Worried in My Home Town

[LarrissaMurray]

Hello to All, I have been in the closet for a life time. Like many of you, I was alone for the longest time. It was not untill I got my first home computer and found a chat room for Crossdressers on MSN (back then) that I realized I was not as alone as I thought. I can't even begin to explain how much better I started feeling about myself once I was able to talk to others like me. My wife at the time allowed me to have a few things of my own and she played along and tried to be understanding. But we had young children and live in "good ol'boy land" so I was warned to keep it on the down low. I have fought with myself for years over Cd'ing. I am as much a man as any, I can swing a hammer, turn a wrench, or drive anything. I truly enjoy being a man and have no desire to give it up. However, "dressing" does some thing to me I've never been able to explain.

If I bury my fetish for a while, like months on end, it begins to haunt me and returns with a vengeance. It is almost as if I am two different people inhabiting one body. I have found through my 47+ years of life that Larrissa will not be denied her time. I've never felt I look sexy when I dress, fact is I don't like how I look. For me it is about how the clothes make me feel. Anyway, to my point...I have had several relationships in these past years and one of my ex's ran her mouth to the wrong friend. I have lived in this area for most of my adult life and I know lots of people. It is seeming to me that my closet life style is becoming a rumor around town and it really makes me nervous. I had a "guy" best friend for over 20 years. He hooked up with one of my ex's a couple years ago and has not spoken to me since, I know she ran her mouth and he thinks I am some sort of wierdo now. I guess my fear is that everyone is going to start thinking that. I am who I am, my woman loves me and would not want me any other way. She is always saying she can't believe the things I know when it comes to taking care of her needs and wants. She is my life mate and I am so happy to have her, she loves me for me, fetish and all. I know I am luckier than many of you, I've done a lot of reading here. I guess maybe I am thinking that when the last child leaves the nest it may time time for her and I to move to a more Cd friendly area.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Larrissa, Welcome to our forum when you are here you are home.
As you know now that you are not alone and there are as many different
stories as there are crossdressers.
It can be very complecated to be a CD just keep your head held high.

[Kaz]

Your story is so familiar and there are many here that will share your thoughts... welcome to a band of... whatever... we are all alike and all so different... have fun!

[Emma Leigh]

Hi Larrissa and welcome to the forum.....you will find a lot of help and support here....and you have your good lady

[Cherry Lynn]

Hello Larrissa and welcome. I live in a place such as you and some exes know about my hobby also. Lately I have seemed to notice some people seem to act different toward me and wonder if my secret is out. I own my own business and have not lost any customers so maybe I am just paranoid. Best wishes.

[RADER]

Hi Larrissa, and Welcome:
My story patterns your very closely. My first wife was a real busy body, telling all.
My now wife for 18+ years is OK with my dressing. She says that I spoil her
to no end. I like doing that, because I love her to no end.
You are among real friends here. Where in this wide world are located?
Rader

[Deanna Jeanine]

Hi Larrissa,
I can completely understand and sympathize with you and your situation. Hang in there. We are like Battlestar Galactica....just a rag tag bunch of beautiful women looking for our place in the universe...LoL

[Nikki A.]

Welcome to the forum. You'll learn alot here.
As far as your situation, stay calm. The people who are your friends will remain so. Those that don't weren't your friends anyway.
She's an ex how many people will believe her & how many will consider her a troublemaker. Stay quiet and all will pass.

[Simply Joslyn]

We are like Battlestar Galactica....just a rag tag bunch of beautiful women looking for our place in the universe...LoL I love that, anyway welcome Larrissa, and well you already know you are among friends just know that life full of rumors, lies and few truths (just watch the news for a bit) people who know you will not believe things that are heard unless they have proof think of everyone in the world like a jury they sit there they listen and they make a decision based on evidence and personal thought but no matter what in a week it'll all be gone in the wind enjoy your self and enjoy who you are no matter whats on everyone else's mind, hope this helps

[Sandra1746]

Welcome home! This is a friendly place and very accepting, you will find yourself in good company here.

As for your home town, you know it best and so you'll have to adjust your public life to fit its mold. In private, or away from town, then maybe you can be more of your expanded self. Good luck and once again; welcome.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I live in the same kind of area, so I know what you mean.

BUT there are some open minded people out there too, you just have to surround yourself with those people and who cares about the other idiots. It's their loss if they can't see who you really are, no matter what you wear. ;)

[Kristyn Hill]

We all walk the fine line of exposure. Like others have said, they are not your friends anyways and I like to think.....what are others that may be talking into behind closed doors. Your cd'ing is probably vanilla compared to what the talkers are doing. Stay strong and keep us posted.

[suchacutie]

Welcome!!! I'm so glad that you have a companion who supports you and who you can trust. In the long run, to my thinking, that's all that matters. You can weather any storm with a supportive person at your side.

You can't control what others want to think, but you can be true to yourself. In the long run the latter is what makes us who we are!

tina

[Barbara Ella]

Welcome Larrissa. Ad you have read, there are many in a similar situation to you. You are here to receive and give consolation, and the girls here are your friends. You also have friends in your home town. Some will listen and believe your ex. Others will listen and reject. You will lose some, but will keep the true ones. Please be careful not to alienate all of them by any action you take. Let your exes hang themselves, and they will...

Live your life with your current love to the fullest and enjoy the happiness in that. The future will be what ever it will be.

Barbara

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Let your exes hang themselves, and they will...

Live your life with your current love to the fullest and enjoy the happiness in that. The future will be what ever it will be.

Barbara



You said it perfectly! Love it!

[Cynthia Anne]

I know all about good ol boy land! Been liven' there all my life! I say ignore it! Talk is cheap! And so are the ones doing the talkin'! Live your life to please yourself and your wife! Sure you will lose some so called freinds! But it's good to weed out the 'cheap' ones anyhow! This will give you more time to be with true freinds!
BTW; Welcome!! Hugs!

[DanaR]

Larrissa, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you will fit in fine. I suppose, what happened to you is a good reason not to tell anyone unless you are completely sure about them.

[STACY B]

More like find some new friends ? Piss on em thats what I say ,,You dont live in a more redneck azz place then me Ill bet ,, They all know that I lived the good ol boy thing to the fullest ,,Stay where your at an hold your ground . Your friend dont talk to you cuz he crossed the line with your ex !! So he wasn't a friend anyway .There are alot of us out THere just do what you want to they dont pay your bills ,, Sorry about the rant you hit a NERVE ! Same ol crap here an I beat it ,,,You can too .

[kimdl93]

Welcome. Sorry to hear about your ex 's loose lips. But I would not let it bother you too much and certainly wouldn't let it force you to relocate. Hold your head up, cherish and nurture your new, supportive relationaship and go on with your life.

[LarrissaMurray]

Thank You to all of you for your support. I have found that with age "Larrissa" tends to want more time out and is less willing to stay hidden. That statement would make me sound like a "nut case" to most people, but I think most of you here understand exactly what I mean. I had my GG/SO read this post and the replies last night. She is very supportive so far and as she does have a few quirks of her own I honestly believe we have a awesome future. She is at work today, but a short while ago she Facebooked me and said ( I'm thinking a school girl outfit ). How awesome is that? Oh, and to all of you who do not have supportive SO's, I am so so sorry, I know just how difficult that can be. Thanks Again and as time passes, I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Thank You to all of you for your support. I have found that with age "Larrissa" tends to want more time out and is less willing to stay hidden. That statement would make me sound like a "nut case" to most people, but I think most of you here understand exactly what I mean. I had my GG/SO read this post and the replies last night. She is very supportive so far and as she does have a few quirks of her own I honestly believe we have a awesome future. She is at work today, but a short while ago she Facebooked me and said ( I'm thinking a school girl outfit ). How awesome is that? Oh, and to all of you who do not have supportive SO's, I am so so sorry, I know just how difficult that can be. Thanks Again and as time passes, I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you.

OMG that is awesome! There are some wonderful people in the world, luckily you have one by your side! And a few on the other side of the computer screen. ;)

[NicoleScott]

It is seeming to me that my closet life style is becoming a rumor around town and it really makes me nervous.

Larrissa, take the high road and stay on it. Until you are ready to come out of the closet, if that time ever comes, you are under no obligation to confirm or deny rumors.

[LarrissaMurray]

Thank-You Nicole. That is advice I will take.