Does a carry letter allow you to go out dressed more freely?

[emmicd]

I have heard about a carry letter that is for individuals with GID that have a need to dress up. Does it work and how is it used? What is its contents say in the letter and how do you actually use it?
I feel I need the letter if I am going to push the boundaries with my dressing to go out even if I never transition.
Do you use it and how has iot helped you?
I really would like to know what the carry letter is all about.
If you can shed some light on it I would be greatly appreciative.
Also are there extra fees involved in obtaining a carry letter and who do you ask to grant you one.
All replies are greatly appreciated.

emmi

[RachelOKC]

I have heard about a carry letter that is for individuals with GID that have a need to dress up. Does it work and how is it used? What is its contents say in the letter and how do you actually use it?
I feel I need the letter if I am going to push the boundaries with my dressing to go out even if I never transition.
Do you use it and how has iot helped you?
I really would like to know what the carry letter is all about.
If you can shed some light on it I would be greatly appreciative.
Also are there extra fees involved in obtaining a carry letter and who do you ask to grant you one.
All replies are greatly appreciated.

emmi

Emmi, a carry letter is basically a document from your therapist saying that so and so (you) is undergoing treatment from them for Gender Identity Disorder, and to cut them some slack if there's some sort of an issue.

I may be wrong, but I don't know anybody who even has a carry letter, much less used it. The very idea strikes me as rather antiquated in how it appeals to the sensibilities of an authority to defer to a supposedly higher authority of trained doctors. (Sounds rather 1950's-ish there - all hail the glory of SCIENCE) It also always struck me as next to useless anyway as the person you're dealing with is more likely to proceed based on policy, law, their gut, or what their supervisor tells them.

Here's my opinion. You don't need a carry letter. You instead need to take some tentative steps out the door and try to conquer some of that fear and shame on your own. Make some friends, find a group, get a therapist. But don't rely on gimmicks like this carry letter business. It's not going to give you anything you won't have to find for yourself anyway.

[CharleneT]

Theoretically, it will help you out of a jam (with the authorities or the like). For example, if someone challenges your use of a restroom. I know several folks who have carried them, and mostly it is a safety blanket. Even so, if it helps you with confidence - which is truly the big hurdle - then get one and carry it always. I do know people who have been hassled, refused and in one case arrested, for walking around presenting in the opposite gender. While I believe that today's cultural environment is kinder, being TS is still considered weird at best.

[Starling]

I have a letter, and carrying it makes me feel more relaxed about difficult situations, like a traffic accident, for instance. If I can show it to a cop on the scene, it might forestall a messy situation--and it might not. But I'd rather have one, anyway. It better to have a letter and not need it than to need it, etc. There shouldn't be a separate charge for it.

:) Lallie

[CharleneT]

i have a letter, and carrying it makes me feel more relaxed about difficult situations, like a traffic accident, for instance. If i can show it to a cop on the scene, it might forestall a messy situation--and it might not. But i'd rather have one, anyway. It better to have a letter and not need it than to need it, etc. There shouldn't be a separate charge for it.

:) lallie


bingo ! ...................

[noeleena]

Hi,

Because im involved with many people & that includes the Police. & i have had talks with a few now so im known by them .

Now we have P C's or Officers who are up to date with people with in the trans communitys so have a good idear of whats going on.& i have worked with a sitsusion that did come up & i had the Police attend . & they know im avalible if & when needed,

One you can make your self known to the P C's & have a record on your files to say plus a letter from a Pysch or your G p . who could write out a letter to the effect of you are a trans person . or words to that effect or similer so if any thing transpires you are covered & a letter or document to say & reflect whats going on for you,
Just an idear,

...noeleena...

[StaceyJane]

I have never felt the need. I feel free to wear whatever I want without a permission slip.

[Katesback]

Does a drivers license work?

[arbon]

There were some samples of letters a few years ago here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?104133-Carry-letter.

I had one friend that really encouraged me to get one when I was starting to go out, but I did not see any point in it - it is not like it was 20, 30, 40 years ago when you were more likely to get the cops called on you.

[Pamela Kay]

I had never carried a letter until this week. I had the same thoughts of being questioned on a bathroom or traffic stop issue. I just printed out a copy of my HRT letter from my therapist thinking that at least that way I would have something to show if it came to that.

I don't think I'll ever need it but might help me out of a jam sometime.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Emmi

A carry letter is used primarily to prove legitimacy in the face of questioning done by authorities.
It does not trump state or federal law but does add weight to a person's legitimate need to be dressed as their preferred gender.
Carry letters are given to transitioning TS and IS people by psychologists and psychiatrists that state that you, the person in question are in transition and due to Standards Of Care ( SOC ) requirements are needing to fulfill their requirement of living 24-7 in the gender they are transitioning to.
Usually this comes in handy when you have ID mismatches and when the need for the restroom arises in a state or municipality that does not yet allow trans people to use the restroom that they identify with.

I had one from my psychologist.

Carry letters are not given freely as one must qualify as having a legitimate need to have one.


Julia

[MC-lite]

I think it depends on the state. In New York, I used a letter from my doctor to change the gender on my driver's license. You need to be on HRT for at least a year before doctor will give you a letter. Then, you just go to any DMV, fill out the form to change information, and change your gender.

To change Social Security or your birth certificate, you need to be post-op (i.e. you need documents from the surgeon who did your SRS.)

As you progress on HRT, the police will call you "Ma'am" (That's happened to me) :)

[CharleneT]

I think it depends on the state. In New York, I used a letter from my doctor to change the gender on my driver's license. You need to be on HRT for at least a year before doctor will give you a letter. Then, you just go to any DMV, fill out the form to change information, and change your gender.

To change Social Security or your birth certificate, you need to be post-op (i.e. you need documents from the surgeon who did your SRS.)

As you progress on HRT, the police will call you "Ma'am" (That's happened to me) :)

All those things depend on the state where you live except the SSN, and it depends on the office ( and who helps you that day). My local office required me to have the surgeon's letter, but I have two friends here who got their SSN's changed with just a therapists letter... go figure ... I do not understand why, but SSA is the most inconsistent thing out there.

[StephanieC]

I have one that was given to me by my therapist shortly before our sessions were suspended. Until then, I had never heard of this. My therapist was concerned in case I was in an accident or otherwise (eg: doing a clothing change) where authorities may be involved. She would not approve me for hormones but did want me to have a cover letter. From what I can tell, the wording on a cover letter is fairly standard. I didn't think a cover letter could be used for anything else (like DMV or SSI).

[Badtranny]

Funny story. I had a letter from my surgeon written in Spanish just in case I had problems getting through customs leaving Mexico. I was worried that there would be problems since at worst I didn't look like my passport anymore and at best, I looked like I just got beat up in the parking lot. The doc said nobody has problems and not to worry. I had the letter in my hand but nobody asked for it. One official who was checking my bags asked what happened to my face but that was it.

This "carry letter" business sounds like a good idea for those that live in more conservative parts of the world.

[Michelle.M]

I have heard about a carry letter that is for individuals with GID that have a need to dress up. . . . I feel I need the letter if I am going to push the boundaries with my dressing to go out even if I never transition.i

In a free society you ought to be able to dress as you please without having to show the authorities your "papers". Besides, the people who are most likely to give you a hard time don't give a hoot about no stinkin' carry letter.

The best resource for anyone who wants to go out dressed? A pair of gonads (mentally speaking, that is). Use 'em while you got 'em.

[RachelOKC]

In a free society you ought to be able to dress as you please without having to show the authorities your "papers". Besides, the people who are most likely to give you a hard time don't give a hoot about no stinkin' carry letter.

The best resource for anyone who wants to go out dressed? A pair of gonads (mentally speaking, that is). Use 'em while you got 'em.

My feelings exactly.

Look...if it makes someone feel better or more empowered, then by all means do it. Doesn't matter if it's a carry letter, a lucky rabbits foot, or Christine Jorgenson's toenail clippings, if it helps you to do the hard things like get out the front door, then do it. But jut be realistic about it; you still have to face your own fears and there's not much that will help with that other than practice and perseverance.

[Kristy_K]

Does a drivers license work?

A DL works for me ok. I have never been asked for a letter in Public which is good I because I don't have one and never felt a need for one. .

[Badtranny]

The best resource for anyone who wants to go out dressed? A pair of gonads (mentally speaking, that is). Use 'em while you got 'em.

LOL! Truer words were never spoken.

[Debglam]

I agree with Michelle and Rachel.

I believe in being polite, in being discreet, and being careful, but I'll be damned if I'm going to go through life with my hat in my hand for this or any other issue! 2012 in the US, it is our right to present as we like for GID or any other reason. Jesus, I'm agreeing with Kate but my DL, my Bar Card, and my Military ID (Retired) are all in my purse when I go out. If any "authority" has any issue with that, they better be prepared for the fallout.

[LeaP]

My therapist has offered me a carry letter. I haven't taken her up on it yet, but probably will. According to her, they are useful in jurisdictions which don't have gender identity anti-discrimination policies. Police aren't usually interested in making trouble where there is none. A letter provides reasonable assurance - which can be fact-checked - that the person in the rest room (or whatever) that triggered the call isn't someone they need to be concerned about.

Lea

[Traci Elizabeth]

Does a drivers license work?


YEA! If you are far enough along your journey to have a Drivers License with a female name on it and the Sex reads "F" like mine does but if that were the case, you would have absolutely no reason to have such a letter.



Theoretically, it will help you out of a jam (with the authorities or the like). For example, if someone challenges your use of a restroom. I know several folks who have carried them, and mostly it is a safety blanket. Even so, if it helps you with confidence - which is truly the big hurdle - then get one and carry it always. I do know people who have been hassled, refused and in one case arrested, for walking around presenting in the opposite gender. While I believe that today's cultural environment is kinder, being TS is still considered weird at best.


I will confess that when I FIRST started transitioning and my hair was still boyish looking and I looked more androgynous than female, I carried one but never needed it. Thank goodness those days are centuries gone. :D

[Aprilrain]

I was pulled over 4 times in 4 different states ranging from the midwest to the west coast when I was still wearing a wig, had a male ID and before starting hormones. I didn't pass! Not once did my clothing choices even come up, though the first time (in Kentucky I might add! :read hillbillys), the cops were snickering a bit. They were otherwise professional, did not give me a ticket AND helped me find my destination. all the other times the cops were totally underwhelmed and simply did their job. It is not a crime to wear clothes primarily marketed to people of the opposite gender. If you make a big deal out of how you are dressed so will others. If you come off as if you do not belong in female only spaces than others will pick up on it and act accordingly. Walk tall and proud and tell the world this is me, deal with it!

[CharleneT]

Similarly to April, I was pulled over twice during RLE. On both occasions my DL had "F" and Charlene XXX, but the car was registered to my male name. In both cases the cops were completely professional and used the appropriate pronouns. Both "Mame'd" me nicely. The second one even let me off and quickly so I could get to my electrolysis appt on time.

Expect most people to just take you as you are. It is more work to do otherwise and they don't care.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Expect most people to just take you as you are. It is more work to do otherwise and they don't care.


Another thing to remember, the cops have seen it all just like a doctor has so NOTHING is going to surprise them! As as one of my heroes Winston Churchill said in a defining moment in history to his people, "You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

[StaceyJane]

Another thing to remember, the cops have seen it all just like a doctor has so NOTHING is going to surprise them! As as one of my heroes Winston Churchill said in a defining moment in history to his people, "You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Sorry, Franklin Roosevelt said that line in his first inauguration address. He was quoting Sir Francis Bacon.

mmmmmm.....bacon...........

Anyway the quote still applies.

[Starling]

All your advice is good, sisters, and I do walk proudly wherever I go, but I'll carry that letter until my DL has an F on it.

:) Lallie

[Bree-asaurus]

I'm sorry, but carrying around a letter that 'gives you permission' to cross dress isn't fooling anyone but yourself.

If I was a stereotypical bigoted male and you showed me a letter that your therapist says you have GID and that's why you're wearing ladies cloths, you know what I would think? Yeah.... okay homo. Your touchy-feely 'therapist' life-coach is stroking your ego with this letter and your still just a flamboyant gay wearing ladies cloths.

If you carry around a letter like this, it's simply a tool to make you feel like it's okay to be yourself because you have a legitimate medical condition.

How about you work on your acceptance of yourself and say 'screw it' to everyone else's opinions?

If someone is ignorant and wants to give you a hard time for being transexual, they're going to do it regardless of any letter, any gender marker on your driver's license, etc. You just gotta do what you can to pass, be yourself, be confident and don't take other people's s***.

[Starling]

It's purely a question of ID, see? I'm not going pull it out whenever someone looks at me crosseyed. I've been there, I've been loudly outed in line at Walmart, I've walked past a line of Orthodox rabbis who were staring at me, and it doesn't faze me to get a negative reaction, because I do overwhelmingly feel like it's okay to be myself. In fact, it's great to be myself!

If someone still wanted to beat the spit out of me, my immense powers of verbal persuasion having failed, I wouldn't show them anything but my rear end as I high-tailed it outta there. I feel stronger and more confident in my own clothes than I do when presenting as a m-m-man. The letter is just a last resort in a situation where I think it might help.

:) Lallie

[Bree-asaurus]

It's purely a question of ID, see? I'm not going pull it out whenever someone looks at me crosseyed. I've been there, I've been loudly outed in line at Walmart, I've walked past a line of Orthodox rabbis who were staring at me, and it doesn't faze me to get a negative reaction, because I do overwhelmingly feel like it's okay to be myself. In fact, it's great to be myself!

If someone still wanted to beat the spit out of me, my immense powers of verbal persuasion having failed, I wouldn't show them anything but my rear end as I high-tailed it outta there. I feel stronger and more confident in my own clothes than I do when presenting as a m-m-man. The letter is just a last resort in a situation where I think it might help.

:) Lallie

Having been through a few steps in transition, I just can't think of a time that I would need to show a letter like this on the fly.

The only time I've had to use such a letter was when I went to court to get a court order for my name and gender change... and that letter's wording was specific to achieving such.

I'm not arguing... just explaining my personal experience. Out of curiosity, and because I'm too thick headed to think of examples for myself, have you had a time where you had to present this letter?

[Badtranny]

Yeah.... okay homo.

Love this. I think I may start every post with it from now on. ;-)

[Aprilrain]

Love this. I think I may start every post with it from now on. ;-)

yeah...... OK homo!:lol:

[Starling]

...I just can't think of a time that I would need to show a letter like this on the fly...have you had a time where you had to present this letter?

Yeah...okay homo, I don't show it on my fly either. Nor do I usually even have a fly. But no, I haven't used it. Nor have I used my fire extinguisher or airbag.

:heehee: Lallie

[Traci Elizabeth]

Sorry, Franklin Roosevelt said that line in his first inauguration address. He was quoting Sir Francis Bacon.

mmmmmm.....bacon...........

Anyway the quote still applies.



Well, I am British and Roosevelt had the USA's SSA steal this quote off Winston's desk. :tongueout

[Jessinthesprings]

I have never had one... thus never used it. However, I have never been in a position where I thought "Gee I wish I had a carry letter." I've heard that the effectivness depends on the individual you show it to.

[arbon]

Speaking of carry letters, having one did not help this woman out (http://www.dallasvoice.com/transgender-woman-ticketed-womens-bathroom-parkland-10108151.html)

[ReineD]

^ Her carry letter is dated two days after the incident. Still, she should not have been ticketed in the first place.

[LeaP]

A pre-dated letter might also have stronger standing in court, though clearly this woman will have no problems with a documentation trail anyway.

Lea

[MC-lite]

The only time I had to use a letter of that nature was to change the gender marker on my drivers license. And you only get one of those letters after a year of HRT.

[EnglishRose]

My therapist offered me one and I think my spouse would rather I have it should I be in a traffic stop; personally I don't see the need.

[LitaKelley]

You don't need a letter to go out, nor do you need someone to give you permission to go out. You just need the confidence. I have been full time presenting as the woman I am since the beginning of June 2011, with no letter. Not once ever did I have any negative issues nor problems with using a rest room, dressing room or other, however, others HAVE had issues and or problems, hence the "carry letter" as means of explanation to police, store clerks, etc who MAY cause a problem by showing negative response, etc

[Stephenie S]

Does a carry letter allow you to go out dressed more freely?

No. A "carry letter" is a meaningless piece of paper.

Now, that said, a carry letter may be an enormous boost for your own self confidence and self esteem. A bit of officialdom recognizing your status as a transitioner on letter-head paper for the first time.

So get one if you like. It ain't a get out of jail free card by any means, but you will probably enjoy reading it to your self.

Stephie

[Chloe Renee]

This year as a birthday present to myself, I chose to get a female picture for my license. I am still part time, i am not out at work, but outside of work I am all girl. And I have been for over a year, during this time I didn't have a carry letter. After I received my new ID I showed my therapist, at that point she said she would be giving me a letter. I asked why would I need a letter now? She was insistent that if I ever had a problem it may be helpful.
I hope to never need it but I will carry it just in case.

[Jessica_Grl]

I like the Emotional BOOST thought of the carry letters -- my therapist calls them "WALKING PAPERS" and yes the letter i have is more of security blanket then anything, i have never needed it cept to show other friends but thats it

i would never show these papers to just anybody, if a single mother has problem with me using the ladies restroom and calls mall security, then i prolly would show the mall securtiy, but again that has never happend

we all know that the main key to "PASSING" is confidence -- and if this letter provides me more confidence than you, or you dont need a letter, doesnt make me any less of transexxual then the next person

infact June 4th 2012 i go infront of judge to get my name changed --- i already told my therapist so that i can get new walking papers with my new name

besides, here in dallas texas, a woman just recently had a incident at hospital using ladies restroom -- i find the letter very helpfull and would suggest anybody to get one

Jessica Annette :)

[Sam-antha]

Alright, it may be confidence boosting but it would get to be a crutch. Personnaly i would not want to be on any official file for anything, after all it is information that is available to any bored police man or woman (Please how did they get to be called "Officers" ?) What is a policeman senior to a constable called ? ) This letter sort of smacks of the ancient police state and in the long run, such a letter will do nothing that a phone call to the therapist would not sort out.

~Samm