely,

Im happy , content just being who i am yes for myself being a woman is who i am. & im quite happy with a part of my self that has shown some male ness & in fact has been what has allowed myself to be a very strong woman. & i needed to be after what iv been through. so its helped me a lot,

One very important detail is & this is so ....neat.... being able to express my self in the way i should have . & this is really my major 100%,

...noeleena...

[Aprilrain]

Does CDing make you want to die? It did me because even though I was compelled to do it and of course there was some excitement and a certain satisfaction in being able to be true to myself, if only for a moment ultimately it was a painful reminder of what I was not! I am of the opinion that the want/need issue is merely semantics. I could look down at my penis and see that I was a boy but I WANTED to be a girl I WANTED a vagina but only at certain times. At other times I wanted nothing more than for those thoughts and feelings to go away but they never did. I suppose my want turn into need when I went from "wanting" to die to "needing" to die if I couldn't have my body the way I felt it should be.

Personally I think we can way over think transition to the point of analysis paralysis. At some point, just like everything else in life, you have to take a chance! I started dressing as much as I could. Then I started going out to public places, just walking around streets or malls at first then actually going in businesses, then talking to people going to places where people knew me coming out to family blah blah blah so on and so forth. Transition is not one giant leap it's a series of small steps and each step can be a place to stop or, as Kaitlyn would say, a data point from which to move forward.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm not trans, but I'd like to clear up a point of semantics.

A TS will know she is a woman although she will want the body of a woman. So this person may well say, "I want to be a woman", meaning the physical aspect, because she wants to align her body with her internal gender.

A CD may also want to have a woman's body, but without having the intrinsic feeling that she is a woman.

Great point...

For me, it was i wanted to be a woman...what reine is saying is true for me...it was totally and completely obvious to me that i was a man(boy)...that's just how i looked at it....gender = penis/vagina... so i dealt with it...dressing, fantasy, wishing, wondering..call it whatever you want...but until i met other transsexuals, understood their feelings, and applied that knowledge to my life i never once thought of myself as a woman..

[Julia_in_Pa]

Janelle,

As a TS you can simultaneously know you are a woman and also wish to become one as well when it pertains to the need to transition.

I agree with Rianna when she said that it can come down to how strong your dysphoria is concerning this.
Many people who transition aren't true transsexuals or intersexed people but those that had such a desire to transition actually did do so.

I always knew I was female and because of that I had the need and the drive to transition which I did.
In my case being intersexed was a driving force in my transition.

The "desire " to be a woman can be seen in many threads that are started by and responded to by cross dressers.
The fantasy of becoming female is an underlying theme in many of these people's lives.

For he majority of TS and IS people there is no fantasy only lament of not being able to present as their true selves full time until they transition.

Once transitioned we tend to disappear into the fabric of society.


Julia

[kimdl93]

Memories are selective and unreliable. You need to focus on who you are today. Give yourself time to discover yourself with the help of your therapist.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Memories are selective and unreliable. You need to focus on who you are today. Give yourself time to discover yourself with the help of your therapist.


Now, I really like this response as I think it holds more truth than many want to believe.

[Stephenie S]

I agree also.

Stephie

[Laurie Ann]

I chose to just follow the yellow brick road to see where it would take me it has taken me to transition.

[KarenCDFL]

I basically feel the same as Noemi. 'nuff said.

[Renee_E]

Everything in life seems to unfold itself in its own way. It has never dissappointed me by going exactly as I understood it would turn out. I have tried to be many things in life but always just ended up being me in the end. I would have loved to be a girl from my youngest memory but I was a boy. I tried to be a real boy but ended up just being me. I decided to become a Marine because the "Marine Corps builds men". After 4 years I was just be with bigger shoulders. I am the father to two beautiful girls but was jealous of my wife because she was pregnant. Sometimes my girls think dad is a bit girly and They are right because thats who I am. I will never be a girl because it is not my destiny. I will always be me sometimes too girly and at other times wondering "What am I doing dressed like this?"

Whether you "Want to be a female or Always felt you were a female" is a very fine point in the marvelous adventure before you.

[Annie M]

At times I really want to be a woman other times I feel like that is what I am. I simply do not ID with the male body. I have and wear woman's clothing at times since about 8 but the clothing is not the big deal for me yes I like all of it but I am comfortable in jeans and a top. Having long hair and breasts seems to fulfill my feelings more than clothes.

[amielts]

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be female, but I don't honestly know if I have alway felt that I was a female.
Depends on what you really mean, this could be a potential warning that you may not be trans, or it may not. Only a gender therapist can tell.

Generally, trans people know they are female. If they say they want to be female, they are referring to acquiring female physical characteristics to match who they are already. I guess the most important question is: Is your brain female?

[ELIZABETH46]

my brain is TOTALLY female.
i have known this since childhood.
the "social" acceptance of the gender "asigned" at birth is what has created our journey of transissions and aceptances.
my brain IS totally female, and if my body follows my brain OR NOT is not important to me.

[Kristencdct]

I've known from a very young age that I want to be a girl. Until I get that chance, I can at least play the part on occasion.

[STACY B]

Does CDing make you want to die? It did me because even though I was compelled to do it and of course there was some excitement and a certain satisfaction in being able to be true to myself, if only for a moment ultimately it was a painful reminder of what I was not! I am of the opinion that the want/need issue is merely semantics. I could look down at my penis and see that I was a boy but I WANTED to be a girl I WANTED a vagina but only at certain times. At other times I wanted nothing more than for those thoughts and feelings to go away but they never did. I suppose my want turn into need when I went from "wanting" to die to "needing" to die if I couldn't have my body the way I felt it should be.

Personally I think we can way over think transition to the point of analysis paralysis. At some point, just like everything else in life, you have to take a chance! I started dressing as much as I could. Then I started going out to public places, just walking around streets or malls at first then actually going in businesses, then talking to people going to places where people knew me coming out to family blah blah blah so on and so forth. Transition is not one giant leap it's a series of small steps and each step can be a place to stop or, as Kaitlyn would say, a data point from which to move forward. You took the words right outta my mouth !!! There diffenitly aint no magic pill ,, I am doing an have done the SAME THING as YOU . :devil: :drink: :daydreaming: :eek: :heehee: :love: iN THAT ORDER .

[Ally 2112]

Some times we float i have been in a rocking boat for 30 years have i figured it out yet ? umm nope so i guess i will just keep floating along it is all i can do to get to my own accepptance which i have got to at this point .1 step at a time i take my own as small as they may be they are steps

[GirlieAmanda]

When I was young I had flashes that I may feel a little different. Not until puberty did I start to discover that something was actually amiss. But it was really not until the last 10 years and especially the last year that I have come to the conclusion that I was born with an incorrect body according to my mind. Then, I found out I had natural estrogen levels that were considered female range. This was just the icing on the cake and explained a lot. When my sex was being determined, I juuuuust slipped over the the male side but still retained female characteristics like being soft, sensitive, and emotional. Not quite the middle like intersexed people, but close. My ex said to me when we got divorced that she could see that I was always female like. She wore the pants definitely. So I guess it was like a slow burn for me. The feeling of being a female was probably always there but it just took time to develop. Today, right now, it is so incredibly strong. The hormones feel welcome and almost a relief for my body. It feels like I am right for the first time ever. I AM a woman.

[Badtranny]

I just don't know. This issue is waaaaaay to complicated to be answered in a simple post. My experience has been very different from some TS women that I respect very much. I was just having coffee last night with a TS woman who I admire and respect, but can't even begin to relate to her situation. I am continually amazed at how different we all are, I have never met a single transitioner who has a story even remotely similar to mine, or anyone else's for that matter. It seems like the only thing any of us have in common is the transition itself.

My stock answer by the way is; I have no idea how it "feels" to be a woman. I've known since I knew the difference that I was not and I've been socialized as a man for my entire life. I don't know how it feels to be a man either but I certainly know how it feels to be treated like one. All I can say on this is I never felt like what I was supposed to be. I wished at an early age that things were different but I knew what I was and I didn't think there were any options other than being a man. After puberty I had come to think that I was gay so that issue became a lot more important than my childhood dreams of being a girl. Did I know I was a woman? Not until I faced my demons and finally dealt with feelings that I was doing my best to ignore.