Sometimes I think TG girls are better off staying single

[Marleena]

Too bad there wasn't a test to detect TG status in us early in life before we start families and relationships. I see so many relationship problems because of the way we are. It becomes disheartening since we didn't ask for this. There are so many DADT relationships and compromises being made because of something we never asked for.

I sometimes think we are better off staying single.

If your SO accepts this side of you consider yourself fortunate, but sometimes it still goes sour for who knows whatever reason.

Sorry for the depressing topic..

Oh.. and no it has not happened to me, but it could.

[AllieSF]

I understand what you are saying, but I am a relationship type person. So, instead of just dropping out of the dating and relationship scene, it would be much better if others, including the females that one is attracted to, would be more accepting. I think it is improving, with no empirical data to support that feeling, and the more people who see and interact with us, over the long run it should get a lot better.

Now, while us CD's are bemoaning our relationship situation, TS's have it worse in my opinion with all the complications dealing with their personal issues in the past, the present and into the future.

[Marleena]

Now, while us CD's are bemoaning our relationship situation, TS's have it worse in my opinion with all the complications dealing with their personal issues in the past, the present and into the future.

Oh the TS ladies are definitely included in this Allie. We all know their relationship issues are much tougher.

I'm just seeing so many relationship problems lately. It's starting to get to me

[Katesback]

Thats a very astute observation.

[reb.femme]

Hi Marleena,

I totally agree about the agreement of an SO. It really is a "Sword of Damocles" situation. We have the riches of the world but our worlds could cave in if the agreement of an SO is....withdrawn?

I have been with my wife for many years but only recently out, so taking things slowly. Time and time again we hear from SO GGs that communication is the primary key. I now ensure that she is aware of what I want to do or buy, and she is actively involved with me. If she raises an issue then I am happy to discuss. She has been absolutely fantastic, but then she always has been one way or another. For the meantime, I am exceptionally fortunate and I will not jeopardise this.

However, acceptance is always in the gift of the SO.

Becca

[Leslie Langford]

Yes, Marleena, that school of thought is very valid, and I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't feel the same way myself sometimes when I happen to feel down about my "gender gift". But then I remind myself that we didn't choose transgenderism; transgenderism chose us, and most us are just trying to get by and lead as normal a life as possible under the circumstances despite carrying this particular monkey on our backs.

But at the end of the day, it's only about clothes for most us, so let's keep this whole thing in perspective. It's only about the kinds of clothes we like to wear...F*%KING clothes...no more, no less. There are worse things in the world, after all, and it's not as though collectively we were all psychopaths, serial killers, wife beaters, pedophiles, terrorists, religious fanatics, or war criminals and the like.

I blame society in part for somehow stigmatizing males who like to wear women's clothing, whereas for females, anything goes. This probably goes back to the fact that most societies are still male-dominated, with the institutionalized, irrational homophobia which typically accompanies this. The good news, though, is that this is rapidly changing, and transgendered people by and large are no longer seen as some sort of freaks as the general public gets more educated about what we are - and what we are not.

Time was, parents were inclined to try to "beat the gay" out of their children if they felt that they were leaning in that direction. And those of us who were caught trying on our mothers' or sisters' clothes when we were youngsters were invariably punished and humiliated and shamed for our actions in an effort to suppress this activity, because - after all - boys don't do this kind of thing. Just like boys aren't supposed to cry or show any emotion...John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Robert Mitchum, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery...those were the icons of our youth as to what a "real man" was supposed to be.

Nowadays, the typical response of parents is to be supportive of their children no matter what, and to actually make the world a safer, more inviting place for them where they no longer have to be in denial over who/what they are deep down inside. Witness all the stories in the news lately about parents who not only accept the fact that their children are transgendered when this comes out into the open, but actually facilitate their transition - even if doing so sometimes breaks their hearts.

I just regret that I was born about 50 years too early to have fully benefited from all these fundamental changes in attitude that society is currently undergoing...:sad:

[Alice Torn]

Marleena, Great thread! As a lifetime single, I can only imagine how stressful it must be to be married, to a wife, who is not much accepting. I did date a lot in my 30's, before i realized i was a CD. I know a lot of us singles, would still like to marry, but, realistically, it is not much possible anymore. It does seem like life hands us adversities of one kind or another, and each seems to have to learn in them. It aint easy! As one friend of mine with a great wife says! I don't know if he dresses or not. The grass always seems greener on the other side! You look very nice in you av.

[April_Ligeia]

Of course, half of all marriages end in divorce, so sometimes I wonder if ANYBODY should get married, after all, it only works out half of the time. And even when it does work out, I have seen many long-term married couples who can't stand each other and only stay married out of convenience or because they don't know how not to be together. I don't know if anybody has ever worked out the percentage of marriages that last and in which both parties are happy, but I would bet it is a small number. Crossdressing can't be a factor in all of these, so, hey get married if you want to. Do whatever works for you for as long as it works, and then do something else!

[whowhatwhen]

Of course, half of all marriages end in divorce, so sometimes I wonder if ANYBODY should get married, after all, it only works out half of the time. And even when it does work out, I have seen many long-term married couples who can't stand each other and only stay married out of convenience or because they don't know how not to be together. I don't know if anybody has ever worked out the percentage of marriages that last and in which both parties are happy, but I would bet it is a small number. Crossdressing can't be a factor in all of these, so, hey get married if you want to. Do whatever works for you for as long as it works, and then do something else!

You must've met my parents.
XD

I literally laugh out loud at the phrase "sanctity of marriage".

[Presh GG]

Leslie L,
I so disagree it is JUST clothes. It is a duel gender life for most.
And yes, it is getting better , but given half a chance [ or half the truth ] I think FAR more people [ potential mates or parents ] would always have been supportive had they known what was kept hidden.

Presh

[ELIZABETH46]

i am happily married and out of the closet with my TG situation.
she is my best friend, and the one that buy all my underware, skirts, blouses , etc., sometimes we shop together.
she knows my most intimates feelings, and helps as much as she can.
i am blessed.
i agreed with Becca, not all GG's are against us.
i have dressed on and off since i was 7, but never "all the time" until now.
i knew then i was "different".
thanks to my GG i am REAL today.

[Marleena]

No no... I'm just seeing so many struggles here lately because an SO is TG and it effects the marriage. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody at all. Both partners definitely need to work at it to make a go of it. I guess this is more about the older TG girls.

The younger ones will have an easier time with this because things are changing for the better. So it's not all doom and gloom.

[Barbara Ella]

The human psyche has such a deep seated desire for companionship that this is a tough call, and certainly different for each individual. I know that the distress is severe. I also know that if the TG remained single, they would never know the peace of a companion to make a comparison. The distress is due to the development of the companionship, and its depth. I know I am different than most. I had 41 years of this deep companionship. I have now had 6 months of angst, and one month of hell. dont know what will develop, but doubt I would have traded anything.

In terms of just simply not putting pain into two lives, staying single would be the way to go. But then there would be no possibility of two perhaps finding their joy. Great discussion over martinis, think we should arrange to to that....

Barbara

[Marleena]

The human psyche has such a deep seated desire for companionship that this is a tough call, and certainly different for each individual. I know that the distress is severe. I also know that if the TG remained single, they would never know the peace of a companion to make a comparison.
Barbara

Yes we all need companionship, but at what cost?

Many of the older girls didn't even know they were TG. When they finally realized it they were into a relationship and sometimes with kids. Knowing before you get involved would certainly help then the SO would know beforehand what they're getting into.

Hence the TG test I referred to which is still not a reality.

[suchacutie]

I also must say that I don't feel at all that it's just about the clothes. For me it's a clear bigenderism, two applications running on the same database! The feminine perspective for me is a very different perspective from that of my male self.

I think that large change in perspective is a part of what make is work for me and my wife. With Tina being a very different person, she hasn't lost her "man" in any way, but has added a girlfriend.

Back to the original OP...I do think that going into a relationship only with a clear understanding on both sides is essential, and maybe that's what you really are saying: "if it's not plus all the way, rethink getting into that relationship!"

Maybe!

[Marleena]

Back to the original OP...I do think that going into a relationship only with a clear understanding on both sides is essential, and maybe that's what you really are saying: "if it's not plus all the way, rethink getting into that relationship!"

Maybe!

Yes.. that's a big part of it. If you KNOW you are TG make it clear to a potential partner before things become too serious.

What I'm still seeing is accepting and supportive SO's doing a 180 for no apparent reason. I guess maybe I just care too much about people and there may be other factors involved that I don't know about.

That's why I originally posted it just might be easier staying single for all of us.

[Cindi Johnson]

Leslie, don't kid yourself, it's not "just clothes". Not at all. It's so much more than that. Many of us refuse to admit it, even to ourselves. Easier to paint this bright line to separate us from those "others", those poor transsexuals. Crossdressers are real men, after all. We eagerly penetrate! Clothes don't make the man!

The transsexuals on this website are just as eager to draw that same bright line between you and them. After all, it takes a real man to become a woman, doesn't it?

Truth is, our psyches are much more fluid, more blurred, then most of us will admit. And that is what GG's readily sense yet cannot understand. They seem never to question their gender, and thus cannot understand why we do. No. they do not comprehend why we choose to dress, act, -even become - women.

I've never met a GG who had a problem with me when I'm dressed (and I'm out dressed a lot, almost daily), except one: my wife, the woman I most loved in this life. She could not love a transgendered husband. DADT was our imperfect compromise.

But should we remain forever single?? That's asking a lot. For me, the answer is "no".

[KellyJameson]

I practiced a form of serial monogamy jumping from one relationship to another trying to discover why I could not form an emotional bond with women always thinking I just had not found the right one. I was confused because I prefered their company by far over the typical males who I had learned in childhood I had nothing in common with and I also had no interest in sexual relations with men thinking this was further proof that I was heterosexual and should be in a relationship with a woman, little did I know there was door number three.

I gave up because I became exhausted by the remorse I felt seeing how much women suffered in relationships with me because they did not feel loved, they would tell me they knew I loved them but that I was not in love with them, it was like double talk and it took years for me to understand what they were saying.

Psychologically women would experience sex with me as if I was a woman but in a man's body and this caused incredible anxiety in them because of the complete reversal of sexual power that
woman usually hold in relationships with men, leaving them feeling out of control, fearful and vulnerable.

I now realize that I'm poison for a heterosexual woman and I would never enter into a sexual relationship with one again, it would be an irresponsible act of cruelty to do so. My sexual psychology is opposite the body it is held in and only a woman who desires having sex with women could psychologically survive being sexual with me assuming there is one whose scent/taste does not repel me. The physiological experience of sex definitely takes place deep within the brain shaping what the mind desires and you can only ignore it for so long.

Melissa in another thread mentioned about the kiss, her worlds shocked me because I have exactly the same reaction to women. The scent and taste of a womans body and shape of her genitals does not excite me and often repels me but I did not understand the significance of this and thought I was just being prudish and kept pushing myself to enjoy what everyone else took for granted, I kept waiting for some switch inside my brain to trip and I would experience that mindless hunger that I have witnessed in men.

If there is a chance someone is TG my advice would be to listen to your nose (smell) and tongue (taste) because they go straight into the deepest recesses of the mind where all truths begin and not what you see with your eyes, if you are repelled in any way pay attention because it could have deeper meaning and significance.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Some of us are just naturally very passionate and just cannot give up on the idea of having a partner, as unlikely as it is to ever find an accepting woman. It tears my heart to realize it is unlikely I will ever find a wife in my lifetime, I would be better off just getting used to the idea of being alone forever and give up; at the same time I just can't, you can't turn off the desire to have a partner like turning off a light bulb, even if you may want to give up it just doesn't work that way.

[Contessa]

Marleena

Think about what I am trying to say that men want to be women because there isn't any one else to be. I already know what it is to be a man. I adore and admire women probably too too much. I want to give myself or have you think I have the same qualities. I want to have a relationship with them and also show them what they mean to me. Women may feel threatened You're not like me they are sort of saying. You want me to like someone who says that he could be a woman trying to find men who like them. Even though we know that we just like or most of us just like woman. So we must be gay but gay to women means you like men. Women's values have to be different from ours. Look at how we see or some of us see women need to act to be subservient to all man's needs. Is that how you want to be as a woman and how can a woman want that. Think of who hates men who are different the most "other men" and why do you think men don't want to find out that the person they see as a beautiful woman is really a man. And apparently women don't understand this part of us. Its your values that make up how you feel. Women have to find that somehow unsettling.

But also relationships fade and fail. And life goes on. Some of us pass on and others take our place and change what happens to those of us who are TG. I hope that I haven't brought down this thread. If I did I am sorry for trying to bring some thought to a tough subject.

Tess

[Nichola]

It certainly makes things easier regarding crossdressing, accepting partners are few & far between.

[Joanne f]

To bad that there is not an early education system to make people aware that some are going to grow up being TG and i think a lot of relationships go sour because the TG expects to much to quickly .

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I think that the reason a lot of TG relationships fail is because there is hiding and lying so often. Yes things seem to be changing to a more accepting level, but if you can't be completely honest and be yourself 100% of the time with your partner then there will be problems no matter who you are.

[Raychel]

I know exactly what you are saying. I am not in a DADT relationship. My wife does know all about Raychel. and does at times make sure that I get Raychel time. Which is awesome. But in the back of my mind I am alwasy waiting for that ball to drop. And everything to come crashing down.

[lauraabdl]

Well I for one am finally happy with my lifestyle and well resolved to the fact that single is what I am going to be.
I was married for over thirty five years to four different womjan and they all knew about my femme side and all of them were ok just don't show me or do it around me type. T he last SO left in August of 2010 and I did miss her at first, stayed a hermit for almost a year and then a light came on in me and I came out of my closet and haven't looked back. I am much more happier and have made new friends that don't care how I dress and are friends with me because of me and not how I dress. My last SO put it plainly,"I cant' live with the both of you" and thats what we are two different lifestyles in the same body.
So yes I'm happier now that I can be one person, myself, be it male or female I get to choose everyday and that initself is being who I am without judgement from anyone.
Laura Lee:2c:

[Kate Simmons]

Well, it partly caused my marriage to go "South" but there were other factors as well. Now the woman I love knows everything about me and is okay with that although there are other factors keeping us apart. In any event, I now focus on my spirituality as that helps me cope with any potential disappointments and keeps my focus on track for any accomplishments I want to complete.:)

[Sandra1746]

I also agree with you, at least today; tomorrow I may have a different opinion. My SO is going through the "I want to be married to a man, not a girl" phase. Well both personas are in there and the 'man' part doesn't work any more due to age, prostate surgery and medications. The best she can ever have is a eunuch.

Her favorite line is "...you have changed too much". However woe to me if I point out some of her personality changes or 'flaws'. I have no good answers but she can't have her "man" back; her best option is a eunuch.

Stay strong and carry on,
Sandra1746

[KimberlyJean]

I know that if my marriage does not work out I will not be seeking a new partner(not saying it won't happen). I have been married for 13 years, but the last three we have been apart alot. Last time we were together all she did was bitch at me about everything. I honestly don't think my CDing is a huge issue for her it is just easy for her to harp on. Our sex life went way down hill and she blamed it on my CDing but in reality it is hard to get jazzed up for someone who was just yelling at you and calling you names.

[Julia_in_Pa]

The problem is that heterosexual cross dressers are marrying heterosexual women.
Heterosexual women are just that, heterosexual.
Most don't want to see you one moment in a dress and heels and the next in a business a suit and wingtips.
It turns their stomach and it turns them off.

This is why so many have relationship issues.

My wife promised to stay with me during and after transition.
She promised her undying love for me as it concerned me transitioning but when push came to shove she reneged on her promises to me.
That was 2006 and I've been transitioned since that time.
My So and soon to be my spouse is a lesbian. Not bi, not experimenting but lesbian straight from the lesbian club.

Guess what? This relationship works because I'm not THREATENING her sexuality I'm FEEDING it.

Slamming your head against the relationship wall will give you nothing more than a really big headache.



Julia

[Julia_in_Pa]

The statistics of CD's who have their spouses knowing of their pastime have as a whole very stressed marriages because of it.
TS and IS people who transition will almost always lose their spouse even when that spouse was initially agreeing t stay in the marriage.


Julia

[whowhatwhen]

The problem is that heterosexual cross dressers are marrying heterosexual women.
Heterosexual women are just that, heterosexual.


Something tells me that homosexual women aren't going to be too keen on the whole penis thing though.
Lose-lose eh?

[Foxglove]

Marleena, I'm not in a relationship now and am not looking for one. I'm enjoying being myself far too much now, and I'm very pessimistic about finding a woman who'd be OK with that. I get the impression that very, very few women are really into it. The way I see my situation is be myself or look for an SO. I choose to be myself now because I denied myself for far too long.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[ArleneRaquel]

IMHO a woman would have to be a saint knowingly entering a relationship/marriage with TG, she would have to have the patience of Job. If you are a TG it would be better to be/stay single.

[Nigella]

Human beings are drawn to each other by nature, you only have to look at how we live, compared to our ancestors. we all have relationships, starting from being on nodding terms with the person in the street, right through the whole spectrum to being with one person the majority of time. There are 1001 reasons and more, why these relationships breakdown or falter.

I was once told, there is only one thing certain in your life and that is, it will end. Everything that shapes you and your life is a matter of what you do. If you are not prepared to work at it, then a relationship is bound to falter or fail, that also goes for the other equation in the relationship. Sometimes eating a little crow can move mountains, but by putting blocks in the way, eventually you will build a wall.

[whowhatwhen]

IMHO a woman would have to be a saint knowingly entering a relationship/marriage with TG, she would have to have the patience of Job. If you are a TG it would be better to be/stay single.

Maybe both just need to go into the relationship assuming transition, that way there are no surprises.

[ArleneRaquel]

Maybe both just need to go into the relationship assuming transition, that way there are no surprises.

You are right,that would be the best solution.

[gender_blender]

I find a greater success with relationships if you're honest or open about all aspects in the early stages of the process. I'm lucky in that I resemble an attractive girl without trying.

[Heather Daniels]

The statistics of CD's who have their spouses knowing of their pastime have as a whole very stressed marriages because of it.
TS and IS people who transition will almost always lose their spouse even when that spouse was initially agreeing t stay in the marriage.


Julia

Actually,I agree with you, but I'm curious as to where these "statistics" came from.

[ArleneRaquel]

All the men that I date know that I'm a CD before you ever go out. Either I tell them of they can see what I am, they would have to know that I'm not a real woman, if they don't realize that fact they need an eye doctor in a big hurry.

I don't go out with men until many, many phone chats, and at least two meetings in a very public place of my choosing.

[Debglam]

Everything that shapes you and your life is a matter of what you do. If you are not prepared to work at it, then a relationship is bound to falter or fail, that also goes for the other equation in the relationship. Sometimes eating a little crow can move mountains, but by putting blocks in the way, eventually you will build a wall.

I don't think I could have said it any better Nigella. Thank you!

[Julia_in_Pa]

I wasn't saying there was any hope I was merely pointing out the obvious.



Something tells me that homosexual women aren't going to be too keen on the whole penis thing though.
Lose-lose eh?

[Jannette H]

This is interesting. My last marriage ended due partly because I'm a CD and I haven't married since. It was hard for me and hard on the other in the marriage or relationship. I'm single and in a relationship and happy and as long my CDing is not in her face this seems to work. But it is still kind of stressful.

[whowhatwhen]

I wasn't saying there was any hope I was merely pointing out the obvious.

Oh, I know - I didn't mean it that way either.
What I meant is that the deck is pretty stacked against the straight crossdresser.

I can't imagine the whole don't ask don't tell thing being very mentally healthy though, if you're starting a new relationship IMO it would be very selfish for someone to expect you to hide a core part of yourself because it makes them uncomfortable.

[Jay Cee]

It is because of my wife that I came to realize how much I was transgendered. She accepted it, and encourages me to be my best true self.

Had I not met my wife, I probably would have continued my path of getting in and out of relationships about every two years, and never really understanding why.

So, sometimes we are much better off being in a relationship.

[kimdl93]

Hogwash. Sorry to be so blunt. But seriously, the problems TG people encounter aren't unique. Relationships fail for a wide range of reasons...if more time,, thought and consideration were invested, fewer would fail.

[Bree-asaurus]

You're better off single until you find the right one. If they're not the right one for you, or if you're not able to be yourself, might as well stay single. I finally met my love and things couldn't be better.

Keep in mind that my view of "able to be yourself" may be a bit biased towards my transexual issues which may be a little different than cross dressing, which seems to be an easier secret to keep :P

[Frédérique]

Too bad there wasn't a test to detect TG status in us early in life before we start families and relationships. I see so many relationship problems because of the way we are. It becomes disheartening since we didn't ask for this. There are so many DADT relationships and compromises being made because of something we never asked for. I sometimes think we are better off staying single. If your SO accepts this side of you consider yourself fortunate, but sometimes it still goes sour for who knows whatever reason.

I certainly enjoy being single, and crossdressing is very easy under the circumstances. Oh, I tried to get hitched, get normal, and get serious, but it just didn’t work out. I now live with my sister, and we share the same opinions and same attitudes about being single – she has also been “run over” by failed relationships, just like her little brother, so we get along well. We are something like a married couple, in fact people often mistake us for that – out here in monogamous land, you MUST be married, or something is wrong with you, correct?

That is correct, or incorrect, depending where you’re coming from, or where you’re going in life. I’ve been out there doing my heterosexual best to secure a mate, but it didn’t pan out. No matter, they say – there’s still plenty of time left, so don’t give up hope! I laugh when I hear such shallow platitudes, because my idea of “hope” does not involve being shackled to a ball and chain during what little time I may have left. My sister nicely fulfills the role of best friend, confidant, like-minded individualist, and unintended audience for my never-ending (supposed) mirth and wit. What more do I need? I cook for her, and she cooks (on occasion) for me. We prop each other up, often laughing, together, at our own triumphs and failings. We love each other, and we’re happy…
:)

In this atmosphere, I can crossdress, but I wouldn’t expect such latitude if I was married. I’ve been run over many times, so I learned to stay out of harm’s way – crossdressing can flourish in the right environment, under the right circumstances, as long as you’re SINGLE-minded…

My apologies to all married individuals, but “married individuals” is an oxymoron, isn’t it? :doh:

[Alice Torn]

I can agree with Freddy here.

[Diane Smith]

In many ways, my story is similar to Frédérique's. I did my level best to find Ms. Right when I was in my 20s, but for a variety of different reasons, just never connected with the right person. I'm an only child and didn't have a sister to live with, but I stayed home and shared the household duties with my mother for many years. Nobody would ever have confused us for a married couple, though. Since Mom passed about 6-1/2 years ago, I have been living in the house alone (and truth be told, have not yet entirely faced up to cleaning out all her stuff and re-making the place as my own -- that takes time, money and motivation that I just have never had at the same time). I have never been married and have no children, and since my mom was also an only child, my closest relative is a cousin from my dad's side almost 2000 miles away.

Except for work, I have the freedom to dress as much or as little as I'd like, and nobody to give me any guilt about it. This part is fun and often satisfying. Having to take care of the place all on my own, and not knowing what might happen if I have a medical emergency or something when I'm by myself, is not always so great. Having the companionship of another when life is weighing on me and I need someone to talk to, or share my joys with, is something I have rarely experienced but miss deeply.

Taken as a whole, I'd say my satisfaction with life is about on a par with the rest of you, married or single. I can indulge myself in some ways that those with deep family ties probably cannot, but I have also missed out on a great deal, and probably lack an understanding of some aspects of life the rest of you have experienced. There is good and bad in every situation and choice.

- Diane

[Brittany CD]

That is a very plausible reality and could happen to me. I hope I'll be lucky and be able to freely crossdress when I'm married

[Tina B.]

Nigella, I agree with every word, wish I could have put it so well! Katie, it can happen, I know because I do dress whenever I want to, and it's just fine with the wife. As she says, if I'm happy, she's happy.

[Stephanie47]

Fifty percent of the marriages end in divorce for one reason or another. And, that does not include the marriages that are not dissolved that should be. For the younger cross dressers, eliminate some of the losing percentage by fully disclosing your cross dressing current and ultimate desires before marriage. When married respect established boundaries, stated or inferred. They exist even in a DADT relationshio. Take a chance.

[Ari333]

well, I'm single and its no better. especially since I seek a tg soul mate. at least some of you had relationships and kids, for some of us it doesn't seem to be an option.

[PretzelGirl]

One of the things that I see here far too often is the lament that someone can't find an accepting partner and wants to know how to find one. The key to me is to find a loving and compatible partner and then come clean. You can't base the beginning of a relationship on acceptance. I would guess that a majority of the relationships here where the spouse or girlfriend is completely accepting will have a spouse or girlfriend that says they love the CD/TG/TS for who they are and the changes and/or dressing don't make a difference. I know of only one relationship here that at least started because one member was a CD. I am probably not going out on a limb to say that relationship has flourished because of the love and not so much the dressing.

[Terri Andrews]

When we were married .13 yrs ago,
I was very upfront about what my Tg issues were and she accepted me as I was .
To this day she is still supportive ,but the problem is that I am not where I was 13 yrs ago . I was content to have someone that accepted me and was willing to go out with me.
I now want to be 24/7 ,but I made a commentment and we are trying to find the correct balance .

[JustineFallow]

You're better off single until you find the right one. If they're not the right one for you, or if you're not able to be yourself, might as well stay single.

This is actually true universally, and not just for CD/TV/TG/DVD/VHS folks, isn't it? How many perfectly vanilla people (particularly women) have had it drummed into their heads since childhood, in some cases, that you must be married, no matter what and as soon as possible, then had it all end miserably because they took the quick option just to not be alone? I've seen far too much of that around me in my life, and I've always sworn it wouldn't happen to me!

[NathalieX66]

I dated one girl a few years ago that was into CD/TG guys....that was before I came out and accepted myself.
I dated a girl a couple of months ago at a Halloween party that I hit it off quite well. I was wearing a pink little girl style dress with a poufy petticoat, we talked all night, but she got shaky knees a few days aftwards. I think the outfit inevitably freaked her out.
I'm afraid I can't be not CD/TG these days, it's all been with me since age 7. :sad:
The reality is I'm like every other boring hetero guy......except I'm someone who does not like the constraints of gender.....and unfortunately, the more I'm around women, the more I want to be like them. The feelings of jealousy in how women express themselves rocket up. So therefore such a thing creates an extra burden in finding a mate.

[Bree-asaurus]

This is actually true universally, and not just for CD/TV/TG/DVD/VHS folks, isn't it? How many perfectly vanilla people (particularly women) have had it drummed into their heads since childhood, in some cases, that you must be married, no matter what and as soon as possible, then had it all end miserably because they took the quick option just to not be alone? I've seen far too much of that around me in my life, and I've always sworn it wouldn't happen to me!

Yup. The grass is always greener on the other side. But being in a couple is only better than being single when you're with THE ONE.

[Annie M]

In my experience most women are more accepting of their partner having a more feminine body that is breasts and or long hair etc and just a few female clothing items, under dressing for one rather than pull off the whole look. The complete feminization freaks some completely out. Being single I can work both ends of the spectrum with out issue. At times I do want to be totally fem but taking someone along for the ride that doesn't want to go is painful for both and not really fair to either side.

[sometimes_miss]

I sometimes think we are better off staying single.
It's not like we usually have much of a choice. Either deceive the girl about who and what we are, or tell the truth and be alone anyway is how it usually works out.

[Alice Torn]

Sad but true, Sometimes Miss. Single older men are the least accepted people in America, and more of us commit suicide, than any other demo. So, it is bad enough being a rejected loner, but, being CDTG multiplies our chances of being alone
all our lives.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Too bad there wasn't a test to detect TG status in us early in life before we start families and relationships. I see so many relationship problems because of the way we are. It becomes disheartening since we didn't ask for this. There are so many DADT relationships and compromises being made because of something we never asked for.

I sometimes think we are better off staying single.

If your SO accepts this side of you consider yourself fortunate, but sometimes it still goes sour for who knows whatever reason.

Sorry for the depressing topic..

Oh.. and no it has not happened to me, but it could.

many people are better off staying single

[SabrinaEmily]

The easy answer is: don't get into a romantic relationship without everything on the table from the start (that is, from the point it becomes clear that a romantic relationship has actually formed) or with anyone who is not completely accepting.

This doesn't work very well for people who are already in such relationships and have been, in many cases, for decades. This doesn't work for people who were unaware of the nature of transgenderedness at the time, or who still struggle with self-acceptance. It's a vaccine, not a cure.

But if you're in a position to apply it, do so. I won't even consider anything else. (It helps that, in a romantic relationship, I want to be thought of as a girlfriend, not a boyfriend, so there are no conflicting desires of mine in play. It also helps that I don't feel any pressing need to get into a relationship, though it would be nice.)

Edited to add what was going to be another post:


The problem is that heterosexual cross dressers are marrying heterosexual women.
Heterosexual women are just that, heterosexual.
Most don't want to see you one moment in a dress and heels and the next in a business a suit and wingtips.
It turns their stomach and it turns them off.

This is why so many have relationship issues.

My wife promised to stay with me during and after transition.
She promised her undying love for me as it concerned me transitioning but when push came to shove she reneged on her promises to me.
That was 2006 and I've been transitioned since that time.
My So and soon to be my spouse is a lesbian. Not bi, not experimenting but lesbian straight from the lesbian club.

Guess what? This relationship works because I'm not THREATENING her sexuality I'm FEEDING it.

Slamming your head against the relationship wall will give you nothing more than a really big headache.



Julia

Good points. That's why I don't even try with straight women (though I'm attracted to women as well as some non-binary people). They want a boyfriend. I want to be a girlfriend. It won't work.

Actually, I've never tried directly for a romantic relationship at all, and don't plan to start, but that's not the point.

[Ally 2112]

I know im better off being by myself and probally will always .i told my x wife 3 yrs before we got married and our breakup was caused mostly by the cding .Thou there were other issues this is what mainly caused the breakup .We do get along but do not talk about the cding .Now my x GF was very supportive in the beginning but did back track i tried to be very honest with her and tried to take it slow it did not work out .i was the one who gave up i wanted the all supporting spouse and got selfish (my fault yes) .
We still talk and are very good friends and she does still ask questions and is still trying to learn after being apart for 2 yrs now .i have also not dressed in front of her in those 2 yrs and did not for quite awhile before the relationship ended .So for now im happily but unhappily by myself which i think is best as i do not want to put another gg throu this only to have it fail

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Just because you haven't found the right person doesn't mean they don't exist? That's true for everyone, not just CDers! We all have things in our lives that could make or break a relationship it's all in what you do with them and who you share them with. If it's not meant to be then it just isn't going to work no matter how hard you try, accept that and move on.

Yes it's a tall order to find a GG ( if that's what you're looking for) who can accept all sides of you, but it's just as tough for someone with other problems to find someone who will accept all sides of them as well?? But it is possible with the right attitude!

[Janelle_C]

I've been married for 30 years and have been CDing most of that time with my wife knowing. If I was single that whole time who knows what gender I would be now, if I would of had some therapy in my twenty's. But I can't say that I would change a thing. I love my wife more than anything, I have two great kids and now grandkids. I have a great life. It is hard now that I'm in therapy to try and understand my feelings, if it was just me it would be easier to come out and explore more fully Janelle. But I'm not so I deal with that the best I can.