Should I pack her stuff?

[MandyGG]

Audrey is traveling for work Monday through Friday. I usually freak out about it, thinking that she is dressing without telling me. And buying clothes just to throw them away before coming home. I have no idea if it really happens, i think it is just all in my head. I don't want to stress this time! So, would it be better if I just ask her if she wants to take her things or surprise her with them in her bag? Or should I just let it go and not even bring it up?

[AllieSF]

Mandy. I think I understand how you feel. I think that you should just talk with her and get it all out on the table. Tell her you worry and need to build up your own trust in her and the whole dressing situation as you try to come to a better understanding of it and more comfortable with it, and you think that maybe by helping her plan her travel outfit, if she wants to dress while away, and pack that will help you too. It is not easy, but keeping it inside of you will only make it worse for both. I wish you the best of luck.

[sierra_g]

If you have fears of this, I think maybe you should confront her and your fears. Peace of mind is nice to have. Letting things go and not bringing them up just builds pressure and eventually starts driving a wedge. Nobody wants either of those. Just my crazy opinion. :)

[Barbara Ella]

Honest communication. Each of you needs to let the other know what your expectations are. Knowing and Trusting one another when apart goes a long way toward a happier time when together.

Barbara

[Joanne f]

I think it would be nice for you to suggest to Audrey that it would be a good idea for her to take some of her clothes with her just incase she would like to wear them while away and would she like you to help pack them ,
a surprise would be nice but it is always hard for someone else to pick what you would like to wear so once the choice of clothes have be picked you could always put in a little surprise of your own .

[Kate Simmons]

If my man were doing that and going away, I would ask Mandy as I know it's something he likes to do as long as he comes back to me. You have to decide though Hon as you know your Hubby better than anyone else.:)

[Kristy_K]

Mandy I think it would be nice to surprise Audrey with some clothes pack.

It could also open up communications at the same time to ask about your concerns which are important to you to build trust.

Honesty is the better policy in my opinion.

[Kate T]

I think it would be nice for you to suggest to Audrey that it would be a good idea for her to take some of her clothes with her just incase she would like to wear them while away and would she like you to help pack them ,
a surprise would be nice but it is always hard for someone else to pick what you would like to wear so once the choice of clothes have be picked you could always put in a little surprise of your own .

I was going to suggest this but Jo beat me to it. having a little surprise in there I think would be lovely and I would just be so chuffed if it was me.

[Brenda79135]

If he is flying the wide blue sky, I would tell her that you have packed some clothes for her. You never know when he will be called upon to have his luggage gone through. A surprise like that just might embarrass him.

[kimdl93]

Mandy, why not ask her if she'd like help picking out things to wear? It might be an opportunity to discuss (in a supportive manner) what she's planning and help her make appropriate choices.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

A surprise is always nice but just watch how she will feel if you let her know it's OK to pack her fem clothes and tell her to have a great time. Maybe a surprise would be if you bought her something nice to wear and said "hope you like it". I know when my wife surprises me with something nice it really makes me happy. Just my thoughts, also you sound like a wonderful woman!!!!

[Cheryl T]

Bring it up and tell her what you are thinking.
Discussion and openness will be the best thing

[Ally 2112]

It is so great you are supportive Mandy but always communicate it can be hard but will hopefully get easier have fun with it

[Tina B.]

Mandy, if I where you, I would ask, if Audrey is going, and if yes, ask if there is anything you can do to help her get ready. And then as she is leaving casually mention, if you go shopping while your gone, I can't wait to see what you get. That way if she does go shopping, and buy anything, it won't need to be tossed, lost, and the money spent for nothing. When I travel with out the wife, and do any shopping, I always bring her back a bobble of some kind too. After all, as I understand it, you just want to know what is going on, not trying to hamper it, right? At least your not talking about packing her stuff, and throwing her out, that's what I thought the title implied. lol
Tina B.

[Bree Wagner]

Mandy,

As always there's lots of great advice here. The open and honest communication is always what I would go for when possible. If Aubrey wants to bring some things with her to dress up that's great and I'm sure she'd love to have your opinion on what to bring. If she does decide to bring clothes maybe you could slip in a new pair of panties (or something else) that you got her with a note pinned to it that says something along the lines of "Thinking of You. Have fun." I do a lot of my dressing on the road because it's easier on the family and I know I'd get a huge smile if my wife did that for me. I certainly do like it when she helps me pick an outfit so that would be just a step further. Good luck!

-Bree

[Stephanie47]

If I were going on a business trip I definitely would not mind if my wife packed a new sexy floor length nightgown, matching bra and panty, and sheer black hosiery and bedroom slippers. Tuck them into a nice gift box. I think he would appreciate it. I know I would. And, there may be some fringe benefits when he returns.

[BRANDYJ]

Mandy, I am with those that think you should simply ask if he wants to take some Audrey clothes to keep him company at night. That way you don't have to wonder if that is what he plans to do without your input. Come to think about it, I know I'd love for my SO to be so thoughtful and ask me. Then if she sprayed a little of her perfume on my lingerie, that would be fantastic! This is not an area you need to be wondering if he is dressing away from home without you. Talk about it. No secrets on either side. That is if you can handle the idea of him dressing away from home. If not, then it's time to talk it out about your concerns. But I'd strive for no secrets between you. BTW, I just got back from a week with my SO in Michigan. She sprayed her perfume on a stuffed cute little teddy bear and put it in my suitcase. There is nothing that drives me crazy like Calvin Cline's Euphoria. It's what she was wearing when we met face to face the first time some six years ago.She was out of it and I bought her a gift of it when I arrived just so she'd wear it for me.
So if you decide together that Audrey's clothes will be packed, surprise her with the scent of your favorite perfume sprayed on the clothes so he willbe thinking of you while away. Works for me!

[MandyGG]

I guess I will be having a huge conversation tonight! Thanks ladies! I will post after we talk and let you know what was decided!

I heart you!

[suchacutie]

I hope the communication goest well! I'm guessing it will be well received!

tina

[MandyGG]

Why would you freak out thinking he was dressing without telling you? FOOLING around and not telling you, well that's a different horse. You know he dresses, he has to have your permission to dress while away? As for throwing things away, I would think that as close as you both seem, wouldn't your joint bank account or CC statements reflect that? Certainly wasting family money on a whim and trashing said 'whim' would be cause for concern, and even with separate checking accounts...I'm not getting this.

My wife and I have joint checking accounts and seperate checkings accounts, joint and seperate CC accounts. But If I'm gone on a business trip she'll never ask if I'm going to dress in my hotel room. It's a given. If I want to buy something to add to my CD collection I'll just tell her. "Hey baby@! I just found the cutest shoes!"...or whatever. No biggie. Just as when we travel together, I'll always have my CD wardrobe and appointments and dress as freely as I wish..

I'm not clear on why you would be freaking out since he's a known crossdresser. Is it the fear that he's 'stepping ou't on you en femme while away? Searching for a chance to cheat on you? Your post is nebulous to me. No disrespect Mandy, just seeking clarification.

No problem, Stephnie. Let me break it down for you.

When he traveled before, it was during my "OH NO EFFIN WAY HE IS GOING TO CROSSDRESS WHILE HE IS MARRIED TO ME!" Phase. Therefore, the thought of him dressing was a big blow to my mental state. I was NOT having it. So, when he would take cash out of the ATM, I would question what he was really doing with the money. Using cash would be the only way to hide it from me. We were not in a "dont ask dont tell" situation.... we were in a "you do it, you will be living on the street" situation. And, yes, I would picture him having sex with men while he was dressed because of his history before me. So, the thought of him dressing was also the thought of him cheating.

Did that help?

[MandyGG]

Yes. He had a history before me. See the thread "Interview with a Husband" (I can't link it right now because I am on my phone) but basically, his dressing led to sex with men. So I was paranoid and afraid it would happen behind my back.

He knows the ATM is not cool with me. I think he learned this. We will see how tonight's conversation plays out.

[sierra_g]

Mandy, I love the "OH NO EFFIN WAY...". It is so similar to us. Glad to know we aren't alone. Thanks. Good luck with the conversation!

[Darla]

Okay - in the interest in racheting it down, how about an honest discussion? If he plans on dressing and you're cool, then let him dress up. If the issue is cheating - tell it like it is - can't be with you if you cheat. Male or female. If theres the "no way - I'm not going to dress up. We're working on this relationship, and I need to keep it chill" thing going on, I have one more suggestion:

Surprise Audrey with a nice teddy/babydoll/lingerie/clothing of your choice when she gets back on Friday.

Man if I were to do anything not above board and come home to a little acceptance like that, I'd lose it.

Thank you for caring enough about Audrey to ask our advice. I wish you the best of luck. I think everyone on this board who sees a GG/CD realtionship flourish cheer from the bottom of our frilly, pretty hearts.