Asako
04-23-2012, 03:24 PM
A lot of has happened since Friday, which is where this starts.
I have been having emotional breakdowns for about the last 3 1/2 weeks, give or take a few days. The last one occurred late Friday night when what I suspect to be some of the last walls came down. It differs from the others in that it took a very dark twist with where my thoughts were. I believe the direction that my thoughts went in is better left undisclosed.
I was an emotional wreckage. Even by Saturday, I couldn't stop shaking and I couldn't stop thinking about where my thoughts had gone. I knew I wasn't in any condition to be at work. In my emotional and no-so-rational state, I drove up to work(5 min drive) to explain in person why I wouldn't be able to make it in that night. I didn't need to explain. My boss could tell just by looking at me that something was majorly wrong. I didn't "come out" to him but I explained about the emotional breakdown and where my thoughts had been sitting. As I did, I practically fell to pieces. As we talked, he gave me a piece of advice: Find something to make the highlight of your day. It doesn't matter what it is. Just find something. For him, it was having his kids up at work with him that day as he was putting up ad stuff for a new deal going on.
Before we talked it out, he assured me that my spot would be covered that night and if I needed more time to recover, he'd make it happen. The rest of Saturday was spent with my best two friends, one of which had attempted suicide(as she put it, she nearly succeeded) in the past and therefore both had a pretty good idea of how I was feeling. They were friends for about a decade before they dated and eventually got married.
With a lot of fishing, jokes, and seeing a good number of my friends, I was able to piece my mind back together. Now, I'm looking forward at going beyond therapy. Why am I wanting to move forward? Because it's all I can do now. I don't ever want to feel like that again.
I called both endo offices in Abilene. One office has a CONFUSING electronic system and the other...well, the other office is the one I'm waiting to call me back since the receptionist forwarded me to the endo's nurse. Well, the nurse wasn't there to pick up so I left a message stating that I was wanting to know if the doctor has experience on hormone treatments with TS and TG. It was the first thing I could think of to say. I was as nervous as eff all. I just hope they call back.
For the record, despite everything that's happened on the roller coaster over the last couple days, I'm doing MUCH better than I was before this.
I have been having emotional breakdowns for about the last 3 1/2 weeks, give or take a few days. The last one occurred late Friday night when what I suspect to be some of the last walls came down. It differs from the others in that it took a very dark twist with where my thoughts were. I believe the direction that my thoughts went in is better left undisclosed.
I was an emotional wreckage. Even by Saturday, I couldn't stop shaking and I couldn't stop thinking about where my thoughts had gone. I knew I wasn't in any condition to be at work. In my emotional and no-so-rational state, I drove up to work(5 min drive) to explain in person why I wouldn't be able to make it in that night. I didn't need to explain. My boss could tell just by looking at me that something was majorly wrong. I didn't "come out" to him but I explained about the emotional breakdown and where my thoughts had been sitting. As I did, I practically fell to pieces. As we talked, he gave me a piece of advice: Find something to make the highlight of your day. It doesn't matter what it is. Just find something. For him, it was having his kids up at work with him that day as he was putting up ad stuff for a new deal going on.
Before we talked it out, he assured me that my spot would be covered that night and if I needed more time to recover, he'd make it happen. The rest of Saturday was spent with my best two friends, one of which had attempted suicide(as she put it, she nearly succeeded) in the past and therefore both had a pretty good idea of how I was feeling. They were friends for about a decade before they dated and eventually got married.
With a lot of fishing, jokes, and seeing a good number of my friends, I was able to piece my mind back together. Now, I'm looking forward at going beyond therapy. Why am I wanting to move forward? Because it's all I can do now. I don't ever want to feel like that again.
I called both endo offices in Abilene. One office has a CONFUSING electronic system and the other...well, the other office is the one I'm waiting to call me back since the receptionist forwarded me to the endo's nurse. Well, the nurse wasn't there to pick up so I left a message stating that I was wanting to know if the doctor has experience on hormone treatments with TS and TG. It was the first thing I could think of to say. I was as nervous as eff all. I just hope they call back.
For the record, despite everything that's happened on the roller coaster over the last couple days, I'm doing MUCH better than I was before this.