Just wondering....

[Tamara Croft]

Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D

[Jamie M]

well i'd have to go with option number 2 i'm afraid.

I always said to myself that it was okay to date someone without telling them but if things ever went further i.e. proposing or something i wouldn't do that until i had , but in the end things were brought out of the closet long before things got to that point so oh well.

to set the scene , kelly and i had been dating for just under a year and had gone away on hold with some friends. silly me had left a picture of me in the glove box of my car ( don't ask why it was there can't even remember myself now ! ) and low and behold kelly found it.

I was out having an early morning swim at the time and when i came back i thought someone had died !

To cut a very long story short , we talked and talked and talked and to her immense credit she dealt with it very maturelyconsidering she was only sixteen at the time . in fact i think she dealt with it more maturely than many wifes do when they find out.

We've been through all the usual stages to get where we are now including denial for a very long time but having said that she has never made me feel bad or wrong for doing this ( i always manged to care of that side of it on my own ;) )

so the short , short version ? kelly discovered it , dealt with it amazingly , and are now begining to come to terms with it

good question tamara :gh:

[Katie Ashe]

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?I met Dawn in 1990, I told her in 2005. Why, the biggest reason I was ashamed of what I am, and didn't like who I was. Since I told her, I have learned to accept myself throught counciling. (Thanks Tari)

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?I told her when I had a mental breakdown, she took it well for the most part, we talked over a few weeks to get things out in the open, she still is my best friend and would never change that. She likes to have fun playing dress-up now, What a gal.:thumbsup:

[TGMarla]

I opted, for better or worse, to not tell my wife about my crossdressing for a few obvious reasons. First, I was embarrassed, and thought that she would think less of me as a man. Second, I thought that if I told her, I would scare her away. She was the best thing that had happened in my life in a very long time, and I was afraid to lose her.

But she found out. And it was a nasty thing. She had a son. He was away visiting friends. I got dressed, and when I least expected it, he came home and saw me. He was only about 12 at the time. The relationship we had (tried) to cultivate was not the best. He felt that he finally had something over on me. In a sad way, I guess he was right about that. Anyway, 12-year olds cannot keep a delicious secret from anyone. So he told EVERYONE, including, of course, my wife. We then had "the discussion". But it resolved nothing between us. I still dress, I still keep it away from her. She doesn't ask, and we do not discuss it. Not the best of worlds, but for now, our relationship is doing okay. So we both keep the status quo....for now.

[Wendy me]

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?


no i did not tell her when we met ok sounds silly but i was not like real comfy with being a cd this was before i realy knew that there were outhers like me out there i tryed to like pertend it would just go away like a strange thing i did of corse as time went on i became aware that this just simply would not just go away ....



2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?



yes she did find out that are you sick?? are you gay???? you know the drill ....
i think she did not want to know and outside of getting busted for little things make up nails we never realy talked abought it .....untill resently when i thought it's soooooo time to step this up and get it out in the open ....she dose ask some questions nowbut we are out of that omg stage and getting better with things.....

[Amelie]

I met my BF while I was dressed. But I do try my best to hide my male side from him. I keep my male side firmly in the closet.lol

[Jenny Beth]

We had only been together for a year or so when I told her I had always been curious about what it would be like to shave my legs and wear pantyhose. She thought this was very odd to say the least but in the end said that if I was to try it I would feel silly and that would be the end of it. She gave me a pair of hers and that's where it all started. As this desire progressed she was very uncomfortable and I could not explain why I was finding this so obsessive. There were lots of tears from both of us but we always talked and I never kept anything from her. Nearly 25 years later and this is just a way of life for us.

[Dixie Darling]

Tamera,

1) Back in the time when my wife and I married there was very little information available anywhere regarding crossdressing. In fact, the word 'crossdresser' had not yet been coined and about the only definition for a man who dressed in women's clothes was 'transvestite'. Like most of us from that time era, I had no idea there were others like me and at that time I firmly believed that once I was married, the desire would go away and be nothing more than a past memory. (WRONG!!!) So, again like most of us) I didn't say anything about it.

2) To say that she 'found out about it' wouldn't be correct. To say that she began to suspect it would be a better description since on a few occasions I would put on one of her nighties, a little makeup, step out of the bathroom, and "surprise" her under the guise of being funny. She thought it WAS funny until I'd done it a few times and it reached a point where it wasn't funny any more. Over the years she would notice little tell-tale signs that I'd been wearing makeup, causing her suspicions to grow even more until she finally reached a point where she determined in her own mind that I was dressing when she was away. Needless to say this didn't make her a happy camper and from time to time we would BRIEFLY discuss it. In all these discussions she always projected a very evident negative attitude about it.

Fast forward several years and my job became such that I was required to travel quite a bit. As most of us have done, these out-of-town/state trips afforded me the opportunity to dress (which I always took full advantage of). She would alway suspect that I'd been enfemme at night when I was away from home. Fast forward again to the advent of the internet and all the information available about what was now known as crossdressing. I gathered enough creditable information about the subject to fill a one inch three ring binder and prepared it to give to her with a 6 page letter at the beginning of the information. I prayed for a "sign" as to when I should give her this information and when it came time to present it to her I handed her the binder and asked her to read the letter and ALL the information behind it before she started to ask questions. This was what I consider to be sort of an 'official' coming out (or admission that yes - I WAS a crossdresser).

To shorten this already lengthy reply, the results were (and still are) that she didn't accept it and wouldn't even consider tolerating it. I'm sure that a large part of this lack of cooperation is due to her "old school" upbringing. The rest is nothing more than hard headedness and a refusal to accept documented evidence that crossdressing isn't as uncommon as she believes it to be. She also will not accept the fact that it isn't the perverted monster that she views it as being. She's also refused any form of counseling (with or without me being present) with anyone on a professional level, refuses to meet any other wives whose husband is a heterosexual crossdresser, and doesn't want to see any more information about it whatsoever.

I've left off a lot of details here for the sake of brevity, but hopefully this will be sufficient to answer your questions.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Tracy Lynn]

Hi Tamara,

1) I did not tell my wife when we met which was back in 1989. I always felt like I wanted her to know but never could bring myself to tell her. I thought if I can just keep it to myself and dress when she was not home everything would be OK. We worked different shifts for like 4 years so it gave me plenty of opportunity without bringing her in. For the past 6 years I have been on the road for my work. I actually had an apartment in another state and stayed there for 3 to 4 days at a time. Again, why bother telling her and risk the chance of losing my best friend.

2) This past year my wife and I moved in together in the same state permanently. I had thrown out all of my clothes, lingerie, and jewelry in fear of her finding it when she moved in. After about 4 months the desire to dress up was overwelming. I thought to myself she is my wife, best friend and lover and I have to tell her so that I would not go crazy. I was terrified when I sat her down to talk. She thought I was going to say I was having an affair or leaving her or something. Never in a million years did she expect what I told her. She asked the usual questions about being gay and all but I tried to explain how it made me feel. Ever since I came out to her our lives have been better. She has no resentment toward me and actually gets involved. What a wife!!!!!

[Jonien]

After the life threatening treatment I received from my parents I learned very quickly to hid my own feelings and be the boy thy wanted I wasn't happy but I could stay alive that way having been put away for a year in a home and brain washed I was scared.
So no I could not tell my wife as I had no reason to as I was not dressing at the time it is something that has progressed it started with just panties and tights as tights keep you worm on the bike as she was told.
But as I have a little bit of breast from loosing Waite i try-ed on a bra and she court me and I had to explain she then took me to the bedroom and pulled out her wardrobe to find dresses and things that would fit me well from that moment on the Shields that have kept me in male mode suddenly went she was OK with it my parents are no longer alive so my life has just been reborn I can be me at last.

[Stephanie]

Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D

1.) I did not tell my wife about my crossdressing right away. In fact, when we first started seriously dating in 2000, my interest in and enthusiasm for my crossdressing had seriously waned and I was concerned about throwing too much at her so early in our relationship, especially since I had just gotten done disclosing to her about my same-sex feelings and I was concerned that another revelation might be too much for her to handle. Not having much interest in continuing with my crossdressing anyway (at the time), I purged and got rid of all my stuff when I moved out of my Dad's home the following year and the issue didn't really resurface for me until this year. In retrospect, I wish that I had went ahead and told her because she has ended up being accepting and supportive of my crossdressing for the most part.

2.) My wife did not actually find out anything about my crossdressing until I decided to personally disclose it to her back in April, although we didn't really start dealing with it until the following month when she found out that I had purchased a wig for myself. I'd say that we went through most of the same things that many couples have gone through in terms of coping with it. After assuring her of a few things and encouraging her to read some of the more popular pieces of literature on the subject, she has come to accept, if not enjoy my crossdressing, for the most part. There are still some aspects of my crossdressing that she is still not fully comfortable with (i.e. me wanting to go out in public enfemme) but overall, she is accepting and supportive of my crossdressing.

[Nikki Dee]

Option No. 1 for me..in that I didn't tell my wife for 20 years.!!!!...didn't have the balls...didn't want to risk losing her I suppose. Finally found the courage to come out 3 years ago...needed to do this for ME...needed to actually feel what had hithertoo been only fantasy and imagination...didn't want to end my days wondering "what if". Now I have a wonderfully supportive wife and I am making up for lost time...I'm having a Ball.!!!
Love Nikki. x

[Stephenie]

Well Tamara,

I told my wife first thing after being married 23+ years. Took awhile to find the right time. She did not and has no taken it well. She does not like the idea and as such I have told her that I would do my best to make sure she doen't have to see it. She did not like that responce but it was the best I could do. She now brings it up when we are argueing and says things that are not all that nice about it and where I might be going with it. All in all telling her was not one of the bright spots in our marrage. She now does not like to leave me alone in my own home because she feels that I would just dress up(she is right about that). It has become another straw on the camel's back. Soon there may be to many and it will break.

[Joanne08]

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

When I first married I was very young and not very knowledgeable about my crossdressing. I had told myself that I would have to quit fooling around with girls clothes as I’m marrying and will be living with someone. Well, a few weeks after we were living together my wife says, “You have such beautiful eyes, I’d like to make them up sometime.” I filed that one away without saying anything until such time that the opportunity arose to act on her statement. She brought it up again and I said I had done this before and it opened up more than 20 years of crossdressing fun with her. All was under control until we started having marital problems. She started criticizing my dressing practices, banned me from dressing in front of her and then things really got bad. She outed me. It was a very embarrassing and hurtful time and confirmed the demise of our down spirling marriage. Up until this time I had accumulated quite a wardrobe, thousands of dollars worth of clothes, wigs, shoes, makeup, jewelry, everything and I PURGED IT ALL. I told myself that this was never going to happen again. I didn’t need to dress like a girl I’m through with that stuff. And I was for a while. I successfully stayed away from dressing for 7 years. Then it hit me again. In the meantime during that 7 years I met and married a wonderful woman. I was not interested in crossdressing and didn’t really even bother to inquire how she felt about such things. Fast forward to present…I know now that she has had friendships with several gay guys and that she connects crossdressing with being gay. She works in a hospital in a location not far from where many transsexuals live and work. The hospital probably does more sexual reassignment surgery than anywhere in the world so there are transsexuals everpresent in and around the area where she works. Some are not such a pretty sight, and I hear her negative and unkind comments about how they give her the creeps. One of her gay friends showed her some pictures of a Halloween party he went to with lots of guys in drag. She said one guy looked so female that why doesn’t he just make the change!!

Another thing is that I am the only male in my or my wifes families except for my father and my father –in-law. I am depended upon to be the man. My sisters, sister-in-law, cousins all look to me as the male representative of the families. My inlaws were ecstatic that their daughter married such a fine young man. It’s almost that I have a responsibility to be the man in the family. Quite ironic that I’d like just to be one of the girls, isn’t it?

I want very much to tell her of my dressing but I fear losing her. Knowing how she interprets things I’m thinking she is going to take it the wrong way. I couldn’t bare to have another relationship end in a disaster. On the other hand, I have displayed my feminine side to her in various ways and she accepts most of it. So maybe I’m a bit too cautious?

Thanks for asking,


Love, Jo

[Donna tv]

I fessed up shortly after being married , I knew that I had been CD'ing for so long ,I loved it and never wanted to have to stop. So I thought after such a short time married it would have hurt to lose her but I thought about how much more it hurt her if she found me out and even worse if it were many years after. She was shocked , all the typical questions were asked . She admitted she did not understand it but was ok with it as long as no one else would ever find out. 27 years later so far so good we have had a lot of fun together (playing and shopping etc.). The only time she gets weirded out is when I wear my wigs. My hair is kind of long normally (grew up in the 60's) and I hate short hair. She says I look good and that I don't need a wig. I love my wigs , with out them to me , I look like me wearing make up and a skirt, but I think when I do put on a wig I cross the line from the male part of me to the more feminine side of me that changes my whole personality. It sounds kind of hard to explain but to her i go from her husband dressed like a female to some one that does not look like her husband any more . So sex is never a problem, I can put my hair in electric curlers or do what ever until I wear my wigs then she just lets me do my own thing

[Delila]

I told my wife when she moved in with me about 3 years before we were married. I just brought the subject up in conversation, there are not many things if anything that my wife and I dont openly discuss so I just said I like wearing womens clothes and she was like ok asked me what kind of clothes and took me shopping.

[Dayna]

Good Questions, Tamara...can I toss out another?

Question #3--If you had it to do over again, would you have told your wife / SO differently?

I had been dressing for more than 10yrs before getting married, and I did not tell her about it before hand. I 'introduced' my wife to my dressing by putting on her clothes and acting silly...after a while she told me to knock it off, but I realized I couldn't. She started asking lots of questions, I was able to offer very few answers, she would get mad at me for confusing her, I would get mad at her for not being more understanding, yah-dah, yah-dah, yah-dah. It has taken the two of us a long time to get to where we are today (she allows me my 'private' time, but has no desire to learn more, let alone participate in my crossdressing activities). Not exactly my ideal, but we learn to compromise.

As a twenty-something I wasn't ready to tell her before we got married--fear of losing her? Fear of her family / friends finding out? Guess we will never know... what I do know is that at 40+ I have become more comfortable with who I am, and I worry a little less about what strangers think.

Will my wife ever come to accept Dayna? Ask me again in 50yrs!

-d

PS: Would be interesting to know (honestly) from the wives: Would you still have married him?

[Kimberly]

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?
When I came out to my SO (... we split up a few weeks later... not because of my CDing,) she handled it well... I was a wreck. I basically told her because of bedroom related stuff, and thought that things might get better if I told her... so I did - I splurted out everything I'd ever worn, thought I'd worn, or wished I could have worn throughout my entire life!! ... Acceptance followed, however - and we had a damn good cry over it. ;) (I emphasise WE.)

So, overall.... handled it pretty good, don't ya think?? ;) ... hehe.

[Sarahgurl371]

1. Didn't tell her, I guess I didn't know myself! Thought it would go away after marraige. Told her about lingerie about 6 years into marraige, figured I would ease her into the rest, that part hasn't worked as well as i hoped. I would not recommend this method.
2. We have talked at length about the subject. I have bought and read several books, she won't. Went to a marraige counselor, I went to a psychiatrist, she went to a counsler. Marraige not 100% even still. She is hurt and so am I. Don't know what the future holds, but at least I am not hiding anymore!

[Jocelyn Renee]

I did not tell my wife out of fear and because, at the time, my dressing was very sporadic, I was ashamed of it, and I figured I could overcome it. She discovered my secret about 7 years into our marriage and was immediately quite supportive. In fact, I'd say the discovery greatly improved our marriage. That was 7 years ago, and today we go out as girlfriends every Saturday.

My one regret in our marriage, is the fact I kept such as important part of me hidden from her all those years. If I had to do it over again, I would definitely come clean in the very beginning.

Hugs,
Jocelyn

[Mary Jane]

Like some of the others that have replied, when I started cross dressing there was no internet so I thought I was the only man in the world that wanted to wear women's clothes. I guess at that young age it was mostly for the sexual satisfaction I got from it. I just assumed after I got married that all these feelings would fade away. Well, you all know that was not going to happen. I told my wife when I saw the feelings were not going away. She did not handle it very well and even now refuses to discuss it in any way. She is tolerant and I dress when she is away from home. In February of 2000 I had my first FULL dressing session. SO, I had been married for 31 years before I was able to really see the person that had been inside of me for so long. It was like seeing a long lost friend.

Mary Jane

[Tamara Croft]

WOW! so many responses :D Thank you all for answering so far. It's nice to actually see so many of you have accepting partners and some took it so well, I hope that in time, this will be more common.

[Katrina]

I told my GF about 5 months after we started dating. I definately wanted to tell her long before our relationship progressed very far. I never told my ex-wife as she had said early on in our relationship that she would leave me if I crossdressed (we split for unrelated reasons). At the time, I thought I didn't need to do it any more anyways. My GF is ok with it although she still does not want to see me all dolled up with a wig and everything. She has seen me with makeup and clothes but no wig. Baby steps...

[Toyah]

Guess I told her fairly early. I never fully dressed then so introduced it as a bedroom game

[Holly]

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

I'm ashamed to admit that I did not tell HT in the beginning. My dressing was very sporadic at the time and I felt that I could "control" it. I devised many opportunitits to dress and was even successful in inlisting her help on many occasions. We met in the 60's and what little information that was available did not portray crossdressing in a positive light. I was frightened to death to tell her I liked doing it.

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

I suspect that HT had her idea that I was a crossdresser. It was only after I came to terms with myself that had the courage to sit her down and tell her about the rest of me, the part I had hidden for 30+ years. I'm very fortunate to have such a loving and understanding wife. She's not one in a million; she's one of a kind and because of her security in who she is, I have the freedom to be who I am.

[Michellefcd]

When we were dating my crossdressing was in a major down period and I did not think it was much of issue at the time. We had been married for about 2 years when the urge came back with a vengeance. I had taken a week off from work and all I wanted to do was dress. I was having some much fun and I knew it wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. About 3 weeks later I told my wife about my crossdressing which was probably one of the hardest things I ever did but the thought of LYING to my wife for the rest of my life was much harder and worse than having the conversation.

Although we have some hard times with it, telling her was the best thing I ever did and not telling her probably would have created more problems in our marriage. Plus, now we get to have some fun girly time together which never would have happened if I did not tell her.

[Stephanie Brooks]

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?
I told her before we were engaged to be married. I didn't tell her until I thought our relationship was serious. This was in 1983. I didn't know much about crossdressing, didn't even have a femme name. I don't exactly remember what I said or where I said it, but I recall we had a quiet evening devoted to the discussion. In a nutshell, I told her I liked wearing women's clothing. She asked me to quit, and I said I would.

I had almost no knowledge of crossdressing, other than my own direct experience. All of the information I had on it at the time could fit on a half of a text book page.

Current status is that Tracy does NOT accept Stephanie, never has, and probably never will. I'm persona non grata.

[cindybarnes]

Tamara,
My wife knew about my softer side while we were dating. I kept my hair longer way back then, spent many hours trying different styles as well as doing her hair just for fun.
She actualy did my first full makeup once then told me I needed to practice and learn myself LOL.
Still over 20 years its been many small steps,,, her seeing me dressed head to toe was one, me going out meeting others was one, us both going out with me dressed was probably the easiest (at least for me) and most gratifying of all tho
Good question and I enjoyed reading everyones answers !!

Cindy

[Staci]

I did not tell my wife directly in the beginning. We both started with me wearing a pair of her panties. I always told her how much I loved the feel of the nylon. Then I got to wear her silky robe. Then a nightie. I kept telling her how much I loved it. We were just dating then so she has know through most of our relationship. I remember the first pair of panties she bought for me were white bikinis with red hearts on them. She got them for me for valentines day.

She has accepted it very well. We look at it as a game of dress-up. She likes to dress me up and make me look like a woman. She helps me with make-up, provided fashion advice, even lets me give her fashion shows. She is the one that measured me for my lilac prom dress I got from Ruffles N Lace. I am so lucky.

[AliciaSL]

Now you gone and done it.. Just take away my knight in armour. Here I thought I had the best wife in the world. I'm so, so impressed to see that our counterparts are sometimes so willing and helpful with us. Sort of makes me feel special knowing that my choice was correct. And I also feel the pain of some of the others who are not as lucky as I. My heart and soul goes out to you. I can only imagin what it's like either having to hide behind lies or disception.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your cross-dressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

Like many of the others here. I did not tell her before our marriage. There was really nothing to tell when we first married. Up until a few months ago dressing was only a fantasy I had in passing. I felt it was an affect of my being Bisexual. It was only when(while we were drinking and smokin to much one night)the idea of my wearing some of her panties from time to time came up. It was then when she shook me by letting me choose the pair I wanted. Later we started to shopping for my own panties with her helping choose.. Now we have pantie raids. Shop! Shop! Shop!
Well after a short time we were talking openly. I shared with her then, that the idea dressing was more then just something I wanted try. And with true form she became my HERO. Then I knew for sure I had a real prize. A jewel more precious the any I could have ever hoped to receive.

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your cross-dressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Like I mentioned before. Finding out never happened. It's almost as if it was we both knew that is was time to talk about it. Almost like the Twilight Zone. It was so natural and painless. Coping on the other hand has been more of a test to me.. The Wife is fine with everything so far except my anxiousness to get and know everything needed to change. Dressing has been put on hold due to the fact of where we are living. Studio Apts. don't help with a 4yr old daughter being able to see everything. But! Sometime I still sneak in a dress or gown late at night(at least panties full time). I dirgress... My Wife so far has not felt the need to find more info on Cross-Dressing only because I help her by shearing what I learn. From time to time she will even read some of the things in hear. Mostly we shop on line(Choosing a style is fun)for ideas. So it would seem that for now the only coping to do will be putting up with my girlish excitement. You can only guess how happy I have been lately.. It has been so fun and exciting. Hold me back.. Nothing gonig to stop me now..

P.S.
Forgot to mention that not long after we met I came out to her as Bisexual. Other then the normal questions concerning safety. It too was very easy with her to accecpt. The only thing she had trouble with, was the image she gets of me(as a women) being with another man (dressed as a women). Gave her a little giggle.. Still jokes about it.:p LOL

[dalee]

Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D I've had it both ways . first time she walked in on me lying around dressed in her clothes. Her mouth fell open. She said it made her love me even more. I was 35 and she was 21 MOre recently, I didnt have to tell her because when she moved in to my apartment she found a suitcase full of pretty lingerie. We were both bi. what a fabulous 4 years that was. She was 29 and I was 39.I pray everyday that we could get back together. We wont. I couldnt be in a relationship were i would ahave to hide it from her. I 'm going to keep myself single from here on out anyway. I'm just to kinky for most women

[Tina_N]

For me it was before we got married. We'd been experimenting with various forms of mild kink...I guess to see how far either of us would go. One time she dared me to wear her panties. :eek: with a pad :eek: :eek: . I showed her some hesitation since I figured that's what she was expecting. Apparently, I didn't show enough.:o We talked about it and little by little the truth came out that I'd been doing this for years.

She tolerates it. I don't force it on her. It's MY thing.

We've been married for close to twenty years.

[Miss Vicki]

I told my wife about my crossdressing about two months after we were married. I told her because I did not want to hide anything from her. I loved her too much, I wanted everything in the open.
She said she understood and we would work through it. It lasted until she found my stash of pantyhose.
She blew up and threw them all away. She made me promise never to dress again or else a divorce. I have been in the closet since.

[Emma Brownings]

Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D

To my shame I did not tell my wife until we had been married for a few months (this was 34 years ago). I thought that the love of a good woman would see an end to feelings that I didn't understand and which I thought were unique to me. Then I found and read a 'magazine' bought by a collegue at work and realised that there were others like me.

As the feelings weren't going away I decided to tell my wife. When I frist said I had something to tell her, she was very worried that it might be something very serious. However when I told her I sometimes liked dressing in women's clothes, although she was confused and didn't understand, she was very calm and started to ask the usual questions.

Within a few days she was offering to buy me all kinds of feminine clothes and makeup...........Was I fortunate?

Although I have yet to venture out in public, I do still have the encouraging support of the lady I love and I thank my lucky stars for that.

[TxKimberly]

Just weeks after getting married, my wife and I took a long 'romantic' train ride from Tacoma Wa to So Calif to see my family, then on to Louisiana to see hers. A day or so in to the trip, my guilt at keeping such a huge secret from someone I had promised to share everything with got the best of me.
I explained that there were many things that I thought contributed to my being a CD. I was raised by a single mother, with the help of a widowed and angry grandmother. My mother had several marriages and every one of the men were awful examples. My grandmother often and constantly raved at and around my brother and I that men were no G.D. good and worthless. And we can't forget the "I'll kill you if you ever hurt a girl" comments. I was so naive that it took me years to figure out that this translated to "if you get a girl pregnant". (you wouldn't believe the head trips this gave me when it came to loosing my virginity, but that's a different story. )
So virtually everything I had heard, and everything I myself had seen at that age, all boiled down to: MEN = BAD, GIRL=GOOD
Add to that that I was told from early on that according to the doctors, I was supposed to be a girl! Imagine their surprise when I popped out a boy!
My sister, who was and is beautiful, always complained that I got the nice lashes, and that they were wasted on a boy. LOL
Well, sooner or later, it got the best of me and I wanted to know what I would have looked like if God and my mother had made me "correctly". At that time, most women had wigs, so it was not hard for me to get the chance to try one of my moms on along with the appropriate clothes. I instantly loved it, and was filled with an incredible and overwhelming sadness that I had not been born a girl.
(Sorry - looks like I got carried away with the story in the story)

Anyway, I shared all of this with my wife, my legs and voice both shaking so much I could hardly speak. She asked all of the questions you would expect (Are you gay, are you going to get a sex change, etc). I assured her I was not gay and would not get SRS. We held each other and she told me it was OK with her. She didn't gush about it, was in no particular hurry to see me dressed, but she was OK with it. Up to that point in my life, this was one of the most awesome moments of my life, only just behind the moment my wife said "yes" when I proposed.

Since that time, I have matured. Not just as a TG but as a person and *gasp* as a man. It is now my opinion that I was horribly selfish in not sharing this with her BEFORE she married me, and I think it was wrong of me to not give her the option to back out of hitching her life to mine. As only a TG can, I know how hard it is to share this with someone, and to risk loosing them, and perhaps even having them out you to everyone you know. Even given the terrible chance you take, I think we owe it to the women we love to tell them before getting married. IMHO, among many other things, a marriage is a promise to share everything, to be honest with each other, and to put their welfare ahead of your own. By not telling her before we got married, I started the marriage out by ignoring every one of these principles. When I didn't risk telling her, I was clearly putting MY welfare ahead of HERS, and it bothers me to this day - 18 years after we were married.

Another book by another Kim



Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D

[Kiva]

I've said this before on other forums, but I married my hs sweetie. We actually married each other. The proposal was real romantic. She called me on a payphone and asked if I wanted to get married. I was like, "I'm not doing anything else that day. Sure!" We had dated for nearly 5 years at that point, from which we were sexually active from after a month of our first steady date. You could say we were both so jealous that whenever we did break up, we were back together within 24 hours.
Up until the point of my dating my future wife, I had been stealing my mom's bra's, pantyhose, etc., and they used to catch me about once a month, and I'd get my ass whupped. Soon after our dating had become regular, gf would spend the night, and my parents were cool about it. I guess they thought that proved I was a "man" afterall. I never did stop dressing. Actually, it got worse.
When we first got married, it was no secret that I wore her panties, and in the mid 80's me and her got drunk and stoned and it all came out. She said she fully understood, and it was so for 5 or so years. She got me panties. We used to shave together. She did my makeup all the time. She also fixed my hair, and I had really pretty hair back then Blonde, and long. Past my shoulders.
In 89 we became parents, and all of a sudden, with no decision made by either one, crossdressing was a thing of the past. That taboo subject that no one mentioned. We became the model parents. Church on sundays and the whole bit. Our sex went downhill about that time too. (That has been steady every since)
I never did lose the urge to dress, but I did deny it, and suppressed it for 10 years. Except on those rare occasions, when the new panties are laying on top of the pile, and no one is home for a little while.
About 5 years ago, I gave in to the urge, and began dressing again. I started with men's thong's and micromesh bikini panties. Then I had the opportunity to wear makeup, and honey, from that point, it was on! I've had such a strong desire to dress fully. My only chance is when I'm out of town. I respect my family so much that I can make boundaries, however, I can't do without Kiva. So I'm a rare butterfly that only flys once a year.
Kiva

[ginafaye]

we were fooling around one nite in the bedroom and i teased her she always got to wear all the sexy stuff ..........she gave me a nitie to wear and dared me to wear it all nite ......it was great .the next nite i had to work a 24hr shift and in the wee small hours i just had to call and tell her i really really enjoyed our dressing ...and she took me shopping the very next nite......this was about 3yrs into our 15yrrelationship

[melissacd]

Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D

1. No. Because I had bad experiences in previous relationships when I fessed up, I did not want to lose her and I thought I had the willpower to quit. Girl was I wrong!

2. She did eventually find out (approx. 8 years ago), freaked out on me, made life hell for a year afterward, threw out all my stuff and demanded I stop, we have not talked of it since, I have not coped well with the situation.

[Amanda Leigh]

I told my wife on the first date. she then decided that she would go to my house, through out all my male underware...been panties ever since. I was one of the lucky ones.
:) :thumbsup:

[lisa_maria]

Hi my baby sitter was the first to dress me in femme clothes so all my life i had being crossdressing but like most of us i met a girl i loved and married i had not got the nerve to tell her about my crossdressing but i was invollved in show business as an entertainer so wore make regular eye shadow mascara lip gloss ect after a couple of years of hiding my true feelings i made the decsion to tell her she started crying saying were is the fine figure of a man i married i told her he was still somewere deep inside me but the real point was i loved her and that had never ever changed no matter what then after this talk out she came to watch me perform on stage from that moment on lisa maria was accepted by my wife i cook and clean at home as lisa maria she now even buys me undies for birthdays and things she checks my make up when i am going out with some of the girls for a night out i do it for her when she has her nights out we are now totally happy life is great why ohh why did i have to wait so long LISA MARIA [ I AM WHAT I AM AND WHAT I AM NEEDS NO EXCUSES ]

[wendyrsmith]

1. We met in the early '60s. Things were very different then, and I knew I had to keep my secret VERY secret. There was no way I could say anything, and like many others I thought marriage would cure me. I had been CDing since I was about 5, and was sure I would "grow out of it" anyway as I became more mature. We married when we were both 21.

2. Move on some 35 years, and four children later (only two alive now). We had come a long way together, and all this time I had managed to keep my secret, but had not changed in any way. Then one afternoon my wife came home unexpectedly to pick up her glasses which she had forgotten, to find me wearing one of her petticoats. She said nothing for more than a week, just carried on as normal, but then broke down. Counselling followed and I thought this was going well, we even went together towards the end. However after the sessions finished my wife never mentioned the subject. I believe she is in complete denial, and who can blame her. She now rings me if she is coming home unexpectedly, and I respect her request not to touch her clothes any more.

What would I do differently, given the chance? I don't know, but I will forever regret the day I was "caught". It has hurt us both so much.

[TVStevie]

Although I know a few of you quite well here, I'd like to know just a couple of things.

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?

2) Did your partner/wife actually find out about your crossdressing? What did you do when your partner/wife found out and how have you coped with it?

Thanx :D
When I met my wife, I was 19 and going through a stage of denial - as far as I could tell at the time, I'd made a decision to quit and believed that it was as simple as that. :rolleyes: I didn't introduce myself and say "oh, and by the way, I have regularly crossdressed but I'm off it now". During the "getting to know each other" stage, I mentioned that it was something I did when I was younger but I didn't do it any more and she accepted that. When it reared it's head again, just over a year later, she was carrying our first child and it got complicated. If she wasn't pregnant, we'd have almost certainly split up. We argued, fought and went round in circles about it for the next 5 years but gradually reached a compromise (can't remember who said it, but there's a quote about marriage being "where two people come together and neither of them get what they want"):p
It's actually been on my mind a lot lately, as I'm concerned that the best years of our lives are slipping away and neither of us are truly happy. I love my wife and I know that she loves me - however, this is still a turbulent issue even after 15 years together and I'd hate to think that both of us are settling for something that we don't really want. We are working through it and I can't see us splitting in the near future, kids, finances etc. as well as our whole relationship bond us for now...when the kids leave home and our finances are less of a problem, I can't help but wonder.
Before anyone says "You should say all of this to your wife", I have. She's more or less exactly where I am, in terms of the uncertainty. The only thing that we're sure of is that we love each other enough to try every possible option before calling it quits. I feel really selfish about this...in isolation, it seems like such a small detail, but it's like leaving the eggs out of a cake - it's only one ingredient, but without it, the whole thing falls apart. Dunno if that makes any sense to anyone, but that's where I am right now.

[LouiseW]

I've been married three times so here's a multi-part answer. First time was back in the 60s and I was barely 21. I didn't know I had any CD desires until we had been married several years so, of course, there was nothing to tell her. When I became aware of myself, I told her and she was supportive to a point as long as I agreed to seek counseling. Life was a good eighty percent perfect. I did my part and things went on for a bit over a year until one night she came to me and said she was pregnant and as soon as the child was born she was divorcing my a** and taking me for all she could get and I could forget ever having a part in seeing or raising the baby. She put me in a cold sweat. A few weeks later she miscarried. THANK YOU LORD! She tried to say that her earlier threats were just hormones talking but I had lost trust and several months later we got divorced.

Some time later I met my second wife and I was unsure what to do because I was in a period of being purged and I really had no CD drive. I went to the psychiatrist I had been seeing while married to my first wife and put the question to him. He said its ok to put that behind me and not tell this woman I was about to marry. (Dumb, lying sob) Sure, like CD issues are ever going to vanish. There was so little available information back in the late 60s and early 70s, I took his sorry advice. Well. we got married, had two children, and got divorced in less than 7 years. The reason for divorce wasn't all my CDing but that was a major issue.

By wife number three, I was a bit older and wiser. She knew my orientation by our third date. She was totally accepting. She helped me buy clothes and she helped me with makeup. Some months into our relationship we had moved to the SF area and we even went out together. Things were really cool until, suddenly, we were parents of the two children from my second marriage. CD indulgence went into the closet. Add a child of our own and, finally, after thirty years, they're out the door. I said let's get back to being girlfriends and she said, 'No way, I don't ever want to deal with that again'. Damn, I've waited a long time for this and I'm totally ready to be the house frau while she finishes her career. We're separated now and I can't wait to see what's coming around the corner.

Mean while, I'm glad you all are here. Thanks for the question.

[Jennifer in CO]

Met my wife in college and as we were starting to get serious I figured I would drop the bomb so to speak and tell her before we got TOO serious. She took it well and simply asked if this ment I wanted to be a woman or just wear the clothes. I told her "just the clothes" and she said nothing more. Several days later, a small package arived in the mail from her (we were on break at the time and 1000 miles apart). In it was a flimsy/skimpy bra/panty set. I was wearing that same set when I asked for her hand, and we wore a matching set when we got married....

Jenn

[JoAnnDallas]

1) When you met your partner/wife did you tell her straight away about your crossdressing. If you did, how did you tell her, if you didn't, why not?
No, I have never told my wife. We got married over 20 yrs ago. Back then if I had told her, I am sure she would have reacted like most, that is with anger, would not even want to try and understand and most problely divoirce. I know things have changed a lot in the last 20 years, but even now I don't think she would even try to understand.

2) if I do get caught, then I'll have to face the music and see what happens. I will hope that by all this time she will try to understand and at least come to a comprimise. Until that day comes, JoAnn stays a secret.