What comes after the pink fog??

[crossdressersfriend GG]

A quick backround if you don't know my story:

I have a friend who told me he crossdresses about 2 or 3 months ago. I am the only one who knows, he's never told anyone else. He has since dressed for me only once in full dress, but other times with just certain items on, shoes, panty hose, that sort of thing. We were having so much fun with it, I'd shop for him ( like I do for my other gg friends), we'd talk fashion, just general girly stuff as well as about work, family, etc.

After the full dress up day things changed though. He has almost stopped talking to me? Nothing bad happened that day, eh actually wrote and thanked me for making it just like he imagined, etc. We still talk about once or twice a week, but it WAS almost every day for hours? I'm assuming that whole first couple of months was the "pink fog" the fun the shopping, the talk, etc. Well I'm missing the pink fog I think?? It's been about a month since the last time he dressed for me, is this all normal? ?

What should I expect now?

[Veronica Lodge]

I've found that the pink fog gets replaced by the credit card blues.

Seriously, I think there is always a small period of depression or letdown after the fog drifts away. At least it does with me.
I have found the fog always comes back after it is triggered by something. Which could be a number of things.

[katie_barns]

I had a similar experience with my friend Tanya [GG]. After she had figured me out and I opened up to her it was great. I loved having someone to talk to. After a while I regretted letting her know. My whole life seemed to be in her hands. If I made her mad she could out me. That way of thinking caused a riff in our relationship.

I'm not saying that is the case here, but as a CD I have emotional swings all the time. Ask any CD that has PURGED. I would bet the friendship is still there she just needs some time to figure that out. The only thing you can do is reassure her that her secret us safe with you.

Good Luck !

[monalisa]

I'm sure he has a guilt feeling and just needs a little time to wrap his mind about the whole situation. Good friends are hard to find so wait a little while and he will be back.

[kimdl93]

My guess is that he's appreciative, but also going through on of those periodic episodes of self doubt. Being a CDr can be very hard until one reaches a certain level of self-acceptance. Till then, a CDr can vacillate back and forth between that pink fog on one extreme, and deep self doubt or even self loathing, on the other. Of course, we don't know what's going on with your friend.

the best thing to do is keep in cotact with him, just as friends. If he seems troubled or withdrawn, ask him if something is bothering him and if he can't come out with whatever is troubling him, just offer him reassurance that you care for him and respect him as a person. My guess is that he'll start to come around again.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Thanks everyone! I think he worries that I'll tell my best GG friend, so maybe that's it?? I just worry that I did something wrong or that I said the wrong thing? I don't know it's just all new for me. It's like hot then cold, one day we were like BFF's and the next he barely wanted to talk?

I just miss the way things were. I thought of going shoe shopping today but the thought of not even looking at the stuff in his size is sad to me? :( I'm sure there's nothing I can do to get it back to the way it was, but just wait I guess.

Feeling really sad about it today though.

[Kate Simmons]

It depends on your friend's ability to cope with his feelings. If we are in touch with our feelings and have accepted them, it's simply a matter of not dressing. If, however, post dressing brings feelings of guilt and depression, then the person is not one with their feelings and until that happens, the cycle will repeat.:)

[NicoleScott]

He trusted you as a good, trusted friend. Trust him with your concerns. Ask him.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

He trusted you as a good, trusted friend. Trust him with your concerns. Ask him.

I wish I felt that way, but I don't think he thinks I am any more, things are so different it's like we're strangers now. He's a different person. I ask and he says nothing is wrong, which I don't think is an honest answer.

I do think he feels guilty, definiatly! Mostly because he hasn't told his GF and won't tell her about the dressing. SO maybe he's trying to ditch me? It was easier when no one knew, even though I have a great time with it, I almost wish I never knew? It breaks my heart and there's nothing I can do about it.

[Sammy777]

I do think he feels guilty, definiatly!
Mostly because he hasn't told his GF and won't tell her about the dressing.

His G/F might be the key to all this.
How long have they been dating?
Are they getting into the -Things are now starting to get serious- stage?
Perhaps he is trying to focus on his G/F [and being/staying a guy while doing it]?
Maybe now that he has a G/F his want/need to dress has waned?
Having a G/F [and not being able to tell her] has driven him deeper into the closet?

It doesn't really sound like you did anything to spook him.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

His G/F might be the key to all this.
How long have they been dating?
Are they getting into the -Things are now starting to get serious- stage?
Perhaps he is trying to focus on his G/F [and being/staying a guy while doing it]?
Maybe now that he has a G/F his want/need to dress has waned?
Having a G/F [and not being able to tell her] has driven him deeper into the closet?

It doesn't really sound like you did anything to spook him.

They've been together for about 20 years, so nothing really new there. I warned him not to go back in after the dress up session actually and he said he wouldn't. I thought maybe it was all too much for him and the fact that a woman would somehow be ok with all of this sort of scared him?? All of his life he's hidden it and thought no one would accept him as he was and then someone did? I just don't know.


I toss around the idea of telling him about this forum. I haven't because I've posted stuff here and not that I care if he reads anything I've written, I'd probably actually be glad for him to read everyones thoughts about what I write, but there goes MY place to talk? KWIM? Although I think he needs you all more than I do.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi CD Friend, What comes after PINK FOG**** PINK Quicksand it's impossible to climb out of.

[danielle.cd]

if crossdressings in his blood hell be back , might feel ashamed might be afraid of what feelings it stirs up , first off ask him how he is , second thing is let him know u care more about him all together than just when hes dressed and u wont tell anyone unless he says its ok to tell ever , for me i think about dressing and its a time and place thing , what do i have time to doo and when i do where can i go to feel validation ,., if i dont have the time or the place i can get cranky and start pmsing so to speak but theres times when months pass and i havent dressed one bit then bam every day for a month or two and maybe think about underdressing then back to blah life as i know it i guess kinda like a depresion phase . helll conme around just make sure your there when he needs u

[docrobbysherry]

I may be shooting in the dark here, CD Friend. I haven't seen any definitive posting saying what your gender is. But, from your posts I'm guessing you're a GG? If so, there's little chance we can read your CD's mind. Another GG that knows more about his very personal "hobby" than his GF does!? That just doesn't sound rite!

It seems to me, if you were both male, u probably wouldn't be having issues.

[sometimes_miss]

1. he ran out of stuff to talk about. Guys don't usually just chat. We talk (or write) to communicate something in particular. Or, he may simply be busy doing something else. I previously had a lot of free time; now, there's tons of overtime in my place of work, so I'm grabbing it while it's available. I forget lots of social things. And, typing this on my phone is a pain in the butt.
After the 'pink fog'? Pink drizzle, and pink rain. Pink raincoat. The novelty wears off, and it just feels normal.
I like feeling normal.
It's when I'm in guy clothes that I feel out of place.

[Marsha My Dear]

Possibly he feeling embarassment/guilt/regret? Maybe it was something he'd wanted to do, but now he's gotten it out of his system? Could it be he felt differently about it after he went home? You're friends. Why noy reach out to him? Ask him out to lunch- regardless of dress. Or why not just call him up to say how much you enjoyed going out with him? I'll be willing to bet he will be happy to hear from you.

[Beth Mays]

Not knowing how long you 2 were friends before. it may be he feels crowded or that the friendship is based on his crossdressing.
Stay in touch but don't pressure too hard, don't say things that make it sound you miss the dressing more than him!
Stay a friend … The pink fog is up to him.

[Karren H]

Sound like he checked "dress for a woman" off his bucket list.....

[suzy1]

If I was in your shoes I would feel a little insulted as well as hurt.
You have been so nice to him!

It would not be ‘normal’ for me to treat you that way.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

They've been together for about 20 years, so nothing really new there. I warned him not to go back in after the dress up session actually and he said he wouldn't. I thought maybe it was all too much for him and the fact that a woman would somehow be ok with all of this sort of scared him?? All of his life he's hidden it and thought no one would accept him as he was and then someone did? I just don't know.


I toss around the idea of telling him about this forum. I haven't because I've posted stuff here and not that I care if he reads anything I've written, I'd probably actually be glad for him to read everyones thoughts about what I write, but there goes MY place to talk? KWIM? Although I think he needs you all more than I do.

GUILT and SHAME are two very common issues for crossdressers...

As in all things, its the simplistic answer that is most likely... all the things we can imagine COULD be impacting him... but it all goes back to how he feels about himself, and his desire to crossdress... this desire will never go away..but he can bury it pretty well..

if he spent decades hiding it, to me it seems totally predictable that he would either explode with happiness for being let out, or retreat back to his shame and maybe wish that he never opened up..

shame is really really difficult for you to help him with..that will be up to him

[crossdressersfriend GG]

We've been talking a lot this week and things are good. I've asked about not wanting to dress, but I don't want to push it & e just said he's not interested in it right now, which I fine I won't ask again.

And I do sort of miss it, that was fun. But we had plenty to talk about without it and still do so it's fine. I just didn't know it would turn off like that?? Wasn't expecting that I guess!

And Suzy you are 100% right, some days I feel like crap, like today.

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read some of the threads you started concerning you and your friend. Then I tried putting myself in his place. First, he has been in a relationship for twenty years with a girlfriend, who he has not told of his most intimate aspect of his inner being. Secondly, he has been texting and sexting with you. You have gone shopping with him. He has given you pictures of himself en femme. You are keeping his wardrobe at your place. That is a lot of acceptance.

You also indicate he works at the school where your kids attend. You are a volunteer there. If I were him I would be reminded of our intimate relationship every time I saw you. I also would remember I shared with you an intimate secret that you have in your electronic media- sexting, texting, pictures--wow. His secret is no more. Any best kept secret is kept by one, not two. If his relationship is otherwise strong, then he probably feels like he has cheated on her. Since your husband is aware of your relationship with your friend, there is really no risk for you. The risk is all one sided. His relationship with his girl friend and his employment may be in peril by disclosure. Surely, there would be ridicule at the very least.

Had I been the one to bare my soul to you, once the 'pink fog' passed I would be assessing the situation. As the relationship gets deeper, I would be viewing you as a rare 'gem.' I would also view you as being inaccessible since you are married. Although your posts suggest his girlfriend has no knowledge of his cross dressing, I'd say twenty years is a very long time to not gain knowledge of what any SO thinks about alternative sexual lifestyles. The little remarks made while watching a movie; seeing gays, lesbians or cross dressers in society; views concerning same sex marriage; etc, are enough to cause fear about how his SO would react to his revelation.

The relationship he has with you is the relationship I bet he wishes he would have with his SO. I think he is assessing the situation/relationship, which frankly is a ticking time bomb for him.