Frédérique
04-20-2012, 05:28 PM
I was having a conversation with myself the other day, something I’ve been doing ever since I was a little boy, and I began to wonder if crossdressers talk to themselves more than “outsiders” do. This notion of having two “sides” keeps coming up, so wouldn’t it be logical to assume that one would, or could, converse with the other “self” you have created via crossdressing?
I should explain that I talk to myself often, mainly in a whisper, and I come from a family of such individuals. This may be a by-product due to lack of communication, or a tacit bent towards self-reliance, but it can be creepy AND fun at times! With me, it’s downright odd, perhaps evidence that I never developed any close relationships as a child, and I would often create imaginary friends to fill the void – in this way I could re-shape the world I could barely understand, and fall back on myself in times of crisis. As I’ve said before, I don’t come from a touchy-feely family, so I had to use found materials in an effort to construct a loving environment...
This self-conversation and reliance on imagination quite naturally led to crossdressing, once I got interested in “becoming” a girl. The polished level of secrecy I maintained also helped, but, try as I might, a female “side” did not appear. I would talk to myself, plan my adventures, ask myself penetrating questions, and tumble out autonomous answers, but when I dressed as a girl all such self-talk would cease. I would suddenly become ONE, and there was nobody to talk to. Rather than feel alone, I felt incorporated, pleased that I could end (or suspend) my curious habit and move forward. This is why I don’t believe in having a feminine “side.” I have not experienced this, but I seem to have two sides when I am in boy mode, i.e. drab...
Whenever I was caught talking to myself, I had the readymade excuse of being born a Gemini. Yup, there are TWO of me, so it’s natural to assume I would talk to myself. But, hang on – I was born premature, nearly a month early. Still, I used my Gemini nature to explain my weird ways, avoiding actual conversation, but cultivating my other “selves” in private. There are other factors, including speech disorders, but I find this idea of talking to yourself to be either a kind of defense mechanism, or a denial of sorts. Being primarily a selfish person (that’s how others may see me), self-denial is not in the cards – I made other versions of myself for fun, to obviate loneliness, or simply to have someone to talk to...
And yet, when I’m dressed to the nines, I never look in the mirror and say, “Freddy, you are very pretty...” or “Hello, beautiful!” No, I don’t do that. I don’t refer to myself as “Freddy,” but that’s beside the point. BEFORE I dress I will have a long conversation with myself about what I’m going to wear, or what I’m going to do once I’m dressed. It sounds something like this: “What do you think of this skirt?” followed by “I don’t know – I wore that a few days ago.” One side of me will say (aloud), “How about this dress? It’s sad that you’re neglecting it...” and “I” answer “Yes, you’re right – I think that dress would be perfect.” Macabre, isn’t it? There are two halves of “me,” mentally unincorporated, much like those Gemini twins, but they yearn to be one...
Once I am dressed, a miracle happens, and “we” join together, becoming Freddy in name and appearance. I never talk to myself when I’m dressed – it’s as though there’s nothing to discuss, because I’m beyond that state of gender limbo where I was once imprisoned. All is well now, so let’s go forth and enjoy the union. Now may be a good time to cue the lyrics to “Get Together,” because I have achieved this blessed state of one-ness by way of pantyhose and lipstick...
Do you talk to yourself, or do you talk to your “self?” I suppose you can have it both ways, right Freddy? Freddy? Hello? Hmmm... :idontknow:
PS – I often “write” these OP’s by talking to myself, either walking back and forth upstairs in my house, or while traveling to and fro in my Jeep. Later, I write things down before I forget what I said – luckily I still have enough available memory to accomplish the task! This particular OP was written off the top of my wig-covered head, so I apologize if it seems ragged or lumpy – I don’t have the time or inclination to iron out all the wrinkles, which are numerous...
:o
I should explain that I talk to myself often, mainly in a whisper, and I come from a family of such individuals. This may be a by-product due to lack of communication, or a tacit bent towards self-reliance, but it can be creepy AND fun at times! With me, it’s downright odd, perhaps evidence that I never developed any close relationships as a child, and I would often create imaginary friends to fill the void – in this way I could re-shape the world I could barely understand, and fall back on myself in times of crisis. As I’ve said before, I don’t come from a touchy-feely family, so I had to use found materials in an effort to construct a loving environment...
This self-conversation and reliance on imagination quite naturally led to crossdressing, once I got interested in “becoming” a girl. The polished level of secrecy I maintained also helped, but, try as I might, a female “side” did not appear. I would talk to myself, plan my adventures, ask myself penetrating questions, and tumble out autonomous answers, but when I dressed as a girl all such self-talk would cease. I would suddenly become ONE, and there was nobody to talk to. Rather than feel alone, I felt incorporated, pleased that I could end (or suspend) my curious habit and move forward. This is why I don’t believe in having a feminine “side.” I have not experienced this, but I seem to have two sides when I am in boy mode, i.e. drab...
Whenever I was caught talking to myself, I had the readymade excuse of being born a Gemini. Yup, there are TWO of me, so it’s natural to assume I would talk to myself. But, hang on – I was born premature, nearly a month early. Still, I used my Gemini nature to explain my weird ways, avoiding actual conversation, but cultivating my other “selves” in private. There are other factors, including speech disorders, but I find this idea of talking to yourself to be either a kind of defense mechanism, or a denial of sorts. Being primarily a selfish person (that’s how others may see me), self-denial is not in the cards – I made other versions of myself for fun, to obviate loneliness, or simply to have someone to talk to...
And yet, when I’m dressed to the nines, I never look in the mirror and say, “Freddy, you are very pretty...” or “Hello, beautiful!” No, I don’t do that. I don’t refer to myself as “Freddy,” but that’s beside the point. BEFORE I dress I will have a long conversation with myself about what I’m going to wear, or what I’m going to do once I’m dressed. It sounds something like this: “What do you think of this skirt?” followed by “I don’t know – I wore that a few days ago.” One side of me will say (aloud), “How about this dress? It’s sad that you’re neglecting it...” and “I” answer “Yes, you’re right – I think that dress would be perfect.” Macabre, isn’t it? There are two halves of “me,” mentally unincorporated, much like those Gemini twins, but they yearn to be one...
Once I am dressed, a miracle happens, and “we” join together, becoming Freddy in name and appearance. I never talk to myself when I’m dressed – it’s as though there’s nothing to discuss, because I’m beyond that state of gender limbo where I was once imprisoned. All is well now, so let’s go forth and enjoy the union. Now may be a good time to cue the lyrics to “Get Together,” because I have achieved this blessed state of one-ness by way of pantyhose and lipstick...
Do you talk to yourself, or do you talk to your “self?” I suppose you can have it both ways, right Freddy? Freddy? Hello? Hmmm... :idontknow:
PS – I often “write” these OP’s by talking to myself, either walking back and forth upstairs in my house, or while traveling to and fro in my Jeep. Later, I write things down before I forget what I said – luckily I still have enough available memory to accomplish the task! This particular OP was written off the top of my wig-covered head, so I apologize if it seems ragged or lumpy – I don’t have the time or inclination to iron out all the wrinkles, which are numerous...
:o