Beware the EX with an attitude...

[LarrissaMurray]

Worst nightmare? Close, but more like a bad dream.

Several months back I left a relationship of three years. I did all I could to make it work be she was never going to change and there were too many things about her that simply annoyed me. Larrissa had nothing to do with it (except maybe she couldn't stand her). I moved out and moved on. It was all for the best because later I met my soul mate. Since that time I have stayed as far away from the EX as possible. No real communication at all.

I introduced my new GF to a couple who had known for years and they seemed to like her. The woman and my GF became friends on FB. It did not take long for me to find out that this woman (whom I thought was my friend) was implanting negative thoughts into my new GF's mind. This message is now being sent to all of my GF's FB friends. (I've changed the names)

( Wow, cant believe you are letting Sue be with a person Dan he loves womens underwear more than a woman does. wears it under his own boxers and sleeps in womens pj's everynite. you have a friend who is with a freak of nature. so just curious does he like to _______ when hes all dressed up in his girlie clothes? what kind of friend are you to allow her to be with a piece of shit that wont work and wears red sexy panties )
Her response was ( I like his red sexy girl panties, especially when he wears them for me and Doug!) That was actually kind of funny, but still not all of my GF's friends are that cool.


So Beware to all of you who may read this and are thinking of ending a relationship, some people can get real Evil...

[kimdl93]

Two comments. My ex wife outed me during a.period of anger during our divorce. She told my sons, family members, coworkers and friends. As a result nothing changed except that she ruined her own reputation. My advice is take the high road and keep your distance from untrustworthy people like the so -called friends.

[Lorileah]

Haters gonna hate. Whatever that means.

In general, you just do what you have to on these matters. I would not address the sexuality part at all but if someone questions why this person says what she says, you can just say you don't really know why she has such an attitude. You tried to be a good friend to her and you expected the same.

As Kim intimated, usually real friends just blow this stuff off and it backfires on the one being catty. True friends don't care what you wear under you clothes. It just does not matter to them because they know the real you.

Losing "friends" on FB who have a problem is the best thing you can do. You don't need the weight

[SabrinaEmily]

That's another way being deeply closeted is bad for you. You should always be ready to say "Yeah, so?"

Anyway, better to end a relationship with a bitch like that and maybe have them attempt some petty vengance like this than to keep dealing with her garbage.

Also, don't be Facebook friends with people from work, as that's a way this could bite you. It's a good policy not to be anyway.

And of course, as Joan Jett said, "You don't lose when you lose fake friends."

[whowhatwhen]

Look on the bright side, you're not human garbage who will end up dying alone amongst dozens of cats.

[Maria 60]

That's just not right. A few years ago our close friends next door split up. My wife was spending a lot of time with her and we tried to comfort her threw a hard time. She would come over and we would open a bottle of wine and just chill out, and at times when she would call i would be dressed and would have to get changed. One night my wife thought that she was a good friend and since she's here a lot and cutting into my Maria time that we should tell her and it would make it easier on me. I told my wife that as much as i would love to do that i choose to stay in the closet.(THANK GOD) About a month later she meet a new guy and had a argument with my wife and started spreading rumour's about us, talk about a close one. Some people just have no heart.

[Piora]

This is why I'll never have an account on Facebook. It is a cowardly way just to post venomous comments and rumours about people without having to face them, or speak to those people that they're contacting, in person. I've heard so many negative things about it, that I'm convinced it's something that has some good, but seems to be a vehicle mostly used for maliciousness and cyber-bullying. So many people just love to read negativity about others, and take great delight in spreading the dirt, unproven rumours, or actions and comments taken completely out of context. A "he-said-she-said" situation that always ends badly.

Look at the popularity of such publications as "The Enquirer" or "The Star". Full of innuendo and half-truths about celebrities. They contain "articles" (I use the term loosely) that hinge on slander. Rarely are any of these things true, or are found to contain simply 5 or 10% of the truth. So many just love to read about bad things happening to good people.

[Tina B.]

Larrissa, as I've always said, once you tell anyone about dressing, you no longer have control over what is done with that information. There is not much at that point that you can do, but damage control, salvage the friends that can handle it, and walk away from the rest, they will you. We all wish it where not this way, but I don't see it changing any time soon.
Tina B.

[DanaR]

It seems like when you say something on the internet a few times, it becomes true. I still believe that you don't tell anyone, unless they need to know.

[KellyJameson]

Be glad you did not have children with your ex, It is fairly common in divorce proceedings to try and create the suspicion of sexual perversion of one type or another to gain control of the children as an act of revenge.

I worked briefly in the Los Angeles court system and had to get out because I feared for my own psychological well being exposing myself to that everyday. Rejection equals rage for many people because it attacks the shaky foundation that their self worth is built on and they than seek to destroy the other person either through acts of direct physical violence and intimidation or through others who are chosen for the ease of manipulating their naivete or own inner weaknesses. In the end it is about not being able or willing to manage themselves without acts of violence either against themselves or others, at it's core it is the expression of the same problem regardless of how it is directed.

You were wise to end the relationship in my opinion, this sickness of mind is almost impossible to cure and the label of evil is often justified. Love is a very risky game if you play with broken people but the problem is you do not find out they are broken until you are already in the game and to some degree we are all broken so the question becomes, is there movement toward health or sickness ? Usually it is sickness because working toward health takes effort and can create intense internal fear and it is easier to hurt (use) others to solve ones own internal conflicts.

[~Joanne~]

There should be laws! People should not be allowed to hide behind IP addresses.

I am not trying to sound cold or uncaring to your situation but I disagree. Right now as we speaking, they are seeking to pass these very bills you are asking for and we need to do everything we can to STOP them from becoming law.

They already invade our privacy way too much as it is, let alone to have the average person also being able to do so. If you think your Ex is doing a number on you, wait till a piss off co-worker, neighbor, friend, or whoever else "suspects" that you dress goes digging for the proof of such and finds it because your right to privacy no longer exists.

Last year alone, they passed 40,000+ odd bills into law. The ONLY one that I know of is the law that states you can not text while driving. Even that law is not straight forward as it sounds. Where are the other 39,999 at?

Next they will make a crossdressing law that makes it illegal because the same people who were shallow enough to dig around to see if you crossdress are also the uneducated people that see this as a perversion or sickness and will be screaming for that law to happen. Then alot of us are in trouble.

Back to your post, You clearly stated you hated your Ex (though you split your personalities to do so) and it makes me wonder why you told her in the first place? Obviously you knew what kind of person she is and sorry to say, it makes no sense to me.

As CD's, we are always looking for acceptance but are we clouded to the fact that coming out to others may come back to bite us in the future? A lot of girls here don't care because they have fully accepted their CD'ing as part of who they truely are, you apparently do care even though your new GF doesn't and that is why you will always be at risk of others outting you over and over again.

I truly believe that as CD's no matter how hard we try to hide it, try to keep it private or contained, or keep it from certain people, sooner or later, at some point in time, someone is going to find out. Whether it's because we became sloppy at hiding it, told the wrong person believing they would be supportive, or we go from hiding to accepting it ourselves.

In your case, It's out there unfortunately because your Ex never accepted your (under dressing?) and stored it as a "weapon" to use at a later date. Now the choice is yours....Keep denying it as hard as you can and make the lie bigger than ever or just own it.

Ask these people "This knowledge changes YOUR life how?" or "I didn't know I was that important that changing CLOTHES would change the world".

This all is just my personal opinion though and I hope you don't take any offense to it but maybe take a bit away from it.

Have a great day :)

[Stephenie S]

As has been said above, once you tell anyone it's no longer a secret. But the only REAL protection you have is to own your own behavior.

Once you get past your guilt and shame over this, NO ONE has any power over you at all. Being able to say, "Yup, I crossdress. So?" Gives YOU all the power and takes away anyone else's for ever.

OWN YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR!

Auntie Stephenie

[April_Ligeia]

Larissa. You can't fight fire with fire. You CAN fight it with water. Say nothing but good things about your ex, NEVER one word of antipathy. The word will get out among those who care for you and they will shrug off her back biting.

The key is for you to find solace within yourself and not become defensive. And no, a strong offense is not necessarily always a good defense, as in this case. In MY case of similar circumstances (A GF before my I met my wife) I only said good things about her or nothing at all in some cases, and all my friends pretty much responded with "Y'know, I KNEW that woman was lying. All this time you've had NOTHING bad or untoward to say about her and she's been bad mouthing YOU something fierce. Screw that Silly B***H!"

And my response? A very simple two words. "Thank You." And those friends? Still here and her? She's disappeared. None of us have seen hide nor hair of her for ages.

Time and patience are ultimately on your side Larissa. Never fear. :)


This is how I dealt and still deal with my ex-wife. It's hard to do, but it does work.

[xdressed]

My ex outed my to a few of her friends after we had an argument shortly after our breakup. I was lucky though, because I don't think they actually truly believed her (she had a habit of making things up about people she didn't like, and it was an easy thing to make up about me as I have long hair anyway)

[sometimes_miss]

Beware the EX with an attitude...
You mean the one that tried to blackmail me out of more money even after the divorce? Yeah, I'm aware of that one.

[MsJanessa]

darling, aren't you glad that she is your "ex" and not your current

[Tara D. Rose]

You mean the one that tried to blackmail me out of more money even after the divorce? Yeah, I'm aware of that one.
I sure can relate to this one very well.