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LeaP
04-25-2012, 06:46 AM
(note - pronouns used are from a MtF perspective)

Coming to terms with transsexuality has been called an existential struggle. And so it is in many dimensions, among them psychological, social, philosophical, moral, ethical, religious, legal, even political. People struggle for meaning in all these contexts and always have. But why does gender in the transsexual, uniquely among them, so often superimpose considerations of life and death?

I've been thinking of this for a while because existential struggle has been called out to me several times recently, in this forum and elsewhere, and also, frankly, because life and death has been on my mind more frequently than I care to admit.

It's not that, say, religious or ethics situations can't invoke choices about living and dying. They can - but the decision is made based on a religious or ethical position which is already known at that point. Religious and ethical exploration themselves, as profound as they can be, don't typically drive one to question whether or not they should continue to live, or which parts of their psyche should live. Gender does, and not just in a physical sense, either, as a transsexual will often describe aspects of transition in life and death terms on both sides of the gender divide and decision.

Fundamentally, I think gender for the transsexual invokes life and death because the gender binary introduces either/or choices that cannot be finessed. Though this may start with notions of gender that are learned, it is those notions that are intrinsic to our personal belief system that drive us to desperation. One doesn't experience anguish (except perhaps temporarily) over that which can be dissected and dismissed, a transsexual anguishes over things she IS, in which she believes deeply, and cannot express - and which, in her individual belief system, are incompatible with her assigned gender and self-imposed role.

This is unlike the shades of grey that one finds in much self-examination not involving gender (or, for that matter, gender issues in non-transsexuals) One can debate multiple points of view, actually empathize with them, with many questions, e.g. theology. By contrast, one experiences gender, and a transsexual typically has personal needs of role and (in particular) expression that go along with it and which fall along binary lines.

Because of expression and role conflict, it is literally impossible for the pre-transition transsexual to actualize authentic behavior. This insures alienation, both from others and from self. Whatever the transsexual thinks of himself, of her identity, in suppressing expression, she ultimately allows herself to be defined by others, and substitutes social norms (which have no identity) for her own identity because she accepts those norms as her own, practically speaking. And because those are empty, being disembodied social constructs, so is she. This is lived identity by self-negation. And it's a kind of death.

Moral judgement is involved because we take the morality of our actions from our motives. If we act in accordance to our inner self, beliefs, and drivers, we act authentically. When we act to conform to an outside standard, we are acting inauthentically and betray ourselves. Once again, the conflicts in a transsexual are over either/or, male/female situations. The transsexual, in her projected male persona, conforming to expectations (self imposed and not) acts immorally by her own standards. The same applies to ethical and philosophical conflicts. From an external standpoint, of course, there is no way to discern whether someone is acting with integrity (to their real values). It is completely true, however, that there is no way to BE completely authentic without ACTING authentically. To not do so is, again, a self negation. The response in an ethical person is a reaction like depression. A pathological example is suppression.

Transcendence (nice word in this context) takes on an interesting aspect in the pre-transition transsexual. That she is something beyond her appearance - what may be observed - is definitional. Her suppression and repression tend to strongly drive her toward negative conceptions of self, e.g., ugliness, misfit as to body, pain, fear, depression. Negative self-conception becomes predominant in the transsexual's consciousness and daily life. It can be said in the transsexual that her transcendent qualities - the very meaning of personhood - assumes a negative aspect. And when her anguish starts overshadowing every other aspect of life, her thoughts turn to obliterating the pain. Transcendence - personal meaning- can drive psychological pain in anyone, but the life and death aspect is so characteristic of transsexuality that it invokes the question of existence itself far beyond cases of simpler, self-exploratory angst. Woody Allen can parody the latter. It's harder to make fun of a body on a slab.

Transsexuals perceive self-destructive choices no matter what path they take. To remain as-is is to accept the self-negation described above. To transition is to take a leap of faith into the unknown for something authentic - but at the risk of a kind of death of the old, familiar self and with the prospect of loss of things in their current lives from which they draw comfort and meaning. Faced with a choice between two different kinds of self-death, is it surprising that so many simply choose to die? That the realities may work out in better or unexpected ways doesn't change the nature of the existential dilemma at the time of discovery and choice.

The irony is that the death-vs-death choice concerns the pre-transition life that the transsexual so detests! The attachment is to the familiar, conflicted self. The fear of loss is of those things, circumstances, and people attached to the current life and false persona more than fear of transition itself or life post-transition life.

The questions raised in existential thought include how one knows (in one's self) what is authentic, by what standards meaning is judged, the source of motive and emotion, how conflict reveals elements of self, the role of action in self-actualization, whether facts and relationships or transcendence are determinate, and how anguish and freedom play in the consciousness.

The existentialist concept of freedom may be the most interesting of all to the transsexual. Freedom is thought of as an aspect of consciousness that exists outside of the things on which it acts. The mismatch between body and mind in the transsexual illuminates the point by providing a delineation between opposing states (male/female) that makes it clear that the transsexual acts despite physical state, i.e., the separation between desire and object couldn't be clearer. And because freedom in existentialist thought is conceived as proceeding from the transcendent self - that we make choices foremost because of who we are and not what we think - action taken because of the body/mind mismatch clarifies and reveals the transsexual's true nature.

The transsexual struggle for meaning is not only existential, but may be one of the best illustrations of existentialist ideas extant. It's unfortunate that the clarity of the example is due, in large part, to the stark choices and personal costs involved.

Lea

Kaitlyn Michele
04-25-2012, 07:25 AM
Lea,

Brilliant , just brilliant...i have shared many of your thoughts...

To "be", is different than EVERYTHING else...you are or arent...
We "are", but we don't feel like it...and we have no basis to understand this disconnect.
humankind procreates...it should be no mystery why our lives are so deeply tied to our genders...its primal, its part of our meaning, its part of "being"...its unlike any other aspect of ourselves...

To feel you are "wrong" is to feel shame..but that may actually understate the feeling of GID in transsexuals...the shame is only a trigger for suffering, and an obstacle to an authentic life...

two words hit my mind..survival instinct...when in survival mode "everything else" is left wanting...we can lift cars, run 10x further, leap off the third floor, suffer excruciating pain, do almost anything...all to survive
.

Rachel Smith
04-25-2012, 08:08 AM
Thank you Lea for taking the time to write such an informative and thought provoking post.

Rachel:thumbsup:

KellyJameson
04-25-2012, 03:50 PM
We become inauthentic for survival and so experience every moment as a life or death struggle but the struggle is to regain and assert the self because life must be lived beyond the mind and expressed through the body into the world.

For me this was experienced as a never ending anxiety whose source I could neither understand or discover, fear was my constant companion because my mind did not have the comfort of belief that comes so easy to others who do not need truth, GID trapped me between fear and truth with only one path of escape, truth.

An anxiety born from the sensation of the entire world conspiring to destroy me for reasons unknown propelling me into a search for truth from fear of falling into the insanity of worthlessness and fear of destruction, (sink or swim).

I had to become comfortable with people being subconsciously afraid of me, a fear they experienced as disgust or seeing me as mentally unstable and capable of violence yet I did nothing to invoke these fears in my behavior, (even in my quietness I could see the looks of apprehension on their faces) it came purely from what they sensed but could not articulate, that I was different and not part of the tribe.

You are forced to live apart even when surrounded by people. Love is an impossible concept and the words of love others talk about with so much confidence leave you mystified because theirs is the love born from minds that do not live without identity, you are not only lonely from others but lonely from yourself and the mind is frantic for understanding that comes so easy to others.

GID does offer salvation if you can survive it because by necessity it forces you to look inward and become a truth seeker. In my opinion it must be a spiritual experience (not religious) because the greatest truths that we need to understand ourselves exist beyond us, changing the body will only take you halfway back home to yourself the other half is moving beyond what the world in general accepts as truth because a mind that experiences GID also experiences every other aspect of reality differently.

Lea.. your inellectual powers so far eclipse my own that I fear my words may have missed your meaning and hope I do not muddy the waters of your thread and what you wish to communicate.

I would like to suggest a book that your may find interesting about a man who lived life with the world trying to destroy him and how it shaped him. His experience was certainly far worse than living with GID but I found many similar parallels on an emotional/mental/psychological level.

The title is " And There Was Light" by Jacques Lusseyran

I wanted to add one more thought, think of GID as the experience of a trauma but one without anything to point to.

Kathryn Martin
04-25-2012, 06:58 PM
Dear Lea

Transsexual persons experience gender binary very acutely and at the same time experience sex binary equally strong. The uniqueness of this experience makes what we experience and what we appear to be are essentially incompatible, in-congruent conditions. Human beings fundamentally identify on a very visceral level with their born gender. It is the first layer surrounding my core in which I am just human in the deepest sense. It is so deeply woven into our spiritual and emotional fabric that in most human beings it never even rises to a conscious surface. It is unquestionable. I believe this is much deeper than a belief system, which would suggest an environmental influence.



For most of us our reality of having a sex that does not match our fundamental understanding of our self comes early usually in some signature event that stays with us for the rest of our lives, even if it is buried under concerted coping mechanisms of our self. This experience becomes the seed of this life long struggle because it all too often brings self-examination in a complete sense at a time when we should be oblivious to those things.


Having experienced this significant disconnect between psyche and soma at an early age forecloses on authenticity because we engage survival mechanisms. We want to be compliant with expectations that confront us simply to please those on whom we rely for our social and often physical security. We are co-opted into the subjugation of our own experience under the expectations of others. Your passage about self-negation and death emphasizes this point. It is impossible to be authentic, to be wholehearted in this state. It robs us of courage because our fundamental experience of self is called a lie every day by others. No child or adolescent is equipped to deal with this.



In the long run neither can adults. Our coping skills with our ability to survive will be honed to a sharp edge but if you dull these skills constantly against a hardness of alienation from self then the edge becomes the line between authenticity and survival. The perfidiousness of it is that survival becomes a self directed weapon against your own life. Self loathing, seeing that it is we, who ultimate betray ourselves, results in suicidal ideation on a massive scale.

Freedom flowing from the transcendent self is the opposite of the moral imperative in a Kantian sense. But it is not removed from the conceptualizing human self. Where self and perception of world intercept we can experience that our body is part of the world not part of our self. It is in a word a garment. And in this realization and this perception entering my consciousness I was able to realize freedom, that is authenticity. It is there that I found wholeheartedness, that is courage.

Kathryn

LeaP
04-26-2012, 06:29 AM
To "be", is different than EVERYTHING else...you are or arent...
We "are", but we don't feel like it...and we have no basis to understand this disconnect.


Yes. Although I put my post into a gender binary context because it highlights the stark disparity between states, the fact is that in the end the binary is irrelevant on a personal level. Biology and role are points of confusion, elements (existentially, facts) to be overcome. One simply is what one is, the problems being working through the confusion in order to get to the determination, and then deciding what action to take.

I feel the disconnect you describe very deeply.




Freedom flowing from the transcendent self is the opposite of the moral imperative in a Kantian sense. But it is not removed from the conceptualizing human self. Where self and perception of world intercept we can experience that our body is part of the world not part of our self. It is in a word a garment. And in this realization and this perception entering my consciousness I was able to realize freedom, that is authenticity. It is there that I found wholeheartedness, that is courage.



I like this, particularly the idea of the body as a garment, which is a theme that figures in Mormon theology, as it happens.

Kant tried keeping freedom in the realm of reason. And there is no doubt that physicality is a big part of the transsexual dilemma. There's a hole in existential thought here. While facts may not be determinate, they can be very, very important to self.

What you've expressed in your last paragraph both recognizes the importance of biology and overcomes it (via transcendent realization and choice). The intersection of inner and outer worlds as an arena for agency, in effect transforming the source of the disconnect on its head, sounds right, though I'm clearly not there yet. The feeling of freedom you convey in this paragraph is breathtaking.

Lea