Trapped in my body.

[Karinsamatha]

Just a thought that popped in my head tonight when I was trying to come up with a word that would describe how I feel. - The word is trapped. Trapped by my male body. I know I need to speak to a "professional" at this point. There are so many things that are rolling around my head at the moment.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Trapped is a very common word that is used by transsexuals.

For some it seems to be more about the body, others its more about the feeling about being trapped in your life...like not living for yourself...

Take good care of yourself, learn everything you can, and know that many of us have gone through what you are feeling, and many are going through it right now..

[Bree-asaurus]

Well isn't that one of the cliche descriptions of transexuals? Male trapped in a female body, or female trapped in a male body?

I know there are transexuals who don't like these terms... but I don't really know why.

But yes.... yes 100%. Please find a therapist who specializes in gender identity. There's a good chance they can help you.

[Laurie Ann]

I agree with Kaitlyn I felt trapped in a wrong life with my real life running in the background like a movie showing what should be not what I was actually living. Learn everything about yourself and your true needs.

[Katesback]

Well you can take the trapped in the male body and fix it route or you can hang out with some of the people that are of the opinion that your gender is in your head and you can be a girl even if you have a penis. If you like that stance take a gander at the thread talking about changing your gender marker to female on your birth certificate without SRS. You will find friends there.

[*Vanessa*]

certainly there are more then two alternative that make up this worldly situation. Among the two just listed there are also the ones that simply can't afford to do anything about everything 'trapped without a piggy bank'. The thought that says will you can do something about it or lie is like the rich saying money doesn't matter.

Words popping into your head is good, they help you sort through a myriad of things you need to sort out. The more frantic (loader the words) the more attention you need to give it. The only thing a 'good' shrink is going to to for you is help you do want you are capable of doing yourself. Apart from moving forward with transitioning of course.

For those who can't move forward (at this time) trust that you can find away to live your life without blowing your brains out.

[Aprilrain]

great responses. your on the right track, find a therapist and be as honest as you can. Vanessa has a good point, money is huge when it comes to a successful transition. be mindful of that when making decisions.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Karin,

You are only trapped by your own mind.
If you feel this way then you need to take steps in which to correct this.
Yes, I know it's easier said than done.
Your first step is to find professional and competent therapy.
The rest is up to you and you alone.
What price are you willing to pay to not be trapped Karin?


Julia

[Badtranny]

Well you can take the trapped in the male body and fix it route or you can hang out with some of the people that are of the opinion that your gender is in your head and you can be a girl even if you have a penis. If you like that stance take a gander at the thread talking about changing your gender marker to female on your birth certificate without SRS. You will find friends there.

My stance is somewhat askew from the "in your head" angle, which I totally understand. I think that gender is a lived experience and I will let the rest of the world decide how I should be addressed and/or treated, of course I will influence them with as much surgical and chemical assistance as I can muster. Judging by the gaping mouths of old friends that are beginning to see me for the first time since FFS, as well as the public I've encountered on my short errand runs, I would say that the world has indeed made up its mind and the question of my gender has been resolved. All the rest is just paperwork. Hopefully I won't run into any militant post-ops who will demand a panty check when they hear that I'm proudly trans.

[Starling]

Misty, that's fantastic about your level of public acceptance (with outright awe from friends, no less). You must have healed well beyond the "lion who got tried to eat a chain saw" look of your avatar.

:heehee: Lallie

[Badtranny]

Misty, that's fantastic about your level of public acceptance (with outright awe from friends, no less). You must have healed well beyond the "lion who got tried to eat a chain saw" look of your avatar.

:heehee: Lallie

Yes indeed, but I still have swelling in my chin, jaw and nose and still bruised under the eyes, but the new shape of my nose, and the lack of a pronounced brow ridge have completely feminized my face. It's safe to say that I am no longer trapped in a male body. At least as far as anyone can tell with my pants on.

[Michelle.M]

Yes indeed, but I still have swelling in my chin, jaw and nose and still bruised under the eyes, but the new shape of my nose, and the lack of a pronounced brow ridge have completely feminized my face. It's safe to say that I am no longer trapped in a male body. At least as far as anyone can tell with my pants on.

I was just thinking the same thing. You know how some people have "good hair days" and "bad hair days"? For me it's good voice / bad voice days. Yesterday the voice part was challenging (but still not too bad), and someone at the other end of a speaker system called me "sir". But I knew he could see me with little effort, so I moved so he could see me plainly. Face made up, nice outfit, hair looking good, the only evidence of my recent surgery is the tape still on my nose, but otherwise quite womanly.

I showed myself in plain view with a wordless gesture that asked "Sir? Is this what men in your neighborhood look like?" He quickly came out of the building and apologized to me directly.

I'm only trapped if there's no escape. And I have made my escape, and I'm living my life as though I expect others to see what I see when I look in the mirror. So far it's working just fine

[Starling]

Did I really write, "who got tried to eat a chain saw"? I'm a grammarian trapped in the body of an illiterate.

:heehee: Lallie

[MC-lite]

I'm not "trapped" in my body...I just can't get the zipper undone on this fat suit!

@Karin: Speaking to a pro is the best move that you can make. You can accomplish a lot, as long as you're honest with yourself and the therapist.

All the Best. :)

[Karinsamatha]

Thank you all for verifying what I suspected. That it is indeed time to speak with someone.

[DebbieL]

Just a thought that popped in my head tonight when I was trying to come up with a word that would describe how I feel. - The word is trapped. Trapped by my male body. I know I need to speak to a "professional" at this point. There are so many things that are rolling around my head at the moment.

I didn't feel "trapped" until I was told that I couldn't play with the girls anymore. I was about 6 1/2 at the time. Prior to that I was just one of the girls, like tom-boys are one of the boys. I played with girls, did what girls do, and even made my own "dresses" out of dry cleaner bags, skirts out of towels, and so on. I didn't even know about the difference "down there" until after my sister was born and I watched my mom changing her diapers. It was just before they told me I couldn't play with the girls anymore.

I've spend fifty years trapped in a male body. Unfortunately, even though I was intersexed as a boy (no testes), they dropped when I was 11 and by the time I was 15 I was 6 foot tall with a deep bass singing voice. I was suicidal for several years, including drugs, booze, high risk activities, suicide attempts. I did do therapy for many years, but when I tried to bring up the transgender issues, the therapists, psychologists, and other professionals refused to even discuss it. At that time, because of my age (I was a minor) it was illegal to discuss these things with me. I think they had documented that I was transgendered, that I preferred to socialize with girls.

When I was 25, I did the 12 steps and got married to a woman who knew I liked to get "dressed up". I hoped that if I could be married and have a normal life, I might be OK with being a man. It only took a few months of marriage to realize that was a mistake, but by then I felt it was too late. When we had a baby, and then a second, I looked forward to the possibility of at least being able to play Barbie with my daughter and helping her to grow up to be a beautiful girl and a beautiful woman. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be either, by the time she was 4, my wife was having an affair and wanted to marry her boyfriend.

I asked my wife to wait a year, to be sure that her boyfriend could handle the responsibility, and would stick with my wife. I didn't want her becoming a single mom because he got cold feet or couldn't hack it. During that time, I began to explore transition. I eventually had to quit my job, move out of Colorado Springs (Focus on the Family Country), and find a new therapist. I had reached the point where I was living as female every night after work, and all of the week-ends for about 9 months. That's when my ex-wife showed me a letter from the school social worker recommending supervised visitation - explaining that if I went through with the transition, she would turn over the letter to a judge she knew would be unsympathetic (there was no protection for GLBT in Colorado at that time).

If I'd had it to do over again, if I was advising another transgendered person, M2F or F2M, I'd encourage them to take whatever measures necessary to get the counseling to determine whether transition is possible, and if so, to make the transition, or at least start down the process.

[Kristyn Hill]

Julia summed it up for you. Do what is best for you and all others will be in line.

[Anna Lorree]

I don't feel "like a woman stuck in a man's body", I feel "like I should have been a woman", and am now in a life that feels somehow fake. The distinction between feeling "like a woman", and feeling "like I was supposed to be a woman" is one of those things I am trying to figure out. First off, I only know what it feels like to be me, so how can I know if that feels like being a woman? After all, everybody sees me as a man. However, even "as a man", I know that I can feel like I should have been a woman. IDK, the distinction is kind of important to me.

Anna

[Badtranny]

I don't feel "like a woman stuck in a man's body", I feel "like I should have been a woman", and am now in a life that feels somehow fake. The distinction between feeling "like a woman", and feeling "like I was supposed to be a woman" is one of those things I am trying to figure out. First off, I only know what it feels like to be me, so how can I know if that feels like being a woman? After all, everybody sees me as a man. However, even "as a man", I know that I can feel like I should have been a woman. IDK, the distinction is kind of important to me.

Anna


Clever point Anna. I'm inclined to agree with you. All we know is what we know, which is the sum of our experience. Pre-transition we have only experienced life as a man. An insecure man, but still, we weren't allowed to explore what could have been by a society that is rigidly biased by what is between our legs. We were (or are) trapped indeed, but not by our bodies.

[MC-lite]

A friend of mine who practices Buddhism said to me that I was "blessed" because I was getting to live two lives in the span of one lifetime. At the time, I told him that he was crazier than I am.

As time went on, I realized how right He was. I am truly blessed. But just because you're "blessed" doesn't mean that things are going to be easy. The best lessons in life are often-times the most costly, or the most painful.

Right after my initial transition psych eval, I had a million questions in my mind. I was depressed, and mourning the death of my manhood. So, I decided to take a walk around Greenwich Villiage and "clear my head". I decided to get my ears pierced. (Girls wear earrings, so, why shouldn't I...) After my piercing, I stopped in a drug store to buy some alcohol pads. As I walked over to the browser, I noticed that a woman was crouched down with Her back to me, looking at the products on the shelf. She started to speak to no one in particular, saying "Ya' know...all babies start off in the womb as female, and, based on their spirit, they either stay female or become male..."

I couldn't help myself. I said to Her "It's interesting that you would say that...I just started transitioning to female."

She stood up, looked at me with the most piercing silvery blue eyes, smiled and said "I know." She then said to me "You are an incredibly strong spirit, but you are a woman-spirit. The trials and tests that you are going through in this chapter of your life are meant to prepare you for womanhood and ultimately motherhood in your next life."

WIth tears streaming down my face, I hugged Her and thanked Her for the cosmic gift.

Who knows...She could be crazier than I am. She could have been one of those people that the Universe sees fit to show the truth to about others.

As each day goes by, I suspect more and more that She was right.

Let's see what tomorrow brings. :daydreaming:

[Joanna Maguire]

I Have a scare near my Scrotum that is not natural for a boy> This was discovered by a GP Dr years ago He sent me to a Physician specialist to see why I had a hormonal imbalance He thought I might have been born an intersexual.???? My mother had birthing problems Peritonitis and other post natal infections 1941 I found that out years ago. When My mother dressed me many times as a girl I loved it after a while From old pics I look like a girl and not a boy with my long then curly hair.
Strange that Michaela Joy mentions Buddhism I live near a Thai/Tibetan Monastry They realy treat me like a lady when I visit them
Joannna

[ELIZABETH46]

maybe the word is NOT "trapped".
maybe is just the lack of "aceptance" for what we are inside.
and in time.......what we will be on the outside.

[Andie Elisabeth]

maybe the word is NOT "trapped".
maybe is just the lack of "aceptance" for what we are inside.
and in time.......what we will be on the outside.

That's something I can agree on. I have never accepted myself on the inside so I have ran into genderfree imaginary worlds therefore I have never felt trapped by my body. But by those who forced me to live in a present in a body that doesn't feel comfortable at all and by those who "taught" to me hide myself.

[Karinsamatha]

I am so excited, I have my first apointment with the therapist Monday.

[ReneeT]

Misty, that's fantastic about your level of public acceptance (with outright awe from friends, no less). You must have healed well beyond the "lion who got tried to eat a chain saw" look of your avatar.

:heehee: Lallie


That is too funny!!!!!!

[Starling]

Thanks Renee, but I'd hate to think I made Misty change her avatar.

:heehee: Lallie