Need some advice

[xdressed]

Hi everyone, in a few short months I will be moving into a student house with three to four other people (the 4th is still a maybe at the moment). While I have come out to my SO who is one of the people moving in with me, I am otherwise in the closet. While she is still adjusting to it she is a very understanding person and has accepted me for who I am. I'm not sure how to handle moving in with these other people though. I was 14 when I started crossdressing so I was well aware of what my family was like and what they did, and could easily hide it from them even without the need of a locked door. I am currently nearing the end of my first year at university where I live in a dorm. It is even easier to hide it from people there as we all have our own individual rooms with locks and don't need to leave it for anything other than food. Starting sometime in September though, I will be in a completely new environment. The other two people are both girls as is the possible third person. I will have known them for slightly under a year when we move in, but this is where I need some advice. There is obviously going to be some chance that I will be discovered. We will still have locks on the doors so it's not a high chance, but you can't be too careful. For example I don't know until I move in where exactly I'll be able to store my clothes, or if I will have access to a mirror without going upstairs to the bathroom. I also don't want to get a knock on my door from one of them and have to suddenly try and remove all make up I may be wearing (especially if I am dressed up with my SO in her room, as I am less likely to also have my normal clothes nearby). I'm not sure if coming out to them would be a better alternative though. I am comfortable with this being just something I do on my own or with my SO, even though I dislike having to keep it a secret. Both the girls are quite open minded (we are all art students after all, an open mind is a useful tool for us) and when my SO sneakily brought CDing up with one the girls and asked her what she would do if she found out her boyfriend was a crossdresser her instant reaction was 'I'd dress him up' and apparently she looked slightly giddy at the idea. I have only known them for about a year though so this may be too big a thing to confess to them, especially if they happen to not take it so well and then I am stuck in a house with them. Also, I am not sure how comfortable my SO would be with it if I told them. While it's not too likely they will find out it's also fairly likely they will not freak out if they know, so overall I need some advice.

[AllieSF]

I think that you do not have any early need to come out to your house mates. I think you just need to live with them long enough to get a good feel to what kind of people they are to live with. It is one thing to be comfortable around a CD while out at a bar, restaurant or some event. It can be very different for that person when they live with one. The advantage that you have is that your SO will also be living there too. She can do a lot of "feeling" out the other's opinions so that you can decide what to do. As for the mirror. There are a lot of places that you can get a cheap almost full length mirror to hang on the back of a door or behind it, thus alleviating that issue. Just make sure that you have good lighting to go with it. The other factors in your favor, as you mentioned, are being so young, in college with supposedly very open and liberal in a way art students. I would say that you have a right to dress up, but out of respect for the other roommates (interesting that they are all women), I think that going slow and adapting will help you come out later successfully. Good luck.

[xdressed]

Thank you for the feedback. I totally agree with you and I think that is more or less what I would have done had no one replied, but it is nice to have it validated. The mirror is only a minor issue and I'm sure we'll all have our own one anyway. The reason they are all women is because only about 20% of the people at my uni (and indeed university's nationwide) are actually male. Just one of those things I guess lol. I suppose my main concern is what to do if I am discovered by accident. They're not likely to completely disown me and I guess it's not likely to happen, but I fear it may be awkward at best, especially at the moment of discovery.

[DonnaT]

I think you should ask your SO how she feels, and come out to them. There's nothing more stressful than trying to hide something from another, and it would be more stressful with two of you trying to hide it, when it's clear your SO wants to be open with them.

[xdressed]

She has said many times she's interested in what others think of CDing and what their reactions would be, but she is perhaps even more frightened than I am of me being discovered. A simple trip to youtube can often enlighten you to how narrow minded the average person can be, and we would both find it incredibly hard to deal with if word got out and even just one person we are close too rejects it.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I wouldn't tell them, just because what's to stop them from telling others? And unless you're ready for everyone to know then I don't see what good can come out of them knowing? And while openmindedness is probably more common at an artsy school, there are still close minded people who will find out and it could be very uncomfortable.

If you become very good friends, then that would be different, but I think you have to see how you get along with these people and who their friends are, because if they know then their friends will probably find out too. ;)

[AllieSF]

Another thing that is important is how important the dressing is to you? Is it a hobby, a need, desire, may it go further and all the rest. The second thing is how comfortable and self confident are you? If you are comfortable, then why not let the cards fall where they may (later on of course). If someone asks, tell them you enjoy an occasional distraction from your everyday self and dressing helps to escape when needed. If you are not comfortable nor ready to come out, it will be tough dressing when you want and really need to because of the constant chance of being found out. Then maybe getting your SO involved and "sharing" your closet with her may be an almost workable solution. But then your SO needs to have enough stuff to be able to justify why your closet has a lot of girls clothes. I believe that over a school year living together someone is going to catch you or some telltale left out in the open. Another potential issue is what happens if you and your SO break up for whatever reason? So, I think it better you try to deal now with how you will explain it and then feel comfortable enough to continue living there with them. You are in one of the best, in my opinion, places to be as you develop this other side of you, young, at college and all that other stuff. If you can figure out how to handle it now, you will be much better equipped for the future. Good luck.

[xdressed]

Having talked with my SO about it we've agreed that there's no need to tell them. It is most likely a bit too much for them to take in, and while most of their friends are also at our uni and are quite open minded, I obviously cannot account for all of them. They may well tell their boyfriends who are obviously going to visit the house many times, and that might not pan out great. Things might change after we've lived there a while but as we will only be there for 2 years and then all have to move out, it will likely not benefit any of us if I just blurt it out. My SO is going to sneakily bring it up with the other girl we're moving in with to see how she feels about it. If she seems ok with it too, then I will be safe in the knowledge that if I am discovered by accident or feel extremely strongly that I should tell them, then things aren't likely to go too horribly. If it's negative, then at least I know not to tell her.

[xdressed]

Also AllieSF, I think due to the amount of husbands that hide from their wives for far longer than 2 years, maybe I won't be accidentally found out so easily.